Living Again (55 page)

“But I don’t want to be the reason that he doesn’t do something he wants to do.”

“Sweetie, you’re just going to have to talk to him. I know he wants you and Alexis to be with him. As much as he loves his career, I think he loves you more.”

Kayley closed her eyes, resting her forehead on the cool glass of the picture window. “I’m afraid to find out if that’s true.”

She heard the door to the suite close and Ben call out. “He’s back, Em. Talk to you later.” She hung up the phone and turned just as Ben crossed the threshold of the room. Her breath caught at the sight of him. His hair was tousled from a busy day, and he no longer wore the jacket from earlier. His tie had been discarded, and his shirt was unbuttoned at the top, causing her mouth to water.

Seeing her in only the robe, he crossed the room quickly. “This is my kind of outfit,” he said excitedly, opening it and revealing her smooth, relaxed flesh underneath. “How was your day?”

“It was amazing,” she breathed, trying to focus as he continued to caress her under the robe. “The hot stone massage was the best massage I’ve ever had. And look- matching fingers and toes.” She stuck them out at him and he smirked.

“Hot pink,” he murmured, his hand roaming her naked behind. “My favorite color.”

Kayley leaned into his touch. “Hmmm. Then my facial made me look like a teenager again.”

He took one hand and ran it along her face. “A teenager, huh? That makes me a very dirty, dirty man.”

Kayley laughed. “Ok, not a teenager. An upper 20’s mom of one.”

“Oh, I love that one,” Ben said, pushing her robe to the floor. Unbuttoning his shirt, his clothes quickly joined hers as they said hello in the living room of their suite.

Kayley lay on Ben’s chest, running her fingers along his bare chest. His hand stroked her hair, and they lay in silence, listening to each other’s heartbeat. Ben hadn’t said anything about his interview. In fact, they hadn’t really spoken at all. Unease pricked down her spine as she worried about why he wasn’t offering information.

“Ben? What happened at the interview?” She couldn’t stop herself from asking. Ben’s hand stilled momentarily, then moved down to her neck. He pulled her up to his face, and he looked into her beautiful eyes, filled with worry even though she was trying not to show it.

“They offered me the job,” he stated. Kayley’s stomach plummeted, and she was angry at herself for the reaction. She looked at her new ring on her right hand, willing her face to show happiness. Ben lifted her chin so she looked at him, and a small sob escaped from her.

Sitting them up, Ben took her face in his hands. “Kay, tell me. Let it out, baby. You’ve been quiet this whole trip. Please tell me what you’re thinking.”

“I’m so proud of you, Ben,” Kayley started, making her voice even. “I really, really am. I’m sorry that I’ve been quiet. I didn’t want you to think that I wasn’t happy about the opportunity you would get by coming here, taking this job. This is an amazing offer. I just don’t know what to think about moving our whole lives here. I’m scared.”

Ben nodded, understanding because he felt the exact same way. “Baby, I would never make this decision alone. You and Lexi are my life now. You’re number one to me. I told them I had to think about it. They gave me two days to let them know my decision.”

“I just don’t want to be the reason that you turn down something that could be great for your career.” Kayley never wanted him to come back on her in the future and say she was the reason he didn’t do something. That could be catastrophic for their relationship.

“Kay, I can be a doctor anywhere. Yes, it’s a good opportunity. But you know what? I love my job at home. The more responsibility I take on, the more I will work, and I love having time to be with my family. I hope to add many more little ones to our family someday, too.”

There it was again, the mention of them having a family. Tears leaked from her eyes without warning. She sat up and turned away, not wanting to talk about this.

“What is it? Please, baby. Talk to me.”

“Do you want to marry me?” She looked at the wall when she asked. Her heart squeezed so painfully as she waited for the answer that she almost couldn’t breathe. She sat on her hands to keep them from shaking, but then her teeth started chattering.

“I’m making you cry again. I’m making you upset. God, Kayley, please. Look at me. Baby.”

Kayley forced herself to turn to this man that she loved so much it physically hurt. He got up off the couch, still naked, and kneeled in front of her on the floor. “Have I not made you feel that I want you forever? Have I somehow made you doubt us, doubt my love for you and Alexis? Has this- changing things and looking into moving- made you feel differently about me? About us?”

She shook her head, trying to control herself but weeks of worrying about whether he was ready to truly commit poured out of her. Wracking sobs hit her, and she put her head in her hands, tears leaking from in between her fingers and dripping on her bare legs. Ben watched her, feeling hopeless, not knowing what he could do to make it better.

Wrapping his arms around her, he rocked with her as she cried, letting out what seemed like something that had been building in her for a while. He didn’t want to give away what his plans were, but God, she had nothing to worry about.

“A-are you s-s-scared to m-m-marry me?” She got it out, hiccupping as tears took her over. “I w-won’t do w-what sh-sh-she did, B-ben. I p-p-promise.”

Ben’s heart jumped out of his chest and flopped around on the floor like a dying fish. He had felt pain before; hell, he had felt pain with Kayley when she wouldn’t take him back. But right now, her gut wrenching cries because she didn’t think he wanted her, someone could’ve cut his heart out with a knife and it would hurt less.

He picked her up like she weighed nothing and carried her to the bed in the other room. Covering them both with the blanket, he wrapped himself around her, covering her shaking body with his own. He buried his head in her neck, kissing her softly. “Kayley.” She turned her tear stained face to his, and he kissed her puffy lips, tasting her tears. “I want you to listen, and really, really listen. Okay?” She nodded her head. “I want absolutely nothing more in this life than to be your husband. I mean that. I would give up anything: money, my job, and my car, anything for you. Please don’t ever,
ever
, think that I don’t want you or am afraid to marry you. Baby, at this point Zoey is so far from my mind, what happened with her no longer even factors in to my life. We’re going to have a wonderful life together, and I want to give you as many little babies as you will have. I want you. All of you. Forever. And one day, I’m going to ask you that. But I’m not going to tell you when, because you know me. I’m going to surprise the hell out of you and rock your socks off…literally
and
figuratively.”

A small smile broke out on Kayley’s lips, and he almost cried in relief. “I’m sorry,” she whispered, one tear dripping down her face. Ben kissed it, soaking it up with his lips.

A lump formed in his throat, and he attempted to clear it, but it wouldn’t budge. He opened his mouth to speak, but the damn lump was in the way. His throat and eyes stinging, he gave in and allowed his body to do what it wanted to do. He cried. He cried for what the two of them had been through to get here but there were still parts of them that didn’t wholeheartedly believe that they deserved each other. He held on to Kayley as if she was the life preserver and he had been shipwrecked. His tears dripped into her hair as he held her from behind. Leaning over her to kiss her, their tears mixed, both of them letting go.

“Don’t ever be sorry for feeling,” Ben said when he could finally speak again. “I want you to tell me, even if it seems ridiculous.”

“Tonight should’ve been happy for you,” she continued. “Not you coming in from a great day to deal with an emotional disaster of a woman.”

“I seem to remember a really, really happy time when I first got here and you were wearing a robe, and then you weren’t anymore,” Ben teased.

Snuggling together, they relaxed, closed their eyes, and fell asleep.

Things were happy for the rest of their stay in New York. They did as many tourist things as they could fit in—the memorial grounds of 9/11, the Statue of Liberty, the Empire State Building, eating their way through restaurants, and shopping. They went to the biggest Toys R Us Kayley had ever seen and loaded up their suitcase with birthday presents for Alexis.

They decided to leave talking about moving to New York until after they got home, insuring a peaceful rest of their vacation. But they both missed Alexis, and by the morning they were leaving, that’s all they were talking about.

“I bet she has learned 100 new words,” Kayley mused as they buckled their seatbelts on the plane.

“She probably has. She’s probably also grown.”

Kayley laughed, elbowing him softly. “We’ve been gone four days, not four months.”

“Hey!” Ben held up his hands. “That kid eats like a moose! She probably did grow!”

When they arrived back in Florida, they practically ran from the car to Kayley’s parents’ front door. Giggling as they both raced to the door, trying to playfully knock the other one out of the way, Kayley already knew who would rate first when they opened the door. As much as Alexis loved and adored Kayley, the sun rose and set with Ben.

“Baby girl!” Kayley called out as they opened the front door. Alexis started screaming as she heard her voice.

“Mommy! Mommy! You’re hewe! You go New Yowk?” She turned the corner and then saw Ben there. “My Daddy! My Daddy! You go New Yowk? Wif Mommy? Bring Wex a toy?”

Ben scooped her up and both he and Kayley kissed and hugged her at the same time. “What makes you think we brought you a toy?” Ben tickled her belly, and she giggled. “Do we love you or something?”

Alexis nodded, her favorite gesture. “Mommy and Daddy wuv Wex a WOT.”

“Daddy will give you your treat in a minute, Princess. It’s in the car.”

“Welcome home, guys,” Renee appeared next to them. “Did you have a nice time?”

“We did. Mom, you should’ve
seen
this hotel. It was amazing. And the buildings? Wow. The place is never quiet. How was Alexis?”

“A princess, as always,” she beamed. “But she missed you guys. I started getting the questions on day two. When do they come home, what are they doing, true Lexi questions.” She looked at Kayley with a question in her eyes. “So? How was the interview?” She turned her gaze to Ben, waiting.

“I got offered the position,” Ben started. Renee lifted her eyebrows. “But we’re still talking about it, weighing the pros and cons.”

Renee nodded, trying to keep her face impassive but Kayley knew that her mom would be destroyed if she and Alexis moved away. Ben, noticing, brought her into a hug. “You guys are at the top of our list of reasons to stay.”

“What’s on the agenda for Princess’ birthday party?” Renee changed the subject, dabbing at her eyes.

“Me birfday. Me two,” Alexis chimed in.

“I was thinking the park, since she’s so obsessed by it. I’ll rent the pavilion and we can grill out. Sound good?”

“Let me know what I can help do.”

“Sure will, Mom.”

Gathering Alexis’ things, they headed for the car, ready to get home. Sitting in her car seat was her present, a giraffe almost the size of Alexis from the huge Toys R Us.

“‘Raff!” Alexis shouted, squeezing it to her body. “He a big ‘raff, Mommy.”

Buckling her in and smiling at each other at Alexis’ adorable love for the new ‘raff, they headed for home.