Life Ain't A Fairy Tale (12 page)

"Not now Jimmy. There is more to a
relationship than hugs and kisses. I have been living together with
you over the past 6 months. Yet, I feel like I don't really know
you."

"Keep in mind that I do the clean the first
floor every day. That should count for something. I do it because I
always want to help you." As I said this, I knew that I was going
to get a reprimand from her for always making house chores such a
big achievement.

"Wow, you do the house chores. How many times
are you going to mention that? Big deal. I clean the second floor.
The problem is you are not being a good boyfriend."

"Well, okay. How about this? Starting this
New Year that is coming up, I will clean both floors. Yes, both
floors. Yes, I care about you so much that I will clean both
floors." Sara really pushed me back against the wall, and I had to
say this to prove that I care about her. She is the best thing to
ever happen to me. The problem is I am so unique that she is having
a difficult time understanding me.

"Cleaning both floors is supposed to make me
forget what you haven't done so far? I invited you to ride together
on a roller coaster at Six Flags, and you refused to accompany me
in front of my friends and Gina. You didn't want to come with me to
Florida for a presentation I had to do for Biopharm."

"Sara, I am really scared of airplanes.
You've known this since the first date we had. I feel too dizzy and
get too nervous. If I had agreed to go with you, I would have made
life on you harder. You would have to deal with me, sick and scared
during the flight. You needed to be focused and relaxed for your
presentation of the new cancer medication."

"You didn't even take the roller coaster with
me at the amusement park. The ride doesn't last that long. It isn't
even one of the scary rides. It is slow too."

"Sara, I am scared of heights. I was there,
cheering you on. I don't like the sensation of descent. It feels
like my heart is about to pop out. The dizziness makes me nauseous.
For all we know, I could have died of a heart attack during the
roller coaster ride."

"Jimmy...you...you...are such a drama queen.
Look, I understand nobody is perfect. The thing is I feel like you
never want to make a sacrifice for me. I have accepted that you are
shy and quiet with people you don't know. I wake up earlier in the
morning only to drive to your job. I even was okay with you not
dancing the entire night. Truthfully, I want to take back my
complaint about the roller coaster ride. I know you are scared of
heights. Unfortunately, the more time passes by, the more times you
say no. We are a couple. We are supposed to be together all the
time. Now, we don't even go dancing to the club anymore. Today, you
don't want to be with me for New Year's Eve. Every normal couple is
together on New Year's Eve. You shouldn't be so quiet with me. You
live with me for God's sake. Every evening at dinner, I feel like
I'm eating alone. All you do is chew, and don't even say anything
to me. Kisses don't count as communication, Jimmy." I am normally a
quiet eater, something else she will never understand.

I could see Sara was really frustrated with
our relationship status. Her vision of love is so different from
mine. She is the kind of person who believes if you love someone,
you are willing to risk your life for that special someone. In her
mind, I did not love her enough because I had not made any strong
attempt to be an extroverted person. I am still the same shy guy
she had a date with, but worse, because I was more talkative when
our relationship began to be more likeable.

"Sara, I am sorry. I disagree with your
assessment. I do care about you. You have to believe me. Trust me,
things will get better next year." I didn't want to argue with her
over my viewpoint of love during New Year's Eve. Her problem is
that she is too idealistic. If I told her that, it would have made
her even angrier.

It was 5 minutes before the New Year arrived
at my house with. I sat down with my parents. We watched TV in the
living room like we always do every year. There was a time
previously when my parents fell asleep during New Year's arrival.
It happened again. I did not want to wake them up. I sat there
calmly watching TV as New Year's arrived. The celebrations started
being shown on TV in Times Square of couples kissing when the clock
reached 12:00 a.m.

In something I never expected to see, the TV
broadcast showed Sara and Chad kissing each other on the lips in
Times Square for a few seconds. My first thought was relief. I was
glad my parents were asleep. If my parents had seen what I saw,
they would have broken up my relationship with Sara. It would take
a monstrous effort for me to keep the relationship together. I
imagined the nasty things they would have said to Sara. Sara would
have never wanted to see me again. I like having Sara around. I
didn't want to break up with her. I don't care if there would be a
sex tape showing her and Chad having sex. I waited to long for a
woman like Sara in my life. The only way I would let the
relationship end is if she directly told me that she doesn't want
to be my girlfriend anymore.

Part of me felt this kiss is my fault. It is
hard to be a people person. I am uncomfortable when I am in public.
Why should I change my personality if it has been the same since I
was 5 years old? I wish I could turn back time to my childhood, but
the days when video games and TV was the only important thing to me
are over. Going back to that after Sara has been in my life will be
very difficult. It will happen. I don't know when, but it will. I
only survived going out dancing very few times before I made the
decision to stop. That is why she kissed Chad. I didn't conquer my
fears for the feelings I feel for Sara. That is why she kissed
Chad. If she accepted my flaws, we would be a couple forever. That
is a big if. Hoping that Sara will change and accept me as I am is
my fantasy. Her kiss with Chad is a sign of her dissatisfaction
with me personally.

People always told me that being myself is
all I need to do, and that a special someone would come my way.
Unfortunately, that is not the truth. Being myself cost me more
than 20 years of loneliness. No matter how many years pass by; no
girl or woman has accepted this quiet person. This is being myself.
This is who I am. This is why Sara is disappointed in me. The only
reason I am her boyfriend is because I pretended to be somebody
else on our first date. I wondered if my parents were two strangers
and I was not their son, would they have accepted me all these
years. The thought made me shed tears that night, and I felt very
fortunate to have my parents in my life.

Chapter 7

Almost a month and a half passed since the
New Year's Eve disaster; today is Valentine's Day in February. I
hope we have a good Valentine's night. This is the day of love for
commercial business and for everyone who has a special someone. I
always criticize people who believe in love as idealistic. The
belief in love is irrational, but Sara happens to be idealistic. I
have to play along to this fantasy called love. Our relationship
has been down. I am ready to be as charming and as people friendly
as possible. I want to recapture the superficial magic that
enchanted her on our first date. I reserved a date at a nice
restaurant.

I bought her a new purse for Valentine's Day
a few months ago. I didn't know what else to buy her because if I
had gone with clothing, I had to ask her clothing size. That would
have spoiled the surprise for tonight. I purchased her present over
the Internet and waited for it to come in the mail. Since I became
the guy who always picks up the mail, there was no problem in
hiding my present. I added a Valentine's Day card that I personally
made using the word processor. I hope she likes my present and my
Valentine's Day card message.

The least expected person helped me with my
love problems. She is a big reason why I am still with Sara. It is
Sara's mother, Paula. She is in her late forties. She has short
black hair and a straight body type. She looks relatively fit and
young. She has become my biggest advocate. She thinks I am a great
guy who is very rare to find. Her father, Carlos, does not favor or
hate me.

In a similar way my parents talk loud, Sara
and Paula were in the kitchen talking loudly when I watched TV in
the living room a Sunday not long ago. I was placidly watching
soccer. Since I have been living with Sara, I did not have moments
when I could sit down and watch soccer games because she always
likes going out. Even at a high TV volume, I could hear two women
talking in the kitchen. Curiosity led me to lower the volume. I
focused on hearing their conversation clearer.

"Mommy, I am really getting tired of this
relationship. He is not what I expected."

"What do you mean? Does he hurt you my
darling?"

"No, no. Not that kind of problem."

"Oh, well. You know, your father wasn't that
fun in bed to begin with. But..."

"No! Not that! Mommy no. I don't want to hear
that. Let me speak."

"Oh, okay. Sorry, dear."

"He is a little weird. It's like he doesn't
like being around people. He doesn't talk much. He is a very quiet
guy. He doesn't even drink."

"That's it? Those are the big problems. That
boy is so nice and calm. You know how hard it is to find a boy who
doesn't have drinking problems. You have him, and you are
complaining about it."

"Okay. Well, it's not just that. He is too
quiet, and he doesn't share much about himself. Also, he is not
assertive. He behaves like an 80 year old."

"What do you mean, dear? Some guys aren't
very talkative. They are the mysterious and silent type. What do
you mean he is like an 80 year old?"

"He is no fun, mommy. He gets tired quickly.
He doesn't go out dancing with me anymore because of that. Also, he
is scared of riding on roller coasters or on airplanes. He is
scared of heights. He is scared to be on the top floor of the
Statue of Liberty. He is so unadventurous that he prefers to clean
the entire house than to go out with me. He doesn't want to do all
the fun stuff out there. He doesn't want to be part of life."

"Really? That is your problem. I wished your
father cleaned the house. At least, he is not tired enough to clean
the house. You father never does anything around the house. Give
the boy time. Over the years, your ways will rub off on him."

"What are you trying to say, mommy? That my
problems aren't problems."

"Yes. They are problems, but I was thinking
your problems with Jimmy were big and irreconcilable. These are
small problems that all couples have."

"But, mommy."

"Now, sweetheart. Give the boy a little more
time. If things don't change for the better, you can dump him.
That's up to you. You are such a cute couple. It will be sad to see
such a cute couple break up." They kept talking, but I raised the
volume more to watch the soccer game.

Anxiously at her house, I wait for the
workday to end for Sara because I didn't have to tutor today. I
shave my beard fully. I dress myself in a black suit, black jacket,
and a red tie. Looking myself in the mirror dressed like this makes
me feel more confident. I am a normal looking person when I wear
regular clothing, but when I wear the suit, I look very elegant and
manly.

Sara sends me a text message telling me to
get ready for the date. I am already completely dressed. I get her
present in a shopping bag. I patiently wait for Sara to come while
I watch TV.

When Sara arrives in her white convertible, I
immediately get out of the house. I hop in the passenger's seat.
Sara looks more beautiful than ever. She has a ponytail and wears a
beautiful red dress. Her red lips look very delicious. I want to
kiss them. I am fortunate to still be in a relationship after all
that happened. Seven months riding in Sara's car with her is quite
an achievement. I figured my first relationship would be very
short.

Now, we are seated at a table for two at the
restaurant I reserved. It is time to start my charm offensive. I
can't be myself tonight. I have to be better. My mother says that
women fall in love with words. Even though I am a man of few words,
I will say my fair share of words tonight.

"Sara, you look lovely today." I look deeply
in her eyes. The beautiful stare she gives me and her smile makes
me the happiest man in the world. I don't expect Sara to have a
discussion on our relationship status tonight. That kind of
conversation is a romance killer, and tonight is the night of
romance. My lips are craving to be tainted with her lovely red
lipstick.

"Aw. Thanks, Jimmy. You are always so
nice."

"You know, I got a present for you. Why don't
you open it?" I hand her the bag with the red purse in it.

"Oh, you got me a present. You shouldn't
have, but I am glad you did." First, Sara opens the Valentine's Day
card that comes with the present. I don't like buying actual
Valentine's Day cards because the messages in it don't come from me
personally. They are generic. I created a card that has a Happy
Valentine's Day title with an image of a bouquet of red roses. When
she opens the card, she will see the message I wrote to her.

She reads my message out loud, "My Dear Sara.
Good evening, I want to wish you today a very Happy Valentine's
Day. You are the most wonderful thing to ever happen to me. You are
the best girlfriend in the world. Ever since I met you, I felt a
connection to you. After not seeing you for such a long time after
college, my feelings for you never died. They blossomed even more.
There was not a day I did not think of you. When I discovered you
were on the online social network, I had to add you as a friend. I
wanted to ask you out. I didn't know what would happen next, but I
felt that I couldn't go on in life without knowing if you liked me
back. Spending all these months with you has been the highlight of
my life. Because of you, love is not an abstract thing; it is
something tangible and real. I love you with all my heart and soul.
Thank you for making me a part of your life. With a lot of love,
Jimmy." Sara is very touched by what she read, and she gives me a
hug and kiss. She opens the present to see the red purse I bought
her.