Life After Taylah (24 page)

I skid to a halt at the driveway of my parents’ home. I jump out of the car. My hands are trembling and my legs feel weak. I charge towards my father’s shed, where I know he’ll be. When no one is there, that’s where he spends most of his time. I shove the door open and he spins around quickly. His eyes widen with shock before taking me in.

“Nate, son, what’s wrong?”

I shake my head backwards and forward, the words not forming on my tongue no matter how desperately I want them to. He gets up and rushes forward, putting his hands on my shoulders.

“Son, you’re scarin’ me. What’s going on?”

“I fucked up,” I croak out. “I fucked up, Dad.”

“Sit down, tell me . . .”

I shake my head, stepping back. My fingers go up to tangle in my hair and I clench my jaw, trying to hold the emotions at bay.

“I’ve been having an affair,” I rasp, the words burning my tongue as they come out.

He stares at me, his face a mask of shock and pain. “Oh son, no.”

“With Avery.”

He’s silent a moment. I cut him off before he can even open his mouth to speak. “I know what you’re going to say: it’s wrong, I fucked up, I disrespected Lena. I know,” I rasp. “I fucking know what I’ve done. I just . .  .I just ended it with her. I left her on the floor screaming my name. I fucking broke a woman.”

“Nate . .  .”

“I love her,” I yell, looking up at him, finally letting my walls down. A tear rolls down my cheek and I don’t fucking care. “I love her, Dad, I love her so fucking much it hurts and I just
broke
her.”

My knees give way and my dad wraps his arms around me, and he sinks to the floor by my side. His strong arms are around me, and I try hard to fight the pain bubbling up in my chest but I can’t stop it from flowing out. I love her. What will I do now?

“I got you, son, always got you. It’s going to be okay. It’ll all be okay.”

Nothing will ever be okay again.

I’ve lost the only thing I was breathing for.

“W
hat is wrong with you?” my father barks, pacing the room. “How could you give up everything for some, some, pathetic boy who rides bikes?”

My father found out about Nate and I. Of course I didn’t tell him, but he did walk in when Kelly was comforting me and speaking with me about it. He listened. He got the full story. Now he’s making it known that I’ve made the biggest mistake of my life. Like I didn’t already know that.

“It’s not like I planned it,” I say, my voice barely above a whisper. It’s all it’s been for more thank a week now.

“You know better,” he growls, slamming his fist onto the bench. “You gave up a good, solid man for that . . . loser?”

I flinch. “He is not a loser.”

“He is a loser,” he bellows. “And to think I was going to leave everything to you.”

“I never wanted it,” I scream, my voice hoarse. “I never wanted your money, or your perfect, solid man. I just wanted my own life.”

“Yeah?” he snaps. “Good; you’re about to get it. I’m cutting you off, Avery. I will pay you only what is in your trust. The business will be signed over to Jacob. You and Liam will have no part in it.”

“Do you think we want your stupid business?” I yell. “We never wanted it. All we wanted was a father that showed us some love after we lost our mother.”

“I’ve done the best I can.”

“No you haven’t,” I’m screaming so loud my voice hurts. “You didn’t even try. I used to cry myself to sleep and I would hear you walk past, but you didn’t even stop. You couldn’t show me any comfort. Money and work is all you’ve ever cared about and all you ever will care about. Take it all, I don’t want it. I don’t want any of it.”

I turn and run out of the room, shoving past anyone that gets in my way. The moment I reach my car, I get in, tears streaming down my face as I screech off down the driveway. The gate opens for me, that doesn’t surprise me. He doesn’t want me here, he never did. I’ve never been more than an easy way for him to set up his business.

“I wish you were here, momma,” I croak. “I miss you.”

I drive straight to the studio, needing the only people I have left. I get out of the car and run inside. Maggie is standing at the lockers, pulling out her shoes for todays lesson. She hears the door slam and turns to me, her face becoming immediately worried.

“Avery, honey,” she says, dropping the shoes and walking over. “What’s wrong?”

“I made a mistake,” I sob, crumbling to my knees. “It’s all ruined, Maggie. All ruined.”

“Hush now, child. Tell me what’s got you so broken?”

I hiccup. I can’t tell her about Nate, I can’t face her if she tells me how disappointed she is in me. I understand it. I know what kind of person I am. I don’t need a reminder of that.

“My father just disowned me,” I whisper instead, my body shaking with emotion.

“Oh honey, no,” she soothes, stroking my hair.

“I’ve got nothing left.”

“No,” she says, holding me closer. “You do have something, you have us, Avery.”

Is that enough?

~*~*~*~

“J
ust tell me how she is,” I growl.

“Fuck off, Nate. You shouldn’t be here and you know it,” Kelly says, glaring at me.

“I’m not here with her, I just want to know. Fuckin’ hell, Kelly. Just tell me.”

“She’s fucked up,” he barks, stepping forward and shoving my chest. “All because you’re a selfish son-of-a-bitch and you don’t fuckin’ deserve her.”

“Push me again,” I hiss. “See what happens.”

He shoves my chest hard and I lose it. I charge forward, raising my fist and bringing it down over his jaw. He bellows in pain, taking two steps backwards. His eyes grow wild and he lunges at me, knocking me backwards down the stairs. His fist connects with my eye, and pain radiates through my head. I roll on top of him, lifting my fist and bringing it down over and over, slamming into his face.

“Whoa, fuck.”

Suddenly I’m being jerked off him. I feel strong arms around my shoulders and I know it’s my brother.

“What the hell is goin’ on?” he barks.

“That fucker,” Kelly growls, getting to his knees, “is fucking Avery.”

“Was,” I bark. “I fuckin’ was.”

“You’re married,” Keanu says, his voice low and deadly.

“I fuckin’ know, now let me go.”

He lets me go and I spin around, glaring at him. He takes me in, letting his eyes travel over me.

“You’re drunk.”

No shit.

“Fuck you, Keanu.”

“You deserve everything you get,” Kelly yells, clenching his fists. He’s got blood running from his lip. His eyes are darkening with bruises and he’s got droplets of blood coming from his nose.

“You don’t think I know that?” I roar. “I love her, Kelly. It wasn’t just some cheap, easy fuck. I fuckin’ love her.”

His body jerks at this and he growls out, “She ain’t yours to love. You have a wife. Go love her.”

“Fuck you,” I bark.

“Enough!” Keanu growls. “Kelly, go inside.”

Kelly gets to his feet and scowls at me before turning and storming inside. Keanu turns to me and his eyes are hard.

“You fucked up, little bro.”

If only he knew just how much.

“W
hat happened to your face?” I gasp, staring at Kelly.

“Nate happened.”

Just the mention of Nate’s voice has my entire body coiling into itself with agony. My heart hurts all day, every day. There is no break. No time for me to just forget. I don’t know if I’ll ever forget.

“N-N-Nate did that?”

“It doesn’t matter, Av,” he says, reaching out and touching my cheek. “It’s not for you to worry about.”

I look away.

“You haven’t eaten,” he says, moving his hand to my shoulder. “Shit, Avery, how long has it been?”

“About three days.”

“Fuck, sit down. You need to eat.”

I shake my head. “I’m trying, Kelly, but I can’t keep it down.”

“You’ll kill yourself.”

“It doesn’t matter.”

Suddenly his hands are pressed against my face and his expression is frantic. “Don’t you say that. Don’t you ever fuckin’ say that.”

“What do you want me to say, Kelly?” I whisper, exhausted. “That it will all be okay?”

“It will be okay.”

“For you, perhaps.”

“It’ll get easier, Av, you have to believe that.”

I nod, too tired and too broken to argue. He pulls me into his arms and I let him. Right now I’ll take any comfort I can get. My broken heart just needs something to make it feel better, just for a moment. My tears slide out and soak Kelly’s shirt.

“It’s going to be okay, honey,” he soothes.

He pulls back and looks down at my tear-stricken face. He uses his thumbs to wipe those tears away, then gently whispers, “I’m going to make you some tea and put you to bed, okay?”

I nod, collapsing down onto the couch as he goes and makes me a cup of tea. I slowly sip it when he hands it to me, and we sit silently on the couch together until I’m finished. Then he takes me upstairs to my bed and tucks me in. He stares down at me with a worried expression. “You going to be okay?”

“Kelly?” I croak.

“Yeah?”

“Will you . . . will you lay with me until I go to sleep?”

“Of course,” he says, dropping onto the bed beside me.

He tucks my body into his and he lies there with me until my eyes flutter closed from exhaustion. Then he stays with me all night.

I’m grateful to him for that.

~*~*~*~

I
shouldn’t be here.

I
shouldn’t
be here.

I duck down behind the crowd as Nate’s name is announced. I’m here, at his race, knowing that I shouldn’t be, but I had to see him. I just had to see he was okay. I can’t think of anything else but him, and I need to know that he’s surviving without me. I just need to let my eyes fall on him.

I sound crazy, I know. Hell, I feel crazy, but I couldn’t stay away.

I hear the loud rumbling of bikes and a moment later he’s in view. My breath hitches in my throat as I watch him from my position in the crowd. I can’t see his face, but it’s him: I know that man and that bike. My throat grows thick and my body aches as the timer begins and he speeds off. My hand goes to my chest. Keep it together, Avery. Keep it together.

I watch, my eyes fixed to him and only him as he goes around the track. It’s going onto late afternoon now and he’s the last race of the day. His score today means a lot in his overall chance to make it to the States for championships. The sun is just dropping over the horizon and the sky is turning a flaming red. I watch Nate near a jump and my heart leaps into my throat. It’s a big jump. He pushes the bike forward and launches off, soaring across it.

Please. Please.

He deserves this.

He lands and his bike bounces, then right before my eyes he soars over the handlebars. The crowd gasps, and then everyone falls silent. I stop breathing as his body is sent flying across the dirt before landing with a thump. Oh God, Nate. I rush forward, trying to get a better view but the crowd is pushing forward like animals, all desperate for a piece of the action.

I’m shoved backwards towards the vans and trucks. I rush into them, wondering if there’s somewhere I can get a better view. God, what if he’s hurt? Or worse? I run around the side of a massive truck and come out at a different location, but there’s still too many people. Frantic, I push on further, getting closer to where Nate landed. The crowd is thick around that location, leaving no room to view him.

“Is he okay?” I ask a man who is walking out of the crowd and towards the trucks. He stares down at me.

“He’s fine, up and storming off. Typical.”

I breathe a sigh of relief and duck back behind a truck, pressing my back to it. I shouldn’t be here; I don’t know why I am. It’s dangerous, risky, and it only makes me want to rush to him. He’s not mine.
He didn’t choose you
. I hurry down through the trucks again, rounding a corner and finding myself confused. I look up, trying to remember where I was sitting. I turn and head back the other way, planning to retrace my steps. These grounds are huge and if I exit at the wrong place, I could be walking for hours before I find my car.

I step around behind another large truck when I hear an almighty crack. I jump backwards and stare towards the sound only to see Nate. Oh, God. He’s got his fist raised and he’s pounding it into the side of a giant, red truck. He’s covered in dirt and there’s blood trickling from a gash on his knuckles. I want to turn and run away, but I’m frozen to the dirt. It’s been weeks since I’ve seen him, and being this close to him again has everything in me sparking to life.

As if he can feel me, he turns and looks my way. I gasp as I see his face. He looks tired and worn, his eyes dark and tired, his cheeks high because his eyes are sunken. His expression turns to one of pure shock for a second as he turns his body towards mine.

“Avery?” he croaks.

“I . . .” I begin. “I’m so sorry. I was trying to . . . I wanted to get out and I was lost. I didn’t mean for you to see me and . . . I . . .”

He walks towards me, his body big and powerful, his expression determined. When he reaches me, his hand lashes out and curls around my neck as his eyes scan my face.

“Tryin’ to forget you,” he rasps. “Tryin’ to make myself stop feeling. Can’t . . . Fuckin’ can’t.”

“I . . .” I whisper, staring up at him. “You scared me out there.”

“Fucked up my race,” he growls. “Fucked it up because my head is gone. I can’t think. Can’t fuckin’ feel. All I want is you—fuck, all I
need
is you.”

“Nate . . .”

“Just for a second,” he says, his voice low and pained. “I want to stop feeling this pain. Is it so much to fuckin’ ask for one second?”

Tears leak from my eyes as I stare up into his. I want him so desperately, but I know I can’t. I have to go. I have to leave.

“Nathaniel?”

The sound of a male voice causes him to stiffen and turn. There’s an older man standing at the end of the trucks. He doesn’t even notice me as he steps forward. “What the fuck was that out there?”