Living Bipolar (26 page)

I think it's a fair analogy because with the Bipolar illness sometimes there are things that are going on that at the moment that you can’t explain when the thoughts are racing. Sometimes when the person has thoughts that are negative, the Bipolar person might be scared to say something to another person because you don't want them to think ill of you because of the types of thoughts that you're having. At a calm time, however, a Bipolar person might want to say that, “Sometimes my head goes to very weird dark places and I need you to understand that if I talk to you about some of those things I'm okay.” It's just that this is the kind of stuff that goes through my head and sometimes I just need to be able to express it to you. It’s not that I’m going to act on it, or that it's the way that I really perceive the world, but for that particular moment I'm in a dark place. If they understand than it's better for the both of you. If you don't say any of this, and all of a sudden you go into an episode, and you're in a very dark place, and you start talking very dark things, and you have a strong meaning towards Kurt Cobain, people will kind of go, “Well you know what happened to him.” So then they start wondering if you are going to hurt yourself or are you at risk to do so. It scares people, especially your average individual who has not been exposed to any kind of psychological or emotional illness. By them knowing more up front then it doesn't all of a sudden catch them off guard if they do see any of the difficulties you live with.

Can you give example of what dark things might be? Can you give an example of what dark things might be going on in a person's head?

Suicidal thoughts, looking at the world as a very dark, fearful place. Paranoia sometimes, that believing that person in the car over there is following you and is out to get you. These kinds of things disturb people who don't understand the basis of them and they don't know what to do with them.
Most things that are fearful to folks are things that they don't understand.
And if you're walking down the street and you're just an average Joe Schmoe and you at Starbucks buying coffee and the guy behind you is saying the FBI's outside and they got their guns pulled out and they're here to get me so you better hit the ground before they open up fire -- that persons going to think WOW! I think I will remove myself from the situation because this person is not sounding stable because what they are saying is totally out of context with reality.

When you're their loved one, and you are educated about your illness, they understand, yes it's a little bit concerning when they hear things that are unpleasant or unhappy thoughts, but at the same time they understand, and they are coming from a place where they are trying to work through what's going on in your head during the time when you're possibly in a cycle or an episode of your illness

If I don’t have Bipolar Disorder and I’m getting into a relationship with someone that's Bipolar, what can I do to make the relationship healthy?

I think that a tremendous part of that is communication, communication, communication, and trust.
Those are the biggies.
Trust is absolutely vital.
If you don't feel you've built the level of trust with the person you're entering into the relationship with, how in the world can you communicate with them in an honest way to let them know about these kinds of dark things and secrets. If there is no trust, how can communicate about these places which will make you feel vulnerable if other people knew about it? This is especially true if you don't know if people are going to misuse the information

What is the hope for Bipolar people, for friends of Bipolar people, loved ones, and significant others -- what is the hope that you can give them?

Well, the hope is I think we're discovering new things every day. We’re gaining a much broader understanding of the human brain. Constantly things are being developed and there are medications that deal with the illnesses that we never thought anyone would ever find a cure for or to be able to treat. These things are starting to happen and I think that's one aspect, and we just don't know what the future is going to bring. We know more now than we knew 20 years ago about Bipolar illness. There are probably triple the medications that we have at our fingertips to use to treat the illness. Therapy has become much more main stream and accepted, and it doesn't have the same stigma attached to it in most places. People feel more freely to get help and get that support. That's all very hopeful because the more people are talking about these things in therapeutic situations, not just the designated Bipolar patients, but the family members, spouses, siblings and the parents. Whoever can receive that help, and the more we talk about it, the more we can communicate about it, and the more it's open, the easier it is to start to find ways to help and to make people's lives more manageable across the board

Are there any other following up thoughts that you'd like to give?

I think the biggest thing in my years of working with individuals who have Bipolar illnesses is the sense of that person not giving up hope
. I think hope is crucial because without hope we don't have anything.
There has to be that need to continue to hope that things will continue to get better, that their lives will be more functional, more manageable, and to realize there's always ways to deal with things

I think a perfect example would be somebody like Michael J. Fox and his Parkinson's. That man has not stopped, and he has not given up, nor has he lost hope. He continues to fight for research, he continues to educate people, he continues to bring this illness to the forefront to folks, and say's this is not something to be afraid of. The only way were going to fix it is if we deal with it through research, and through understanding. I think that's true of just about any illness that anyone faces; you have to kind of tackle it face-to-face.

We all want to live better. Everyone wants to live happily, and everyone wants to have a meaningful life. Until now there have not been clear cut directions for bipolar people in achieving this goal. Now, we have unlocked the door to the road for freedom. The stories in this book have documented various people’s experience in living and functioning with the illness. The truth will set you free, and the truth found in these personal stories hold the answer.

We learned from Cassandra the importance of creating a schedule and sticking to a schedule daily. She also taught us that we can make our manic episodes worse by the decisions that we make. Anne taught us to choose the right friends who will support and aid us in our recovery, and she taught us the importance of finding an outlet for our illness. In Ronald’s story, he explained why it is essential to communicate honestly with our doctor, and taking medications as prescribed. Jane showed us to ask questions to our doctor to know about the medications we are taking and how they affect our lives.

We all want to live better, more fulfilling lives. The key we have discovered for a full life with the bipolar illness is action. Action separates us from staying stagnant and becoming happy. A wise person said, “I believe God can move mountains, but I must bring a shovel.” Our experience is we must not soak in self-pity and despair, but we must take an active role in the healing process, and we must take an active role with the Bipolar illness.

If nothing changes -- nothing changes. If, however, we take action to change our lifestyle toward living healthy, if we change our attitude and perception of our illness, ourselves, and the world around us, everything takes a new color in life. We have learned that we have no control over what other people do, and quite often, we have little control over our feelings. But for the people in this book we have learned we should not surrender to these intangibles. We have the power to take action and change our choices, and most importantly, we have the power to change our attitudes.

Ask yourself, “Where do you stand?” If you are tired of getting beat down by the illness, follow the instructions in this book to live the life you dream. Anyone can change their life for the better -- but it takes work. While we are different from most normal people, we are not defective. Rather, we simply must live our life in a different manner.

While our path to recovery is narrow, we at least have clear cut directions for what actions to take in living an excellent life. We are not alone. As soon as we accept that other people are in a similar situation things become easier for us. We no longer have to carry the weight of the world on our shoulders. Our experience has taught us to fight, to adapt, and to persevere through our troubles. We have also learned love and understanding are crucial on this journey. Love and understanding first for ourselves, and then for the other people in our lives. We will succeed with this type of mindset just described.

Being Bipolar is difficult; but it is not an impossible illness. Although, we must modify our lives to take specific actions and work with the illness, we no longer have to succumb to it rendering ourselves helpless. Every day is a day of change, a day of possibilities, a new opportunity to get things right. Even if you are in the hells of depression, or you watch as a loved one is spinning out of control, there is an opportunity to improve the situation, whether you must change your outlook or you must surround yourself with other people who understand.

The Bipolar illness can be frightening, and it can breed fear where you believe nothing will get better, and no one can help you. But the fear is not real; fear is not the truth. Fear is
F
alse
E
vidence
A
ppears
R
eal. The truth, however, is we have an illness which is very serious, but it can be managed if we work for it. Our lives change when we are willing to take action and do the foot work.

Some of you may be thinking, “Yes, but my situation is different. I can’t see a way to make things better, or I don’t think I can do the work.”

It's okay to feel this way, but it’s not the truth. No one is terminally unique with the Bipolar illness. All the people in this book have been where you are. Maybe one day you can’t see your way through the madness. That’s when you slow things down and love yourself. Some of you may think you have no one in your lives to love you, but the truth is there are plenty of support groups where you can find the strength, love, and inspiration to carry on.

Our biggest enemy lies within. We are the problem. But we are also the solution. Tear down the walls which are blocking you from moving forward. Tear down the walls which are keeping you from receiving help. We are not different -- rather, we are a garden variety. Whether you suffer from the illness, or you are afflicted by the illness, you can set yourself free by taking action and applying the techniques offered in this book.

You no longer have to suffer. We can put those days behind us and make a new reality, and a new day, where we live in the solution. Move away from staying stuck in the problem and move yourself into the solution.

While the Bipolar illness is unpredictable in its nature, the people in this book have demonstrated that to live healthy, fulfilling, free lives we must strive for consistency in our lives through exercising, communicating with others, keeping our lives organized with a schedule, and living in love for ourselves and others. Consistency in our personal lives is crucial in managing our illness. When we keep our living space organized we breathe easier. When we stick to a schedule, when we commit ourselves to waking up at the same time, and going to bed at the same time, our lives become easier.

We have further learned that medicine only works, if we work with it. No pill is going to magically fix all the problems in our life. Rather, medicine will help level the playing field so we can live a life.

Today we have found that our lives can be a place to chase our dreams. Through self-examination we learn about how the illness affects our lives so we may live in accordance with it. The Bipolar illness does not control our lives. The illness does not prevent us from reaching our full potential. We limit ourselves from our full potential. In order to live to our highest level we must first map out the destination we want to arrive at. A journey cannot begin until we decide what we want to do with ourselves, which means we must set goals for ourselves, and take action toward reaching our goals.

Like the tide which goes in and out, the Bipolar journey is one of highs and lows, good times and bad times. Learning to live with the ebb and flow of the illness is vital. Living with the illness is difficult. Some days living with the illness may mean that you are not capable of functioning and interacting in the world. Some days the best you can do is simply get through the day and pull the covers over your head that night. That is okay. We have all been there.

We have all experienced days where we are dysfunctional and not capable of doing the things we usually do. We may have to skip out on work, or school, or our other normal activities. This is okay. On these days we shut it down and pray tomorrow we have the strength and courage to rejoin the race of life.

There will be days where we do not feel well, days where we are negative and in a bad mood. On these days we push ourselves through the day gently, and slow things down in our mind. Days when we are negative, and we are off mentally and emotionally, we make sure that we don’t create any wreckage in the world around us, for this will only complicate matters.

Once we gain an understanding of how our illness hits us, when we gain an awareness of the illness, we can then work on ourselves. The easy way for us is to blame our illness on all of our actions, whether it is overspending, or lashing out at people. The correct way to live is to realize we are responsible for our actions, and we are the only ones who can change what we do with our actions.

The people in this book no longer desire to step on the toes of everyone around us, blaming the world for our condition. Although we have an illness which is debilitating, we also have the ability to live healthy. It’s challenging managing an unmanageable illness. We are dealt with greater difficulties than most normal people -- but we still are capable of living a good life by taking certain actions.