Let Me Love You (16 page)

“There are fifteen
missed calls from James, Pup, six from Scarlett. I think you need to text her and let her know you’re okay. You know how she worries.” I nod and take my phone. I swipe the lock bar and dial Scarlett’s number.

“Hi, I’m ok
ay Scarlett. No I’m with Cass and Josh right now. Scar don’t you dare tell him where I am! No, just leave it!” I sit up. “You’re MY sister, you don’t owe him shit. Just tell him to stop calling me. I will explain later okay? Oh yeah, and what did he have to say about that?” I shake my head and take a deep breath. “Fine whatever, tell him I will be there in twenty minutes. Don’t let him in the house Scar, I mean it. Okay, bye.” I climb over Josh and stand, looking down at him and a now awake Cassidy.

“Do you want us to come with you,
babe?” I bite my lip thinking about what to do.

“No Cass
, its fine babe. If Josh gets within two feet of James, I think he will beat the shit out of him.” We all laugh.

Josh looks at me “What did he tell Scar?”

“He told her that she was there in the meeting with them, as she is organising a charity gala in December that’s linked to James’s charity for Nate. They thought the meeting would kill two birds with one stone, but little does James know that he has killed three birds.” I shrug. “Listen, I had better go. I will let you know how it all goes, okay? I love you guys to the moon and back.” They both jump off the bed and hug me tight, reining kisses all over my face and head. I smile into Josh’s chest.

“We love you too Pup
.” I groan and they laugh again.

I think about Ja
mes and Sasha on my drive home. I can’t help but wonder what lame ass excuse he is going to use as to why they kissed and snuggled in the back of the cab. He thinks he is so smooth. We shall see what he has to say for himself. Twenty minutes later, I pull into the drive at my house and see James leaning against his car, looking sexy as sin. He has his head down, arms crossed across his chest, legs are crossed at his ankles. Goddamn it, why did he have to look so good all the time? I can feel myself softening towards him already just from his looks. Fuck, I need to stay strong. James sees my car and pushes off his BMW, but doesn’t make a move towards me. I take a few calming breaths before exiting my car. I climb out and straighten my shoulders and walk towards him and greet him. “Hi.”

“So without any explanation from me you cut me off, shut me out? Do I mean that little to you Tally?” Wow wasn’t expecting that, but then again I don’t know what I was expecting.

“Wow. Typical guy move, blame the so-called only girl in your life. Nice move, Wilde.” I go to step around him, but he grabs me by my arm.

“I think we need to talk about this Tally.” I jerk my arm back and look him in the eyes
.

“You kissed
another woman, and not just any woman Wilde, your ex-girlfriend of all people.” I can tell by his expression that he is pissed that I’m back to calling him Wilde, which I know he hates.

“I didn’t kiss another woma
n Tally, she kissed me. It was a friendly kiss on the lips, it’s what we do. We have known each other a very long time baby. Sasha is getting married next summer and she has just found out she is pregnant and is unsure as to what Chad will say.” I stand there staring at him, not knowing what to say. The passenger door on James’s car opens and I’m shocked as to who steps out. Sasha comes around the car and stands next to James.

She smiles a warm smile at me
. “Hi Tally I’m Sasha, but I guess you already know who I am.” I nod and look at James. Why the hell has he brought her here?

“I don’t get why you’re here Sasha.
I really don’t want to sound like a total bitch, but I think you two should both leave. I need time to think and I can’t do with you two here, knowing you shared a kiss, and God knows what else this afternoon.” I walk away and almost make it to my front door. James catches me by the elbow.

“Oh
, for fuck sake, Tally. Did you not hear what I just told you? We are just friends. Is this your way out? Of not letting me in fully and letting Dean win again? He gets your heart, but I don’t? He got to love you and do all that you to and you stayed.” I whip my head to look at him, fresh tears leaking down my face.

“Oh fuck baby
, I didn’t mean that. Shit, I’m so sorry Tally, baby please.” He reaches for me again and I step back, still locking eyes with him. I can see the sadness and regret in his eyes, it’s all over his face. I turn to see Sasha with her hand over her mouth, tears slowly making their way down her cheeks. Oh my God, he told her.

“Do you know how hard it was for me to see
the headlines and all those pictures of you and Sasha kissing and hugging in the back of a cab?” He doesn’t speak. “Well do you James?” He shakes his head no. “No? Well I’ll tell you now Wilde, it fucking hurts? It ripped me in two. After everything that went down with Dean, I really thought that we would work out, but I don’t know if I can do this James. Tell me what you would do if you saw me kissing Dean or another guy that I dated before you. So much has happened in the last few days, and it’s too much for me to deal with. My head is all over the place.” His head shoots up to mine and he looks scared.

“
You’re leaving me?” I look away from the sadness in his eyes.

“Maybe it’s
for the best James. You can do so much better than a fucked up girl like me. Just please don’t make this any harder than it already is.” I look down at Sasha, who is now at the bottom of the porch steps.

“Tally please don’
t do this. James and I have had a connection for years, as I had a brother who died just like Nate, that’s how we know each other. We will always be friends, closer than most friends yes, because we dated for a while. But for the past two years, we have been nothing more than friends. I’m happy with Chad and I’m looking forward to our future together, but James needs you Tally, he has completely changed since he met you.” I look at James. He has tears in his eyes and it breaks my heart. She keeps going as me and James just stare at each other. “He phoned me the night after you two met. He told me he danced with this amazing girl. He was still a little drunk because he kept going on about how she smelt and tasted like pineapple.” Still looking at each other, a smile creeps across our faces.

“Is that what you meant when you told me the day of my interview that you enjoyed the view?” His smile gets bigger.

“Yeah baby, we danced for a few songs. You where grinding on me, had your arms around my neck. Fuck you smelt so damn good. I had to have a taste so I did.” He shrugs as if it’s nothing.

“A taste? I don’t remember kissing you
, or anyone that night.” I scratch my head “Actually I don’t remember much about that night at all.” A little laugh escapes me.

“I was kissing your neck, but you starting moaning and your friends pulled you away. I so would have taken you home that night and never let you go
.”

A
black town car pulls up in front of my house and both James and I turn to it. Sasha is smiling at us both. She places her hands on both sides of my face. “Tally, let him in. He loves you. He is just too damn stubborn to say it. You are good for each other. Stick with it Tally.” I smile at her and she turns to James with a bigger smile on her face. “You, my boy, need to tell your girl how you feel. It’s evident how she feels for you. Nate would want you to find love and make a family of your own. ‘Live and Breathe’ James, remember that.” She says has she places her hand over his tattoo on his ribs. More tears spring to my eyes as we watch Sasha climb into her car and drive away. I look back to James, who is staring at me again.

“So where do we go from here?” I say
, looking him dead in the eyes.

“I think we need to go inside and talk about us Tally. I get that you were
upset and I’m so damn sorry that you had to see that but...” I turn and walk inside my house. I hear James walk behind me and close the door.

       
“Would you like a drink or anything?” James shakes his head no. “Ok, well I’m going to have a beer. Why don’t you have a seat in the living room?” I see flashes cross his face like he is figuring something out for the first time.

James just stands there
. “Can we just talk this out please, because I’m getting the vibe that you’re going to end us tonight. And to be honest Tally...” He trails off and rubs his hands over his face, he must see the uncertainty on my face. He thinks for a long time. I can almost hear the gears turning in his head. He is having second thoughts. I can see his face is pained, just like mine. “Listen. I get it okay, this life isn’t for everyone. Some people can handle being in the spot light and others can’t and believe me bab...” he stops himself from calling me baby and I feel it like a knife to my heart. “Believe me when I say I understand that you can’t do this. It will kill me to walk away, but I will because that’s what you want.” I knew this was coming. I place my unopened bottle on the kitchen counter and sag against it, praying my legs keep me upright. It’s hard, as James is walking away. I blink away the tears trying to find my voice. He isn’t fighting for us, but neither am I. Perhaps this isn’t meant to be.

My voice is still stuck in my throat as J
ames makes his way over to me. My body stiffens and he places his hands on either side of my face “I get it okay babe, believe me I get it. You will always own a piece of me Natalia Slone, always.” Tears fall down my cheeks, but James wipes them away with his thumbs. I can’t take my eyes off of him. Why can’t I tell him how I feel? Damn it! “One day I hope that you love someone enough to let them in. I had just hoped that, that someone would have been me.” With that, he kisses my lips gently and pulls away. I’m still frozen in place while I watch him walk towards the door. He stops half way through the door and turns to me, it’s then that I see the wetness on his cheeks. James is crying. “What Sasha said was right.” He catches his breath. “I love you Tally, I always will.” He turns and leaves.

My legs give
away and I crumble to the floor, sobbing my heart out. My heart just walked out the door and I did nothing to stop him. I rock back and forth, cradling my knees to my chest. Nothing will stop this pain I’m feeling, nothing. I have thrown away the best thing that has ever happen to me. I don’t know how long I cry for, my eyes and throat is sore from all the sobbing. I pick myself up and make my way upstairs. I stand in my room, looking at the bed that I made love to James in a few days ago. Fresh sobs erupt from me, when I hear the front door open. I quickly strip off my clothes and get into the shower, not caring that the water is always cold at first. I’m too numb to feel anything. I get myself under control and stand under the now high temperature water. After a few minutes, I hear the door creak open and Scarlett’s voice rings out. “Pup you okay? How did things go with James?”

I steady my breath “Scar
, can we not talk about this right now, please? I really just need to be alone right now, okay?”

I hear her sigh
. “Okay, I’ll be downstairs if you need me.”

“I’m just going to go to bed when I get out. It’s my day off tomorrow
, so I’m going to go shopping and keep busy.”

“So are you still wearing the dress to the wrap party?” I fight more tears
.

“I’m not going
, Scar. Let’s just leave it at that please.” I say wiping the tears away.

“Ok
ay Pup, I will leave you alone for now, but remember this. You’re my baby sister and if you’re hurt, then I’m hurt. You will tell me what has happened with James.” Just at the sound of his name, sobs breaks loose. “Shit Tally, what happened?” I turn the water off and step out. Scarlett, the best sister in the world, is standing there with a big white fluffy towel waiting for me. She wraps it around me and pulls me towards my room.

I’m standing in my bedroom while my sister wipes me down after my shower. God
, I love her. She dresses me in my nightwear and helps me into bed. I’m lying in my bed, when Scarlett comes back into the room with her phone to her ear. “Okay cool, we will see you in a bit.” I frown

“Who was that?” Oh G
od, please don’t tell me it was James.

“Just Jake. H
e is going to bring some comfort food and we are all going to snuggle up and watch a movie, okay?” I nod and sit up.

“Did you tell Jake about James?” She shakes her head.

“I just told him what I know, that James cheated on you and it’s over now.” I gasp.

“Oh G
od Scar, James didn’t cheat. James and Sasha explained it all to me. He left me because he thinks I can’t handle the spot light. He left me because he thinks it’s what I wanted. He thinks that I can’t let him in after everything that happened with Dean. He told me he loves me Scarlett, and I let him walk away.” I feel a tear hit my hand.

“You love him
, don’t you Pup?” I nod yes.

“It’s too late now
. He walked away Scar and I can’t go to him after that, I just can’t. If he isn’t willing to fight for me, then what’s the point in trying?”

“But Tally
, you didn’t fight for him either. You let him walk. You can’t put all the blame on him. I bet you all of my trust fund that if you phoned him right now and asked to come back here, he would.” I shake my head at her, knowing that from the look in his eyes he was done with me, with us.