Letting Go of Us (Anchored Hearts Vol. 3) (39 page)

I just wanted one thing. To
remember everything as it happened. The fucking glimpses from my
dreams and stories from my friends weren’t enough. My life had
become a fucking jigsaw puzzle and I’d had enough of it. It’d been
almost two months since the accident and nothing. I wanted to make
it work with Cassidy, I just wasn’t sure what all that
entailed.

~<>~<>~<>~

That evening I brought
dinner home and told her I didn’t want to move forward with the
divorce. I knew that much was true. She smiled brightly and I
wanted nothing more than to kiss her, but I just couldn’t. My head
and heart still hurt from the knowledge she’d been unfaithful.
Though, was it really considered cheating given all the
circumstances surrounding it?

“
I forgive you.” Her mouth
dropped open as she stared at me.

“
James.”

“
No, it doesn’t change
anything. Not yet. But, I get it and I meant what I said about the
separation, divorce, whatever it is. I don’t want to give up on
it…this.”

She stared at her plate and
nodded. “Ok, but you have to do it. You need to call Judge Mathis.”
I nodded and retreated upstairs for the rest of the
evening.

A couple nights later, we
got home from the club late. We both had work to do the next day
and agreed to sleep in our own beds. I carried her up the stairs.
She was exhausted and I’d been exceptionally rough on her. She
refused me at first when we pulled back in the drive, but when she
stepped out of the truck she almost fell over.

“
Stop being stubborn.” I
swooped her up in my arms and into the house.

I laid her down on the bed
and undressed her. Leaving her alone in nothing but her bra and
panties nearly did me in. She was asleep before I left her bedside
and I stood and watched her sleep for far longer than I should
have. Not kissing her was becoming increasingly difficult. The only
thing that helped was not being face to face with her when we
fucked. I knew I should just come clean and tell her how I felt. I
was almost positive she would reciprocate my feelings.

Feelings. Something I’d
kept out of every equation for so long. Melissa was the closest I’d
let a woman get to me and that was just because of how long I’d
known her. Cassidy was filling a void in me I didn’t know existed
and I still couldn’t wrap my brain around the fact that I’d let her
in. She’d seen and accepted parts of me that I never wanted to
reveal to anyone.

Love. Unconditional
love.

Cassidy had handed over her
body to me, with me not remembering her, and I knew her heart was
there in the mix, though she denied it. It was more than silly
wifely duties. She could’ve easily let me go and discarded me after
the accident. I was used to people using me for what they needed
and walking away with no qualms. Cassidy was different. She was
mine and in the process she’d made me hers.

~<>~<>~<>~

It was September and I woke
in a cold sweat that night, like so many nights before. The dream
ran rampant in my head again. This time I had heard her voice or my
imagination was playing tricks on me. It was Cassidy in my dreams
and we were in her bed and it wasn’t the bed at the club. We were
saying and doing things unfamiliar to me, but probably normal for
any regular couple. We were kissing, cuddling and whispering
secrets to one another. She wore a necklace, but I couldn’t make
out what the charm was. I had to try to remember. These had to be
memories. And if they weren’t, they were things my body craved,
wanted, needed and desired. I had to let her know.

Having spoken to Annie
about Cassidy having my DOM card, Annie filled me in. Apparently
during our time apart Annie and I had concocted a plan for me to be
Cassidy’s DOM. The plot was complicated, but just validated my
feelings for her. I had been willing to go to extremes then to have
her and now—still not remembering her—I was willing to do the
same.

That morning, with my DOM
email open, I emailed her.

Dear Cassidy,

I hope this email finds
you well.

Annie gave me your name
and

mentioned that you might
be

looking for a new DOM. I
won’t

go into any details unless
I hear

back from you.

~Master B

Only a few hours passed
before I got a response.

Master B,

Thank you for your
interest.

However, I regret to
inform you

That I am deeply in love
with

my current DOM and I’m
collared

to him in every way
imaginable.

~Cassidy

I had the answer I needed.
I took her to the club that night and knew exactly what I had
planned. It wasn’t until I had her tied up and
blindfolded
that I had regretted
taking her to the club.

Home. I wanted to take her
home. My heart nearly burst at her words and she thought it was all
pretend. I loved her and had fallen for her weeks earlier. I think
I knew the night of the carnival and it had taken me by surprise. I
knew I wanted her, had to have her, and demanded it be the only way
I knew how; as my sub.

Once we made it home that
night, after our debauchery in the rain, and I was lying in that
big bed with her, limbs tangled and hands caressing, did I finally
get it.
She
was
my home, my anchor, my north star. She fell asleep in my arms and
my brain flashed white as my vision left me.

I was lying on the table
as Styx dug his needle into my back. “Why an anchor?”

“
It’s simple, really.
She’s been mine and it’s time that I become hers. We’re having a
baby.”

“
Wow. Congrats man. I’m
happy for you.”

“
Thanks. Me
too.”

The flash of white
dissipated and my vision returned. I blinked rapidly as my eyes
adjusted to the dark room. She rolled over as I pulled her back
tight against my chest. Holy shit. I finally really, truly
remembered something. I’d seen the tattoo in the mirror a few days
after being home from the hospital and was surprised. I didn’t ask
her or anyone else about it, figuring it wasn’t that important.
Then, it happened again.

We were sitting on the
couch downstairs and I was removing her boots and asking her about
tattoos. I spotted the anchor on her ankle and she told me about
Holly’s tattoo. The conversation happened in warp speed and soon we
were fucking on the couch.

It stopped and I was so
exhausted that I couldn’t keep my eyes open any longer. I fell
asleep wondering what the sudden cause for these small memories
coming back was. It had to be her.

C
hapter
23
~
D
edication

~ JAMES ~

It was the end of September
and the night of the dedication ceremony for the art studio.
Cassidy still had no idea. She just knew that I wanted to take her
out and I asked her to wear a dress. I’d kept the couple of
memories that I’d remembered to myself. I didn’t want to get
anyone’s hopes up and no other memories had come back to me since
that night. The only thing that was eating at me was that necklace
I kept seeing in my dreams. I still couldn’t make out what the
charm was, except that it was black.

Earlier in the week
Delaney, Smith and I had been at the penthouse at the hotel picking
up all the artwork. I stood in the middle of what had apparently
been my bedroom and looked around. No memory came back to me. I
still had a few miscellaneous items there, but didn’t think
anything of it. I’d also been distracted from looking further when
Cassidy called me on my cell.

“
What did you
do?”

“
Excuse me?” I grew
nervous, not sure what she was referring too. I had too many plans
in motion and there was no telling what one she may have found out
about.

“
Did you pay off my
student loans?” She sighed when I didn’t respond. “I just got a
letter saying everything has been paid in full. James?”

“
Yes. I paid them
off.”

“
You can’t just do
that.”

“
Why not?”

Groaning, “You’re so
frustrating. They were my loans to pay off.”

“
Cassidy, what’s mine is
yours. I have the money and it’s silly to pay all that interest
when I can more than cover the expense.” When she didn’t respond I
said, “If you’re that worried about it, you can work off the debt.”
I could hardly contain my laughter.

“
Excuse me”

“
We can come up with a
payment plan that involves bondage and blow jobs.”

“
Oh. My. God. You are so
frustrating. Goodbye.”

“
I love you. I’ll be home
soon!”

Smiling at the memory, I
waited downstairs and heard her heels click on the stairs. She
walked into the living room and looked stunning. She was wearing a
black cocktail dress and her hair was pulled to the side. She’d
gone all out. Her phone buzzed and she pulled it out of her clutch
and checked the text message.

“
Melissa just landed in
Atlanta.”

“
And why is she there,
again?” I knew Paul was there, but that didn’t make
sense.

“
Cecily. She’s made a few
trips down there to see Cecily. Lena went a couple times, too, but
not this time.” She looked up to me and saw the question in my
eyes. Laughing, “No. Lena had a crush on Paul, but that’s it. She’s
dating Ryan.”

“
I wasn’t thinking about
Lena.”

“
Melissa…and Paul?
Umm…no.”

“
If you say so.” She put
the phone back in her clutch as I escorted her to the door. “We’ll
be late.”

“
Yes, you keep saying
that. And are you going to tell me yet where we’re
headed?”

“
Nope.” I walked her to
the truck and when she slid in I handed her a blindfold.

“
Really?”

“
Yup.” I watched her put
it on and then walked to my side of the truck. “So, the house is
coming along.”

“
The house?” She looked to
me and tried lifting her head so she could sneak a peek out of the
corner of the blindfold.

“
Stop peeking! Yes, the
house.”

“
Oh, I. I guess I wasn’t
sure if you were still working on it.”

“
Of course I am. Though,
I’m not sure when it’ll be finished. I’d like us to sit down and go
over everything, since I don’t remember anything you wanted. All I
have is the drawings to go over.”

“
You still want to live
out there. I mean, with everything, I didn’t know if that had
always been a dream of yours or not.”

I grabbed her hand and
brought it to my lips. “Yes. I want to live out there. I’ve lived
in the chaos of the city long enough.”

“
It’s a long commute…for
us both.”

“
Well, it’s a good thing
we’re both in charge and can make our own hours.” She laughed.
“And, that’s what home offices are for. Speaking of work. How’s the
masquerade and auction planning going?”

“
Good. Lena has taken over
the masquerade and I’m handling the auction. I’m just not ready to
hand everything over to her. She’s capable, I’m just having control
issues.” I chuckled at that. “Don’t laugh! Your Aunt Bev is making
poor Lena crazy.”

“
Oh, how so?”

“
She’s changed the color
scheme and we had to send out notices to all the guests. Apparently
she’s insisting on everyone wearing black or white only. It’s
ridiculous.”

I smiled knowingly and
agreed with her, “That takes all the fun out of it. My guess is
everyone will wear black.”

“
Exactly. I love black,
don’t get me wrong, but I’m going to miss seeing all the purples
and reds that are usually present.”

“
I’m sure everything will
be fine. Don’t stress about it.” We drove for a few more minutes
and I pulled into the parking lot. “We’re here. Ahh, don’t take it
off. Not yet.”

I parked and saw everyone
there. Dad, Cal, Jane, Smith, Delaney, Lena, Ryan and a few more
people, including Cassidy’s father, Dave. The renovation had turned
out beautifully. News reporters would arrive soon and I thanked the
heavens that the story hadn’t been spilled yet. I helped her out of
the truck and walked her to the center of the parking lot. Everyone
was quiet as they circled around behind us.

“
Ok. You
ready.”

Nodding her head, she said,
“Yes!”

I took a deep breath and
removed her blindfold. I still didn’t remember what had happened,
but I’d read the news stories and everyone had filled me in with
their side of the story. I knew it would be hard for her to be
there again, where Holly had died, but I hoped she’d be able to
move past it with all our friends and family there.