Live for You (17 page)

Why, why, why?

Briefly, I place my hands
over my stomach. When I think back on that time in my life, it
hardly seems real. The hospital stay, the one night in jail once I
was discharged from the hospital, the court case, the paparazzi,
the community service… all while keeping my secret. Jaxon’s,
too.

But since coming to
Forrestville, it doesn’t hurt so bad to dwell on it. I hardly ever
dwell on it like I did before, which scares me. I don’t want to
forget the pain. I don’t want to forget about the—

There’s a knock on the
door. My heart speeds up, like it knows something I don’t. I walk
slowly to the front door, unlock and open it.

I gasp. My heart goes wild,
like it’s suddenly had wings attached to it.

Cole stands on the front
porch. He has a black eye and cuts on his knuckles. My breath
hitches in my chest. The last time the guy I loved showed up to see
me looking like that, I’d just lost…everything.

Oh God. I love
Cole.

Chapter
Seventeen

Cole

Rae stares at me with wide
blue eyes, as if she can’t believe I’m here. This makes me feel
like a total dick. I
should
feel like one, because I haven’t texted or called
her since Saturday night.

“
Cole?” She seems to sway
forward, but I don’t dare let her touch me. One touch and I’ll have
those tiny shorts and even smaller tank top off of her before she
can blink. At the last second she steps back and crosses her arms
over her chest. “What are you doing here?”

I have this entire speech
planned out. One that begins with how much I’ve enjoyed being with
her and ends with we’re better off without each other, but now that
I’m within kissing distance of her…I can’t bring myself to say
it.

I need this girl, but I’ll
never be good enough for her.
Ever.
The best thing to do for her would be to spit out
the words I’d rehearsed on the way over.

However, the most selfish
part of me, the part that doesn’t give a good damn about if I’m
good enough for her or not, takes the speech out of my brain and
stomps on it, then sets the entire thing on fire.

“
I’ve missed you,” I
blurt. Awesome. All these words burning up inside of me and the
only thing I can snatch from my brain is about missing her? “Sorry
about not texting you. I had a family emergency, nothing to worry
about though.” Well, if you don’t count my mother trying to kill
herself for attention and money, and I don’t have a place to
live.

Relief and concern shines
in her eyes. Whatever kind of past she has, it didn’t include guys
who don’t call the next day. Or maybe I’ve gotten so use the
“relationship” that I have—
had
with Madison I don’t know any better.

“
I missed you, too,” she
says softly. “Want to come inside?”

Though I’d love to do
nothing more, I hesitate. “Will your Nana mind?”

A fine blush spreads over
her cheeks. “She’s gone for the week. So, it’s just me.”

Now this is good news. The
best I’ve had since yesterday. “So, you’re saying that I have
complete access to your very hot body, without the worry of a
chaperone or
curfew
?”

That blush of hers deepens,
then spreads down to her throat. “Yes.”

I step closer, reaching out
to trace the skin along the top of her tank. “Does this also mean I
can spend the night?”

She bites her lip, weighing
my words, as she shivers from my touch. “I’m not sure…this isn’t my
house.”

I take that ‘not sure’ and
run with it. Not sure means maybe. “What if we confine our
activities
to your
room?”

***

Okay, so watching a movie
on her laptop while we sit on her bed isn’t the activity I had in
mind, but it feels nice to have Rae sitting next to me. Hell, it’s
better than nice.

It’s amazing and
right.

Her head’s on my shoulder
and she’s so close that I couldn’t wedge a piece of paper between
us. Our fingers are laced together and every so often I kiss her
knuckles. Guess this is our version of a movie date.

“
Wanna tell me about the
black eye?” she asks when the credits roll.

“
Two guys jumped my
brother. So I evened the odds.” What I don’t tell her—after it was
all over, Baldy gave me a card with an address. Told me to come by
anytime I felt like busting balls. I’m not sure if I’ll take him up
on his offer.

“
Poor thing,” Rae says,
taking the laptop, closing it and setting it on the night stand.
She turns to me, brushing my hair out of my eyes and gently pushing
my knit cap off of my head. My body hums as she fusses over me,
turning my face this way and that. “Hope the other guy looks
worse.”

I duck my head. Her concern
makes me uncharacteristically shy. “Let’s just say that he doesn’t
look any better.”

She strokes my cheek. “Who
broke up the fight?”

“
Two of the regulars.” One
being Office Ford. He hadn’t hauled my ass in, like he normally
does, and it doesn’t sit well with me. Mostly because I know it has
something to do with my mom. I don’t trust men who do favors for my
mom. Not even those sworn to protect or whatever’s written on the
side of Ford’s police cruiser.

Her peppermint scented
breath fans over the side of my face. She’d brushed her teeth right
after letting me inside. “Does that happen a lot?”

I turn toward her and have
to suck in a breath. She climbs in my lap, straddling me. Her
breasts are right at eye level until she sits. Fighting back a
groan, I put my hands on her hips and slip my fingers under the hem
of her shirt. Her skin is smooth and hot.

“
Goes with the
territory.”

She smiles at me. “I bet
you looked hot.”

I tilt my head to one side,
trying to determine if she’s serious or joking. “Does the thought
of me kicking ass turn you on, darlin’?”

Her cheeks turn bright
pink, but she holds my gaze. “Yes.”

I raise my brows. “Why Rae
Givens, you are a naughty girl.”

She leans into me, her lips
once again in kissing distance. “Why did you really come over here,
Cole?”

That wasn’t the response I
was hoping for. “I missed you.”

Her head shakes. “I think
there’s more to it. It’s a Monday night. I know what you do the
nights you’re home.”

Does she really want the
truth? Does she really want to know what happened with my mother?
That I slept in the bar last night, because I don’t have a place to
stay. I’m too damn ashamed to ask my friends for help. Hell, I
didn’t even tell
my brother
what really happened. Just told him it was time
for me to move out. I’m scared shitless for Kelly, my only comfort
Parker is still at home, but he can’t be there twenty-four seven.
Eventually, he’ll move out too.

I swallow, the lump in my
throat more like a boulder. “I can’t.”

“
You can,” she insists. “I
trusted you my secret identity. Trust me with what’s bothering
you.”

“
My mom’s
back.”

“
And that’s not a good
thing… I’m sorry, Cole.” She hugs me, laying her head on my
shoulder. Her fingers sift through my hair and some of the tension
in my body melts away.

“
Not your fault. You
didn’t tell her to—” I swallow again. My heart is pounding so hard
in my chest that I’m sure she can hear it. “She’s not any
better.”

“
What can I do to
help?”

I close my eyes at her
offer. I don’t want her help. I don’t want her to meet my mother. I
don’t want her to know that I’m nothing more than trash, and that
when I touch her, I feel like I’m contaminating her with my
life.

“
Just do what you’re doing
right now.” I thought I needed to come over here to do the right
thing, then I thought I’d be inside of her by now, but turns out
what I thought I needed and what I really needed was a soft place
to land. A woman to listen and lay gentle hands on me.

“
What are we, Cole?” she
asks, leaning back to look me in the face. Her big blue eyes a
slightly shadowed. Lashes long as they flutter. “I need a little
clarification, because to be honest, I don’t have that much
experience with guys or dating. So, I’m not sure what to expect and
I don’t want to get it wrong.”

*** *** ***

Violet

Cole stares at me, the
bruise around his left eye giving him a dangerous look that does in
fact turn me on. I wouldn’t doubt that the other guy looked worse.
Cole strikes me as the type of guy that doesn’t take crap from
anyone.

But there’s a softer side
to him. One that takes care of his sister and loves his brother.
One that takes responsibility when any other guy would have left or
checked out. It’s also one that has been hurt by his
parents.

A part of me wants to go
beyond helping and straight into fixing, but I can’t fix him. In my
eyes he’s not broken. He’s just Cole Morgan, the guy who’s keeping
one of my many secrets. The guy who makes me melt and lust after
him with one look or caress.

“
Define ‘not that much
experience’,” he says, his hands move up my back, stroking the skin
that craves his touch.

“
I’ve only dated one guy,
the ex I told you a little about, for three years. He…uh, cheated
on me. I caught him with my best friend.”

“
Guys are such
assholes.”

“
Yeah, well, so are best
friends who cheat with those assholes,” I say, brushing aside the
image of Callie that comes to mind. “Anyway, I’d like to know what
I’m in for while I’m here.” Really I want to know if there’s any
chance he could love me back.

“
That’s part of the
problem, don’t you think?”

I shrug. “I don’t know what
to think, that’s why I’m asking.”

He grins, his hands coming
around the front to cup my breasts. “Is there another guy you want
to be with, Rae?”

“
No.” I rock my hips,
loving the feel of his erection pressing against me. Sparks of
pleasure flare. “What about you?”

He bites a nipple through
my shirt and I squeal. “Not into guys, baby.”

I snort and shake my head.
One minute he’s setting my body on fire and the next he’s making me
laugh. “Any other
women
, then?”

“
No.” His face serious.
“There’s only you, for however long you want me. Hell, Rae, you’re
ruined me for any other woman.”

Something inside me bursts.
Maybe my heart. I thought Jaxon had ruined me for other men when
he’d cheated on me. I thought I’d never love anyone like I loved
him.

But I was wrong. So
completely, incredibly wrong.

And I’m terrified to say
exactly how I feel for Cole.

Instead I kiss him, pouring
everything into it that I feel for him. How he makes me feel. Every
ounce of me is in that kiss.

He groans, low in his
throat and our kiss becomes more urgent. It’s almost as though he
was holding back. Soon we’re tugging on each other’s clothes,
ripping away all the barriers between us, rolling around in my bed
until we end back up where we started with me on top. I’m rocking
my hips and sliding against him, bare skin to bare skin. He’s hot
and hard and I’m throbbing and wet.

I need him inside of
me.

“
Rae,” he growls, then
lets his head fall back. It hits the headboard with a dull thud. “I
can’t be with you tonight. I don’t have any protection with me. I
can’t give you anything, except a baby. So, unless you’re on the
pill…”

My body goes cold. I could
tell him the truth or lie about being on the pill. Either way I
wouldn’t get pregnant. “There’s nothing I can give you—” my heart
feels close to bursting with that true statement—“I had every test
known to mankind after the wreck.”

His blue eyes go darker and
he smiles slowly. “And the pill?”

I bite my lip, tears
pricking and I have to look away. I’ll go with the truth, just not
all of the truth. “I’m not on the pill.”

His finger comes under my
chin, gently tilting it back up. His expression is earnest. “It’s
okay. Seriously. Don’t feel bad or embarrassed or whatever’s going
on in that blond head of yours. I’m not some uncontrollable sex
maniac.”

I burst out laughing.
We’re naked in my bed, his hands doing thing to me that ought to
have them classified as a weapon of seduction, and he’s making
jokes to make
me
feel better. Again.

Could Cole be more perfect?
Does a guy like him deserve a girl that isn’t whole inside, that’s
missing parts and pieces of herself?

My head says no.

My heart tells it to shut
the hell up.

I trail my fingers up and
down his hard abs. His stomach contracts with each pass. Lower and
lower, until I curl my fingers around where he’s so hot and hard.
“We could do other things,” I say lightly, stroking him.