Lily's List (15 page)

“I want more from you, Lily. I want more than
you can probably even imagine.” He stood, looming over the bed. “I
want the right to claim you in public. I want to sleep alongside
you every night. I want the world to know that you belong to me.”
He paused and Lily stared up at him, rendered momentarily
speechless by his declaration.

“I know you’re probably still not ready for a
relationship and that I shouldn’t be demanding things from you, but
I don’t care. I’ve waited long enough. I’ve wanted you long
enough.” His appearance was fierce in the flickering candlelight,
highlighting his square jaw and the determination etched on his
face.

“The past two weeks have been the best and
the worst of my life. Being with you has been incredible, but not
being acknowledged by you in public and not being able to claim you
as mine has been hell.” He raked his fingers through his hair. “I
can’t live like this, Lily. It’s wrong and it’s killing me.”

She reached out to him, wanting to ease his
pain, but he backed away from her until he was standing in the
doorway. His voice was low and filled with pain. “This relationship
has been wrong from the start. I should never have pushed you to
let me help you with your research or the list. That’s not what I
want.”

“What do you want?” Her mind was spinning
with what he was saying.

“What do I want?” He wrapped his hand around
the doorjamb and from the bed she could see that his knuckles were
white. “I want what I probably can’t have. I want a relationship
with you based on love and mutual respect, one that we acknowledge
in public. I want to go on normal dates and spend holidays
together. I want you to walk beside me for the rest of my life. I
want you to marry me, Lily.”

Lily was stunned speechless. Marriage had
never even crossed her mind.

He stared at her, his expression getting more
closed by the second. “Say something.”

She opened her mouth and closed it again, too
much in shock to say anything. He wanted to spend the rest of his
life with her. Her brain was scrambled as his words started to sink
in.

“That’s what I thought.” He gave her a sad
smile. “It’s up to you now. You know where to find me.” He left
quickly, his boots pounding heavily on the stairs.

Lily shook herself. Had he just proposed to
her? Scrambling out of bed, she hurried after him. “Carson!” She
scooped up her robe, dragging it on as she hurried after him. The
back door slammed and she quickened her pace. She reached the
kitchen door and flung it open, but it was too late. He was
gone.

As she stared out into the darkness, her
temper flared. “How dare he say something like that and just walk
away?” She slammed the door but it didn’t make her feel any better.
What the heck had just happened?

Slumping down into a chair at the table, she
belted her robe. Her mind was still reeling with the fact that he’d
wanted her for several years. The things he’d said to her had made
her heart ache. She’d never had a man want her so much or be
willing to lay his soul bare in front of her.

Could she do any less?

It was up to her what happened next. He’d
said so, and she knew if she didn’t approach him they’d revert back
to the relationship they’d had before, seeing each other
occasionally as nothing more than pleasant acquaintances.

That would probably be the smart thing to do,
the sensible thing. But Lily no longer felt sensible. She’d had a
taste of something more and she liked it. She’d lived the better
part of her life without taking risks in her personal life. She’d
justified her caution because she’d had a bad divorce and a child
to rear.

Well, her divorce was years in the past and
she was a grown woman, not a girl any longer. And as for her child,
Ethan was a man now with a life of his own. If she didn’t reach out
for what she wanted she would regret it for the rest of her
life.

She and Carson would have problems, but every
couple had them. Take tonight, for example. He’d taken her
completely off guard with his confession of wanting her for years
and his talk of marriage and hadn’t given her time to have her say.
He’d walked away before she could marshal her thoughts. That would
have to change.

Keeping herself aloof all these years hadn’t
stopped her from having her fair share of problems. They’d just
been different ones is all.

It was time to reach out and grab what she
wanted and live with the consequences. No one was ever guaranteed a
happily-ever-after, but if she didn’t try, she certainly wouldn’t
have one. She realized that being with Carson the past two weeks
had changed her irreparably. Two weeks ago she would have hesitated
and probably talked herself out of going for it. Now she could no
longer bury her head in the sand and pretend she was happy with her
life the way it was. Not when she had a chance at having so much
more.

Determination fired her thoughts and her
stomach chose that moment to growl. She was suddenly starving.
Rising from the table, she strode to the refrigerator. Opening the
door, she stared inside.

A familiar white-and-red can stared back at
her.

Lily smiled.

• • •

Carson wanted to be swinging a pick, breaking
up rock and sweating out his anger and frustration. Instead, he was
standing outside Mike Sloan’s latest project, the downtown
condominium, with landscaping quotes in his hand. Sometimes it
sucked to be the boss.

What had possessed him to give Lily an
ultimatum last night? He’d clearly lost his mind. He should have
kept things low-key and coaxed her into a relationship over the
next few months. That’s what he would have done if he were smart.
But he couldn’t go on any longer with things the way they were. It
felt like a lie to be sneaking around so other people wouldn’t see
them. There was nothing wrong with them being together. He
certainly wasn’t ashamed to be seen with her. Unfortunately, he
wasn’t sure she felt the same.

And wasn’t that a blow to his ego.

“Everything okay?”

He hadn’t heard anyone coming up behind him
and turned to face Mike. “Yeah. I’m fine.” He handed the sheaf of
papers to his friend. “This is the quote for the job. I’ve broken
it down into the outside landscaping, the indoor plants, the
rooftop garden and the project as a whole, including costs and
timelines. If you have any questions about any of it, just give me
a call and we can discuss it.”

Mike took the papers, scanning them briefly
before tucking them under his arm. “I’m sure they’re fine. You know
what I want. I’ll go over them and get back to you in a couple of
days.”

Carson nodded and squinted into the afternoon
sun, wishing he hadn’t left his sunglasses in the truck. The leaves
were changing color and the air was cool, but the sun was still
bright in the sky. It was a beautiful day and he couldn’t bring
himself to care. What was Lily doing now? Was she thinking about
him or had she already relegated their relationship to the back of
her mind?

A heavy hand descended onto his shoulder.
“You sure you’re okay, buddy? You haven’t been yourself for a
couple of weeks now.”

He appreciated Mike’s concern, but he just
wasn’t ready to talk about things, and he couldn’t even if he was.
He had promised to protect Lily’s privacy and he wouldn’t go back
on his word. “I’m sure. Just some stuff going on that I have to
work through.”

Mike nodded and dropped his hand back to his
side. “Good enough. If you want to grab a beer sometime and talk
. . .” He let his offer hang.

“Thanks, man. I appreciate it.” Not that he
had any intention of taking him up on it, but it was good to be
asked.

A delivery truck rolled up the road, stopping
at the curb. The driver got out and went around the side of the van
and pulled the door open. Reaching in, he lifted out what looked
like some kind of elaborate floral arrangement. The man glanced at
the apartment building, which was obviously in the throes of major
construction, and back at the sheet on his clipboard.

Mike ambled over to the man. “Can I help
you?”

Curious, Carson was close behind him.

“Yeah, I’m looking for Carson Granger. I was
told I might find him here.”

Carson’s eyes narrowed as he moved toward the
man. “I’m Granger.”

The man looked relieved. “Great. Just sign
here.” He thrust the clipboard toward him and Carson signed. The
man tucked his paperwork away and handed Carson the large floral
arrangement. “There you go, buddy. Enjoy.”

The driver got back into the van, pulling
away quickly. Mike studied the arrangement. “The last time one of
the guys got a floral arrangement at the work site it ended in
marriage.”

“Who was it?” Carson asked absently as he
carried it over to the cab of his truck and laid it carefully on
the metal bed.

“Tucker. He and Emma had some kind of falling
out so she sent him flowers.”

Carson knew that this had to be from Lily.
There was no one else who would send him such a thing. Carefully,
he tugged away the paper wrapped protectively around the
arrangement. A huge spray of flowers came into view, their delicate
perfume wafting around him. They reminded him of her—beautiful,
slightly exotic, yet amazingly resilient.

“Those are lilies, aren’t they?” Mike hovered
next to him, craning his neck for a better view.

“Yeah, they are.” Carson pulled the remaining
paper away and was rendered speechless.

Mike whistled under his breath. “Whoever she
is, you’re one lucky man.”

Carson stared at the lacy red thong, silky
black mask, the rhinestone-studded cuffs and the single rosebud
that all lay in a satin-lined box at the base of the lilies. There
was a card, so he plucked it up and opened it. A part of him was
hopeful. The other part was afraid that this was a good-bye.

I send you my namesake and these tokens
because you already have my heart.

He stared at the card, tracing the words with
his finger.

“What’s this?” Mike rooted around the base of
the lilies and pulled out a can of some sort. He held it up and
Carson began to laugh.

“That, my friend, is none of your business.”
He plucked the can of whipped cream out of Mike’s hand and tucked
it safely with the other items.

Mike laughed good-naturedly. “I guess this
means we won’t be going out for a beer?”

Carson picked up the flowers and gifts and
carried them around to the driver’s side of his truck. He juggled
them as he tugged the door open and then laid them carefully
inside. “You guess right. I’m going to be busy tonight.” He climbed
into his truck and pulled the door closed.

“Good luck. Not that I think you’ll need it.”
Mike stood next to the open window.

“Thanks.” Carson closed his eyes for a
minute, almost overcome with emotion.

“Go and get your lady.” His friend’s voice
was low and filled with understanding. Carson knew that Mike and
Annabelle’s relationship had been rocky in the beginning. If anyone
would understand what he was going through, it was Mike.

He opened his eyes and turned the key in the
ignition. “I plan to.” Mike gave him a quick salute and then Carson
was driving away. He had one quick stop to make and then it was
time to claim Lily.

• • •

Lily paced back and forth in her kitchen. Had
he gotten her gift yet? Did he understand the significance?
Sighing, she glanced at the clock. One minute later than the last
time she’d checked. Maybe sending the can of whipped cream and all
the other tokens hadn’t been such a great idea. Maybe she should
have just gone and talked to him in person. It had seemed so
romantic that she hadn’t thought it through. She’d just done it. A
romantic impulse.

Now she was left wondering and waiting.
Surely he’d understand that by sending him all those things at his
job site she was expressing her willingness to go public with their
relationship. God, she hoped she hadn’t made a complete fool of
herself.

So what if she had? She had made up her mind,
hadn’t she? She was going to grab her chance for happiness and see
where the chips fell. Even if she had made an idiot of herself
she’d survive. Maybe with a bruised heart and a blow to her
self-esteem, but she’d survive.

A heavy knock came on her back door and she
hurried over to open it. She prayed it was Cason, but didn’t let
herself truly believe it was him until she opened the door.

Carson stood on her back step looking as big
and blond and handsome as always. The satin-lined box he carried in
his hands was very familiar. Butterflies fluttered in her
stomach.

“I got your flowers.” She couldn’t tell from
his expression if he was pleased or pissed off by her gesture.

“That’s good.” She’d had everything she
wanted to say planned out in her head, but now that he was here she
couldn’t remember any of it. She wished she’d taken the time to
change her clothing. She’d been too nervous to do anything but pace
and worry. Her slacks and sweater, which were fine for work, now
seemed too ordinary, too plain. Well, it was too late now. She was
stuck with it. Realizing that she’d left him standing on her porch,
she pulled the door wide and stepped back. “Come in.”

He strode into the room, confident and bold,
and carried the box over to the table. He was wearing his work
clothes, so he must have come straight from whatever job site he
was on. She’d given the delivery driver several possibilities, but
she’d had no idea if the man would manage to track Carson down or
not. Obviously, he had.

His back was to her, so she studied him. His
hair was loose and brushed the tops of his broad shoulders. His
back narrowed to his waist and his legs were long and sturdy.
Physically, he appealed to her like no other man ever had.