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Authors: Cher Carson

BOOK: Loaded
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She wished she could get a
reprieve from her life. One day of fantasy, where she could allow herself to
believe that a man as handsome, sexy, and accomplished as Tucker Carlton could
really fall in love with a girl like her without having an ulterior motive.

“Honey, what’s wrong?”

Joyce Benson wasn’t known for
her mild-mannered disposition. She was tough; she’d had to be to survive, but
there were times when she seemed to sense that her daughter was nearing her
breaking point and just needed someone to tell her that somehow, some way,
everything was going to work out. She obviously sensed this was one of those
times.

“I know it sounds weak, but
it just felt so good when Tucker was holding me in his arms tonight, Mama. He
made me believe that he really liked me, that he cared about what happened to
me. No man has ever made me feel that way before.” She grabbed a tissue off the
vanity and swiped at the tears gliding down her cheeks.

Joyce sighed. “Oh, baby,
that’s all I’ve ever wanted for you, to find a man who makes you feel that way,
but you and I both know that Tucker isn’t the man for you. He can’t be… you
know that.”

Rachel couldn’t help but
wonder if things would be different if Tucker wasn’t a cop. Would he try and
protect her from her psychotic ex-husband? Would he understand her need to run?
She would never know for sure because she could never risk telling him the
truth. Not only was he a cop, but he was the top cop in this neck of the woods,
and with that title went the responsibility of ensuring that every citizen,
herself included, obeyed the laws.

She sniffled as she sank down
on the closed commode. “Maybe someday I’ll find someone like Roy.” Roy was her
mother’s “friend.” Joyce refused to label him her boyfriend, even though they’d
been seeing each other for eight years. Leaving Roy was another one of the many
sacrifices her mother had made to ensure she and Maddie were safe. She owed it
to her mother to respect her opinions, even when it wasn’t what she wanted to
hear.

“Men like Roy are a dying
breed. Why do you think it took me so long to find him?”

“I’m so sorry you had to
leave him,” Rachel whispered. “Maybe one day you can go back. I know he’ll be
waiting for you.”

Her mother snorted. “That’s
not the way it works, honey. Men don’t sit around twiddling their thumbs, just
waiting for the woman who dumped them to come back.”

“But it was my fault, not
yours.” She sniffled. “I hate that my mistake, getting involved with that loser,
has cost you so much. You’ve worked so hard your whole life. You shouldn’t have
to deal with this crap at your age.”

“Listen to me,” her mother
said, fiercely. “The Lord saw fit to take my first-born. I still can’t say that
I’ve come to terms with it…” Her voice cracked. “But he can’t have you or
Maddie. Do you understand me? It’s not going to happen!”

Joyce believed tears were
another luxury they couldn’t afford when they had to expend all of their energy
on survival, but Rachel could swear she heard the sadness in her mother’s voice
finally breaking through that barrier.

“I know you’d do anything to
keep us safe.” As far as the community was concerned, Joyce was raising her
daughter. The trio was never seen together, not at school, the grocery store,
or even the park, and since they lived in a triplex, anyone who saw them coming
or going from the unit would assume they occupied separate dwellings.

It broke Rachel’s heart that
she couldn’t participate in the parent teacher conferences or volunteer for
field trips at Madison’s school, but her brave little girl understood it was a
necessary sacrifice to keep them all safe. Maddie knew the rules. She didn’t
question why her grandmother was always the one to see her off and meet her at
the school bus every day. She knew that talking to her friends about her mommy
wasn’t allowed. As far as the world was concerned, her parents were killed in a
car accident and her grandmother was raising her. She hated that her daughter
had to live a lie, but at least they were safe, and they were together.

“Keeping you safe is all that
matters to me, Rachel.” Her mother sighed. “But I can’t tell you how to live
your life; you’re a grown woman. You know the dangers, the risks, of getting
involved with a man like Tucker. If you choose to do it anyways, I can’t stop
you.”

She hated to disappoint her
mother, but the thought of going home to that cold empty twin bed, tucked in to
the corner of the room she shared with her little girl, seemed so uninviting
after she’d had a taste of Tucker’s kisses. “I don’t know what I’m going to do
yet. Either way, I’ll be home before Maddie wakes up, okay?”

“Okay. Just remember I love
you, Rachel.”

“I know. I love you, too.”

 

 

Tucker had been lying in bed,
listening to the rain pelt his window for what seemed like hours. He wanted her
to come to him in her own time. There was no way he would push her now, not
when she finally seemed ready to make love to him.

Her advance in the kitchen
caught him off guard. He never expected her to come on to him, but he was so
glad she did. He could tell she was still fragile, still reeling from the abuse
that bastard inflicted on her body. If she decided he could be the one to erase
that memory from her mind with his gentle touch, he would wait as long as she
needed him to.

Finally, a soft tap on the
door put an end to his waiting.

“Come in.”

She poked her head in the
door. “I assumed this was the right room.”

His first impulse was to pat
the mattress beside him, to invite her to join him in bed, but he feared that
may be too forward. Maybe she’d taken so long because she was questioning her decision
to sleep with him. “You okay?” he asked, sitting up. He’d removed only his
boots. The rest of his clothes were once again intact.

She nodded as she slipped
inside the door. She looked around hesitantly, smiling when she noticed he lit
a few candles. “This is a nice room. It’s so big.” She pointed to a bay window
that looked out over a backyard with a swimming pool, two interlock patios, and
mature landscaping. “I’ve always wanted a window seat like that.”

He watched her walk over to
the window and peek out, almost as though she was looking for something or
someone, but she seemed satisfied that the cloak of darkness provided
protection from prying eyes. The cop in him knew right away who she was looking
for. “He’s still out there. He’s still after you, isn’t he?”

She turned around suddenly,
her mouth dropping open, and he saw it in the split-second of sheer terror on
her face. That prick that tortured and tormented her wouldn’t rest until he got
his hands on her again. If he came within two feet of her this time, Tucker
would use the shield of his badge to blow his brains out and call it self-defense.
No one questioned whether a cop had the right to kill a suspect who was coming
at him, threatening him, especially not a cop of Tucker’s ranking.

“I won’t let him hurt you,”
he said, quietly. “I promise, you’re safe here with me.”

She sank down in a leather
club chair in the corner of the room. “It’s been so long since I felt safe.”
She shivered. “I don’t even remember what feeling safe feels like anymore.”

He got up and reached for the
chenille throw at the end of his bed. He bent down in front of her and wrapped
it around her shoulders. “Is that why you came to Brant, to get away from him?”
When she didn’t respond right away, he asked, “Do you know where he is now?”

She nodded before looking
down at her clasped hands. In a voice he could barely hear, she said, “He said
he was going to rape me and slit my throat while I slept.” She pulled the
blanket tighter around her shoulders. “Then he said he’d fuck me one more time,
while I was bleeding to death…” She sobbed. “I can’t get that image out of my
head, Tucker. Every time I close my eyes, it’s there. He’s there.”

He felt the acidic burn of
bile melding with rage rising up in his throat, choking him. He pulled her into
his arms, holding her, rocking her, letting her sob on his shoulder. “It’s
okay, baby. Listen to me; if he ever tries to hurt you again, he’ll have to go
through me first.”

She sank down to the floor
and wrapped her arms around his neck. “I’ve been so scared for so long…”

He stroked her hair as he
kissed away her tears. “I know, sweetheart. It’s okay. I’ve got you now.
Nobody’s going to hurt you.”

“I want to believe that. God,
I wish I could believe that.”

He framed her face with his
hands and pulled away to look at her. Gone was the sexy siren who’d
propositioned him downstairs. In her place was a fearful, tired young woman
who’d carried the burden of running for her life for too long. “Come on; let’s
get you in to bed. You need to get some rest.” He stood up and extended his
hand to her.

With her eyes on his, she
reached down to pull the tank top over her head.

His hand fell to his side as
he watched her unfasten the skirt and slide it down over her hips. Tucker
watched in horror as she assumed a submissive pose at his feet, and he suddenly
understood with gut-wrenching clarity that she thought this was how sex was
supposed to be.

He took several deep breaths
before he trusted himself to ask the question. “Rachel, were you his
submissive?”

She refused to meet his eyes
again. She merely nodded in answer to his question.

“Is that how you got the
marks all over your body? He whipped you?”

She nodded again.

Tucker had never been interested
in that lifestyle, but one of his buddies, Cole Braxton, was, and from the
stories Cole had told him, a dominant never crossed that line. “Didn’t you have
a safe word to stop him… if you couldn’t stand anymore?”

She kept her head down but
shook her head again. “No, there was no safe word.”

Tucker knew the safe word was
the unwritten agreement between a Dom and his submissive. Without that, there
was the opportunity for what had happened between Rachel and her ex: flat-out
abuse.

“Sweetheart, I don’t want a
submissive. I want a lover.”

She stole a quick glance at
him before lowering her head again. “I don’t know if I can…”

He knew she didn’t know how
to have the kind of relationship he wanted, and it broke his heart to think that
some selfish son of a bitch had stolen her innocence and never taught her the
pleasure she could experience making love to a man who was willing to put her
needs first.  

He took a step closer and she
leaned in to him. He knew she was thinking he was going to ask her to pleasure
him, but that’s not the way he wanted this to go down tonight. He wanted her to
experience what she should have years ago: passion, tenderness, excitement,
arousal, love…

It unnerved him to realize
how strong his feelings for this woman were becoming. They hadn’t known each
other long, but he felt like he already knew her intimately. She’d already shared
so much of herself with him, as though her burden was too heavy to bear alone
and she was finally willing to let someone help her.

He tipped her chin, forcing
her to look at him. He could tell her impulse was to look away, and he knew
why. “Look at me. Look me in the eye. I’m not him. I’m nothing like him.” He
caressed her face with the palm of his hand. “I want to help you heal. Do you
think you can let me do that?”

She bit her bottom lip. “I’m
not sure what you’re asking of me.”

He reached out to her. “Take
my hand.”

She did as he asked, and he
helped her to her feet. His eyes scanned her body. She was wearing a black lace
bra and panties, with only the faint scars in between. “You are so beautiful.
So perfect.”

She closed her eyes as a tear
slipped down her cheek. “No, I’m not perfect, Tucker. The scars are…”

He dropped to his knees and
pressed open mouth kisses to the old wounds.

She thrust her hands into his
hair as a sob escaped her lips.

“Everything about you is
beautiful, everything.” He kissed her gently, reverently. His kisses weren’t
meant to arouse. They were meant to pay homage to a body that had been
brutalized for too long.

“You’re amazing,” she
whispered, looking down at him.

He looked up at her. “No,
you’re amazing.” He reached down to unfasten the sexy shoes adorning her feet.
He secretly loved them. Back in the bar, he’d fantasized about fucking her hard
and fast while those heels dug into his back, but that seemed like a lifetime
ago, long before he got to know the woman beneath the porcelain face and centerfold
body.

Now he understood how this
was supposed to play out. He wasn’t going to fuck her hard and fast; he was
going to love her slowly and gently. He was going to worship her body tonight.
They didn’t need props, just the two of them, a big bed, a few candles, and a long
night to explore each other’s bodies in excruciating detail.

He helped her out of her
shoes before he stood up and pulled his t-shirt over his head.

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