Life-After (11 page)

“
To understand we must see how it began.” Clara said, her voice echoing around me.

From the darkness in the distance small points of lights appeared as if the stars in the night sky were being turned on one by one. We slowly drifted though space towards a small dark planet. I recognized the surroundings as our solar system, but the planet, where earth would be was nothing but a dead rock devoid of light and life.

“
You must understand how life began to understand why it can truly never end.” Clara said. “Watch as the light of life is brought to our world.”

A stream of white light wraps around the planet engulfing it. The planet glows brightly for just a moment then dims leaving only a soft glow around the planet. I cannot help but be amazed as I watch cracks form on the surface of the planet. Molten lava flows from the cracks as oceans form before my eyes. An atmosphere blooms as blue skies and white clouds cover the planet. The once harsh landscape comes alive turning a lush green as plants and trees grow from nothing.

“
I can hear your thoughts, David.” Clara said. “Your teachings, about evolution and science, you cannot fully believe what you are seeing. You are not incorrect. There was an evolution here, what you have witnessed was the process that spanned billions of years within a few seconds. I will show you and explain.”

With incredible speed we flew towards earth. We became streams of light that shot across space and into earth’s atmosphere. As we flew though the clouds I noticed our physical bodies had returned. Clara was dressed in a long white dress. My clothing had also changed. I was dressed in the navy blue suit I wore the day I proposed to her.

Clara took hold of my hand as we slowly descended on the edge of a jungle. A crystal blue stream much like the one near the cabin flowed out from the jungle to a massive waterfall. We landed on the edge of a cliff just overlooking the waterfall. I glanced around at the fertile landscape amazed by its beauty. Clara knelt down grabbing hold of a small green lizard. Lifting it up in the palm of her hand she presented it to me.

“
All living things contain the life energy you saw pour into our world.” Clara said. “This was the spark of life that began the evolutionary process. The light engulfed this world allowing organisms to grow and as they evolved they continued to carry the life energy with them passing it on to their offspring.”

“
So it’s not just simply a soul?” I questioned. “Life energy exists in all life, sentient or not?”

Clara nodded her head and laid the lizard on the ground. A wide smile came over her face. She grabbed my hand jumping off the cliff screaming out in joy as we fell to the water below. Our bodies sliced though the water as if we had made a perfect dive. I could feel the cool clear water on my skin but I could also see and breathe underwater. Clara pulled me from the water onto a sandy gold beach. We sat on the shore looking out across a vast ocean.

“
When humans evolved our life energy evolved with it.” Clara explained. “In creatures and plants it only serves as the original power source to their existence. However, within human beings, it takes on a much different role. Our life energy remains dormant within our physical bodies. You cannot see it, but it contains everything we are. Our experiences, memories, abilities, hopes, fears, dreams, it is all contained within our life energy.”

Clara reached down taking a handful of sand holding it into the air. With her free hand she took my hand and placed it beneath hers, slowly allowed the sand to fall between her fingers. I smiled as she did that thinking about our times at Lake Daily, the fun we use to have at the beach.

“
Life energy amongst family members is shared.” Clara said. “When a new life is created the mother passes on some of her life energy to her children. This is part of a reason such a bond is created. The same happens when we die. Our physical bodies can no longer contain our life energy and so it is released. Our life energy cannot exist outside the human body in the physical world and so it is redistributed through the universe. Everything there is was created using life energy.”

“
Wait, then how are we here?” I asked. “If our life energy is redistributed then how are you and I together?”

Clara stood pulling me to my feet. She threw her hand up in the air releasing the sand. Each grain of sand turned into a shining ball of light that covered the area. The spheres of light slowly drifted to the ground below. Reality changed right before my eyes as if being washed away. From standing on the beach Clara and I appeared atop our restaurant in New Chicago overlooking the city. It was just as I had remembered a bustling metropolis vibrant with life.

“
As I said our life energy contains our memories and experiences.” Clara continued. “It was never God’s plan to have our existence extinguished. What is left here is what made you and I who we were. The remainder is redistributed to continue the circle of life.”

Clara’s words and how she spoke them reminded me of how she was when she first began attending services. She wanted so much to share her experiences with me, but I did not want to be a part of them. I was happy that she had found something to believe in, but it was not my beliefs. To hear that our lives were all part of a divine plan made the transition from life to life after a bit more bearable, but hearing of a God that began this process left me with questions and the resurgence of doubt.

“
So then why go through life and the pain it can bring.” I asked Clara. “Who is this God and why does he allow his creations to suffer.”

Clara’s smile faded and I could feel her presence leaving me. The bright light returned blinding me for only an instant. In a blink of an eye we had returned to the valley, Clara lowered her hands and turned away from me looking back towards the cabin.

“
I expected you would have doubts.” Clara said softly. “I have more to show you, but I have duties here as well.”

“
Duties…?” I questioned.

Clara turned back towards me then looked up towards the sky.

“
There are those who have trouble transitioning from their physical life to this one.” Clara said. “We all have a…guide who helped us when we first arrived. Some of us become guides ourselves to help others. We call ourselves, Angelics. There are no Angels here, not in the traditional sense, but we do what we can to help the new arrivals. I will return soon, David. Please, explore, relax, do whatever you wish. I will be with you soon.”

Clara leaned over and kissed me. As she did her body turned to pure energy then disappeared. The experience disturbed me slightly as it felt as if she was no more than a ghost and once again she had left me. There was so much more I wanted to ask her, but I was content I would have my chance soon enough.

I spent the next hour exploring the vast countryside. No matter how far I walked the landscape would continue on as if infinite. I found myself back at the stream near the woods. I knelt down by the water running my fingers through it. The tranquility reminded me of being a child and running away from the orphanage to my special place by a large oak tree near a small pond. Pulling a few stones from the shore, I would to skip them across the water just as I did as a child. Watching the water ripple made me smile.

“
Do not believe what she is telling you?”

Her voice did not startle me. I almost expected to hear it. I feared that as my happiness returned so would the voice to bring doubt to my contentedness. I did not want to turn around. Her voice, it sounded haggard as if she had been through war, though pain. Perhaps, she was an imprint, a part of my mind that could not accept a peaceful existence.

“
Why are you doing this to me?” I said softly. “Can’t you just leave me be?”

I felt her hand upon my shoulder, it was ruff, cold. The static-like presence was all around me pulling me away from what I so desperately wanted to accept. I lowered my head and rose to my feet. I closed my eyes and slowly turned around.

“
You must accept the truth.” She said. “You will never be free until you do.”

I felt her hands brush against my face. It felt, familiar. I opened my eyes to something I could not believe. Clara stood before me. Her body looked faded as if much of the color was drained out of her. She had aged, her face showed the scars of sadness and despair. Her hair was shortened and unkempt. Dressed in ragged dirty clothing, she looked like many of the faces I saw when patrolling the war torn cities on earth.

“
You…you can’t be.” I stammered out.

“
It is me, David.” Clara said. “The woman you have been with is not real. You must free yourself, David. I will do everything I can, but it is up to you to break free of your prison.”

The veil had been lifted, there was no turning back. No matter what happened next I would never be able to find peace there again. All that was left was to find out the truth.

7

Once my nightmares came to an end I experienced dreams for a time that to me, were far worst. I would be in the field near the orphanage sitting alone watching the other children play. A sliver car would pull up along the fence, its driver side window would roll down and an older gentleman would look across the field until his eyes settled onto me. The car would come to a stop and the man and a middle-aged woman would step out and point towards me. I would stand up and stare, trying to make out who the people were and why they were looking at me. Images would flash before my eyes and a warm feeling would come over me.

They would walk through the half broken fence and smile making a bee line directly for me. Slowly my memory would return as they drew closer. Their faces would change from stranger to familiar. The warm feeling inside of me was love, more specifically the love of a parent. Time would come to a halt, the noises of the children would cease. I would start running towards them, smiling, tears falling from my eyes. They would kneel opening their arms to me, I would cry out to them.

My father would lift me into the air then pull me to him hugging me tightly. My mother would smother me with kisses telling me she would never leave me again. My world would be complete, nothing else would matter. Then, everything would go dark, my world would grow cold. Their love and the warmth I had felt would fade from me leaving me alone again. I would awaken, hollowed, as if the possibility of happiness was forever ripped from me.

Standing on the edge of a forest in what I had almost accepted as heaven I felt as if I had been hallowed once again. A woman who looked just like Clara stood before me telling me that everything I had experienced was a lie. I was being asked to accept that the woman who greeted me and brought me to my afterlife, the woman who showed me the pain and pleasure of my past, the woman who I had just made love to was a facsimile, a fraud, a fake. The truth was a woman who looked more like a refugee than the one I remember, the person I loved.

“
How can you expect me to accept this?” I asked her. “Everything I have seen and have felt how do I know you are not another memory or mental projection?”

“
That is exactly what I am, David.” Clara said. “I am not here with you. I am just a projection. You have to free yourself before you can find me and only then can we all escape.”

I slowly reached my hand out towards her. The feeling of static electricity in the air was stronger the closer my hand got to her. She just stood there almost as if she was unaware of my movements towards her. My hand reached her shoulder, it was only then that she turned her head slightly. I could feel the energy build up around my hand, it passed right through Clara as if she were a holographic projection only it was not like my hand was passing through air, but more like a light waterfall. I could feel her presence, her energy, but there was nothing physical I could touch.

“
We are both prisoners here, David.” Clara said. “While my prison is apparent, yours is hidden within a fantasy. There are others here and they sacrificed everything to allow me to communicate with you. You need to confront her, David, force her to reveal the truth that is the only way to escape.”

“
Prisoners where…?” I asked. “Why do all this to me? Am I even dead?”

Her mouth moved, but I could not hear the words. Clara’s body began to fade from sight. Instinctively I reached out trying to grab her to keep her from leaving me. She was afraid. I could see the panic in her eyes as if she was afraid she would not be able to reach me again. I screamed out her name as she disappeared. My legs buckled, I feel to my knees crying. It felt as if I had just watched her die. She was gone and I was left with nothing.

My grief turned to anger. I wanted to know why, why was I being put through hell? Why would someone go through the trouble to do this to me? I found myself pounding my fist against the ground. My thoughts turned to Hershel and my time trapped within the militaries virtual reality. Even as my hands began to ache from smashing them into the ground I no longer believed in it, in any feeling I had.

I hated the way I felt inside. It was the same way I felt in the orphanage, as if nothing was real. I did not belong there and believed it was only a matter of time until I would be taken away. That time never came. I had to leave, to find my own way out. Why was I willing to accept her story as truth? Deep inside, I knew something was wrong. I told myself it was only due to the trauma I had suffered in my past. When you live in a world of pain, pleasure is foreign, unnatural. When Clara told me of her final days, of Richard, as much as it hurt to hear it the feelings were more familiar than anything else.