Little Conversations (11 page)

Ronin kissed her forehead in agreement, momentarily
tightening his hold on her.  “That it is, honey,” he breathed as she drifted
off to sleep.  “That it is…”

Devin and Joanie followed Amy through the crowded bar
as they sought out the guys.  Amy had been going on and on all day about Matt, whom
she had just found out had actually
moved
back to town a few weeks ago after
finishing up school last spring.   Shane had neglected to tell her, or rather,
hadn’t really wanted her to know, especially after seeing them together the
other night in the mountains.  Protective big brother was kicking in—
hard!
 
He knew she’d been crazy about the guy when she was younger, and Amy had made
no secret of the fact that she was pretty sure Matt had gotten even hotter over
the past few years since he’d been away. 

There was a live band covering songs spanning decades, and
the dance floor was currently packed with couples swaying away to a great
rendition of Eric Clapton’s
Angel. 
As the three girls skirted the dance
floor, Devin uncomfortably looked away from the attention they garnered from a
group of cowboys who smiled at them in invitation. 
Damn!
  She should
not
have let Joanie pick out her clothes.  A short skirt and mid-calf boots were sending
all kinds of signals that she didn’t want to deal with. 

And Jake said he’d stop by tonight.  Melanie had left today,
and he wanted to talk.  Devin just wasn’t sure she wanted to hear what he was
going to say.  He’d probably have a thing or two to say about her outfit. 

“Oh my gosh!  There he is!  Isn’t he just so…
hot
!?” Amy
exclaimed, stepping back between Devin and Joanie and looping her arms through
theirs.  She pulled them towards the bar where the object of her affection
stood laughing with Ronin, Joe, and Shane. 

“Heyyyyy Matt,” Amy purred loudly.  “Wanna dance?”

“Well, if it isn’t little ol’ Amy,” Matt grinned.  Shane
looked horridly uncomfortable for a moment, shooting Matt a warning look.  Matt
rolled his eyes.  “Dude, cool it.  She’ll be just fine,” he reassured Shane.  Amy
grabbed his hand and began to tug him towards to the dance floor. 

“Matt,” Shane warned

“Back in a few minutes, girls,” Amy tossed a smile in their
direction, but she didn’t take her eyes off Matt as she pulled him away.

“Well, my guess is we won’t see much more of Amy tonight,” Devin
muttered.   “She’s been talking our ear off for the past couple hours about
oh-my-gosh-he’s-so-gorgeous Matt.”

Shane looked positively nauseous and sucked back his Jack
and Coke.

“Here, honey,” Ronin said, pushing his beer towards Devin.  “May
as well have a drink.  She’s latched onto this guy pretty tight, so I’d be
willing to bet you’ll be here a while.  I’ll keep an eye on the bartender and grab
it back if he heads this way.”  

Devin smiled at Ronin and raised the bottle to take a long
drink while Joe leaned forward to block the bartender’s view.  She savored the bitter
taste and took another swig before handing it back to Ronin.  A hint of a smile
played at his lips as he finished it off himself before the bartender walked
over.

“Want another, Ronin?”

“Maybe in a bit, Todd.  I’m going to try and get this little
lady out on the floor.”  Ronin smiled at Devin as he stood and slipped his arm
around her shoulders, guiding her toward the dancing couples. 

Devin felt a shiver course through her at the first
awareness of his arm around her, his lazy gait taking them a few steps away
before he turned her and pulled her against his broad chest.  The music changed
slightly, the course strains of a cover of ZZ Top’s
Rough Boy
rang
through the room, prompting them to gently rock together—fluidly as one. 

Devin rested her head against his shoulder and focused on
the beat of the music together with the beat of his heart.  Ronin’s lips
brushed against her temple as his hand slid low on her back, settling just below
the curve of her spine.  Through the smoky air of the bar, unable to resist the
temptation, she pressed her face up against his neck, smelling the warmth of
his skin.  She inhaled the scent of soap and fresh air and…
Ronin
.  Her
eyes drifted shut and, just for a moment, she pretended this was real.  She
wondered what it would be like if she wasn’t still so messed up over Jake—if Ronin
wasn’t still battling his own ghosts. 

Ronin enveloped himself around her as though he was doing
the same, and Devin drew even closer to him.  Flush up against him.  She lifted
her head, her eyes meeting his.  Her lips parted with the soft expression she
caught there.  And then he kissed her gently, slowly, lightly… lovingly. 

Their bodies continued to sway to the slow beat as Ronin
lifted his head a touch, his lips barely an inch away, breathing in her stilted
gasps of air.  His eyes glinted in the hazy light of the bar, and he studied
her for a moment.  Unsure what to think or how to feel about the way he looked
at her, Devin dropped her gaze and rested her head against his chest.  She
faced the entrance to the bar—and spotted Jake angrily walking back outside. 

“Shit!  Jake!” Devin jolted back away from Ronin.  She stared
at him in a moment of agony before turning on her heel and running outside
after Jake.  He was about to step off the corner to cross the street when she
caught up with him.  “Jake!  Wait… where are you going?” she asked.

Jake turned around and looked her up and down, obviously
displeased with her appearance.  She hoped her lips didn’t look as bad as they
felt, still burning from Ronin’s sweet kiss. 

“You said you were going to be in the bar,” Jake started,
looking at her distastefully, “but I didn’t see you in there.”  His voice was
dangerous, cold.

“I was out on the floor,” she mumbled, “dancing.”

“Dancing!?” Jake asked, incredulous.  “You?  You were
dancing?  With who?”

“Jake—”  Devin tried to soothe the detestation in his eyes.

“No!  Tell me, Devin.  Who were you dancing with?  Or do you
even know his name?” he sneered. 

Devin crumbled at his anger with her, with his expression of
such disgust.  It had been a while since he’d displayed this vehement reaction
to her behavior, but here it was again, forcing Devin’s subdued response.  “Ronin,”
she whispered.  “I was dancing with Ronin.”

Jake scoffed.  “Ronin, huh?  Fuck, Devin, what the hell were
you dancing with Ronin for?  I came here tonight, just to see
you
.  You
knew I was coming to see you.  And you are out slutting away with Ronin.”

“Jake,” Devin whimpered.  “Don’t get so mad.  It doesn’t
mean anything.  We’re friends.”

Just then, Joe’s voice from just inside the doorway brought Devin’s
attention to their little audience.  “What are you doing out here, Ronin?”  

Devin’s breath caught in her throat, wishing him away.

“I’ll tell you what, Joe.  This jackass out here is
really
starting to piss me off,” replied Ronin, leaning up against the doorway,
his ball cap turned around backwards, a telltale Montanan sign that he was
ready to tussle.

Devin blanched.  Jake bristled. 

“What the fuck did he just say?” asked Jake in a low voice. 

Devin didn’t take her eyes off Jake as she shook her head.  “Jake,
please… let’s go talk.  C’mon,” she begged as she took a step closer.

“Did you hear what the fuck he just said?  You
do
have
something going on with Ronin, don’t you!?” Jake ground out, getting angrier
with every word.

“We’re just friends, Jake.  It’s not what you think!  I love
you.  You know I love you!”

Jake turned on his heel and crossed the street to his pickup. 
Stopping by his driver door, he glared back at her before he got in.  “Are you
coming, or not?”  His level gaze was furious.  Not waiting for an answer, he
abruptly got in his truck and slammed the door.

Devin glanced back at Ronin for a second as he leaned
against the door to the bar.  An unreadable expression marred his face.  His
eyes were bitter, cutting through her.  “I’m sorry,” she said, shaking her head,
and she ran across the street after Jake.

Devin didn’t say a word as Jake pulled away from the curb.  She
had learned over the last couple years that, when he was like this, it was
better not to talk.  It didn’t seem to matter what she said, it was always the
wrong thing.

He drove them back to her house, pulled into the driveway,
and shut off the engine.  Devin could practically see the fury rolling off him
as he stared ahead through the windshield.  After what seemed like forever, he
turned to cast an icy look in her direction. 

“So, you got something going on with Ronin?”

“He’s a friend.”  Devin chewed her lip.

“A friend, huh?”  

Devin nodded in a jerky movement. 

“A friend.”  He stared at her pensively, and the air sparked
with his anger.  “So, where have you been sleeping, Devin?” he asked in a
dangerously biting voice.  “Because I’ve come by here three times this week,
and you weren’t here any of them.”

Honesty is the best policy.  The truth will set you free. 
Devin wanted to believe these things, except that being straightforward didn’t
seem to make anything better with Jake, and she knew her honest answer would
make him even more enraged than he already was.  She was suddenly exhausted. 
She didn’t say a word.

“Tell me!  Where were you, Devin!?” Jake roared as he hit
the steering wheel, causing Devin to jump in her seat. 

Devin was veritably afraid to speak, so she didn’t.  She
just waited for him to continue. 

“I don’t know what I’m doing,” Jake said through clenched
teeth.  “I should just let you go.  I always thought we’d end up together.  Now
things are so complicated.”  He looked over at her.  “Do you even love me
anymore?”

“Do you love me, Jake?” Devin asked.  “Really?  Because, I
sort of feel like, if you did, Melanie wouldn’t be an issue.”  

“Melanie…  I’ve been thinking of you so much lately, Devin. 
You know I almost called her by your name?”  Jake shook his head, as if he
could barely believe it himself.  He paused for a moment.  “I miss the way
things were between us,” he finally said softly.  “Part of me really wants to
break up with her.  But, Mel?  She’s going through some really tough shit at
home.  Her dad, he’s a real dick.  She’s scared of him—physically.  She needs
to get away sometimes.”

“So you fucked her because you felt bad?” Devin snapped quietly.
 “Sweet of you.”  

Jake’s eyes widened in surprise at her hushed, yet brash,
retort.

“God, Devin, it’s not like that!  And what about you?  Are
you going to tell me where you’ve been staying?  Seriously, Devin.  I’ve been
by here almost every night.  Almost every night!  Even with Melanie in the car,
I drove past your house.  I can’t stay away from you.”  Jake studied her long
and hard.  “Where were you?”

Devin took a long, deep breath.  “We’re friends—” she started
with a whisper. 

Jake glowered at her, appearing completely disillusioned.  “Ronin!
 You
have
been staying at Ronin’s.”  His voice shook as the anger built
back up in him. 

“We’re friends, Jake,” Devin repeated firmly. 

“Just how friendly are you?” he asked through clenched
teeth.  “And how many other
friends
do you have?”

Devin just shook her head and choked out a bitter laugh. 
She opened the pickup door and climbed out.  Holding the door open, she leaned
inside for a moment.  “I would say we’re probably not as close as you and
Melanie,” she said as the tears began to collect in her eyes.  She slammed the
pickup door and walked to her back porch.  She heard the driver door open and
close, heard Jake’s footsteps behind her.  As she unlocked her deadbolt with
her house key, she felt Jake’s arms slip around her stomach, pulling her
against him. 

“I’ll get this figured out,” Jake whispered.  “Don’t turn
away from me.”  

Devin’s body stiffened at the underlying harshness of his
command.  She got the door open, and slipped out of his arms to step inside.  Jake
followed her in and trailed her as she walked back to her bedroom.  She felt
numb inside as Jake stepped over to her and brushed her hair over one shoulder.
 “I mean it, Devin.”  He kissed the sensitive skin on her neck.  His touch
disturbed her, clenched her stomach.  The sensation was surreal, as though it was
no longer Jake kissing her.  The emotion she normally felt wasn’t there.  The
tingles and the breathlessness and the butterflies in her tummy.  None of it. 
Just an empty dread. 

“Please, Devin,” he whispered against her ear.  “I love you.”

He began to pull at her shirt.

“Jake,” she said, taking a step away, towards the wall.  “Stop.”

She heard nothing in response.  Not a movement or a breath. 
Nothing.  She slowly turned to look at him.  She’d never seen this visage on
his face before.  She wasn’t even sure what it was.  His features were contorted,
horrified, angry, incredulous.