Learning to Live (8 page)

“No, I don’t mind. I actually owe you for helping us today. So
don’t argue because I’m taking you.” He takes off his glasses and puts
them in a compartment on the front of the bike.
I start freaking out. “Can you even see without your glasses? I’m
scared to ride this machine as it is, so I definitely don’t need a blind
man driving it to boot.”
Is he crazy?
He smiles a cocky smile and says, “Actually, the glasses are fake.
I just wear them because the chicks
love
it.” I look at him like he’s
insane. “
Seriously.
You saw how your friend was eye fucking me
earlier. It’s like it has a special tit radar and they instantly get perky
when I put them on.” He wags his eyebrows and licks his lips.
I burst out laughing because he’s serious about this belief of his.
“Well, I still don’t want to ride this….this thing.” I wave my hand to
encompass the bike he’s straddling.
“Hold up,” he says while laughing, and I notice his tongue is
pierced.“This is not a
THING
, as you so rudely put it. This is my 88’
Harley FXRS, and her name’s Foxy.”
“Foxy? Really?” I have to take a minute to catch my breath. I
haven’t laughed this much in forever it seems.
“Really. I’ve had her for a year and fixed her up myself. She’s my
pride and joy and deserves your respect since she’ll be escorting you
back home.” He starts her right up, and I have no choice but to hop on
back.
I yell over the rumble of the bike. “Any words of advice?” I really
don’t know this guy, and I don’t know what to do with my hands.
“Yeah.” He grabs my hands and pulls my arms around his torso.
While he holds them to his chest he starts rubbing his thumb over my
knuckles. “Hold on.”
I notice someone’s silhouette outside the door watching us as we
take off. Then I squeal with laughter as we fly down the road and
forget about being watched.

I haven’t seen Tru in almost a week. I think she’s avoiding me for
some reason, and every time I mention it to Jazz, she states that she’s
just busy with school and work. Then again, my sister seems to have
an attitude toward me too, and I can’t figure out why.
I finally convince Jazz to meet me for coffee this morning and
plan to ask what the hell her deal is. I have a feeling it has to do with
Saturday night, but I don’t know what I did wrong. After Trudy walked
away wrapped in that dick’s arms, I left the bar for the night. I had to
think and be by myself.
Surprised to see her there, I was caught off guard. Then hearing
her say that dickhead was driving her home, I won’t lie, that hurt. I felt
jealousy so strong I had to take a breath before I threw her over my
shoulder and walked off. I knew that wouldn’t go over well so I
restrained myself.
I just wanted her to want me to take her home, and for a second I
thought she would. She didn’t though. She just walked out the door
and I let her. I went outside and saw them laughing while they pulled
away and felt like I was kicked in the gut. I want to be the one to
receive that smile, not some playboy bartender.
Jazz arrives and sits down across the table, giving me an annoyed
look. “That.” I point to her face and in an angry whisper, then
continue, “That look right there. I need to know why I’m receiving it
and why you’ve had a stick up your ass all week.” Man, it feels good
to get some anger out, but I hate directing it toward my sister, no
matter what she did.
Still giving me her famous annoyed look, she demands just as
angry, “You want to explain why you’re dating that spoiled skank
again and didn’t bother to tell me?”
“What are you talking about? I’m not dating Ashton. I can’t stand
the girl, but I’m trying to be civil around her.” I know she’s talking
about Ashton. Jazz has never cared for the girl, and I can’t blame her.
Jazz takes a deep breath and releases it slowly.“Really?”
Crap.
She’s talking in a calm voice, and I know I’m in trouble. “Then please,
brother,
tell me. Why did she call you baby and cover your neck in her
venom while you just stood there and did
nothing
?” Her voice goes up
a few octaves, and now she’s leaning across the table. I know she’s
about to lose her top. “And you
slept
with her after you dropped us off
Friday night when you told me you pushed her away. I can’t believe
you lied to me. If you were looking for sex why the hell did you have
to do it with that gold digging snake?”
“Okay, first of all, I don’t remember her necking me and calling
me
baby
. Second, I didn’t sleep with her or anyone for that matter. I’d
rather work on my calluses than touch her again.” I watch her cringe as
she takes her seat and instantly regret saying that to my little sister.
“Who told you this shit anyway?” I glance around and thank God
nobody’s watching our little chat. Although, I think the lady at the
table across from us is listening. I watch her start to relax.
“Trudy was there and watched Ashton all over you—for the
second time I might add—and she overheard Ashton and Amanda, her
groupie, talking about how you two spent the night together last Friday
and were back together.”
I don’t remember anything while I was watching Trudy get ready
to leave with that guy. I was so wrapped up in my own emotions that I
focused on nothing else. I try explaining this to Jazz, but she doesn’t
seem happy yet.
“What about you two bumping uglies last Friday night, huh?” She
looks around and notices the same older woman looking our way.
“
Geez
! Do you mind? We’re in the middle of a very private and
important discussion.
So butt out!”
The lady just huffs and leaves the coffee shop while I smile at my
crazy ass sister. Man, I’m happy it’s no longer me getting her anger.
“Look, Jazz. Ashton might be telling people that we stayed together,
but we didn’t. I stayed with my friend Mason because I knew the party
was just getting started and I wasn’t feeling it. Okay? If she stayed
with someone, it was definitely not me.” Now I’m glad I decided to
head over to Mason’s mom’s apartment. When I did return to the
house the next day, it was trashed.
She is deep in thought, and I can’t hold it in any longer. “Jazz?”
When she looks up I ask, “How’s Trudy?”
She clears her throat and answers with a soft smile. “She’s happy
to be working and making it on her own. I haven’t broken her down to
telling me much about her, but I think her story runs deep Jax.” She
shakes her head while she thinks of how much to tell me. “Something
happened to her. I can tell from her nervousness and sometimes at
night I can hear her crying.”
This news confirms my suspicions about her. She seems scared
but tough all at once. Hearing Jazz talk about her crying at night makes
me more determined to get to know this enigma of a woman. “How do
I get to her, Jazz? I need to talk to her. I have to explain that I’m not
with Ashton or anyone, but I don’t want to scare her away.” I take her
hand in mine and beg her with my eyes to help me.
“Man, Jax. I’ve never seen you like this. You must really like her,”
she says with a sad smile. “All I can say is be her friend first and let
that be enough for now. I don’t think she’s had a whole lot of them in
her life.”
Jazz takes a sip of her coffee then continues before I can say
anything. “I’m going to tell you something, but you have to swear you
won’t tell anyone. Got it?” I nod my head, eager to hear anything
involving Trudy. “She was put in foster care when both her parents
abandoned her at the age of six. She almost starved to death, but
luckily the landlord came for the rent and noticed she was there by
herself. The only person she really talks about is a Ms. Freeman who
fostered her for almost 6 years.”
Pissed doesn’t even begin to describe how I feel right now. Rotten
people that are supposed to be parents are unfortunately more common
than people think. Just ask my brothers and sisters. I take deep breaths
and keep my hands clenched in my lap so I won’t knock the shit out of
some undeserving person. I sit there and listen to Jazz continue to tell
me how Trudy just turned twenty and graduated this past May. She
started school late because she didn’t begin until she was put into the
system. I can’t believe how smart she is. She’s on a full scholarship
here and taking advance classes.
I finally build the courage to ask the real question on my mind.
“So who’s this Benji guy and does she like him?” I end the question
with a snarl on my lips.
Jazz starts giggling and almost spits her coffee all over the place.
“The answer to the first question is he’s just a guy who offered her a
ride home that works with her. The answer to your second question is
no
. She doesn’t want to date right now, but even if she did he’s not her
type.”
I think about this for a moment, and I’m relieved she doesn’t like
him. “What’s her type then?” I’m starting to sweat as she watches me
over her cup of coffee, and I can tell she’s smiling.
Before she answers me she stands up and grabs her purse. I don’t
think she minds seeing me nervous like this. In fact, I think she’s
enjoying herself. Finally, she answers as she gets ready to walk away.
“You.”
I leave the coffee shop with a smile on my face and a skip in my
step. I don’t care if I look like an idiot because I have hope that by this
time next year I will have my Tru Love.

It’s four in the morning and I can’t sleep. I’ve been in Alabama for
almost two weeks and thought I was getting better with my new
friends and job. But after the nightmare I just had, the grief seems
fresh as it strips me of everything I am. I’m drenched in sweat as tears
run down my cheeks. I don’t care though because crying helps me. It
slowly allows this aching despair to leave my body. I continue to shake
myself from this horrifying nightmare, wrapping my arms around my
knees and crying while it continues to run through my thoughts.

I hear a noise coming from a set of dark stairs in front of me. I
don’t recognize my surroundings, but I know I’m supposed to go down
the steps. When I reach the bottom, the air is chilled and the
atmosphere smells stale. There’s absolutely no color and everything is
in black, white, and grey. I see a sheer white curtain blowing in an
imaginary breeze that I can’t feel. I look around and see wooden
crates stacked up all around the room covered in dust.