Lonesome Beds and Bumpy Roads (Beds #3) (18 page)

I don’t even want to say “I told you so.”

It’s not anywhere in my head right now.

Because I didn’t
want
to be right. I didn’t want everything to end up here. And of course I don’t blame Lex. Trusting family, being there for family? There’s nothing wrong with that.

But abandoning them? Man, I’d really like to find her dad and put my fist in his face… but he’s not worth the energy.

“I gave him Miss Piggles,” she says into my chest. My brows pull together and I nudge her chin up so she can look at me.

“What?”

“All of it. Everything I’ve saved. I gave it to him… and he took off.”

I take it back. It might be worth the energy.

“Lex?”

“Yeah?”

“Hold onto me.”

She stuffs her face in my shoulder, locking her arms behind my back. “I wasn’t planning on letting go.”

“Good. Because I’m feeling the urge to punch something.”

She snorts and holds me tighter. “I felt like that too. Instead I took out my rage on the pitiful note he left me.”

“He left you a note?”

“I use the term rather loosely.” Her hands release their hold around my hips. “It was three words. I tore them to shreds.”

“Were they ‘I love you?’”

She shakes her head. “He didn’t even give me that.”

I know it’s probably not the right thing to say, especially since it is Lex’s dad, but I say it anyway. “What a dumb shit.”

She sniffs, covering up the small laugh floating from her lips. She shakes her head at me, pushes up on her tiptoes, and says, “I love you so dang much.”

“Why’s that?” I ask, pressing our foreheads together and rocking her.

“Because you can make me laugh even when I’m so broken.”

“You are not broken.” She’s not. She’s so far from broken. If anything, she’s the glue. She’s the one who puts us all together when we fall apart. And I’m about to tell her that when her lips tap against mine, cutting off that crazy romantic thought.

“I’m screwed, though. That was my money for school.”

“Can’t be all of it, right?” I ask. “You applied for grants.”

“Yes, but what about books and other things I need to get started?”

“There’s gotta be more grants. Another FAFSA or something to fill out. There’s still time, yeah?”

“If I hurry.”

“I’ll help you.”

Her lips press firmly together, pushing away at whatever thoughts are tumbling around in her head.

She hasn’t cried.

But what I see is worse than tears.

“Do you still have my birthday present?” she blurts, her eyes darting to the floor. I run a thumb over her cheek, let it smooth down her arm until I hit her hand.

“Come on,” I say, leading her back outside.

“It’s still in the garage?” she asks with a cute tilt of her eyebrow as the door slowly rises. I shrug and she laughs. “It doesn’t fit in your room, does it?”

“I probably should’ve gotten the regular king instead,” I say, rubbing my neck. We both take a seat on the edge, Lex bouncing as if testing the springs, then she grabs my sleeve and pulls me back. Her head tucks against my shoulder.

“You bought me a bed.”

“I know. I’m a lunatic.”

“But a cute lunatic. I… I don’t think it’ll fit in my place either,” she says quietly. My stomach takes a defeated dive. I know what’s coming. She’s saying no. We won’t be living together.

“I can take it back.”

She shakes her head. “Or you could keep it warm for me. You’re still moving out, right?”

“I thought about staying here,” I say, taking her hand and linking our fingers, wanting to touch her in this moment of rejection. Rejection that I completely understand, but it still stings. “For Grams. But when we talked earlier… I think she’ll feel better if I keep my plans.” I pause, running my thumb over Lex’s knuckles. “But I won’t be far. Probably going to be eating dinner here every night.”

She chuckles, and with her free hand, she reaches up and wipes her cheek even though there are no tears visible there. “I’m sorry that I can’t say yes.”

I turn my head, watch her eyes as they stare at the garage door opener. “It’s okay.”

“I’m not breaking up with you, Ryan. Like, that’s the last thing I want to do.”

A little bit of the sinking disappointment in my stomach rises up in relief. “Good.” I grin, and she turns her face, a light smile twitching on her mouth.

“I just… I need to be on my own for a while. Learn how to depend on just me. So I don’t
feel
so broken.” Her eyes drift down to our joined hands. “And I don’t want to make you pay for all of the rent, utilities, food…”

“I don’t mind doing that.”

“I do.” Her gaze moves back up. “I’m not saying no. Only saying… not now. I’m not ready.” She takes a deep breath, turns on her side, pressing against me. Her eyes slam shut. “Please don’t be mad.”

And as much as I wish I could change her mind, as much as I want her to be packing her stuff and starting the rest of our lives together, I completely, one hundred percent understand where she’s coming from. And I want that for her more than what I want for myself.

I turn on my side and push her soft, brown hair away from her cheek. “Whenever you’re ready to claim your present, it’ll be warm for you.”

Her painted nails run up my jaw, and we meet each other in the middle, sealing the deal with a kiss. She scoots closer, hips aligning with mine. I reach down and help her hitch her leg on my waist, grasping her knee, feeling absolutely content with her decision even though it’s not one I wanted to hear.

“Ryan?” she asks, breaking away from my mouth, but continuing to close the distance between our bodies. “Is it wrong to want you like this right now?”

“You can want me anytime you please.”

She softly laughs, pulling the ends of my hair as she moves in for more kisses. I can feel her desperation, the want behind her actions, but not just for the physical. She wants someone who she can count on. I know she’s hurting far more than she’s letting on, so I try to comfort her with every kiss, tell her with every touch that I love her, that I’m not going anywhere, and though she may not feel like trusting anyone after what just happened, she can trust me.

“We’re… going to have… to shut… that door,” I tell her when she refuses to let me move from the bed. It takes another two minutes before she finally lets me.

I roll off the mattress and trip over my feet to the button for the garage door. My thumb presses it in, and as everything slowly darkens, I see the first sign of Lex’s pain shine on her cheek. She furiously swipes at it, as if she doesn’t want to waste any tears on the shitty situation. But she needs to let it out.

I pause the garage door so it’s barely cracked, kneel back on the bed, and pull her into me. Her legs wrap around my waist, her arms lock over my shoulders, and her whole body…

Dissolves.

“I promised you…” she mutters. “I promised you I wouldn’t let him hurt me and I… he…” Her voice fades off, and I want to say something comforting, but I’m not sure what the right words are. So I take it all in as if it was my pain too… I can feel it in my chest, in my pounding heart. I feel her pain, the hurt, the betrayal. I soak in it with her, dissolve with her.

And we hold each other tight on the suddenly not-so-lonely king-sized bed. Her lips eventually find my skin, and mine find hers. She lightly kisses my jaw and I pull her into me again, kissing her forehead and working my way across her cheeks, to her hidden dimples. We wipe away each other’s pain, turning it into something better, something we can be happy in. Her fingers trail down my neck, and the tears have dried from her eyes. They meet mine, and she manages a two-dimpled smile.

“Thank you,” she whispers. “Thank you for being my best friend.”

There are moments in life when I’ve wanted to press pause. To live in them for as long as I possibly could. Most of those moments are with Lex, this one is no exception. Something is changing though… in a good way. I can feel it in the air, and in our bodies. I often pictured our lives together. Fantasized about it. But now… now I can
see
it. Getting our first apartment. Fighting over bills and holidays. Making love in every room of our house. Asking her mom if I can marry her daughter. Lex making me a father. Spending the rest of my life with this girl that I love.

The look in her eyes tells me that she sees it too.

A smile covers my face before I kiss her again. I don’t need to pause this moment, because I will have a lifetime of them.

I’ve waited eighteen years for this day. Graduation, the finish line to leaving this place and all the people behind me. Finally going after my dreams and being known as someone other than the white trash girl with the town drunk for a mom. For the longest time I thought putting this cap and gown on would be the moment that would forever change my life.

Now that I’m here, standing in line waiting to take my seat amongst my classmates, I realize it’s just another day. It doesn’t alter anything. Every moment leading up to this one is what has changed me. Graduation is just the catalyst for all that happened the past few years.

I adjust my gown and stand tall as I make my way to my chair. When I sit someone taps my shoulder, and I swivel to see who it is. My lips shoot straight up at Nate’s smiling face. His fedora has been replaced by his cap, but I can see his suspenders underneath his gown.

“Nate!” I screech and don’t care that my voice just echoed across the entire auditorium.

“Look to the right and wave,” Nate says and I cock a curious eyebrow at him, but then do as he says.

Across the rest of our classmates, Kaylee bounces up and down and flails her arms in our direction. Ryan stands a row in front of her and waves. I laugh and wave back then blow a kiss to Ryan. He pretends to catch it and then presses it to his lips. He’s such a cornball, but I wouldn’t want him any other way.

I look down at my Sweet Memories nails and get the warm fuzzies inside. Nate rests a hand on my shoulder and the fuzzies explode into a fury of happiness overload. “I can’t believe we’re here.”

Nate smiles and without taking his eyes off Kaylee he says, “I can.”

Ryan points to the bleachers and I follow his finger until I see Mom and Roger on the first tier. They wave their hands like a bunch of crazy lunatics and I do the same right back. Then tears clog my throat when my eyes land on Pop-pop. He’s next to Roger on the end and his hand is wrapped around Grams’ hand.

That day she collapsed I never thought she’d be here. But she swore to Ryan she wouldn’t miss this for the world and she kept that promise. She may be in a wheelchair, but she’s here and that’s all that matters.

Brett is behind her, his hands resting on the handles. Next year will be his turn to walk to the stage and get his diploma, and although I swore I’d never come back to this place once I got out, there’s no way in hell I’m missing him in a cap and gown.

There’s one person missing. One person who didn’t keep their promise. The words he left behind haunted my nights. It wasn’t even the fact that he took my life savings and bailed. That sucked. But what hurts the most is that at one point, I chose him over Ryan. I still can’t forgive myself for that no matter how many times Ryan insists I do.

Don’t hate me.
And I don’t. It takes too much energy to hate someone and my dad doesn’t deserve that. He doesn’t deserve anything from me.

Ryan was right. I should’ve listened to him all along, but the little girl inside of me, who lost her daddy, wanted to believe that man, after all these years, still loved her.

I turn back to Ryan, and even though there’s a sea of people between us, it doesn’t matter, because I know exactly what his eyes are trying to tell me.

“I love you too,” I mouth. 

The ceremony starts and we all take our seats. One by one they call our names. And when it’s my time I wait a minute to take it all in. Ryan, Nate and Kaylee howl and cheer. Mom dabs a tissue to her eye and Roger snaps a million pictures. Brett is clapping like a deranged cymbal banging monkey.

Pop-pop stands and rests a hand on Grams’s shoulder. The pure joy on their faces, for a girl who isn’t even their own blood, brings tears to my eyes. I swallow down the messy blob of emotion sneaking its way up my throat and walk across the stage.

Eighteen years of ups and downs and I’ve made it. I receive my diploma and turn to the crowd, spotting my friends, no, my family, and I throw my arms in the air.

Graduation
isn’t
just another day after all. It is a celebration of the battles I fought, the hurdles I jumped, and the love that helped carry me here.

“Where are my keys?” I call out to Brett. He pokes his head out of my old room—now his room—and gives me a very helpful shrug, his ear glued to his phone. Every time I’m over he’s on a call with his girlfriend.

“You left them in here,” Grams says from the living room. Pop-pop puts down the word flashcards to toss them to me. I catch them with one hand, then tuck them into the inside pocket of my suit jacket.

I’m already running late. Lex is probably sitting at the head table in the wedding hall, tapping her freshly painted nails against her silverware.

“Fix your collar, sweetie,” Grams says, and I quickly fold and smooth it down. She smiles and puts a hand to her chest. “So handsome.”

“Tell Mrs. Boggs congratulations for us,” Pop-pop says. “Or it’s Mrs. Eichman now. We didn’t get the chance earlier.”

“Will do.” Pop-pop and Grams came to the actual wedding ceremony, but the reception—which I’m headed to—Grams said she wasn’t sure if she felt well enough to go. Brett and I got her back home quickly after that.

She’s doing well. Pop-pop’s teaching her how to read again. And her speech has come back, though a few words are a little slurred. She’s stubborn though, and rarely tells us when she’s struggling. So when she actually admits it, we jump on the chance to help out.

I flip my keys around and head out to the Lincoln I ended up buying from Ms. Schafer. Finally got it running a few months ago. She’s been pretty reliable since.

The reception is at Roger’s place. He’s got a decent-sized backyard and the weather’s been good today, so everything’s outside. I have to park a few houses down, and I’m trying to fix my pocket square so it sits right, but I’m not having much luck. It’s incredibly skewed when I step through the back gate.

Lex is standing up at the head table, holding her glass of sparkling cider—no alcohol at this wedding—and it looks like I caught her on the tail end of her toast.

“…when people lose something, or someone, they tend to fall into the worst versions of themselves. And it’s the people who still find something to love who are the gems in this world.”

Lex turns to Roger. “You found us at our worst, and yet you still saw something to love. Some
one
to love. And I couldn’t be happier to call you family. To call you… Dad.”

Roger reaches up and takes Lex’s hand, kissing her fingers. She smiles and raises her glass. “To the bride and groom.”

Clinks are heard across the yard, and Lex’s eyes find mine through the crowd. She sets her drink down, shaking her head at my tardiness. She looks gorgeous. Always, but it’s hard not to notice the perfection of her curly hair draped over her shoulder, the low cut red dress, and from what I remember at the wedding ceremony… the fact that that dress is backless. I gulp, my mouth suddenly very dry.

The DJ puts on some music, and Roger leads Lex’s mom out to the makeshift dancing area—which is just the flattest piece of grass. After a minute, people start to join them and Lex makes her way to me.

“You… are late.”

“But I’m sexy, so that makes up for it.”

She wrinkles her nose at me, and I take her hand and lead her to the dance “floor.”

“Impressive speech,” I tell her, swinging her into me. I still haven’t learned anything from that one dancing lesson I did forever ago with Kaylee, so I only move Lex side-to-side and enjoy the feel of her bare back.

“You caught it, huh?”

“The end of it.” My fingers twitch against her skin. “Very sappy and romantic.”

She rolls her eyes. “Well, I know a thing or two about love.”

We dance for a few seconds in silence, and Lex drops one hand from my shoulder and pushes it up my tux.

“You do look incredibly sexy in this thing.”

“I know.”

“And you’re so humble too.”

I smirk and attempt to twirl her out, but I’m not good at it, and she’s not all that great at it either, so she ends up tripping and smashing her face into my shoulder.

“Yeah,” she says, rubbing her nose, “let’s not do that again.”

“Agreed.”

She laughs, then snuggles into my chest. We’re not really dancing anymore… just kind of holding each other.

“Is it weird?” I ask her. “Now that your mom’s married.”

“It’s a bit surreal,” she says, lifting her head up to gaze at her mom and her husband. “Sometimes it feels like yesterday I was prying vodka out of her hands, and sometimes it feels like a lifetime ago.”

“Yeah.” I nod. “I get that. I still think it’s Grams or Pop-pop every time I hear a noise in the middle of the night. Always takes me a couple seconds to remember I don’t live with them anymore.”

She covers her laugh with her hand, and I tickle her ribs slightly.

“You’re picturing that, aren’t you?”

“I don’t have to picture it. You’ve done it once or twice when I’ve spent the night.”

“Have not,” I argue, even though I know she’s right. She shakes her head at me.

The song switches up, but Lex doesn’t make a move so we continue to “not dance.”

“Are you coming over tonight?” I ask her. Lex has been giving Roger and her mom lots of alone time since they got engaged. I haven’t minded at all. Lex’s cheeks go a little pink at my question, and she looks around as if anyone will hear.

“Actually,” she says, letting her eyes blink up to mine, “I was thinking I wanted my gift.”

“Gift?” I was supposed to get her a gift? Since when does the maid of honor get gifts?

“My birthday present from last year,” she says, cheeks burning red, teeth coming over her bottom lip to bite back her smile. My stomach kicks at her implication. I’ve been patiently—and not-so-patiently—waiting for her to show up at my door with all of her stuff.

“You’re ready to claim your king-sized bed?” I ask, pulse picking up. My heart is thumping with the beat of a thousand drums. It’s been a year since she first told me no. When she said she needed to be on her own for a while. And yeah, I’ve been silently noticing how much stronger she’s become. How confident and self-reliant. How she finds time for me and for herself. How much we’ve learned since we first got together.

I can see it in her face now… she’s ready to start our lives together.

And so am I.

“No…” she says, showing off her two-dimpled smile. “I’m ready to claim
our
king-sized bed.”

THE END