Living Again (23 page)

“Daddy Ben no cwy,” she said, hugging him. He held on to this little girl, not even a year and a half old, who could see right through him. She had called him Daddy Ben. What would Kayley think of that?

He stood up, trying to gather his emotions before walking out to see Kayley. He wasn’t sure that he should get into that with her yet. It may be too much too soon. “Night, night, baby. Sweet dreams.” He laid Alexis in her crib and tucked her monkey under her arm. She smiled, then popped her thumb in her mouth and closed her eyes.

“Ni, ni, Daddy Ben,” she mumbled around her thumb. “Wuv you.”

Ben gripped the side of her crib, tears dripping off his chin. He breathed in and out, watching Alexis relax and fall asleep. His emotions were a jumbled mess. In a matter of months, his whole life had turned upside down. He was falling in love again. Not only with a beautiful, sexy, amazing woman, but her little girl, too. It scared the hell out of him.

Kayley heard Ben come out of Alexis’ room and go into the bathroom across from her bedroom. She had heard him talking to her through her baby monitor, but couldn’t make out what they were saying. All she knew was that Ben, this man that she didn’t know a few months ago, had completely rooted himself in her life, and she liked it. If someone had told her last year when Alexis was born that she would meet someone that would care for her
and
her daughter, she would’ve never believed it.

She stared at the pictures adorning her entertainment center, and knew it was time. She stood up, looking down the hall and seeing that Ben was still in the bathroom. She pulled the many frames down, stacking them gently on top of one another. She left baby pictures of Alexis and a few of her with Alexis, and carried the rest to the spare room, putting them gently on the dresser.

As she turned around, Ben was standing there, an expression on his face that she couldn’t quite place. “Ben?” she walked to him and looked up, searching his face. “Are you okay?”

He breathed in erratically, pulling her to him without a word. He hugged her tightly, running his hands up and down her back. “Ben?” she asked again.

“Kayley,” he whispered into her hair, his voice breaking with emotion. “I feel ridiculous.” She leaned back so that she could look at his face, noticing that tears shimmered in his eyes.

“What’s wrong?” A pit of fear gripped Kayley’s stomach, and she started shaking. What if he couldn’t do this? What if he decided having her and Alexis was just too much too soon? What if breaking it off with Dana made him doubt everything?

“I’m going to say something that’s going to scare the hell out of you, because it does me.” Ben started, a tear escaping from his eye. Kayley reached up and wiped it away. “I’m sorry that I’m going to upset you, but it has to be said.”

“I understand, Ben,” Kayley interrupted. “It’s too much. You didn’t know what you were getting into. I get it.”

“Baby,” Ben sat her down on the edge of the guest bedroom bed, holding her face in his hands. “You have it all wrong. I’m not ending it, Kayley. Far from it. I am pretty sure that I’m falling in love with you
and
Alexis. It’s too soon, I know. That little girl in there…” he stopped, his voice breaking. “She just wrecked me. She’s a
baby
, and she loves me. She told me that. And you-you’re so strong. You lost your husband, became a single mom, all in such a short time. You let me in, Kayley, even when you thought you couldn’t. You show up at my hospital tonight and surprise the hell out of me, in more ways than one.” Ben pressed his lips to hers briefly. “Then, I get here and you allow
me
to put your baby, the love of your life, to bed. Then while I’m in there, you’re out here putting away pictures of you and Alex. You didn’t have to do that. I understand.”

Kayley swallowed, trying to find her voice. “I wanted to. It’s time. Emily and I just had this conversation tonight. This weekend she’s going to help me box up Alex’s stuff and give it away. As far as what you just said, Ben, a few months ago I would’ve totally freaked out at what you just said. I never thought I would want a relationship again. For so many months, I told myself that I could never love anyone again, that for me it was just going to be Alexis. You proved me wrong. You’re a wonderful man, and I feel so thankful that you came into our lives. What I feel for you now, already, shows me that I
can
love again. You did that. Thank you.” Her voice wavered and she looked up into the man’s eyes that just bared his soul to her.

Ben lay back on the bed, shielding his eyes with his arm. He couldn’t
believe
that he just cried in front of Kayley. What must she think of him? Today had been too emotional. Ending it with Dana once and for all, seeing Kayley upset over Dana, realizing he needed to talk to her about his past, and then little Alexis.

Kayley watched Ben, knowing he was in an internal struggle with himself. Reacting before thinking, she climbed up next to him and lay on him, forcing his arm off of his eyes. “Ben,” she said, centimeters from his face. “Please don’t ever be afraid to show me your feelings. Really. You aren’t scaring me by showing me how you feel. I would much rather know what you’re feeling than spend time guessing what’s going through your head. Plus, I’ve cried way too many times around you, so you get freedom to cry as much as you want.”

Ben smirked, his eyes glittering mischievously. “Is that right?” Before she knew it, he flipped them and she was on the bottom with him pressing her into the bed. “You know what I can’t stop thinking about?” he whispered, his hands roaming her backside. “What is under these clothes.” Just like that, the air felt like it was sucked out of the room, and Kayley realized she was laying on a bed, underneath Ben. A very hot, very ready, very
manly
Ben that she had done very
intimate
things with earlier tonight.

Kayley looked into his deep blue eyes, her breath catching in her throat. His blonde hair drooped over his forehead as he leaned over her, and she couldn’t stop herself from reaching up and touching it. His face lit up with a smile at her touch. He licked his lips, and Kayley found herself fascinated watching him. “You really are a sexy man,” she declared. Ben sucked in a breath, trying to calm the reaction she incited in him just by being so close to him. Never mind the fact that her body was touching him from top to bottom.

Propping himself up on one arm, he used his other arm to make a path from her face, down her arm, and to the bottom of her shirt. He lifted it and pressed his lips to her flat stomach. Kayley hissed, fisting her hands in his hair. “So. Beautiful.” He kissed her belly button, then moved up to find that sexy black bra that held what he wanted to explore next.

He sat them up, pulling her shirt over her head and pulling his undershirt off as well, having already lost his dress shirt on the way to her house. “Is this okay?” Ben asked, begging her with his eyes to not say no. Kayley knew she needed to say no, that they had a lot to talk about and they were in her house, where her daughter was sleeping, but she couldn’t do it.

Kayley stood up, dropping her pants to the floor. She stood in front of Ben just how she had been hours before. She took her hair out of the elastic band and shook it out. Ben stared, unable to move. “God, you’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen,” he stood next to her and caressed her with his eyes.

“You’re wearing too many clothes,” Kayley said huskily, repeating him from earlier. She unbuttoned them and he kicked them off quickly. This time it was Kayley’s turn to stare. She knew the man was hot, but seeing him, standing here in her house, wearing only boxer briefs that showcased the manhood she touched earlier completely undid her. She had never seen another man this way other than Alex. She found herself thinking that but it not making her feel guilty. Here she was, in the house she shared with Alex, and all she could think about was the man standing in front of her.

“Are you okay?” Ben asked tentatively, taking in her facial expression.

Kayley grinned. “What, you’re the only one allowed to stare? Do you look at yourself, Ben? You’re the most gorgeous man on the planet, and you’re standing here in my house.”

“I need to do one more thing, if I’m allowed,” Ben said, taking a step towards her. They were so close now she could feel his breath coming out in short spurts. “Do you know what you do to me, Kayley? Never, ever in my life have I felt this attracted to someone before, in all ways. Never.” Kayley looked up at him, and while that seemed like a line a guy would give a girl when trying to sleep with her, she believed that in that moment, he actually felt what he was saying to her. He picked up one of her hands and kissed it, then reached around her to her bra clasp. She started breathing quickly as she realized what he wanted to do. He stopped, waiting for her response.

Kayley took her hand and moved it around her back, helping him with the clasp as an answer. Ben breathed out audibly at her permission, his hands shaking slightly as he fumbled with it. “Are you sure?” he whispered in her ear. She took her straps off her shoulders, looking up at him. Ben ran his hands through his hair, looking into her eyes as she pushed the bra off and it landed on Ben’s feet.

“Kayley,” Ben breathed, his eyes traveling from her face to her body. “My god. Who would’ve thought that little bit of fabric could make that much of a difference.” He chuckled as his body responded to what he was seeing. He pulled her to him so they were touching. His eyes fluttered closed as her skin made contact with his skin. The only thing that separated them now were two scraps of fabric.

Backing up a step, he moved his hands slowly up her body until he reached her breasts. She groaned as he touched her, and he couldn’t stop the guttural noise that came from his throat. She had never felt so exposed, yet so beautiful all at the same time.

He crushed her lips to his, all of the feelings and words of the day coming out in that one kiss. He continued caressing her body as he showed her with his mouth how he was feeling. He pushed her backwards, pulling her until they fell back on the bed again with her on top. She straddled his lap, gasping into his mouth as he traveled downward with his hands. There was too much going on, her senses couldn’t take it. She felt like she could explode from his touch and the sounds coming from him all by themselves.

“Ben,” she breathed, feeling dizzy. “I need a moment.” He smiled against her mouth, rolling her over so that she was lying next to him.

“Me too,” he admitted, resting his forehead against hers. They both breathed in silence for a few moments, allowing their bodies to calm down. He kissed her gently on the forehead, the nose, and then her lips, but it was sweet and calm, not frantic and hurried like they had been. “Good thing one of us has their head on straight.”

Kayley shook her head. “I wouldn’t say that, Ben. You unraveled me. These things I’m feeling- I just can’t make sense of them. Never in my life have I felt so attracted to someone, felt so strongly, and been so— bold so quickly.” Her eyes traveled the length of his body, feeling the familiar surge she got when looking at him. “Want a drink?” she asked. “Maybe we should go ahead and have that conversation we started earlier.”

Ben nodded, not wanting to stop what they were doing but knowing it was the smartest choice. Kayley walked out of the room, wearing only her underwear, and Ben blew out his breath.
Hot damn
, he thought.
That is the hottest woman I’ve ever had the pleasure of being around
. A smile played on his lips, even though he knew that the story he was going to tell Kayley tonight was very hard for him to talk about.

Kayley returned, a bottle of wine and two glasses in her hands. She had also found a tee shirt along the way. “Hey,” Ben complained. “I like what you walked out of here wearing better than that.”

Kayley laughed, pouring them each a glass of wine. “Yes, I like what you’re wearing too,” she indicated his boxer briefs. “But that’s not conducive to talking.”

She settled next to him, propping herself up with some pillows. “Okay, I think I’m ready for this.” She smiled at him. “Are you ready?”

Ben took a deep breath and looked her in the eyes. “What I’m going to tell you about doesn’t have any bearing on how I feel about you or what is going on with us. It’s my issue that I’ve dealt with and I know I won’t have anything to worry about with you.”

Kayley sat back, waiting for Ben to begin. She ran her fingers along his fingers, trying to comfort him the way he always tried to her.

“I told you already that Zoey was another doctor at the hospital,” Ben started, looking Kayley in the eyes as he spoke. “We met when she moved here from Atlanta. She was new in town, and was also working in pediatrics, though she was a pulmonologist. I was 28 at the time, and so was she. Though we were both new to being out of residency, we were both highly sought after doctors. Being new to town, she didn’t know anyone so we would always go out in a big group when we all were off. We would go drinking, clubbing, to dinner, movies, anywhere and everywhere. A few months after we first met, we started dating. Our friends thought it was about time. They had been trying to push us together for months, but I didn’t want to date her because we worked together.” Ben paused, watching Kayley.