Life After Taylah (23 page)

“Then baby,” he growls, tearing open my top, “you better not scream.”

Oh, God.

His lips crush down over mine and for a second I drown in him, unable to think of anything else, or even care that the guys are downstairs. All I can breathe, feel,
see
is Nate. He groans and deepens our kiss until our mouths are moving together in a frantic motion that has my blood pumping. My pussy clenches with need as he rocks me against his cock, causing the perfect amount of friction.

“We’re doin’ this hard and fast,” he murmurs into my ear. “I need inside you.”

I cry out in pleasure as he raises my skirt and slips his fingers beneath my panties. His fingers work over my clit, sliding down to gather my wetness before moving back up to taunt me once again.

“Nate,” I mewl. “Fuck, please.”

“So fuckin’ greedy for me, aren’t you, Dancer?”

“Yes.” I gasp. “Oh fucking yes.”

He reaches between us and takes hold of his jeans, bringing them down with one hard jerk. Then he takes hold of his cock and guides it inside me, filling me slowly. Oh . . . yes.

“You’re so fuckin’ tight and wet around my dick,” he groans, sliding out before slamming back in.

“Oh God,” I cry out.

His hand comes up and clamps over my mouth as his hips continue to fuck me senseless, driving his cock in and out of my heat until I’m screaming behind his hand and hanging on the edge of my orgasm. I’m just about there when there’s a knock on my door. I stop moving, Nate stops moving and we both stay very, very still. He moves his hand from my mouth and I take a few deep, steadying breaths.

“Av?” Kelly says. “You okay?”

“Ah, yeah, I was just feeling a little . . . off, suddenly,” I say, and my voice sounds ragged.

“You sick?”

Nate starts fucking me again.
Oh, no.

“Ah,” I call out, trying to keep my voice from trembling. “Yeah.”

“Do you need me to get you anything?”

Nate’s finger is on my clit and he’s fucking me slowly, so slowly my mind feels like it’s about to explode, my body on the edge.

“I,” I begin, “no.”

“You sound shaky. Are you sure you’re okay?”

Nate drives deeper, bringing me to the edge once more.

“I . . . no . . . I just . . .” I begin but my words are cut off when I come.

I come hard, too. I don’t know if it’s because Kelly is at the door or if it’s just because Nate fucks so good. I drop my head into Nate’s shoulder and I bite down so hard he lets out a quiet grunt. Then I feel his cock pulsing inside me as he finds his own release.

“What?” Kelly calls. “Didn’t catch that?”

“I’ll be out in a minute,” I yell, my voice breathy.

“All right.”

I hear his footsteps disappear and I turn to Nate, who is grinning.

“You’re evil, Nathaniel.”

He winks at me, and then jerks his hips again. I feel his cock sliding through my wetness and I gasp.

“You’re still hard?”

“It’s been a week.”

I grin as he begins fucking me slowly again. We don’t get far before his phone starts ringing. I throw a hand over my mouth and he quickly pulls out of me, taking a step back and digging it out of his pocket. He answers it with a ragged whisper.

“What?”

I can hear Lena’s voice on the other end and it’s quite clear. That would be because it’s so silent in the room right now, aside from our deep breathing.

“Where are you?” she asks.

“I’m out,” he answers.

“You didn’t stay long last night. I thought you would after what we did . . .”

My world spins. He came back last night? Last night? He went to her? He . . . oh, God. He looks up quickly and sees me shaking my head and backing towards the bathroom. He quickly barks, “I’ll call you later,” into the phone before snapping it closed and taking a step towards me.

“Avery . . .”

“I’ll ask once, and once only, Nate,” I whisper. “Did you get home last night?”

He nods, his eyes pained. “Yeah, I did. I needed to see Macy.”

“And you . . .” I swallow, because it hurts. God, it fucking hurts. “You fucked her?”

He closes his eyes and drops his head. “I didn’t fuck her, I . . . she . . .”

“She what?” I say, my voice low and gravelly.

“It doesn’t matter, Avery. It meant nothing. She was trying to make it better, trying to fix this and . . .”

“What did she do?” I say, cupping either side of my head and shaking it from side to side.

“I’m not telling you, because it’s not worth the pain.”

“Did she suck your cock?” I cry, irrational.

His face answers everything for me.

“Does it...” I swallow, trembling. “Happen a lot?”

“No it doesn’t fuckin’ happen a lot. Shit, Avery – this is the first time since you. I barely kept it up and ended up walking out half way through, making a pathetic excuse to leave. You have no fucking idea how hard it is. How could you? You’re naive and young, and you’ve never lived through what I have.”

I take another step back into the bathroom. Reality—this is fucking reality. I’m a mistress. I’m the other woman. I’m the one he goes to when he’s feeling down, but he always,
always
goes home to her first and who the hell am I to judge him for that? She’s his fucking wife. Tears glide down my cheeks as I realize what a fool I’ve been.

“Avery,” he whispers, stretching a hand out. “It wasn’t what you think.”

“Leave, Nate,” I gasp through sobs.

“It’s not . . . She’s my fucking wife – how can you be angry at me for that?”

“I know that,” I sob, trying not to scream. “I should have paid more attention to that all along, and then I never would have ended up in this situation. This is my fault—all my fucking fault.”

“Avery, don’t say that. It meant nothing. Fuck, it was empty and emotionless . . .”

“It doesn’t matter,” I wail, shaking my head from side to side. “Don’t you see? It doesn’t matter. It hurts, Nate. It hurts like you’ve just been with another woman behind my back. It feels like you’ve cheated, and yet you haven’t. This is my own stupid fault; I am a naive, pathetic girl who should have realized sooner that you were never going to leave.”

His eyes become panicked. “I never said that. Shit, Avery, I never . . .”

“Leave, Nate.”

“No. I’m not leaving until you listen; you need to listen.”

“Listen to what?” I scream, unable to hold back. “To you telling me it’s okay? It’s not okay. Now leave.”

I hear footsteps on the stairs and so does he. He looks torn, his eyes darting to the door and back to me. Then he closes his eyes, clenches his fists and turns, lifting my window and disappearing out of it like he was never here. A second later a knock sounds on my door. I don’t move; I don’t want to move. I can’t hold back my emotions, can’t pretend anymore.

“Avery?” Kelly calls. A moment later, the door opens and he steps inside, followed by Max. I’m standing pitifully in the doorway, tears running down my face.

“Shit,” Kelly says, rushing over and pulling me into his arms. “Honey, what happened?”

“It’s nothing,” I lie. “I just had a massive fight with Jacob on the phone.”

“I’m sorry.”

Sorry.

It’s not him who should be sorry. It’s me who should be sorry.

~*~*~*~

T
hey say bad things happen in threes. Two weeks ago my life felt real. Nate was with me and I felt a love I’d never felt before. Now it’s been three days since I told him to leave my house, and I’ve not heard from him since. A part of me, a huge part of me is praying that he’ll call. The agony ripping through my chest is something I can’t explain. It burns every second of every minute of every hour of the day.

He’s broken me.

Yet a part of me is so sure he’s coming back. He loves me. I love him. Maybe he’s leaving Lena; maybe he’s going to come to my doorstep any minute and tell me we’re going to be happy together, forever. That moment doesn’t come—no—but he does come to my doorstep. His eyes are broken, his face completely lacking in emotion. I know even before he says it. I know . . . I fucking
know
.

“We need to talk,” he rasps.

Those four words have so much meaning.

He steps past me, but I can’t focus on anything else but his words. The words that are never good. They never end well. They break everything. When he turns to me and begins speaking I am still praying, with a pathetically broken piece of my heart that I’m wrong. We have something that is so amazing, so real he wouldn’t just throw it away. He wouldn’t.
He promised.

Promises are made to be broken.

“I didn’t call and I’m sorry,” he says, his voice shaky. “I went home to leave Lena, I did, Avery, but she told me . . . she told me she’s sick.”

Sick.

Sick.

He stares at his feet. He can’t even look at me.

“She said she went back to see the doctor after she was released from hospital because of the alcohol poising. They did some blood work just to make sure she hadn’t damaged her liver, things like that, and they found something. She went back to get more tests while I was away—I didn’t know. I got home and she seemed fine, so I came to you. When I got home, she got the call—right there in front of me. She’s got cancer, Avery. It’s not good.”

My knees tremble and I have to reach out and grip the countertop to stop myself from crumbling.

“I can’t leave her, not right now. She needs me around; Macy needs her mother to live, regardless of how I feel. She has no one else. I can’t leave her when she’s in trouble. Please understand, Avery, that this isn’t what I wanted, but I can’t step away.”

My world is spinning; all I can hear is white noise as my life comes crumbling down around me. I know I’m crying, though I can’t hear the sounds coming from my throat. Nate steps forward, cupping my cheeks, his calloused fingers lying so perfectly against my skin. This isn’t how this is meant to go. Through my blurred vision, I see a tear trickle down his cheek. My big, brave man is crying. How can I hate him? How can I?

“It’s not fair what I’m doing,” he rasps, his voice thick with emotion. “How can I expect you to just sit around and wait for me? You’re not a toy, Avery. You’re not something I can just pull out of the closet when I feel like it. You’re a girl, a beautiful girl who deserves everything. You deserve so much more than me. I have to let you go, because if I don’t I’m keeping you from living with the love you deserve.”

No.

My knees wobble and I sink to the floor. My world is vacant and I hear nothing but the sound of my own sobbing. It hurts; it feels like my heart has been torn open and ripped into tiny shreds. My entire body aches from the inside out, every organ, every muscle, every inch of my skin. Nate kneels with me, and I feel his body shake with emotion.

“I’m sorry, Avery. So fuckin’ sorry. Please know that I love you. I fucking love you with everything I am, but I have to do this.”

A broken kiss is pressed to my head. Then he stands and I hear him walking towards the door. That’s when the desperation hits. It hits me like a hurricane swirling in my soul. I push to my feet and I take two steps forward, my arms outstretched, like that’s going to stop him from leaving me. “Please,” I beg, my voice shaking. “Nate,
please
. Don’t leave me. Don’t leave me.”

He swallows, his face so pained . . . so fucking pained.

“I’m sorry, Avery.”

He walks out the door and I run forward, tripping before I make it. I land on the floor hard and fast, screaming with pain and agony as I hear his truck start up. No, no, no, no,
no
. He can’t leave me. He can’t go. I crawl towards the door, wailing, desperate. I’m crying out his name, begging him not to go. When I hear the car disappear down the street, my entire world crashes around me and I scream so loudly my ears feel like they’re going to explode.

So this is what heartbreak feels like.

~*~*~*~

“O
h, Avery,” Kelly says, rushing in and scooping me off the floor. “What have you done?”

“It hurts, Kelly,” I scream, clutching his shirt as he lifts me. “It hurts so bad.”

He puts his big arms around me, but it doesn’t ease the pain. It hurts so much. It’s like someone has lit a fire in my soul and it’s slowly burning.

“There will never be anyone else like him,” I bellow. “No one. He’s it. He’s all I’ll ever have and want.”

“He’s not yours to want, Avery. He never was.”

“I love him,” I screech so loudly I hurt my own ears. “I love him.”

I don’t know how Kelly found me here, but I knew the minute he lifted me into his arms that he knew. I guess Nate called him—that’s the kind of man Nate is. Everyone else before him. Just the thought of him has a raw sob rising up in my throat and escaping into Kelly’s chest.

“It hurts, Kelly. It hurts so much.”

“It’s meant to hurt, Av. Because it’s wrong.”

“I love him,” I cry clutching his shirt. “Don’t you get that? I love him!”

“That’s the problem,” he says softly. “It’s not real love, Avery. It’s a lie; that’s all it will ever be.”

“You define love by deciding if it’s right or wrong. That’s not always correct. Love creeps up on you at the most inopportune moment, and there’s nothing you can do to stop it. Love cannot be reasoned with and it can’t be as simple as right or wrong.”

“Nate is my love. You don’t have to agree but you can’t change what is. One day, Kelly, you might find a love like mine. And I hope you’ll never have to feel the pain I feel right now—like a broken angel, my wings torn down. I honestly don’t know if I’ll ever fly again without him.”

“You will, Avery,” he whispers. “You will.”

He’s wrong.

I’ll never be the same again.

I
have nowhere to go. My heart is falling to pieces. My hands are gripped around the steering wheel and I’m speeding towards the only place, towards the only person who might understand. How can I move past this? Watching her, on her knees, screaming for me—it fucking broke me. I don’t know if letting her go was the right thing for me, but it was the right thing for her.

I had to do it
for her.