Leave Me Breathless (12 page)

“Clearly. Although, in my defense, I wasn’t expecting a slap and tickle session.”

“Me, either. I was thinking of a kiss.”

She smoothed her hand down the buttons of her shirt. “Let me up.”

“I wasn’t done.” Ben had the nerve to look sulky when he said it.

“Are you kidding me? I have to break this off and go strangle the interfering little pisher before he runs blabbing all over the courthouse.” She thought about cramming a case folder down Rod’s throat while she was at it. That would keep him from talking.

No way was that interruption a mistake. Rod timed the whole scene perfectly. He wanted to catch them together. And did.

“What exactly is a pisher?” Ben asked.

“Nothing good.” She noticed he didn’t look the least bit upset about being caught in midstrip. “Not that you were all that helpful.”

“Did you want me to beat Rod up?”

“Yes.”

“I thought I’d try talking to him instead.” The practical judge persona was firmly back in place. His hands had moved from her ass to his chair.

Callie wasn’t impressed with the sudden professionalism. “Wrong.”

“Excuse me?”

“That kid has been gunning for me.” She couldn’t exactly tell Ben all about how she tracked most of the nastier courthouse rumors back to Rod’s door. Well, she could, but she didn’t want to be one of those women who needed a big strong man to fight her battles for her. “Just trust me on this, but my point was about you not letting go when the door swung open. You could have, at least, let me jump up and demand an explanation for why he walked in.”

“Couldn’t.”

“Why?”

“My erection would have given us away.”

She felt the press against her butt. “Oh.”

“Yeah, oh.”

“So now what?”

“I say the alphabet backward a few hundred times, get myself together, and then go kick Rod’s ass.”

“I’m all for the last part of that plan. About time.”

“I was kidding.” Ben pushed her to her feet and then stood up next to her. “I’m going to talk with Rod. No ass kicking needed.”

“That’s never going to work. The kid doesn’t understand rational conversation. He responds to threats.”

Ben placed a hard, fast kiss on her lips. “This is an office protocol issue. Frankly, I violated a few rules over the last week as well. But you’re going to stay out of this conversation.”

“Sorry. Can’t.” She tried to sound contrite, but she wasn’t. Not one bit. “I need to be where you are at all times.”

“You can wait in the hall.”

Good Lord, he was serious
. “That’s not going to happen, Ben.”

“You’ll be able to listen in without Rod knowing. Think of the rush of power you’ll get from that.”

“I’d rather punch him.”

“Maybe next time.”

A
half hour later, Ben left a fuming Callie leaning against the wall in the hallway as he knocked on Rod’s door. Ben wasn’t waiting for a formal invitation to come in. He was trying to show how the whole knocking thing worked. Callie could take a lesson on that as well.

Rod put down the phone and shot out of his seat the second Ben entered. Ben appreciated the quick attention and show of deference. Not that either of those reactions would make the next few minutes more comfortable. Talking propriety after getting caught with his hands under Callie’s blouse seemed a bit hypocritical. But this was his office and with or without the death threats, whether Callie worked there or not, he would run it and do it his way. He was the boss. Being out of control of the situation had gone on long enough. He’d get things back on track. Somehow.

“Sir, I’m sorry.” This time Rod sounded contrite.

“Sit down.” Ben shut the door and took the seat across from Rod in the claustrophobic office.

The stark white walls didn’t do anything to make the windowless room feel bigger or one ounce more comfortable. No personal items littered the surfaces. Only a desk, a computer, and a small bookcase with rows of legal resource materials. A sort of lawyer’s prison cell.

Ben had only been in there a few minutes, and the place already depressed him. “We have a problem, Rod.”

“I should have knocked.”

“True.”

“I thought you were alone.”

“Obviously.” Ben shifted, trying to find a position that didn’t cramp his legs. “I could have been in a private meeting with lawyers, or with another judge. It is not appropriate for you to barge in. By my count, you’ve done that twice in the past week. This had better be the last time.”

“Yes, sir.”

Ben folded his hands together in his most serious judge pose. “Are we clear on the expectations and rules?”

Rod gave Ben a nervous nod. “Yes.”

“Good.”

“Again, I’m sorry.”

“Understood.” With the angry boss man stuff out of the way, Ben turned to the part he dreaded. The personal, noone’s-business stuff he had hoped would never creep into the workplace.

When it came to the rumors about Emma, Ben had chosen to ignore them. Explaining the true nature of their relationship to anyone who would listen would only have highlighted the whispers and made her life more difficult. She had answered enough questions about her failed engagement. Having him defect and publicly deny the romance would only shine the light back on her, and he wasn’t about to do that.

But Callie was a different story. The rumors on this one were true, and that made all the difference.

Ben sat up straighter with his back tight against the chair. “Look, about what you saw in my office earlier—”

“I won’t say anything.”

Rod’s man-to-man tone didn’t make the situation any easier for Ben. The clerk was about fifteen years younger, still filled with enthusiasm for the legal career ahead of him. He took pride in his job and did it well. The anything-to-please attitude made Ben feel about ninety. He half expected his bones to creak when he crossed his legs.

“While I appreciate you keeping this between us, for Callie’s sake more than anything—” At the mention of her name Ben saw Rod’s face fall. “What’s wrong?”

Rod shook off the anger hovering around him. “Nothing.”

“It’s something.” It looked to Ben as if Callie wasn’t so paranoid after all. “You don’t like her very much, do you?”

“She’s not my business.”

Ben agreed with that assessment, but it really didn’t answer the simple question on the table. “She is part of a trial courthouse program implemented by the administrative judge.”

“Sir, you don’t have to explain.”

But he couldn’t stop himself. It was as if he needed to make sure Rod got the point that Callie wasn’t just some bed warmer. Ben knew that. He wanted the courthouse gossip train to tell the story right. Callie wasn’t using him. If anything, he was using her. He wanted to be with her and couldn’t turn that desire switch off.

Ben drew in a long intake of breath. “I do, because I need you to understand the facts. My personal life is private. It should not be the topic in the lunchroom or anywhere else. But it was my responsibility to keep what should have been a non-work moment out of the office. I failed in that. From now on, I will do better.”

Rod’s mouth flatlined. “This wasn’t your fault.”

“It wasn’t Callie’s, either.”

“If you say so.”

No waffling there. Rod blamed Callie. Ben didn’t know how to fix that so he went around it. “We still haven’t resolved our issue.”

“Sir?”

“You’ve been disrespectful to Callie.”

Rod’s eyes popped open. “Did she tell you that? She’s lying, because that’s not true.”

“She didn’t say anything. I’m going by what I see. Frankly, you don’t hide your dislike very well. You frown and pout. For the record, that behavior is not professional.”

“I haven’t said anything.”

“It’s your attitude. Rod, you’re going to meet all types in your law practice. You have to figure out how to get along with people you don’t like whether those people be fellow lawyers, judges, or your clients. Trust me, you’ll hate a lot of them.”

“Yes, sir.”

“You need to be less obvious about your feelings so that no one confuses your affect with a lack of respect. Do you understand what I’m saying?”

“Definitely.”

Rod didn’t. Ben could see the anger right there, festering. Could hear it in the clipped tone of Rod’s voice. Instead of making the situation tolerable, Ben feared he had just made it worse. Rod would blame Callie for the dressing-down.

Hell, Callie would probably have a word or two about how he said it all wrong. Ben thought about sneaking out of the building to avoid that conversation. He might have if Rod’s office had a window and a stalker didn’t lurk around waiting to pounce.

“If there’s nothing else…” Ben started to rise.

“Sir, can I be frank?”

The comment made Ben wonder what they’d been doing up until that point. He plopped back down in the hard wooden chair. “Of course.”

“It’s about Callie.”

Ben swallowed a sigh. “I figured as much.”

“See…it’s…”

“Just spit it out, Rod.”

“Her past is not a secret.”

The need to get up and out of there stopped whipping around inside of Ben. Everything stopped. “What past?”

“With her former boss.”

“Excuse me?”

Rod’s frown eased slightly. “In the FBI.”

How the hell did the kid know about the FBI? Ben tried to imagine Mark’s reaction to that information leak. When Callie started working for Mark her FBI file got buried. Ben knew because he had tried to find it.

“Okay, why don’t you tell me what you think you know?” Ben asked.

“This isn’t important.”

The kid was playing now. He practically vibrated with the need to spill his news. Ben could see the energy, feel it humming through the small room. “Just tell me.”

“Not to be abrupt or rude, but she slept with her boss, got him in trouble with his wife, and then claimed harassment when the whole thing blew up in her face.” Rod raced through the explanation, almost bounced in his seat with excitement.

Ben waited for the buzzing in his ears to stop before he talked again. “Where did you hear all that?”

Rod shrugged. “Around.”

“Not good enough. I need a source.” The idea that this pisher—Callie’s name fit at the moment—tracked down her background pissed Ben off.

Then there was the actual information. Callie screwing around with a married guy? Ben hated the thought of that. Deep down he knew her life before him wasn’t his business. But this issue touched parts of him, parts he’d rather keep buried. She knew his feelings on the subject. He’d made his position on fidelity quite clear.

Ben’s mind raced with the possibilities. Maybe this was why she took the shot at the gun range rather than explain her days at the Bureau. Or maybe Rod was the little weasel Callie proclaimed him to be and it was all a bunch of lies. Either way, Ben had a twinge of doubt now. And he hated that.

“I can’t really say, sir. I was told on the condition of anonymity that I not share the information with anyone. I’m only telling you because I admire you and don’t want to see your legal reputation squandered in a similar situation.”

Ben wasn’t impressed with the show of loyalty. “You have ten seconds to tell me the truth.”

Rod’s mouth dropped open. “But…”

The bullying came with the robe. Ben said that reminder in his head several times as he watched Rod shift around in his chair. Rod brought this on by launching into the story. He deserved to be called out on it, no matter how sickly pale his face grew.

“Eight, Rod.”

“Sir, I’m not comfortable talking about this.”

“You were perfectly fine a second ago when you were saying negative things about Callie.” Ben made a show of glancing at his watch. “Five.”

“I promised.”

“Four.”

“People could get in a lot of trouble.” Rod all but pleaded now.

The whiny begging got through to Ben. The truth crashed over him. The kid had all sorts of money and tons of contacts. His friends worked in congressional offices. His father wielded a lot of power. Rich with resources—a very dangerous combination.

“You paid someone to check her background. Maybe dig around where they shouldn’t be digging.” Ben knew he got it on the first try when Rod’s skin turned from pale to green.

“Only because I was concerned.”

Damn, even twenty-somethings were trying to protect him.
“You broke the law, Rod.”

The kid froze to his seat. “What?”

“If Callie was in the FBI, and I’m not confirming that fact, and you were poking around in her private employment records—”

Rod started shaking his head. “I wouldn’t.”

“Someone did.”

“No one got hurt.”

“I’m not sure the FBI would agree that’s the test.” Ben knew Mark sure wouldn’t think so. “Who else knows about this?”

“No one. I promise.” The words tripped out of Rod’s mouth.

“It had better stay that way, Rod. If I hear one more bit of gossip about Callie on any issue, FBI or not, I am holding you responsible. Got that?”

“But—”

“Do we understand each other?” Ben asked the question in a near shout and kept at it. “Well?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Good.”

C
allie passed great and hovered on the brink of exceptional.

Air hiccupped in her lungs as she glanced down her bare body to the top of her thighs and Ben’s dark head between. Just then his tongue licked over her in the most delicious way that sent her ankles digging into the mattress.

Her body continued to dampen from the inside out. The deeper he worked his fingers into her, the more her hips clenched. “Ben, now.”

But his mouth and hands kept caressing, making her hotter…wetter.

They had started on this sensual journey an hour earlier. After getting all worked up in his office and not being able to finish, the rest of the day passed with a dull ache. Her skin itched, and her clothes felt tight. Sitting through an afternoon of lawyer boredom nearly killed her. Looking up at Ben and knowing the power of those hands made concentration impossible. Good thing she spent most of the time on that seat daydreaming anyway. Today those mind wanderings were of the X-rated variety.

When the last suit finally had left the courtroom, Ben suggested they leave right then, and she didn’t argue. The clock barely hit five when he grabbed up his briefcase and headed for the door. A short car ride and a great deal of fumbling with shirts and pants later, and they lay naked and entwined on her soft sheets.

When he slipped down her stomach and then lower a few minutes after that she almost cheered. She went with groaning instead.

His tongue made another pass over her, causing her entire body to tighten. “Ben…”

This time he lifted his head. His wet mouth smiled up at her. “Yes?”

“Get the damn condom.”

“Your bedroom talk needs some work.”

She threw her arm to the side and patted the nightstand for the foil packet. Feeling it, she scooped it up and threw it on her stomach. Without missing a beat, her hand returned to the bottom of the headboard.

“Now,” she said on a half breath.

“No arguments here.”

But he took his time crawling up the length of her body. Muscles stretched. Long limbs moved in concert. His erection jutted out, easy for her to see and even closer for her to touch. If it were possible to stalk her in three feet of space, he did it.

With a sharp rip, he had the protection out and rolled it on. “Are you ready?”

“Way past that.” Her head rolled from one side to another as her insides pulsed. “Please.”

She was willing to beg. Thought about sliding her hand down his stomach and moving this along.

Then he picked up the pace. He slipped his hands under her knees and pushed her legs back toward her chest. The position opened her wider than before, free to his gaze and his body. This time he didn’t wait. With one long push, he entered her. His cock went in smooth and deep until she couldn’t tell if he was surrounding her or vice versa.

Leaning down, his mouth met hers in a soft, searching kiss so breathtakingly beautiful that her heart stopped for a second. When he lifted his head again, she saw the heat and determination. With his damp body over hers and his cock lodged inside, he began to move. This wasn’t their usually frenzied mating. No, this one breathed with emotion and longing. Hours of wanting exploded in a rhythmic push and pull as he entered her and then retreated. The friction set off tiny fireworks behind her eyes.

Every part of her surrendered. She squeezed him from her legs to her tiny inner muscles. And when her body blew apart in orgasm, she took him along with her.

He panted and gasped as her chest heaved in an effort to suck in extra air. Her head fell back and her body shuddered. She came on a hard shout just as his body pressed inside a final time. While her hips rocked, his body jumped and twitched. With his eyes closed, he blew out a breath. As if his arms couldn’t hold him, his shoulders fell and his full weight collapsed on top of her.

Except for rubbing her hand in gentle circles over his upper back, neither of them moved. Even after the last whispers of their lovemaking faded, they stayed in each other’s arms. The room filled with the faint smell of sex. His harsh breathing hammered into her ear, but he quickly brought his body back under control.

After a few minutes he raised up on shaky elbows. “I should get you keyed up in the office more often,” he said with a smile.

“Only if you want to have that conversation with Rod every day.”

Smile—gone. Lazy banter stopped. The post-sex relaxation disappeared.

The mood broke that fast.

She immediately regretted raising the issue. They needed to talk about Rod and everything said in that room, but she rushed the timing. That much was obvious from Ben’s sudden silence and severe frown.

“I guess I should have waited until the morning to bring this subject up,” she said, hoping Ben wouldn’t take the out.

He rolled off her and fell onto the mattress next to her. “Since when do you back down from a tough discussion?”

“I prefer being in control of them. Something tells me Rod is in the lead here.”

Ben stared at the ceiling. “Thanks to you I’m starting to hate that kid.”

Not the response she expected but still appreciated. “I told you.”

“When I hired him he wasn’t a…what did you call him?”

“Pisher.” Loser, moron, twit. She had about a hundred names for Rod, each one more profane and nasty than the one before.

“Right. Well, Rod kept his pisher tendencies hidden until you came to the office.”

She drew the sheets up to her chin. “Don’t blame me. He’s a parasite. Not that unusual in the legal world, from what I can tell.”

Ben switched his gaze to her. “I’m hoping you’re excluding me from that pile.”

“Wouldn’t let you go down on me if I did.”

“I love your mouth.” He brushed his thumb over her bottom lip as if to prove his statement.

“Funny but I was going to say the same thing about yours.” Her lower body still tingled, all sensitive and fiery, from his expert attention.

The tension swirling around the room broke. The easy bedroom calm returned.

Ben slipped an arm under her shoulder and pulled her close. “Happy to be of service.”

The return to their usual post-sex cuddling eased the frustration running through her. Being there, in his arms, just felt right.

With her head on his chest, Callie fingered the sprinkling of hair on his chest. Working up the courage to talk about Rod and his accusations proved harder than she expected. She had heard every word, seen Ben’s face when he walked out of the office. Sure, he covered his questioning frown with a small smile, but she saw the doubts lingering there. In only a few minutes Rod had inflicted some damage. Not enough to kill the sex, but enough to have an impact on everything else.

And suddenly the
everything else
mattered. She didn’t want it to, but it did.

“Are we going to pretend it didn’t happen?” Her voice came out so soft that she almost didn’t recognize it.

“The sex?”

“Oh, no. We are most definitely going to remember that.”

He chuckled, his warm breath blowing across her forehead. “I’ll take that as a compliment.”

“The highest, but I was talking about Rod.”

Ben’s arms tightened around her. “Is the goal here to kill the mood?”

She couldn’t drop this. Suddenly the truth she tried to hide from him weighed down every part of her body. She wanted it out there. They could go through it and, hopefully, get around it.

Her palm rested against his thumping heart. “You can just ask me, you know.”

“I already tried.”

“At the gun range? Yeah, I know, but this time I’ll answer.”

“Why?”

She lifted her body and leaned on an elbow. She wanted to watch him, see his reaction. Test if he was the man she believed him to be. “Because the answer that’s out there is wrong. So incredibly wrong.”

“Tell me what’s right.”

“I want you to know the truth.”

“Then I’ll ask again.” He curled an arm behind his head, lifting it slightly and bringing his face even with hers. “Why did you leave the FBI?”

“I worked for a jackass—”

“Wait.” He closed his eyes for a beat and then opened them again. “Can you not use that term since you use it to refer to me all the time, and I have a feeling I’m not going to want to be associated with this guy in any way.”

“You’re nothing like him.”

“Still.”

She refused to get sidetracked with semantics. “He made a pass. Kept making passes. I deflected and ignored. After all, he ranked above me and had all the power. I was brand new and owed most of my career to him.”

“This isn’t 1950, Callie.”

Blame. It hit her like a verbal slap. She expected more from Ben. Hoped for more.

“It is so easy for you to say if you’re not the one sitting there,” she said through a jaw locked to keep from screaming.

He wove his fingers through hers and drew them to his mouth for a kiss. “You’re right. Knee-jerk jackassery. Sorry.”

Callie wasn’t ready to be soothed, so she pulled her hand away again. “I had dreamed of that job forever. It was my ticket out of Hickville. I didn’t excel at school, never even thought about going to law school, which is what most FBI agents end up doing. I hadn’t worked my way up through the law enforcement ranks. See, every way into the FBI was closed to me. It was pure luck that I got in. Or so I thought.”

“Meaning?”

“The recruiter said he saw something in me.”

“I can believe that.”

“Then he became my boss. Turned out what he saw in me was an easy lay. A woman who would owe him.” She waited for Ben to say something, but he kept listening. “He set me up perfectly. I got a promotion, a nice office. We weren’t sleeping together, but everyone—and I mean everyone—thought we were. That was the only excuse anyone could come up with for why I even got in. Must have done it on a mattress or my knees.”

“Jesus.”

Ben rubbed her back. She doubted he even realized he was doing it, but it did calm the anger building inside her. Rather than fight him, she gave in and allowed her muscles to relax.

“I eventually found out I wasn’t alone. There were two women before me. One got promoted and got out of his office. The other saw her career come to a full desk duty stop. Guess you can figure out which one took him up on his sex offers.”

“Did he touch you?”

“He tried.”

“What’s his name?” The bed rocked from the force of Ben’s fury.

Here she thought he judged her choices. Instead, he simmered. The rage rolled off him and knocked against her like being hit with a brick. She knew the feeling because it brewed inside her all the time. Some days, she could tamp it down and forget. Most others it rose up like an uncontrolled beast.

It was tempting to have a powerful judge take up her cause, but she had made her choice, good or bad, and refused to be one of those people who turned to rabid power to get her way. No matter how tempting.

That meant easing Ben from his superhuman pissed-off form back to normal. “It doesn’t matter now.”

“Of course it does. It just happened.” Ben shimmied up higher on the stack of pillows behind his head. “When did you leave?”

“Not that long ago.”

“Which means this is all still fresh.” He switched into boss mode. “We’ll get you a hearing and a superstar lawyer and—”

She kissed him to get him to stop. “Thank you.”

“For what? I haven’t done anything yet.”

“Without knowing everything, for not assuming I brought this on myself or deserved it.”

“Who the hell said that?”

Most of the people she worked with. Her friends who deserted her, leaving her alone and devastated. “There isn’t going to be another hearing.”

“Another?”

“The day he went too far, when he tried to take what I wasn’t giving for free, I took out my gun and threatened him.”

“He was lucky you didn’t show off your gun skills and shoot him in the head. I would have been tempted.”

“Well, he wasn’t all that bright, because he tried again.”

Ben’s eyebrows shot up. “And that time you did unload on him.”

“Right in the upper thigh, as close to his dick as I could get.”

Ben didn’t smile, but his fierce scowl relaxed. “I’m impressed.”

“Well, don’t be. The move started a horrific chain reaction. After a hospital stay, he got called in for questioning. To save his own sorry ass, he insisted we’d been having an affair. That I was the scorned woman who went nuts when he decided to stay with his wife over me.”

“Fucking jerk.”

“Exactly.”

“He got in trouble for having sex with a subordinate. No more supervisory positions. Had to undergo some harassment classes.”

“And you?”

“Paid administrative leave for six months, followed by a hearing on the improper firing of a firearm. My boss claimed I had tried to kill him and wanted criminal charges filed, but I was able to duck those. The FBI higher-ups didn’t believe me, but the prosecutor did.”

“But your FBI supervisors eventually realized you were innocent, right?”

That was the part that hurt the most. Everyone abandoned her. Sided with the guy with twenty years’ service over her. Neither of the other women wanted to testify, and Callie didn’t blame them, but she had expected more from the group she hung out with, drank beers with, and analyzed cases beside.

“My coworkers lined up to talk all about the perks I received. Everybody added two plus two and got thirty.”

Ben wiped a hand over his eyes. “This ending is going to suck.”

“Unfortunately, yes.”

Ben let his hand fell against the mattress. “Say it so I can get furious all over again and then hunt this fucking moron down.”

“I took a voluntary discharge. In return I was promised a good recommendation and the destruction of my personnel record. I didn’t want the lies to follow me. This might be a city, but in many ways it’s a small town. Having so many in the FBI know about me, or who they thought I was, stunk. And, really, I have to take some responsibility for the situation.”

“You can’t possibly think you should have slept with the guy.”

“No, but losing my temper and shooting him was a huge mistake. Up until then I did everything right. Never mouthed off. Bet you can’t believe that, huh?”