Let Me Go (35 page)

“Nothing. I just talked about you and Carly back in the day.” She pops a shoulder and rage occupies every fiber of my body. She purposely made Paige upset.

Shaking my head, I sprint toward Paige, who’s now disappeared into the hospital.

I LITERALLY CAN’T
breathe, and I’m two seconds from passing out.

“Paige!” Rob screams as I flee past him, not missing how close the two of them are.

I wanted to be the good girlfriend. The one to suggest he handles his past because I’m his present and hope to be his future. But good things don’t happen to me and I should have realized that someone’s past always haunts them. Everyone remembers their first.

Unsure if he’s following me, I duck into a women’s bathroom and escape into a stall. As the tears roll down my cheeks, I pick up my feet on the toilet and pull my knees into my chest.

Nora’s sly way of telling me maybe I should step aside and see if their history still burns. Her damn analogy of embers and fire pissed me off. Trying to tell me there might be embers burning below the surface that would never be extinguished. What the hell? A few weeks ago she said Carly would want him to be happy and to make sure it happens. Now, I think it was a calculated plan and they hit their target on the mark. My heart shattered when she said Carly had called Rob this week and they had a date set to talk. I knew she lied. I mean the shock on Rob’s face wasn’t an act. He didn’t think Carly stood in the same state let alone the same hospital as us.

It was my last straw, and maybe if my mom wasn’t upstairs ready to end her life and give me her son, I’d saunter over there and let Rob kiss the shit out of me right in front of her. I ran because it’s all too much and I’m drowning in my own head. I wish it was months ago, before Rob snuck in and took a hold of my heart. Then it’d be easier for me to push him aside and deal with my fucked up life. But I want to be selfish and keep him for myself, because he’s my own little sliver of sunshine peeking through the clouds at the end of a thunderstorm.

Questions fill my brain. How? Why? Will my life ever be simpler and happier?

No! No, I’m not going to sit here and be sad for myself. I don’t need a man in my life anyway. So, I stand up, swipe the tears from my cheeks and open the door. After splashing my face with water, I pat my face with the paper towels and leave the confines of the bathroom.

Luckily, Rob’s nowhere to be found, but if he truly wants to find me, he’ll be there. Just as I expected and hoped, he’s leaning against the wall outside my mom’s room.

When he sees me, he kicks off the wall and breaks the distance, grabbing my hands. God knows what the nurses think is happening here. “It’s not what you think. I don’t even know why she’s telling me she wants me back.”

I choke on the small amount of saliva still in my throat. “She wants you back?” I question. This is clarification from Nora’s comments.

He places his hand behind his neck and his forearms strain. “Yeah.”

I close my eyes and inhale a deep breath. No need for Yoga this week.

“I need to deal with this now.”

He stays silent and I sneak through the curtain, finding an empty bed and the nurse shaking her head. She hands me a handwritten note. “She discharged herself.” Then she leaves the room and I hear Rob step in.

Paigey—I’m sorry. I was never meant to be a Mom, but I think we both already know that. I’m not cut out for the selflessness it entails. Somehow I brought up a daughter who is. You love Matty. I’m sorry for being a nightmare, but I meant what I said, I love you and Matty. Please always remember that. I’ve already made arrangements. Call this number and they’ll take care of everything for you.

Love, Mom

I throw the note and the business card for a social worker across the room and it lands on top of the bed. Rob’s arms wrap around me, my back resting to his chest. “We got this,” he assures me and I wish his words were true.

My hand rubs along my cheek, the depression soaking into my every pore, I hoard it away. “Take me to him?” I ask and he nods, linking his hand with mine.

Swiping the note and the card from the bed, I shove it into my pocket. Rob appears to have one thing in mind, to get me to Matty. He leads me to the elevator, down to the street, into the parking garage and directly to his car.

I sit down and the fact Carly’s back in town still bothers me, but I have to focus on Matty right now. His mother abandoned him and I’m all he’s got.

Once we’re on the highway, Rob’s eyes keep veering over to me and I detour them by staring out of the window. I’m sure he wants to discuss Carly and me running away, but I don’t.

The one thing about her coming back is this impression of being second. Rob is my first true love and she’s just the reminder that I’m his second. If she would have stuck around after the accident, he would have never been free to be mine. It stings even though it’s irrational.

“Paige?” his voice trembles and I close my eyes before facing him.

“Rob, let me handle this first.” I reach over and squeeze his leg. I’m not mad at him. Hell, I wouldn’t even be mad if he ran to Carly right now. That’s the sick part of being in love with someone; all I want for Rob is for him to be happy. My heart might shatter, and only be fixed with glue, but then it wasn’t meant to be. Hopefully, if another guy comes into my life, he can weld it back together.

“Okay.” His phone rings in his pocket and he pulls it out, inspects it, and then throws it in the cup holder. The name flashes off too soon for me to see.

Figuring I need a distraction, I grab the social worker card and fumble through my purse to find my phone. Then I remember, it’s broken.

I point to Rob’s phone. “Do you mind?”

He picks it up and hands it over to me.

I dial the number and then ask for Ginger Reed, the name on the card.

The music plays over the line and I stare out the window.

“This is Ginger Reed. How can I help you?” She sounds friendly and extremely young. I half-wonder if child services is her first job.

“Hi, Ms. Reed. My name is Paige Kensington—”

“Paige. Yes, I talked with your mom last week.”

“You did?” My heart stammers in my chest and cold chills shiver through my body. Was this her plan? Had she planned to leave him?

“Yes.” Her tone decreases from the magnitude of peppiness. “Were you not aware of—”

“No I wasn’t.” I regret my harshness instantly. “She just left me your card.” My voice rises in pleasantry. It’s not her fault my mom is a basket case.

“Okay, well, paperwork has been filled out. I have a question for you though. Paige, are you ready to have the responsibility for your brother?”

“Yes,” I answer immediately. I’m nowhere near ready, but he’s not going with some family he doesn’t know, or worse one of those families who is only interested in the check. I’m his blood.

“That’s great. Being you’re a family member and your mom and his dad have signed over the rights, there isn’t much to do. Can I have your address? I need to come over and visit, talk with Matty, and do some follow up. It’s rather routine.”

I swallow; I don’t even have a room for Matty.

“How soon will that happen?” I try to hide the panic rising as fast as my blood is pumping.

“We’d like to do it immediately. Paige, is there something we aren’t aware of?” Guess I didn’t do an excellent job of hiding that terror from my voice.

I glance at Rob whose eyes meet mine. He shoots over a reassuring smile. “I’ll be moving. I live with roommates right now, but I’ll make new arrangements.” Rob’s face drops and he flicks forward, shoving the car into a higher gear, speeding past a car on the freeway.

“Okay, don’t worry, Paige. We want you to have Matty, so we’re here to work with you, not against you.” Her words calm me and I release a breath.

“Thanks.”

“As for now, I’ll begin some paperwork and then I’ll give you a call on Monday. Is this the best number to get a hold of you?” I hear the phone ringing in the background and paperwork shuffling.

“No. My phone just broke. Um . . . can I give you my friend’s number?”

What a great first impression.

I rattle off Chrissy’s number with a little help from Rob.

“Great, I’ll be in touch.”

“Wait.” I stop her before hanging up. “Carl. He signed off Matty?” I can’t help the odd sensation to the fact he’d sign over the one thing he used as a threat to borrow money from me.

“Yes, Paige. Both parents have signed over. You are next of kin.”

“Alright.” I wish I could shake the bad feeling that Carl signing off gives me.

“I’ll be in touch, Paige, but if you need anything. Please let me know.”

“I will; thank you, Ms. Reed.”

“You’re welcome. Please, call me Ginger.”

“Bye . . . Ginger.”

I hang up the phone and realize we’re only fifteen minutes from Western. Man, does Rob drive fast when he’s pissed off.

“You’re moving?” His tone is mean, rude, and direct.

I nibble on the inside of my lip, holding back the tears. “I have no choice, Rob. I can’t allow him to stay in a place he doesn’t even have a room. I’m not even sure he would be able to if we had a fourth bedroom.”

“So, that’s a yes.” He acts like he didn’t just hear my reasons for moving.

“Yes.” I answer how I assumed he wanted me to. No explanation, just one word.

“Where does that leave us?” I’m thrown from his anger. Why is he mad at me?

“The same. I just live somewhere else.” Little is he aware, I have another dart to throw his way, but I’m still grabbing the nerve to fire that one.

“I like you living with me. We just started dating. I don’t want you somewhere else.” He’s so honest; the tears are breaking through the brick wall I’m trying to hold up.

“Me too, but it’s for Matty.”

He releases a breath. “I know.”

“Do you?” I question and his head whips my way.

“Yes, I do. But it doesn’t mean I like it.”

“But you need to respect it and stop giving me attitude,” I snap and stare out the window as we veer off the highway.

“I’m sorry.” His hand lands on my thigh and I wish it didn’t make my stomach flutter. “My whole life just flipped into a fuck you in the last hour.”

There goes one tear. “Me, too.” I whisper and he rolls into a vacant parking lot.

He shuts off the engine and his keys hang in the ignition as his arm weaves between my neck and the seat.

“I’m sorry, baby. I know. This is going to be hard, but I told you, I’ll be there with you. We’ll get through this together. If you have to move, I’ll help you find the place, I’ll pack your boxes, I’ll rent the truck. Just make sure you have enough room for me because I’m not sure I ever want to sleep alone again.”

He urges my head up and he has a plastered on smile from ear to ear. “Thanks, Rob.”

I sniffle because I need to get this out without tears. He has to know how serious I am because I know he’ll fight me even though he has to see my side.

When he moves to hold me into his arms, I place my hand on his chest. “I need you to do one thing for me.” I stare into the eyes I’ve fallen in love with over these months.

“Anything.”

“You have to clear your past.”

He releases me and grips the steering wheel. “What?” he shakes his head as though I’m not making sense, but he knows exactly what I’m asking him.

“Please, just listen to me.” His eyes fixate through the window so I continue. “I can’t be with you, always thinking you wish you were with her.”

This grabs his attention and his head sharply jerks to me. Unable to deal with his sad eyes, I escape through the door. I’m not surprised when I hear his door open right after.

“You have to be kidding me?” His voice makes me spin to face him and he stalks toward me. “I fucking told you I loved you.”

“Rob.” I place my hands on his chest to stop his approach and the water wells in my eyes. “You have to talk to her. If you decide you have unfinished love for her, go. I’ll be okay.”

“No. You’re the one I love.” Why is he fighting this so bad? I need him to accept it and go to her. “Is this because you don’t love me?”

My throat constricts, that he could even think it, let alone verbalize it. I place my fingers up to my mouth, using every muscle I have to be even keeled in this moment.

“Am I right, you don’t love me?” he pushes past my hand on his chest and comes chest to chest. “I fucking love you, Paige.”

“Are you telling me you don’t have any love for her? That when you saw her, you didn’t think what if? Maybe?” All these questions don’t come from my insecurity, only my need to not be second best the rest of my life. I want to be someone’s number one, not someone’s good for now.

He doesn’t answer and I bite down hard on my lip and close my eyes. Instead, he drops down to his knees on the gravel pavement. “Paige. Please don’t do this. Don’t run from me,” he pleads into my stomach as his hands link behind my back. “Don’t leave me.” The tears break through my barrier.

“I have to.” I back step but he only stays in line with me. “Rob, you need to face your past before I could ever be your future.” I drop to my knees and place my hands on his cheeks so we’re eye level. “I hope to God you come back to me, please believe that. I do love you, so much that I have to allow you to heal. Go to her before I’m too selfish and can’t let you go.”