Let's Spend the Night Together: Backstage Secrets of Rock Muses and Supergroupies (53 page)

Has there ever been a time when she couldn't get her conquest off, I wonder? "No. I do the deep throat technique because I don't have a gag reflex. I swallow if they ask. Otherwise, I don't, because it's bitter and salty and kind of yucky. Usually, I wait until the very last second, then move my face. Or I let them come on my breasts. That's a real rush for some guys. Of course, with Kid Rock, it was all over my face."

Hooray, we've finally come to the infamous Kid Rock story. "The second week of August 2000, I took my friend to his show for her thirtieth birthday. We were in the fifth row, and his tour manager kept staring at me, so I flirted back. He came over to us and said, `You ladies sit up here. Kid Rock only wants to look at beautiful women in the front row.' We could almost touch him, and he looked right at me, so I flashed him. He seemed to like that because shortly thereafter, we got all-access passes. We went backstage after the show, and it was a wonderful spread. When Kid Rock arrived, we took pictures with him, and I whispered in his ear, `Do you wanna have a threesome?' He said, `No, thank you, but it's really sweet of you to ask.' There were all these gorgeous strippers flirting with him. I knew he could have his pick of the litter, but I kept making eyes. Then I took my beer bottle and simulated fellatio. It went all the way down, completely, until the bottle didn't show. I could tell by the way he watched me that he was getting turned on."

Kid Rock was mighty intrigued and had his roadie invite Tina to pay him a visit at the back of the bus. "I thought I might be meeting a roadie or the guitar player, and I was really nervous. I went in and Kid Rock was there alone. He said, `You can shut the door.' He was standing there with just a white towel wrapped around his waist, moisture on his chest and stomach, his hair wet, and he was so sexy. I said, `Are we going to have sex?' He said, `No, I saw you with that beer bottle, and I want to find out if you're as good as you seem to be.' So I gave him a blow job, and he said, `Can I come on your face?' I told him, `Sure, you can do whatever you want.' He got a towel and wiped me off, dabbing at my face. He said sweetly, `Are you OK?' I said, `Yeah, everything's fine,' and he said, `Well, thank you ... bye,' and I left. He has a beautiful one," she says with hushed reverence, "and it's extremely clean. I couldn't believe what had just happened! I told Lisa, and she was jumping up and down, saying, `That's so awesome! I'm so happy for you!' We got in her SUV and just drove around for an hour. I sucked Kid Rock's cock! That was my Mount Everest, because of all of 'em, he's the most well known worldwide. His new CD just came out yesterday, and I got my tickets for his show in April. I have tenth row. But I'm going to find an empty seat closer to the railing. I have to be in the first four rows on the floor or the first row on the side of the stage. I want them to see me and make eye contact. If I'm twelve rows back, there's no way they're going to see me. Unless I do what I did at the Keith Urban show, which is stand up on my seat and flash them. But they don't always see that. You may have to flash them a few times before they see you. I'm spoiled, because once you get front row center, there's no going back. That's the Big Kahuna."

Tina's hardly touched her grilled cheese and seems suddenly somber. "After I've spent time with a band and the show is over, I get After-Show Depression. When everything is going on, the music, the excitement, it touches my very essence. And then they leave and I feel empty afterward."

Does she feel her real life is boring? "My daughter enriches my life so much, but if it weren't for her, I'd be pretty dragged down by the same old routine of school, work, and internship. When you're with a band, for that moment in time, you're sharing something incredibly special. You're intimate and close-you get a piece of them, and they get a piece of your soul."

I pay for the mediocre food and walk out into the pre-dawn, arm-in-arm with Tina. "I'm really psyched right now because there are three good concerts coming up in the next couple of months," she says joyously. "Kid Rock, L.A. Guns, and INXS! When I first saw the new INXS singer, JD Fortune, my heart melted and I was weak in the knees. He's not just good looking; he is breathtaking. I've had crushes on rock stars, but never this bad. I feel like I know him, and the fact that he's a vegetarian is very rare. Amber even knows who he is now and loves his song, `Pretty Vegas.' It's the cutest thing, when I play his video, she says, JD! JD!' and points at him saying, `Dada.' I say, `No, that's not Dada, sweetie. JD is a lot cuter than Dada."'

I've been back home for a few weeks when I get an e-mail from Tina, laden with animated happy faces, saying that she needs to talk to me. Debbie answers the phone and tells me that Tina is out shoveling snow, so I take the opportunity to ask how she feels about her daughter's groupie experiences. "It's OK with me. If that's what she wants to do, more power to her," Debbie says. Then speaking quietly, Debbie adds, "Did Tina tell you that she gave JD Fortune a blow job? She sure did. She said, `Come here, JD,' then whispered in his ear, `How would you like a blow job?' and the manager took her on the tour bus."

Another dream came true for Miss Tina King.

I congratulate Tina on her most recent conquest, and she is giddy with delight. "Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine it would happen. Kid Rock is the most famous one I've been with, and I didn't think lightning would strike twice! It was even better because I really didn't have a crush on Kid Rock, though I thought he was hot. But following JD's story every week on TV? It felt like I knew him already."

Tina found out when INXS would be at her local radio station and lay in wait in the lobby. "Then, BOOM, there he was, wearing his `I Love PETA' T-shirt," she squeals. "I've met forty or fifty bands over the years, since first meeting Whitesnake in '85. I've never been starstruck, I just call them by their names and treat them like human beings. Of course, some want to be worshipped. They want the big brouhaha, because it's an ego trip for them. So with JD, I gave him this great big hug and lifted him off the ground. He's 6'2" and weighs about 145 pounds. He laughed and said 'OK, OK!' then I put him down and said, `Somebody please take our picture!' While we were getting our photo taken, I reached back and grabbed JD's ass. He started laughing and said, `Oh my God, she just grabbed my ass!"

After the "phenomenal" concert, Tina took her place by the bus. "I was the only one there because I left after the first encore. I knew I had to be right there so I could get to him, pronto. Here came JD and I yelled, JD, JD! I have a flower for you!' Everybody was pulling him this way and that, like a ping-pong ball getting tossed around. As he was about to get on the bus, I said, JD, hurry! I've got to tell you something.' He came right over, leaned in to me and I whispered, `Do you want a blow job?' He gave me a big smile and said, `Yes!' I was speechless, thinking, `He's just trying to be nice because he's a sweet guy, and I'm sure he gets asked this all the time. OK, stay calm, stay calm. Breathe, count to ten.' One minute later, the tour manager grabbed me by the arm and put me on the bus. It was surreal. Ever since I first laid eyes on him in episode one, I wanted to give him a blow job, and now it was happening! I walked by the backup singers and said, `Hey, ladies, great show!' JD was at the very back of the bus, exactly like Kid Rock. There was an assistant pulling down the blinds, emptying cigarette butts, then she walked out and closed the door. JD said, `Did you really mean what you said out there?F 'Hell, yeah, I meant it. Let's do it!' He looked like a kid in a candy store and a little bit nervous. I pushed him down onto the couch. He seemed to be thinking, `She's assertive. I'm liking this.' Then, of course, he pulled his pants down and I started sucking his dick, but it wasn't getting hard. I was thinking, `I've given a lot of blow jobs and I've never had any complaints. Am I getting rusty?' So I mentioned it to him, `Honey, it's not getting hard, you're going to have to help me out here.' He said, `Well, baby, I just got done performing for two hours, you know.' I'd never heard that if somebody gives a really physical, emotional performance, it could cause him not to get a hard-on. I was thinking, `I'm just rusty and he's obviously had a lot of excellent blow jobs: So he helped me out by masturbating while I was sucking his dick. Then he said, `This isn't a good position for me.' He stood up and turned me around, real assertively, pulled my pants down and started fingering me. I wanted to have sex, but didn't ask because I was so nervous. Then he said, `I want to look at your beautiful tits.' I took off my hoodie and was bare chested. He played with my titties and sucked on them, then I went back to giving him the blow job. I said, `Do you want to give me a facial?' He said, `Yeah!' So that's what happened. He came all over my face. There was tons of come, too. It was on both cheeks, my chin, everywhere except my eyes. Then, he said, `Oh, that was hot!' I asked for a towel and he started wiping my face, really gingerly, so daintily and sweetly, and so considerate. He stood up and put his clothes back on, and said, `Oh, damn, that was hot. Your tits are beautiful.' I said, `Thank you,' then he said, `Let me walk you out,' and like a dumb ass, what did I do? I just took off. I was so freaked out, I didn't say goodbye or anything. I'm so upset with myself, because I wanted to ask questions that aren't on any of his Web sites. I wanted to know when he became a vegetarian and why. He's a member of PETA, which I've been a member of since 1990. But I didn't get to tell him any of that. I wanted to find out how it feels to suddenly be extremely famous: from being homeless, living in his car, to this. I wanted to talk to him as a human being. I wanted to know what makes `Jason' tick, what touches his heart and soul, but I didn't get any of that. I got the sexual part, but it left me wanting more. I'm wondering what he's thinking of me. He probably thinks I just used him, or that I do this all the time. If I'd stayed and talked to him, I could've said, `Hey, you want to go to a vegetarian restaurant and talk?' INXS is touring Canada for two months, and I'm all ready to go. I told my mom, `Just so you know, we're going to Canada.' She's not gung ho about it. She said, `Amber and I have to go with you.' They're more than welcome to come, of course, but they're not going to the concert with me."

A few days later I got another e-mail from Tina.

Attached in my email you will find some video footage of JD performing fellatio on his mike stand in Minneapolis, the very night I "Tasted IT" & it sure "Tasted SWEET!" I want seconds!

Love,

Tina (aka Penny Lane)

(aka Mrs. Fortune)

CA_~d~,X odG~u~s

Let Me Stand Next to Your Flower

obert Plant had just dazzled the upscale crowd at the Santa Barbara Bowl and was weaving his way through the incrowders gathered backstage to pay him homage. I was nibbling melon balls with Catherine James, while we grabbed our oneon-two moment with the veteran rock lord. As we reminisced and reveled in our long friendship, I noticed a tall, wide-eyed brunette watching us, agog with delight. When Robert turned to greet another well-wisher, she approached and nervously asked me to sign her vintage leather bag. "Sign next to Robert's autograph," she gushed. "I can't believe I'm meeting Robert Plant and Pamela Des Barres in the same night!" She had read I'm with the Band and compared her recent adventures to my own long-ago romps. We got into a lively conversation and I instantly recognized a music-crazed kindred spirit in Amanda Milius.