literal leigh 05 - joyful leigh (8 page)

“Okay then. Well, this whole story is pretty vague. I wouldn’t even know where to start. Plus, it’s a bit unbelievable. In every single story, pure evil is
always
vanquished by love. How about we send this chump a few young adult fantasy books? They always end up the same. He’ll realize that there is no way to destroy the inherent optimism of the human race and give up on the whole idea.”

“Sybil will be visiting you in a fortnight and she will help you discover where the source of his evil power is hidden. Until then, if this castle is rockin’ don’t come knockin’. Sybil and I have some things to work out, if you know what I mean.”

“Okay, sure. Thanks for the strange dream and the awkward sexual references about my cat. Goodbye now. Or should I just say sweet dreams?” Sybil and Cosmos were already caught in a lip lock. “Sybil? Could you come here for a sec? There’s something I want to tell you.” Sybil pried Cosmos’ hands from her ass and came close to me. “Try to get Cosmos to clean himself up a bit,” I whispered.

“Oh, I don’t pay much attention. He’s always had a bit of a dirty mind.”

“No, I mean his appearance. The quaint old wizard look is a bit of an overworked stereotype. To be honest, he’s walking a fine line between the wise old man look and the look of the creepy old wino in a filthy overcoat. I just don’t want the men in my dreams to be too slouchy.” Normally, I wouldn’t say a thing to anyone about how grungy they wanted to look, but I figured it’s
my
damn dream. I should get
some
say in it. A little attention to personal hygiene for the people in my head would be appreciated.

“Oh, I plan to clean him up. See you in a fortnight, Leigh.”

I turned and walked out of the room. I expected that I would be suddenly lying in bed next to Hunter. Surprisingly, I was back in the hallway outside of the bedroom carrying Luna. “Oh, I get it. Sleepwalking. That’s exactly what I was doing, sleepwalking and dreaming. Probably why I feel like I haven’t slept a wink yet.”

“Meow. Meow.”

“No. It was just a dream, a very realistic and very weird dream. By the way, how long is a fortnight? I can never remember that.” I set Luna on Hunter’s fuzzy cat chest and I curled up next to him. I yawned and closed my eyes. “I guess I’ll know for sure if Sybil shows up in a fortnight.”

Chapter Ten

Catcake Breakfast

“Hunter? Hunter?” The sun was shining on Hunter’s lonely pillow. Saturday morning noises, the sounds of laughter and of breakfast being made, rose up the stairs. I literally rolled out of bed and went to greet the day. A few steps into the hallway, I stopped and reached my hands out in front of me like I was searching my way through a dark room. Even though I believed the portal to the alchemy lab was nothing more than a dream, I was compelled to be cautious. “The way things have been going, you just never know,” I mumbled out loud. “Hmm, okay, nothing.”

“What do you call this game?” I asked when I arrived in the kitchen. Now I have to say, for someone like me who can’t even boil an egg without looking up instructions on the internet, I ended up with a pretty sweet kitchen. It was a huge room to begin with. Once Carmine’s crew came in, they gutted it and installed the most beautifully finished antique cherry cabinets, granite counter tops, and stainless steel appliances. There was one little thing that left me with a small moral dilemma. I had read something in the newspaper about an unsolved investigation into large shipments of building supplies that had somehow gone missing. I didn’t exactly keep it a secret from Hunter. I simply chose to forget to tell him about it. The way I looked at it, we paid for it. My conscience remains clear—mostly.

“Serving breakfast!” Hunter answered, while pancakes flipped off the spatula in his fuzzy orange hands—er paws. It struck me as very odd to see a giant, round, orange cat fling pancakes across the kitchen. It was almost mesmerizing to watch him deftly deliver them onto the plates being held out by our overnight guests—and four kids. Each cake accurately landed amid a round of applause.

“Come on, Uncle Hunter. Two at the same time!” One of the boys shouted. There were two young boys and two girls, all of varying grade school ages. I recognized them as Hunter’s nieces and nephews that I’d met in Minnesota.

“Hey, who let in the strays?” I joked. “Hello! When did you kids get here?”

The oldest, a girl of about eight named Madison, led a little stampede that nearly tackled me with hugs. “Hi, Aunt Leigh! Mom dropped us off this morning. We drove all the way from Minnesota yesterday.”

“That’s great!”

“We were going to wake you up, but Uncle Hunter said you were up all night. So we let you sleep. Momma is coming to pick us up later after she finishes her errands.”

“Well, until then it’ll be a lot of fun here. I promise.” I smiled at Hunter. “Wow, Hunter, that’s really an amazing skill you have there! You just seem to have this never ending list of hidden talents.” I gave him a wink.

“And he hasn’t missed yet, Leigh. This guy is a damn one man—I mean a darn—er one cat, circus act.” Randy fumbled over his words to avoid cursing.

Kelly agreed. “Seriously, grab a plate and check it out.” Gertie and Lindsey joined Kelly in proclaiming Hunter’s skill.

I picked up a plate and stood in the furthest corner of the room next to Kelly. “Okay, baby. Toss ‘em. I’m ready when you are.”

“That’s what
she
said,” Kelly whispered in my ear.

“Hush,” I whispered back.

“All right, put two hands on it and hold it right in front of you. It’s going to be coming right at you.”

I whispered in Kelly’s ear, “That’s what
he
said.” It seemed to have struck Kelly as particularly funny because she doubled over with laughter at the wrong moment. A hot pancake sailed through the air. When Kelly came back up, we all heard a very clear “whap” when the jumbo sized pancake slapped her right in the face. Applause and laughter from the kids rang through the kitchen. The honest laughter of kids is downright contagious and soon we were all having a laugh at Kelly’s expense.

“She caught it with her mouth! Like a dog!” Cheered Cheyenne, the kindergarten aged girl. “Again! Dog style! Again,” the boys screamed.

“Yeah, Kelly, like a dog.” I whispered and laughed.

With pronounced dramatic flair, Kelly peeled the pancake from her face in slow motion. The room fell silent. It’s the kind of situation that always reminds me of a movie where a soldier is walking through a minefield and then hears a distinct metallic “click.” None of us knew if Kelly was about to explode or laugh. “Humph. You might be okay with getting one of Hunter’s little
accidents
right in the face, but not me,” she muttered. She carefully rolled the pancake into a ball and packed it tight. “Try one of my pancakes, cat boy!” Kelly barked. Like a pitcher intent on hitting the opposing team’s star batter, she wound up and fired off a bean ball aimed at Hunter’s head. He swung the spatula in an attempt to knock it off course, but Kelly has a pretty good arm. The wad of Aunt Jemima’s finest product caught Hunter between the cat’s ears and ricocheted off into some unknown place. The cheers and laughter resumed with renewed vigor and more volume.

“Wow, Kelly! Good thing I have this costume on. The way I take shots around here, I ought to wear it more often. It provides some nice protection.”

I had to disagree. “I don’t. You look like a sumo wrestling cat. I kind of liked you the way you were.” I walked up to him and gave him a quick kiss. “How about you just make me a new pancake? No circus style flipping required.” Hunter went back to his work. “I didn’t know your sister was coming. Is everything okay with her?”

“As far as I know, everything is fine. Moon didn’t call me until this morning. Apparently, they decided at the last minute to come down for Thanksgiving. Burt found a good deal on a suite at one of the hotels and it was too good to pass up. Anyway, I told her we’re having Thanksgiving here. I asked if she’d like to stop by for breakfast this morning. She seemed really busy, so I asked if the kids could come over.”

“How the hell did you explain the cat suit?”

“I had to lie. I told her that I put my Halloween costume on for the kids. I couldn’t tell her the truth! Oh, and Kelly got ahold of Esmeralda. She’s coming over tonight to get this thing off me when I’m done working undercover. Marie might come along.”

“Awesome! I bet you’re ready to get that thing off. How’s it feeling?”

“Itchy. Hot. Just plain uncomfortable. It seems to be adhering to my skin more with every hour.” Hunter took a deep breath. “It’s that magic spell of Lindsey’s,” he whispered. “I’m really counting on Esmeralda or Marie being able to get this damn thing off of me. But…what if they can’t?”

“Don’t even consider that possibility, Hunter. Just worry about being safe on your undercover assignment this afternoon. We’ll figure out how to get that thing off of you later.” I have to admit that I had been wondering the same thing. The thought of Hunter being permanently stuck in a cat costume didn’t appeal to me one bit. I just didn’t want to say anything to Hunter and make him more anxious.

Chapter Eleven

The Fast and The Furriest

“Oh my God! My brother gave you this? Are you sure it wasn’t some imposter?” Up until then I thought it was just an overused idiom when someone says “her eyes popped out of her head.” But when I looked at Moon’s awestruck face, her eyes were truly popping out a little. I mean physically bulging out in response to seeing the huge diamond on my finger.

“Ha ha. No, it was Hunter all right. Can you believe he actually gave me a Schlitt? I thought we were going to just hang onto it, then on Halloween he just placed it right there on my finger. It’s the biggest Schlitt diamond.”

“What? Um…well, Leigh, I’m just going to say it. What the hell are you talking about?”

“Oh! I thought Hunter told you the whole story about the Schlitt house and the Schlitt jewelry collection we found here.”

“No…No, he didn’t” Moon’s expression reflected her change from awestruck to complete befuddlement. “Schlitt house? You did say ‘Schlitt house’ right?”

“Yeah, this place. It’s actually an old historic house. Hunter was able to get it in some sort of auction. Dirt cheap, too. Thanks to some ghost…I mean some good luck, we came across a stash of valuable jewelry. Some of it we sold to renovate the kitchen, repaint all of the rooms, and get all of the plumbing redone. We gave a few pieces away and one big one to a charity fund I started. That one I was saving to pay for our wedding and honeymoon, but Hunter’s heart is pretty generous….” I’m afraid my head sank when I said that to Moon. I had been holding off on the wedding planning because I didn’t want to add any stress until after the holidays. The reality is it was killing me not to get moving on my grand plans. But there were some family issues that would need to be ironed out—my family, their issues.

“And this one he saved and surprised you with?”

“Yes! Yes he did. It was during a ball that we attended over Halloween. Moon, it was the most romantic thing ever. On a balcony, under the full moon…It makes me almost cry remembering it. Hunter actually got down on one knee and asked me to marry him. It was like a fairy tale.”

“That takes me back to my first question. Are you sure this is my brother we’re talking about?” Moon laughed and gave me a tight hug and a kiss on the cheek. “I am so happy for you both. I wish Burt and I could get that magic spark back. Having four kids seems to have made us lose focus on ourselves, I guess, but I’m taking the kids over to my aunt’s this afternoon. Burt and I are going to spend some time together. We haven’t had time for ourselves in ages. Or time for anything else, if you know what I mean.”

“So what do you have planned today?” I asked.

“Well, I haven’t told this to anyone. Burt…Burt’s been having some…well, some performance issues. I think it’s just the stress from running a business and adding all the work to keep up with the kids. It’s been tough on both of us.” Moon leaned closer to me and whispered, “It’s been eighteen months. A year and a half. I’m pretty sure that qualifies me as a virgin again.”

“Ugh! I hope that never happens to us! You have to get that spark back, Moon. Get busy!”

“Oh, we plan to!” Moon gathered up her brood and headed out the door. I couldn’t help but wonder if I could help her out with a little witchy writing. After all, I’d been doing pretty well with my magic. Moon and Burt were obviously planning to make an attempt at some loving. It was the perfect time to write. Luna and I went to my desk and I hammered out a few sentences.

Burt saw that Moon was the woman he desired more than anything. She was a beautiful, magical creature and he wanted to satisfy her fantasy afternoon of lovemaking. Months of sexual dysfunction were suddenly gone. Burt responded to his mate’s cry for love with a strong healthy erection that throbbed with readiness. It was slightly longer, thicker, and firmer than at any other time of his life. He unleashed his wild primate urges on her and left her more satisfied than ever before.

“Meow. Meow.”

“What typo? It looks fine. I’m in a hurry. Come on, Luna. I have a plan.” Luna followed me back into the kitchen. The air was foggy and pink. “Hey, Lindsey, where’d Gertie and Randy go?”

“They left. I’m not sure where. They just zapped away,” Lindsey said as she snooped around my refrigerator.

“Didn’t you two
just
eat breakfast? What the hell?” I asked in a scolding voice.

Kelly looked over Lindsey’s shoulder and peered into my empty refrigerator. “We’re just nosey and very curious. Do you and Hunter actually eat anything else besides pancakes? Or just each other? And as for Gertie’s whereabouts, my bet is that since the fireman didn’t show up, she took the fire to him. Randy, on the other hand, who the hell knows.”

Lindsey stood up and pointed a finger in the air. “Hey! I think I know! I bet they went to get the things they need for your house. Didn’t you say they were going to do a little interior decorating this weekend?”