Life Ain't A Fairy Tale (11 page)

"How fucking dare you say that? After all the
shit I go through at work for 10 hours straight in the factory plus
overtime. I suffer the excessive heat in there to give you
everything that you need. Yet, you want me to clean the fucking
house too. You unappreciative bitch."

"Unappreciative? You are the one who never
appreciates the work I do or how well I take care of our son."

"Take care? Taking care of Jimmy is your job.
You are the woman. You fucking overprotect the shit out of him.
That is why he is so shy and so quiet. You never allow him to
express himself. The same thing you do to me."

"I never allow you to talk. What do you call
what you are doing now? Anyway, like I said before, you chose me
because I was the good girl. You had your chance with other women
that were fun like you. You chose me because I was a virgin and
pure woman."

"Pure woman? That is a fucking joke. Who
knows how many boyfriends you had before me?"

"I wish I had more boyfriends, but the one in
high school, Alberto, were just love letters. And also, I had a
crush on Fernando, someone who worked at the office I was secretary
at. Unfortunately, he never said anything to me. We talked, but we
never went beyond friendship."

"Fuck those guys. I remember when we were
recently married. We went to Mexico to visit your family. The
entire trip you ignored me. You even went out with your sister
without me. Your brothers made fun of me for leaving me alone with
them. Who knows what you were doing?"

"Oh. Now, I can't have fun with my very own
family. I want to spend as much time with my family as I can. My
brothers love me. They love to joke around. You have no sense of
humor for someone who considers himself a very cool man."

"Those kinds of things happened when I was
around. The other times you went with our son back to Mexico, who
knows what you did then? I remember you used to tell the story of
my son asking where you were?"

"Yeah. Your point is? It was hilarious, cute,
and adorable when he was five. He asked my father, "Grandpa, where
is Jimmy's mommy?" That was so funny because he is...Jimmy. He
referred to himself in the third person. We laughed at how funny it
was."

"Yeah. It was fucking funny. I know many
coworkers whose wives cheat on them with other guys anywhere. Who
knows where you were when my son asked for you? Probably, fucking a
guy's brains out."

"How dare you? You are a piece of shit. I was
at the dentist over there because it is cheaper than here in
America. How fucking dare you question me when you know that you
had me as a virgin."

"Virgin? Ha. I know many coworkers that found
out their wives were cheating on them before they got married. Who
knows?"

"What are you trying to say? Shit! You
fucking son of a bitch, you are so full of shit. I thought my
husband would appreciate me for being a virgin during our wedding
night. You are a fucking asshole!"

"Whoa, whoa. Calm down. I was only talking
about my coworkers. Stop being such a liar. I never said that."

"Shit! You know you fucking said it. You
treat me like shit and expect me to still love you. You think you
are the only who is allowed to get mad. You fucking son of a bitch,
you are a piece of shit. I can get fucking mad too!"

"What is wrong with you? You are crazy.
Trying to make up lies about me. I was talking about my coworkers.
I can't talk anymore because you accuse me of things I never
said."

"Yeah. Start acting like a stupid ass. You
know what you fucking said. Now, I am the one who is fucking mad. I
can say big fucking words too. That is why I fucking hate you, and
don't love you anymore. You are an unappreciative piece of shit.
You never fucking appreciate the shit that I do here." My mother
grabbed, threw, and broke a dish on the floor. She started bursting
into tears. Everything got quiet with only the radio on. My mother
walks off and slams the door to my parents' room.

My father spoke to himself as he continued to
drink, "I don't understand that unappreciative bitch. That fucking
bitch is crazy. Making up shit about stuff I never said. That bitch
does not deserve me." Tears flowed from my face as I played video
games in my room.

Seeing Sara that drunk brought back those
dark memories of my past. These memories are too painful for me.
The lack of respect and poisonous tone of their conversation made
me sick. I didn't care that my parents were not a loving couple,
but hearing those poisonous conversations every weekend bothered
me. I resented the fact that my father loved to get drunk. It was
my dream to see him stop drinking beer.

When I was a child, my mother sensed I was
cold towards my father. "Jimmy, why aren't you so kind to your
dad?" It was a question I was asked constantly. Most of the time, I
pretended to act confused and gave no response. My mother insisted
in questioning me, but I changed the subject and never
answered.

One day, during my teenage years, I did
respond. "I don't like when my dad gets drunk."

"Why?"

"He says mean things; the conversations you
have are disgusting."

"Oh, that. Oh, my son. All couples argue. I
am sorry. It just gets me mad when your father goes overboard when
he is drunk, and I have to defend myself. Your father is only like
that when he gets drunk. He doesn't really mean anything he says.
Do you see him acting like that when he is sober? No. I usually let
him talk when I was younger, but I don't have the same patience I
used to have. I didn't know our arguing bothered you so much. I
will try to ignore him and let him talk."

"No. That is not the problem. The problem is
my father and his drinking. I don't like it when he tarnishes your
reputation like that. I don't like the venomous tone he offends you
with. I wish my father stops drinking."

"Oh, son. Your father is a good man. He only
has a drinking addiction. Addiction is a disease. His body needs
alcohol. You know he had a rough childhood growing up with his
grandma. His grandma treated him very harshly. He was traumatized
that his mom and his father never lived together with him. When he
gets drunk, he gets into a mindset that all women are evil. He
needs us to help him with his addiction."

"My father is never going to stop drinking.
He always drinks. He is never going to stop. This problem will
always exist."

"Your father loves you with all his heart. He
only offends me. Don't worry. I am used to the way he is. The
important thing is that he is the best father in the world."

"When he offends you, he offends me. Why did
you get married?"

"Son. We were in love with each other. That
is why we got married. You know, living together is difficult. I
got to know your father more living together than from just dating.
I didn't know about his drinking problem or his moodiness. He
wasn't that argumentative when we were dating. It turned out we
didn't like each other so much after marriage. Our lives changed
when you came into our lives. You are the best thing to happen to
us. We love you. Son. Do not be an ungrateful person with your
father. If there is a reason I am still married to your father is
because he loves you a lot. He is your life and has done everything
in the world to give you all the toys, video games, private
schools, and foods. He loves you very much. He told me to stop
working so I can take care of you full time. When we didn't have a
child for the first 5 years of marriage, your father would get so
drunk that he would pretend to talk to an imaginary child. He would
admonish the imaginary child for being naughty and misbehaving. He
would burst into tears because he didn't have a son yet. Look
Jimmy. There are other families where parents beat each other up in
front of their children. That is something that never happens with
your father and I. We argue a lot and there is a broken dish or
two, but we never physically hurt each other. Son. I will try not
to argue. I never knew our arguing tormented you. Love is not
forever."

"That's not the problem. I don't care if you
don't love each other. I don't like the poisonous tone your
conversations take. That is never going to change. This will always
be a problem. I don't like the disrespect. It bothers me the lack
of respect for me. The both of you speak too loud, and it is hard
to avoid what you say."

"My love, my son. Aren't you understanding?
Love is not forever, and life is not perfect. Other children have
to suffer through more pain. They witness their father beating
their mothers with chairs, and they tell each other much worse
things than your father and I. They have it worse than you do. You
must understand and accept your father the way he is. He loves you
with all of his heart. You are not being fair to your father. You
are judging him too harshly. He has always loved you, and you know
it. We both love you. Try not listening to us. Put the volume
louder on the TV or something. That is why I am very grateful to
have a husband who is the best father imaginable for my biggest
love in my life, you."

I was forced to be satisfied with that
explanation. Fortunately, as he got older, he started drinking
less. Basically, health problems like high blood pressure and high
cholesterol forced him to drink less as he aged. I never thought
I'd be alive to see the day he didn't get drunk. It did arrive to
my amazement, and I am glad that time arrived.

His drinking problem has left me with life
lessons. Being an alcoholic can destroy the goodwill of your
partner. It is a romance killer. Arguments of the magnitude of my
parents will effectively destroy love, the fantasy Sara believes
in. It is best to agree with everything she says, even if I
disagree on the inside.

Because Sara's excessive drinking reminds me
of my parents' dysfunctional marriage, I stopped accompanying Sara
to the club. As expected, Sara wasn't too happy with my decision.
She found my decision to be an overreaction. She only vomited once.
This decision was a good remedy for my pains and aches.

"Jimmy. I can't believe you are not going to
the club anymore. I said I was sorry. I got carried away with the
drinking that night. I admit it, but your decision is too radical.
I even cleaned your dirty clothes for you."

"I know it seems dramatic, but I think it is
the right thing to do. You know I hate driving to begin with. My
Saturday nights will be much less stressing." Personally, I didn't
want to talk about my father's drinking with her. She would not
understand anyway and complain about me being a spoiled brat who
makes drama over nothing. I kept calm with brief reasons why I
won't go dancing with her and weathered the storm of her
frustrations.

"I still don't get it. You did kind of enjoy
going out to dance. I saw the joy on your face. I know going to the
club wasn't your favorite option, but you danced quite a while with
me before you got tired. You have been driving well. Shouldn't you
be used to driving by now? Are you going to let this little
incident stop us from having fun together?"

"Look, Sara. This is the right decision for
the moment. I know how you feel. You don't understand why I am
making such a sudden decision, but I was holding you back anyway.
You don't need me to party." Let's just say I was still embarrassed
to tell her about my pains and aches considering my youth.
Unfortunately, I am who I am. If I had admitted that I have pains
from dancing, she would have made fun of me for being a spoiled
brat. I continued to stick to these unsatisfying explanations as to
why I was no longer dancing with her.

"Jimmy. What have you been doing all these
weekends hanging out with Gina and my friends? Were you just
pretending to have fun because I was your girlfriend?"

"No. It has been fun, Sara. I do love being
around you, but I shouldn't be holding you back. You should have
the freedom to be Sara." The truth is I enjoyed dancing with Sara
because it is Sara, a beautiful woman I feel connected to. Sara's
beauty gave me the energy to dance with her. That being said, I
have gone out dancing with her many times. I think I gave her all
she wanted. I knew she would be upset with my decision, but I
didn't think it would end our relationship.

"What do you mean holding me back? I never
have said anything concerning that. You never hold me back. You are
my boyfriend; the person I care about the most in my life. Having
you around makes me happy. I don't understand what you are talking
about."

"I don't know what else to say, Sara. My
decision is final. I tried to explain why I won't go out dancing
again, but you still don't understand me." I was very tired of
arguing with her. I wanted this conversation to end.

"Jimmy, you are such a baby." Sara concluded
the conversation in frustration.

After that uncomfortable incident, Sara had
another upsetting moment at New Year's Eve. She wanted to spend New
Year's Eve at Times square with all the people that reunite every
year in New York. That was not my thing. I didn't want to do that.
I had always spent my New Year's Eve with my parents. I did not
want this past New Year's Eve to be any different because I am in a
relationship now.

She was not too happy with my decision not to
go with her. "Jimmy, what is up with you? We have been together for
6 months. It is like you don't want this relationship to
succeed."

"Yes. I want this relationship to succeed. If
I didn't want to be with you, why would I have bothered asking you
out in the first place? I care about you, Sara. I am with you
everyday. I can't believe you are going to get emotional over this
too."

"Emotional? Hello! You are my boyfriend. I
feel you haven't been acting like one."

"Sara. I give you kisses everyday. I hug you.
We make love every night. I am not perfect, but I want to be with
you. I don't want this to end." I extend my arms to hug her, but
she pushes me away.