Lifesong (2 page)

Damn right, it isn’t.
It’s not working because I’m not taking it.
I bit my lip and shook my head. As soon as the staff had stopped supervising me, I’d weaned myself off the mindless drugs—they’d been strong enough to put me out, but too weak to do much else.

“I will have them up the dose, then,” the woman said, rummaging in her pocket for a pad of paper so she could write it down. “Perhaps we need to do a few more tests,” she mused, stepping into the hall to retrieve a tray of foodstuffs. After depositing my first meal of the day onto the table beside my bed, she paused in the doorway. “Will you be needing anything else?”

“I could use a new notebook. My last one’s full,” I replied.

“But we just gave you one last week.”

I waved a hand around the room. “What else do you expect me to do in here?”

“You really should go to the activity room more often. They miss you down there.”

My eyes narrowed. “And waste my thoughts when I could be writing them down? No, thanks.”

The woman shrugged. “I have you scheduled for a shower later this afternoon. I should have a new notebook for you by then.”

“I smell that bad, huh?”

The woman smiled, her eyes wrinkling at the corners. “You look even worse,” she teased, excusing herself from the room.

I pressed my back against the door until it clicked, taking a few short breaths before sliding my bedside table away from the wall. It was somewhere they never looked, not even during inspection. I stashed the pills in the small hole in the wall before replacing the table.

The food was as unappetising as ever—an overcooked egg, a piece of toast that had been slathered with so much butter it was probably cold, a few strips of bacon and a children’s juice box. I ignored it all, including my stomach, which protested when I moved to the other side of the room.

I was about to look through one of my notebooks when another knock came. I opened my notebook, eyes scanning over the memories I’d recorded there. They never changed—they were always about my wolf and the promise he’d made to me so long ago.

The lock on the door clicked, followed by a
whoosh
of cool air from the hallway.

“Gather your things,” a younger woman ordered, her voice sounding more miserable than the first. “Someone’s come for you.”

I turned on my heels, expecting the woman’s face to show some form of amusement, as if this were some practical joke. It wasn’t. The woman didn’t move—her lips as motionless as the rest of her. Something squeezed around my heart.
Who’d ever come for me?
I knew it wouldn’t be my parents. They’d stopped visiting over a year ago, and it had been almost as long since their last call.
It can’t be them.
Even if it was, if they’d had some change of heart, I wouldn’t go with them.

“My parents?” I asked, turning back to my collection of notebooks before picking them up off the floor, one by one.

“I don’t think so. He’s waiting at the front desk with your papers and everything.”

He?
But I didn’t know anyone else. It had to be Tucker. I shook my head. It wasn’t possible.
He’s a wolf, remember?
He was a dream, nothing more.

Feeling a little more self-conscious than before, I combed my fingers through my tangled hair, the blonde curls resting against the middle of my back as I chased the nurse into the hall. My mind wandered as we walked single file to the reception desk. As we did, I considered the idea of my parents coming to get me, to release me into the world.
What’s left of it, at least.
I pushed the possibility to the side, however, when we rounded the corner.
That voice.
And when he turned to look at me, I just about fell over. It wasn’t possible.

The figure of a man Tucker had shown me from his memories was the same one that was now standing in front of the desk.
It's him.
It was Tucker. It had to be.

I sucked in a breath. Heat rushed to my cheeks, and I averted my eyes.
Don’t freak out. Don’t freak out. Don’t. Freak—

“Hello, Emma,” came an all-too-familiar voice, once I was within hearing distance. Wearing a thin leather jacket and a torn pair of jeans, Tucker looked just as comfortable in his human skin as he had as a wolf.

This is a dream.
It had to be. Humans didn’t turn into wolves, and it certainly didn’t happen the other way around.

“And how do you know this young woman?” the gentleman behind the reception desk asked.

“Half-sister,” Tucker said, pushing a hand through his short brown hair.

“You parents never spoke of…”

“Dad doesn’t know,” Tucker added, cutting the man off. “I have our papers.” Peering down at me, he retrieved a set of documents from inside his jacket pocket. At over six feet tall, he towered above my five-foot-four frame.
Trust me.
He mouthed the words so only I could see them.

Nerves seized my heart, and I moistened my lips. He was there, right beside me, and it took every bit of strength I had not to geek out on him. I reminded myself to breathe, hugging an arm around Tucker’s when he offered it to me. He flashed me a smile, and that recognition alone sent a shiver down my spine.

“She’ll need to get dressed first,” the man behind the desk said, raising his eyebrows in my direction.

“We’re only going to the car,” Tucker explained. “She’ll sleep most of the way home anyway. She was always good at dozing off in the backseat. Isn’t that right, Em?”

Heat brushed my cheeks, and after a long moment, I somehow managed to murmur an acceptable reply.
He’s taken this long to find you. Shouldn’t you at least look somewhat decent?
He’d already seen me in a gown though—twice actually—and I refused to head back down that hall, even if it was just to get changed.

While I did my best not to fall face first onto the floor, Tucker started to collect my things, filing my notebooks into a tan duffle bag. My knees wobbled, threatening to buckle under my weight, and I used Tucker for support.

His eyes fell on me, and I just about lost it.

“Go on outside. I’ll just be a minute.” He leaned in to kiss me on the cheek. “The car’s waiting out front.”

Heat radiated from his kiss, warming my skin long after his lips were gone. I wanted to ask him what car. What did it look like? Instead, I locked my jaw and did my best to hide the shaking of my hands as I wrapped them around his waist. Tucker glanced at me, his eyes a mix of emotions I couldn’t read.

“Go on,” he said, untangling my arms from around his middle before swatting at my ass.

I smiled, and when he smiled back at me, I smiled even more. Giddy from the sudden contact, I swallowed around my excitement, doing my best to look as serious as he did. It wasn’t as easy as he made it seem. Not only was I getting out of the building full of white walls and sleepless nights, I was going with
him
—the very person my parents had said wasn’t real.
And I almost believed them.
I growled under my breath, heading for the front doors when Tucker gave me a warning glance.

A soft breeze kissed my cheeks when I opened the doors. The grey clouds from before were slowly melting away, small patches of blue filling the gaps.

I almost looked down at my feet to see if the green cracks still stretched across the ground when a hand fell onto my shoulder.

“Eyes forward,” Tucker said, his voice firm. “Where we’re going, there is no broken Earth.” He stopped and turned me around so I was facing him. His once-silver eyes mimicked the grey just before an oncoming storm—silent and calm. “Do you remember what I said to you so many years ago?”

“To come to you when I was ready,” I said, staring at my hands.

“And if you got lost, I’d come and find you instead. Are you ready to join me?”

I glanced back over my shoulder at the prison I’d spent the last six years of my life in. “Do I really have a choice?”

“You do, though I’d hope my offer is a little more appetising than where you just were.”

My nightgown suddenly felt too small, too thin. “I’m a mess,” I warned, nodding to his duffle bag.

“I’m sure that isn’t true. Come, there will be a fresh change of clothes and a hot shower waiting for you at home.” He guided me to a yellow pickup.

“And where is home?” I asked when he opened the passenger door for me.

“A world away from here.”

I frowned at him when he slid into his side of the car, turning the keys in the ignition. The ward wasn’t that far from home, was it?

As if Tucker could read my thoughts, he continued, “What I showed you was only a glimpse of what it truly is. I had to give you a reason to remember me, to remember what I told you—for me to imprint on you, and for you to do the same to me. Sort of like a long-distance relationship, but without all the mystery.”

“Imprinting?”

Tucker set his hands on the wheel and let out a sigh. “It’s complicated, but I promise to explain everything once we get home.”

I settled back in my seat to look out of the window. I tried not to think of how close he was or how badly I wanted to kiss him like I’d done so many times before in my dreams. And I clamped my legs together, squirming in my seat as my clit throbbed for his attention.

I don’t know how long I’d been staring at him before Tucker met my gaze. He tossed me a knowing smile, which made matters even worse. I bit at my bottom lip, pressing my hands into my lap as if I could hide the obvious.

And as we pulled out of the parking lot, I closed my eyes. Counting his breaths, I breathed in, tasting the faint remnants of pine and wolf on my tongue. We were going home.

Chapter Two

Tucker

When Emma shifted in her seat, a heady aroma filled the space between us. I caught her looking at me from the corner of my eye when she thought I wasn’t watching and each time she did, her cheeks darkened with colour.

I turned onto the interstate, merging into traffic as she let out a shaky breath. We were both obsessed with not touching, not staring, and too preoccupied with our thoughts to form words. Nerves clawed at my stomach, and I gripped the steering wheel.

It had been years since I’d been with a woman. Even longer since I’d shared my bed with one. And as I held on for dear life, Emma’s scent, her body language and periodic sighs grabbed at my legs. I felt like I was going to fall, and there was nothing left for me to hold on to.

She tucked a strand of blonde hair behind her ear and rolled her eyes at the slight distraction. In that brief moment, I held her gaze, her vibrant blue eyes staring back at me. She smiled, and I just about lost my mind. I’d found her. After years of waiting for the right moment, I’d found her, and she was coming home with me. I bit at the inside of my cheek, chewing on the words I hadn’t said, things I had to tell her.

I’d rehearsed our meeting a thousand times before, but it didn’t make it any easier when I could read her scent—excited, anxious and sexually frustrated. The last one made me uneasy, my jeans uncomfortably tight. I drummed my fingers against the steering wheel.

Emma’s eyes were on me in a second, her gaze falling to my hands, then my lap. I could’ve imprinted on anyone, but I’d chosen her. While the rest of the pack had wasted their time trying to find their perfect matches, I’d picked Emma, and now I was the only guardian with a human to bond with.

She isn’t a child anymore.
It was reason enough to be careful. If she’d been locked in that psych ward for as long as I thought, it was unlikely she’d had any kind of relationship—sexual or not.

With my wolf senses still intact, I listened to her heartbeat—erratic, though she did everything she could to appear calm. I commended her for that. Even back at the ward, when we were standing at the front desk, she’d impressed me with her calm demeanour. Granted, I had sensed her anxiety before we’d reached the car, but she’d hidden it exceptionally well—enough to fool anyone one who wasn’t part wolf.

Avoiding the questions I knew she must be tasting on the tip of her tongue, I took what back roads I could to reach the pack’s house. Hours passed, and as the landscaped changed from blacks and greys to whites and greens, Emma’s body stiffened. She pressed her hands against her window and glanced over her shoulder at me, her eyes filled with wonder, as if we’d entered an entirely different world.

“It’s real,” I said. “If that’s what you were wondering.”

“But this isn’t the same place you brought me to before, is it?”

I shook my head. Her small forest back home couldn’t compare to the mountains of Maine. I turned on the heat when I saw a shiver creep down her spine. “No.” I reached over to place a hand on her shoulder. “You weren’t ready back then. The forest—
our
forest—wouldn’t have let you in.”

Emma settled back in her seat, her hands clasped in her lap. Her eyes darted from one side to the other as she took it all in. It had been so long since I’d joined the pack, it was hard for me to remember how it had felt my first time.

She isn’t ready.
I hadn’t been, either, when the guardians had come to me. What we did now had nothing to do with being ready, and everything to do with what was right. The world was dying, and it needed me to sing to it. Just like my guardian had, and all the guardians who’d come before her.

Turning down a long dirt road, I slowed the truck, pointing to the other guardian wolves when they came out of hiding. Emma’s eyes went wide at some of them, but as soon as she caught sight of one, it was gone, disappearing into the surrounding forests.

“Are they yours?” Emma asked, without looking away from her window.

“They don’t belong to me, if that’s what you mean.”

“But are they your…are they like you?”

“Will they shift?”

Emma nodded.

“I don’t think so. Guardians cannot shift without a human companion, and even then, they’d have to imprint on one first.” My mouth was dry. I swallowed around the lump in my throat. It had been a long time since the pack had shifted together, and that had been well before I’d become a guardian. I hadn’t seen them shift since. “Once we get inside, I can answer any questions you want. But you must promise me one thing—don’t leave the house without me. While the others understand our…link, some may try to take you as their own.”