Legacy (Endlessly Book 2) (15 page)

“Don’t flatter yourself.”

I shut the light off. He grunted, moaned, and laughed in the dark. A small part of me wanted to share in the joke, but it still felt too soon.

He grunted as he felt around for the bed. “You know, we have a lot more in common than you think, Ashley. We both desperately want something we can’t have.”
He mumbled something else I couldn’t understand and climbed into bed, saying: “I love these little outings of ours. We should do this more often.”

“Separate rooms from now on,” I replied.

21 for nothing

Jason held true to his word. In the months that followed he did everything he could to piss me off. A lot of it was comical, but I still denied myself laughter. Sometimes I wondered if a laugh was what he wanted.

He taunted me constantly in the game room. I don’t know why I bothered trying to read there. It was the perfect opportunity for him to screw with me.

“You know why I think you’re so grumpy?” Jason asked. He was playing a video game as I sat across the room reading. I found myself staring at the same sentence, wishing he would leave me alone.

“You need to get laid,” he said.

I clenched my jaw, trying to will away my anger. My fingertips tingled painfully and I took a deep breath. Just the sound, sight, or smell of Jason was enough to set me off. I looked at the page. I’d completely forgotten what I was reading. I flipped back a page to orient myself.

“I can help with that,” he laughed.

I threw the book on the floor, stood, and walked to the kitchen. My hands were vibrating so violently my fingers were getting numb. Lately I’d been drinking to dampen the anger. If I drank enough, quickly, after my hands started tingling, it would reverse the effects. I poured a drink and sipped some of it and went back to the living room to retrieve my book. I would read in the apartment. It was a bad idea to even be around him. It wouldn’t end well. I would be better off leaving now.

Jason watched as I stooped to pick up my book.

“If I don’t get you all hot, you could just rub one off,” he said.

That was enough. I spun and flung my glass at him. It sailed over his head and smashed into the wall. Liquor and glass showered both of us. This was our routine.

I rushed at him. He darted up from the chair. I stopped short. My hands were open and hot. Jason’s face betrayed real fear. That receded as I squeezed my hands shut. I was finding it easier to control the vibrations. Now he knew I wouldn’t touch him. The alcohol was working, but it was slow. I still felt the need to do violence. I took a deep breath and approached the TV. I glanced at his game, then at him. His smile faded. As he opened his mouth to protest, I slammed my fist into the TV.

“What the fuck?” he screeched.

The TV blanked to white. Jagged black lines shot across the screen.

Then I did what I always did when Jason and I fought. I left. His protests echoed behind me as I ran up the steps and into the cold night. I didn’t think about staying warm. I was too furious to think straight. In the cold, without Verloren, I couldn’t make a fire. I wasn’t sure I wanted to. My bitterness at Verloren’s absence and Jason’s presence seemed only fitting in the cold wet air.

When I would flee from Jason I seldom paid attention to my direction, but I knew one place my subconscious would never lead me: to the beach. That was the home of the other monster. That was where the anguish would crush me. There I would come face-to-face with the truth: he was gone forever.

I roamed aimlessly, letting the liquor still the lingering vibrations in my hands. If only the alcohol could erase all my anger and frustration. Now that my emotions were reawakening, a part of me wanted to return to the numbness.

I grew sluggish. I wasn’t going to put up with Jason’s shit tonight. If I went back he would moan about the TV.
I will just stay away,
I thought.
If I’m alone I won’t get mad at anyone but me.

I walked for hours before I started looking for a place to sleep. I found a large tree
that reminded me of the one covering the entrance to the house. I squeezed between the roots and saw the ground below dipped into a shallow bowl. I curled up and tried to clear my mind of all thoughts. I didn’t want to be mad anymore. I just wanted to not feel a thing. The cool earth dropped my body temperature quickly. I fell into a dreamless sleep.

When I first heard the shuffling I thought I was dreaming. I tried to open my eyes but they wouldn’t cooperate. But the dreamlike sounds told me an animal was near, and getting closer.

There you are. Come on, let’s go, it’s too cold to stay out all night.

Jason’s voice sounded distant and sad. I tried to force my eyes open. I wanted to argue with him. But I didn’t even know how to move. I didn’t want to move. I felt weak and tired and all I wanted to do was sleep under this tree in this numbed state.

Ash? Shit
. Then I heard his voice aloud. He’d shifted back into his human form. “Why do you have to be so fucking stubborn?”

Jason dragged me out of my woodland home. For a moment I felt weightless. Jason picked me up off the ground and cradled me. My face fell against his bare chest. Heat from his skin burned my face. I tried to get comfortable, but we were bouncing along rough ground. I wanted to go back in my little hole. I struggled to think something… anything… coherent.

After a few minutes I managed to moan and my mind started to clear.
Hot,
I told him.

He laughed. “I know I am.”

No, your skin is burning me. It hurts. Put me down, I want to go back. Screw you, Jason, I’m not going home. Leave me alone.

“You’re going home whether you like it or not. And I’m not burning you, you’re just that cold.”

He felt what I felt and knew the sensation. It was like running warm water over frozen fingers.

Just leave me alone!
I told him.

I’d so much wanted that dreamless state of complete hibernation. The void looked so
much better than the real world and death was my only slim hope of ever finding Verloren. But I wasn’t ready to kill Jason to do it. Instead I let him take me back home where he laid me in my bed. I thawed out slowly, remaining sluggish as he ran hot water for a bath.

From that time forward Jason wouldn’t have anything to do with dressing or undressing me, for good reason. When Jason had begun eating the virus regularly our mental bond had renewed itself. As our mental connection increased, Jason couldn’t help wanting a physical connection. That desire had only strengthened when I’d forced him to come to my bed at the hot
el. Then I’d made it clear it was never going to happen. I snapped at him whenever I detected it in his thoughts. It was the elephant in the room. Just as I knew when to run away, Jason knew when to walk away.

We had a few visitors. Sarah showed up occasionally, but once I convinced her I could feed myself, her visits became sporadic. She couldn’t bring herself to stay there, and that upset her. With others it was worse. Many of them were bitter over w
hat had happened, thinking I was the guilty party. My withdrawal hadn’t helped. Though I discouraged visitors, if they did arrive they found themselves unable to ward off my depressed thoughts. I shared my miserable existence with everyone. I lacked the energy and will to keep a wall up. I didn’t care. I wanted the world to be as miserable as I was. I drove everyone away… everyone but Jason.

Sarah missed living at the house. This dwelling had been restitution for all the years of torture at Kale’s hands, and she wanted to stay here.

There was no physical bar to anyone. We never locked the door and people could walk in. I prayed that someone with enough power, a demon maybe, would barge in and slaughter me in my sleep. I wanted release from this world of pain.

One night in March, Jason and I sat on the sofa playing video games and bickering. I hated the game console; my lack of coordination had always gotten in the way. This evening I had anot
her reason to be mad at Jason. He’d drained the pool. My skimpy swimsuit, a modest one-piece, was too much for him. He decided to solve the problem by taking the one thing I enjoyed away from me. That, and my difficulties with the game console, had put us at odds.

“I can’t stand it!” Jason shouted. He mashed the buttons on the controller.

“I told you I was going. You didn’t have to look, ya fucking perv,” I sneered at him. “Either get a girlfriend or stop eating after me. We can get Sarah to come back. You could clean up after her. This connection has your mind all screwed up.”

“Sarah has some serious fucking issues with dudes,” he said. “I don’t want to hang with her.”

I’ll go back to donated blood. You wouldn’t want to have anything to do with me if there isn’t a connection,
I thought.

“No!”

It was like telling a junkie to give up his fix. His frustration paralleled my aggravation. He threw down the controller.

“You fucking suck at video games,” he snapped. His eyes flashed yellow. He stood abruptly and stomped off down the hall.

“Now, now, let’s not act like children! Stupid jack hole!”

I dropped the controller, took a deep breath, and rubbed my eyes. I needed to get away from him. I was growing tired of the forest and the rain. Maybe I should go somewhere warm, lay on a beach… no, no beaches. I wasn’t ready for that. If I went to the ocean would I ever be able to leave?

In two more months it would be one year. How much longer could I avoid facing it?

A voice I knew called from the mudroom. “Hello, anyone here?”

The next moment an African American male with a shaved head and a close-cropped beard appeared in the doorway.

“Larry?” I said, and for the first time since the incident I smiled.

Larry was a fellow dragon, and not just any dragon. He was one of the three we’d freed in Siberia. Now he was here, pushing open the door, leading his human wife, Angie, by the hand. Her round face radiated pink from within the frame of her curly brown hair. Both smiled; it felt contagious. Here were emotions untainted by hate, resentment, or lust.

I stood and called: “Come in, come in. Have a seat
. Don’t just stand there. It must’ve been a hell of a trip.”

“Actually, we flew,” said Larry.

It had been so long since I had flown. I’d begun doubting that I would ever do it again. I heard two girls giggling and hushing one another. Seconds later Christina and Zola entered.

“Christina,” I cried, “you came back. Come in, you guys.”

Christina smiled weakly. Zola, an earth dragon, followed her, and nervously rearranged chairs so we could all sit in a circle.

Hello
, Ashley,
the earth dragon thought.

“Zola.” I nodded at her.

Zola was tall, Italian, and in her mid-twenties. Her long dark hair was intricately braided and her dark eyes were friendly. Her English was limited, but she could communicate flawlessly in thought that transcended language. As long as we explained things internally she always understood.

An odd silence took hold as we settled into chairs. Christina challenged the silence with a whisper: “We heard what happened.”

I winced. The words pierced me, then were gone, like a knife withdrawn from flesh to let it bleed. Zola’s body jerked in reaction to my anguish. My fingers made their way to the necklace. Zola’s head dropped as she saw the necklace’s story. Too bad. I wasn’t going to protect people around me from my internal pain. Even my fellow dragons would know my suffering. I wanted the world to feel it.

Larry looked grave. “We’re sorry to hear about your loss, Ash. We heard it was rough for you afterward. We wanted to give you some time.” He glanced at his wife, Angie. He still had his soul mate. “I can’t pre
tend that I know the horror you’re going through,” he said, “but from here it feels like something I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy.”

“It’s getting better, right?” Christina said. “They say time heals all wounds.”

“Time!” I snapped. The dragons leaned back, as if pushed by a blast of flame. They flinched at the sight of me clenching my teeth. “Time won’t bring him back! That wound will never heal. It’s infected and it’s spreading. I’ve already pulled Jason down into my hellhole. Do you want to come too? You guys won’t stay long,” I hissed, turning away from them. “No one ever does.”

My eyes filled with tears. Theirs did too, as if each one were a distorted mirror reflecting my image. The silence grew deafening.

Jason emerged from his apartment and peeked in to see who was here.

“Hey
, Jason,” Larry said.

“Hey, Larry.” Jason barely reacted to Larry’s eternal smile. Instead
he grumbled and walked to the kitchen.

“Don’t mind him,” I said. “He’s just pissed because a house fell on his sister.”

Everyone laughed but Zola, and Christina explained it to her silently. Zola glanced toward the kitchen, obviously taken with Jason.

I wish you would do something with him,
I told her, letting everyone hear.
He’s been cleaning up after me.
Zola winced as pictures of murder flooded my mind.
He’s a werewolf… remember? Anyhow, my virus is different from the vampire virus. It causes the dead to come back.

Christina nodded.

“What?” Larry said aloud.

“Christina didn’t tell you?” I asked, ey
eing her.

Christina avoided my gaze. “I didn’t think it was something you were proud of. I thought you guys had it under control.”

It is under control,
I told them, including Zola in the conversation.
As long as the brain is destroyed they stay dead.