“This shit’s causing rifts among the brothers. I can’t have it. Butler’s making shit deals left and right to keep the money coming in up there. He’s driving our train into a collision course on purpose so we’ll have to accept the Demon Seeds’ terms. I ain’t having it. Not on my watch. No fucking way. What happened with you in Montana stirred the pot again. My boys are jumpy enough as it is.”
“Jump, I don’t need to know all this.”
“This you need to know.”
I frowned. “Why? I’m not even part of this club anymore.”
“You will always be a part of this club, woman!” he growled. “You’re part of this fucking family.”
My blurry eyes focused on his tense lips under the full mustache. Jump took a deep breath and ran his fingers through his beard.
His large brown eyes tightened. “Sister, I need you. The club needs you.”
My body sank in the chair. “I’m not getting this. You lost me,” I said.
“Butler’s been a mess since Caitlyn died. Anyway, he always wanted to tap your ass, didn’t he?”
“Can we get to the why you need me part already?”
Jumps eyes tightened. “I need you to stick to Butler. I need information on him, from inside his clubhouse. He’s up to something with the Demon Seeds, I need to know exactly what it is before it explodes in our faces.”
I clasped my hands in my lap, my tired eyes trained on Jump.
“He wants you, you want him, it’s the perfect opportunity,” Jump said. “Keep going with it. You already slept with him, it’s done.”
I sat up in my chair. “Wait, stop—hold on! What the hell are you talking about? I have no intention of continuing anything with Butler. It was a one night thing. Believe me, one night was enough. It was a mistake. I don’t even…”
“You two got history.” Jump tilted his head at me. “Sparks were flying between you two last night, obviously.” His ringed fingers drummed on his desk.
“You can have sparks with plenty of people. I’m not interested in Butler.”
“Get interested.”
“Jump…”
“Make it last until we get what we need.”
“And what the hell do you need?” I asked.
“We need to know what his long range plan is.”
“You want me to spy on him?”
“Shouldn’t take long. He’s getting sloppy with all the coke.” Jump’s lips curled into a small grin. “Come on, Sister. You know him. He’ll be good to you. You just get on the back of his bike, baby, and enjoy the ride.”
“Don’t you dare try to twist this into some romantic bullshit. I know how this crap goes down.”
Jump slammed his hand onto his desk. “This is for Dig, Sister. For this fucking club.”
“You want me to whore myself for the club? Even better… for my dead husband?”
Jump pressed his lips together. “It’s a good plan. You’ll have protection. I’ll have Lock on you.”
Oh, that just made it all better.
“I’m not asking you to marry him and live up there,” Jump said. “I’m just saying…”
My eyes sank closed. “I know what you’re saying.”
“Sister…”
“Don’t!”
“If he invites you to come up and hang with him, you go. You don’t stay long, you got Ruby and her boy now,” Jump said, his voice lower. “A few days here, a few days there, no big deal. You get him talking, you listen, you watch. I’m not asking you to take him out, babe. That’s my job if it comes to that.”
“What a relief.”
“What’s it gonna be?” Jump’s voice was noticeably sharper.
“Were you waiting up for me now?”
“Saw the two of you all over each other last night, and I was hoping you’d end up in his bed. I knew you’d have a mind to Jake, so I’ve been waiting for you, and here you are. The boy’s fine, by the way. Alicia’s with him. Now you get your tail back in that bed. Make him believe you’d like more and wait for that invite up north.”
My brain clicked along and all the train cars finally got into a row and connected one by one. I froze in the chair.
Jump poured bourbon into a glass from an almost empty bottle. He lifted an eyebrow at me. “What the fuck is it now?”
“When did Lock tell you?”
“Tell me what?”
“About Vig in Montana,” I said. “When we got back here or on the phone before we got home?”
Jump shrugged. “He called me in the morning before you left the hotel in Watford City.”
My shoulders slumped. “Is that when you both came up with this terrific plan?”
“Why? What does it matter? I’m not gonna tell you about my business with my brother.” He rounded the desk and sat back in his chair.
“Screw that,” I said. “Either I’m in this or I’m not. Which is it?”
“Oh, you’re in this alright.” His eyes flared at me. “You know, it made an impression on me that Vig pulled you out like that in Montana. Why would he do that?”
“He’s fucking nuts, unpredictable. That’s news to you?”
Jump leaned back in his chair and swiveled to face me. “Maybe you got something he’s after?”
My head snapped up and our eyes locked. “Me? What the hell would I have after all these years? Dig didn’t share club business with me.”
Jump nodded slowly. “There’s nothing you need to tell me? Nothing I should know?”
My fingers dug into the arms of the chair. “There is nothing you need to know, Jump.”
Jump drank and rubbed the side of his bearded face with his hand.
“We all got to do shit we don’t like for this club at some point,” he said. “I’m not asking you to do something you haven’t already done though, am I?” He smirked at me and raised his glass of liquor. “You just fucked him. What the hell? You ain’t got no ties to any man, do you? Enjoy getting laid while you’re at it.” He let out a throaty laugh and drained his glass.
I put my hand over my eyes.
He deposited his empty glass on the desk. “You don’t call me or text me from there. You need to talk, you call Alicia and have a girly chat only, and I’ll have her check in with you. We’ll come up with a few code phrases if things get hot for you or you need a meet. Lock will always be nearby, and he’ll be able to get to you quick. We do this clean and smart.”
“Clean and smart?” I whispered.
“This is our chance, Sister. You want Vig or Butler or anybody to destroy what Dig and Wreck and the rest of us put our blood and sweat into for so long? You want to see those fuckers rip apart the club that took care of you and your sister like family?”
“Don’t you dare talk to me about Ruby or my Old Man!”
One of his eyebrows quirked up. “You ain’t no whore, Sister,” he said. “You’re working an angle for your boys. For your club. Just like the rest of us do every goddamn day. We all got to do what we gotta do. Now, suck it up and get back in his bed.”
I glared at him. “Nice.”
He sighed heavily and poured himself another bourbon. “Look at it this way… Butler’s been hurting for a while, same as you. You two might be the best thing for each other right now.”
A chill slithered down my spine. “I hate you, Jump.”
“Don’t give a flying fuck right now, baby. But I do give a fuck about all of us surviving this shit. And now you’re a player. You in?” His stony eyes settled on mine. His fingers drummed on his desk again.
It was a challenge plain and simple. I saw it in those determined eyes. I recognized it in the way he had leaned back in his chair. There was an arrogant swipe in his laugh when he made the remark about me getting laid. The way his jaw was set and his forehead wrinkled as he waited for my answer, daring me to say no. I could tell he didn’t believe me.
I had to do this, to prove my loyalty, to do my part. The room spun. I clenched down on my jaw to fight it, to fight the tremor in my chin.
“I’m in.”
“Good.” Jump winked at me, leaned back in his chair and drained his glass.
I pushed up from the chair, pulled open the office door and strode back across the clubroom to the guest bedrooms.
Motherfudgemycake.
My head swam.
Lock had known the morning after at the hotel in Watford City that Jump wanted me in play for Butler. Jump didn’t know about us; no one did. Wouldn’t that explain Lock’s sudden freeze, his pulling away, and letting those other women crawl all over him at the party? Was it all a show to drive me away and get me mad?
And I bought it.
And landed in Butler’s bed.
Lock hadn’t seemed too happy about it, though, judging from that brief, yet oh so intense episode in the hallway. He still wanted me, like I wanted him. Despite Jump’s master plan, despite all the bad timing in the world, despite Lock’s historic inability to feel or form attachments, he wanted me. That was cold comfort, though. Would he still want me after this was done?
Even better, would I be able to look myself in the mirror after today?
Jump and Lock had nudged me into the path for which they knew I had a weakness. Jump was right; they didn’t have to do much work. I had a hand in this myself. Like a pawn on their chessboard, I had slid this way and that in the shadows of the knights and the great kings.
But I still had my own move to make on that game board. I just had to figure out when to make it. The One-Eyed Jacks should definitely know what Vig and Butler are planning. Jump needs to preserve his club the way he sees fit. Once that’s done, I can resolve this crap with Vig, he’ll finally cut me loose, and I would ensure Jake’s safety.
I closed the door behind me, peeled off my clothes, and got back into bed with Butler. His arm snaked around my waist and pulled me in close to his warm body. His face sank on my chest.
“Caitlyn…” he mumbled.
My breath hitched. I ran my fingers through his thick blonde hair then down his damp face.
“It’s okay, baby,” I whispered.
Maybe with my little part in this nasty masquerade I could actually help Butler get untangled from his own mess. I would certainly try. And maybe I could soften the inevitable blow between Butler and his brothers.
Maybe.
“Shit, Lock, that was fast!” Iris let out a peal of laughter and sank back onto my bed.
I snapped the full condom off my dick and flung it aside. Iris crawled over to me and licked her lips. “How about you tie me up, like last time.” She grinned and cocked an eyebrow. “That was hot, remember?”
Two eager hands reached out towards my hips. I smacked them away and shoved her back.
“Get the fuck out.”
Iris let out a huff, then quickly sat up on her knees and spread her legs wide. She wiped her long black hair from her face and then squeezed her tits tightly together. “Come on, baby. Anything you want.” Her hands slid down her hips. “You want my ass?”
“I want you to get the hell out!” I yanked up my jeans and belted back up.
“What’s gotten into you?”
“Leave, for fuck’s sake!”
“I don’t need this shit!” Iris whipped herself off the bed, shoved her skirt down and her top up. She flew out the door, slamming it behind her. I stared at my bed. My skin tightened, my throat burned. I lunged at the bed, ripped the sheets off the mattress, and threw them across the room.
How the hell did I get here?
The club got us here. I got us here.
My lungs constricted. I threw myself on the edge of the bed. My head sank into my hands.
It all started in Montana. Started and ended.
When the Demon Seeds had taken Grace, I’d lost it. I had failed her. How did I not see that coming? Probably because my cock was otherwise engaged and had hot-wired my brain into dysfunction. When she came back I couldn’t stop touching her. Once we got to the underpass and later at the hotel, the emotion bled out from her. She needed me. She had been all brave woman, and then it had sunk in and gashed her. But she didn’t need saving, she needed me to feel alive again, feel intact. Or maybe just to feel.
After she settled down, she tried to make me feel better about her hellish afternoon. She comforted me, soothed me like a warm bath, took me in, gave me her full attention. I didn’t know what to do with that. I hadn’t had that in such a long time, if ever. Then she gave me her body, and I gave her mine.
And I fucking loved it.
For the first time in a very, very long time I felt I was a part of something bigger than me, beyond the usual, the everyday. It was surprisingly intense, and it felt good. It didn’t break me or sap my soul. Being with Grace only built me up, gave me more; a more I wasn’t familiar with. And the big news was I didn’t want to fight it or push it away.
I’d woken up early that morning and had turned her out of my arms so she lay on her tummy. I traced the wildflower blossoms on her sweet ass with my finger. Here was the girl I had noticed in high school always giggling in the hallway with her girlfriends. Here was the girl my brother loved as if she were his own little sister. Here was Dig’s woman now in my bed. That abundant life they had shared and the loss of it were branded on her skin forever. That tattoo was Grace’s patch and so was that ugly scar on her leg.
My fingers travelled down her thigh and dwelled on the scar the bullet hole had left behind. Her shouldering so much pain and loss on her own humbled me. It drove her still, that horror, that immense void, and probably always would. I knew about that shit. I was lugging around enough of my own personal rot… my father’s bullshit, losing my gran, the blood and body parts-filled battles I had managed to survive, along with the sickening torture and mindless destruction I had witnessed. Keeping it all locked down had become my state of being.