Life in Fusion (40 page)

until you’ve tasted it before panning it.”

300 Ethan Day

“What fun would that be?”

I shot Gabe a nasty look, hearing him mumbling something

from the living room. I didn’t need to hear the exact words to

surmise it was negative and directed toward me.

“If I’m able to get you to eat something decent even half

the time…” Wade licked his finger to suck off the sauce. “…It’ll

give me a few extra years with you before you drop dead from a

coronary at a young age.”

“At least I’ll still look good when I kick the bucket.”

“That’s not funny,” Wade scolded, which made me laugh.

“You’re completely rotten on the inside.”

“Swoon.” I fanned my face. “Keep talking like that and I’ll be

bent over the island with my pants around my ankles in no time.”

Wade’s eyebrows arched and I could tell he was already lining

up more snarky criticisms.

“You two can stop right there,” Gabe warned. “Any ass play

will be confined to the upstairs while I’m staying here, thank you

very much.”

“Here that baby?” I shot Wade my best come hither and fuck

me senseless look. “It’s forbidden.”

Wade was now laughing at Gabe who was making overly

dramatic yuck noises from the other room. Gabe then morphed

into faux spitting and gagging sounds.

“All that gagging…reminds me of the first time I tried sucking

cock.” I glanced up at the ceiling wistfully. “Good times.”

I felt my smile fading as a wad of newspaper beaned me

upside the head, before ricocheting off into the dining room.

Gabe was laughing so hard he was holding his belly, like some

scrawny ass Santa wannabe. I grabbed the trash bag I’d been

placing the newspaper in as I emptied out boxes. I immediately

began firing the wadded up balls into the living room as I ran

toward Gabe, who dived behind one of the leather club chairs

for cover.

I hunkered down below the arm of the sofa, wiping my brow

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301

dramatically as though withering under the heat of the battle.

“You’ll never take me alive, Gilmore Girl!” Gabe yelled.

“Now you’ve gone too far!” I yelled back, saying it in slow-

mo. I sprung up and into action, firing more paper his direction.

“Take that you Trek-Shrek!”

Gabe rolled across the floor, taking direct fire before hopping

up, snatching a box of his own wads, which he then began tossing

back at me. “Eat lead you mouthy bitch!”

I heard Wade laughing over that one, and was dutifully

impressed by Gabe’s mix of testosterone fueled action dialogue,

which had been artfully blended with anything from
Pricilla Queen

of the Desert
. I dove across the fireplace, dodging wads before

landing on the floor with a thud.

“Son of a…” I trailed off, gasping for air as my side began to

burn.
That’s gonna leave a mark
.

I began laughing, hearing Gabe say, “Kewl!” I noticed the

puff of black ash coming out of the fireplace, looking like smoke

from a tiny explosion as the newspaper wad that missed me

landed in there.

“Watch it,” Wade yelled. “You’re both making a mess.”

I scrambled across the floor, getting pelted twice. Once I was

safely tucked behind a chair I took note that I was low on ammo.

“Come out from behind that chair, pardner,” Gabe said, using

the single worst John Wayne impersonation I’d ever heard.

“Bite me, bitty bitch!” I screamed, jumping up and going for

broke as I chucked one wad after another at Gabe, who retreated

past the front of the island where Wade was still fussing with the

stupid fish.

“Hey!” Wade yelled, reaching down and pulling a newspaper

ball out of the bowl of marinade that had incidentally splattered

up and all over his shirt.

Gabe ran over next to me, obviously feeling we were now in

deep shit.

302 Ethan Day

“Well I certainly hope you two will settle down, now,” Wade

growled, pulling off his shirt. “It’s not like we don’t have enough

stuff to do.”

“Sorry General Poop-meister,” I said, with a salute, garnering

a smirk from Wade, who was carefully blotting his shirt with a

damp cloth.

“Your dude has no sense of humor,” Gabe said.

“Very true…but just look at him dab?” I pointed, like a proud

parent.

“That is one mean dab he’s got going on,” Gabe agreed.

Wade started to grin, though I could tell he was fighting it.

“You do realize how difficult it is to dab while maintaining

any semblance of masculinity?” I folded my arms after Gabe

tossed one of his over my shoulder.

“That’s true.” Gabe was quite serious. “His butchness alone

is gold medal worthy.”

“You can both shut it right now, you shit heads,” Wade said,

laughing.

“We’re sorry mean daddy,” I said in my girlie voice.

“Yeah, we’re sorry,” Gabe added, mocking the way I did it.

We were cracking each other up as the doorbell rang.

“Who the hell is that?” Wade grumbled from the kitchen.

“Hopefully someone willing to help us unpack,” Gabe said

under his breath.

“Oh my goodness…my very first guest since becoming First-

Homo of Summit City,” I gushed, shrugging Gabe’s arm off me

before smoothing out my shirt and readying myself for company.

I cleared my throat and smiled, wishing I had hair. I turned

after the bell rang a second time, looking at Gabe. “Go on…get

the door, Jeeves.”

Gabe scowled, smacking me hard with the back of his hand

as he went to the door and yanked it open.

There stood Chip, holding two large brown paper sacks,

wearing a long sleeve t-shirt, tight jeans and a smile. Gabe sort of

fumbled with the door for a moment, like he’d just had a mini-

seizure, and Wade was already grumbling something negative

from the kitchen.

“Uh, hi,” Chip said to Gabe, who just stood there like a stupid

boy-lump.

“Look honey!” I started to jump around excitedly while

clapping as if I’d just been given a pony. “Someone left a

bartender on our doorstep!”

Gabe was staring at me like I was nuts and Chip was laughing.

“
Way
handier than a silly ole orphan.”

Chip lifted the two bags into the air. “And I brought dinner

from Pete’s—”

I cringed, hearing Wade slam a few pans around in the kitchen.

I turned slowly, trying my best to hold back a grin. Wade was

already muttering to himself as he melodramatically retrieved the

Saran wrap from a drawer in the island so he could wrap up the

fish.

“Guess you didn’t need dinner after all?” Chip said, stepping

inside while eyeing Wade cautiously.

“Nonsense.” I took one of the bags from him. “Close the

door, Jeeves—before you let the bears inside.”

I turned hearing Chip saying, “Jeeves?”

“Don’t ask,” Gabe answered back. “It’s his fantasy world and

we’re all just living in it.”

“Got it,” Chip said.

“So rude,” I commented, not looking back at them. “Talking

behind my back. Then again, the view is pretty great back there.”

304 Ethan Day

Wade was sliding the tray of marinated fish back into the

refrigerator when I slung the bag up onto the counter.

“You wanna grab some beers while you’re in there, babe?”

“It would be my pleasure.” Wade reached in, clinking bottles

around as he pulled out four.

I noticed Gabe smiling at Chip, who was grinning like a little

kid himself. Wade appeared next to my side, setting the contents

of his hands onto the counter. It was as if someone flipped a

switch, Gabe seemed to suddenly light up from the inside,

obviously smitten.

I allowed my mind to briefly wander, contemplating the

possibility before attempting to reel myself back in. Of course,

it was now too late. The theoretical cat in my head had been let

out of the bag and I knew I’d never get kitty back in. It took

everything I had, but for once in my life I curbed my instinct to

add any of my snarky commentary. I figured that would be best,

if they were to have any chance at all.

“You always cook half naked?” Chip finally asked, taking a

beer from Wade while eyeing my man’s naked torso. It was written

all over his face that he thought Wade was merely attempting to

show off.

“Of course,” I said, as if Chip were insane for asking such

a stupid question. I reached over, patting Wade on the ass. “He

might be hot shit down in the valley, but up here…he’s just

daddy’s eye candy.”

“You are in rare form,” Wade said, still acting all surly as

he glanced from me to Chip. “And thank you for stopping by

with the food, Chip. Done out of the kindness of your heart,

no doubt—no ulterior motives anywhere in sight.” Wade’s gaze

drifted over from Chip to Gabe, whose face went beet red.

Zip it dude! Before you jinx things and break up the band!

“You know, I’ve been meaning to ask all this time, but

somehow managed to keep forgetting—probably due to the fact

it didn’t actually have anything to do with me.” I placed my hand

onto my chest. “But exactly why is it the two of you hate each

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305

other?”

The room went quiet as Wade and Chip sort of stood there

looking at one another. Chip opened his mouth like he was about

to say something, then stopped, glancing down at the countertop.

Wade cleared his throat, folding and unfolding his arms before

staring into the living room and taking a drink from his beer.

Un-fucking-real.

“I mean ‘cause honestly, I get the whole turf war bit,” I said,

placing my hand on Wade’s arm. “I could see how Chip’s life would

be something you might occasionally envy, no responsibilities

beyond his bar business—being free to come and go, while you

can’t really ever leave here.” I turned to Chip. “And of course

you’re vain like me, so the fact Wade gets all the attention, having

the entire town bending over backwards for him.” I shrugged.

“And he’s a goody-goody who does it gracefully, never actually

taking advantage. You’d definitely hate that about him.”

I turned to Gabe, who now seemed to be waiting for

something more from the two of them as well.

“There is more right?” Gabe finally asked.

“Well there’d have to be,” I said to Gabe. “Those other

reasons, while valid…”

Wade and Chip still remained silent, and I could tell they were

each frantically riffling through their memories, trying to find

that one incident or insult.

“Couldn’t possibly be enough…” Gabe added.

Still searching like mad for that one straw that broke the

camel’s back.

I couldn’t believe there wasn’t anything more to it than that.

No great mystery or long standing family feud? “Because that

would make both of you kinda…”

Their eyes were now darting around the room, avoiding one

another like two starlets on the red carpet who’d worn the same

dress.

“Petty.” Gabe said, and he and I nodded back and forth in

306 Ethan Day

total agreement.

“Well,” Wade finally said, peering into one of the bags. “I’m

starving.”

“I could eat,” Chip said, setting down his beer for a moment

so he could help Wade pull out the to-go containers filled with

steaks and potatoes.

I shook my head at them both. “That is so wrong.”

“I can’t believe there aren’t more people up here helping you

guys unpack,” Chip said to Wade, acting like they were now BFFs.

Wade nodded, rolling his eyes as he thumbed over in my

direction. “Somebody forgot to mark which boxes he’d packed

the porn and dildos in.”

Chip choked on his beer. Gabe patted and rubbed Chip’s

back while we all laughed at his misfortune.

“It would have been too much of a shocker for some innocent

townie!” I said, defending myself. “Plus, I think it’s all strewn out,

packed in three or four different boxes.”

“I don’t know why you kept most of that stuff,” Wade said,

getting all cranky again. “You have me now.”

“Who says I kept them to use on me?” I said, smiling

innocently at Wade, who was shaking his head at me. “A vibrating

butt plug for you, while you’re fucking the hell outta me…leave

no hole unfilled, I always say.”

Wade blushed everywhere, his entire upper body went bright

pink.

“Plus they were all in perfectly good condition, so I couldn’t

bring myself to throw them away. And used dildos really aren’t

the kind of thing you see all that often in garage sales. Not the

type of item one wants to purchase second hand, so to speak.”

Gabe was laughing out of embarrassment, no doubt due to

all the sex talk. And Chip was near hysterics.

“We should go find you a shirt, sweetie.”

I took Wade by the arm and dragged him up the stairs to

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