Long Road Home, The (16 page)

Corrine Maria Cameron
1869–1890
Beloved Wife and Daughter

Paul looked in silence at the words carved into the stone. It was awful to think of her body beneath the ground. But then
she
wasn’t really there; she was in heaven where there was no more pain.

He lowered his body slowly to the grassy knoll and didn’t try to pray; in fact, he tried not to think at all. The sun was in a mid-morning position, and the day promised to be warm. There were a few other graves nearby, but Paul took no notice of them. Someone keeps things cared for up here, he noted absently as he looked at the well-trimmed area which boasted a few flowers.

“She would have been 21 by now, Lord,” Paul spoke softly in the breeze that had begun to stir. “I knew her such a short time, and yet she taught me so much. She would have been disappointed to know I ran away. She always handled her pain with a smile.”

Tears ran from Paul’s eyes and he felt such despair at not being able to see her again and tell her he loved her. Oh, he wouldn’t have wanted her to come back to her pain, but he
had fallen so deeply in love with her and had had her such a short time.

And now there was Abby. “Corrine,” he spoke through his tears. “I would have been faithful to you all the days of my life, but you’re gone now and I really think Abby and I need each other. It feels almost adulterous to sit at your grave and speak of another woman but—”

Paul didn’t finish the words before he began to sob openly. He had cried many tears for the loss of his wife and each time found them healing. But being at her grave, wondering who performed the ceremony that he should have attended, and thinking of the sweet love they had shared for so short a time made his heart feel like it was breaking.

And in the midst of it all was Abby’s face. Did that mean he didn’t love Corrine anymore? His confusion was great and his tears intensified. Before he realized it, his body gave way to emotional exhaustion.

Hours later Lloyd stood a few feet away and looked at the prone body of his pastor, a young man he loved and respected. He knew he would be in the same position if that had been May lying there and with him seeing her grave for the first time.

With a gentle hand he shook Paul’s shoulder. “Come on, son, let’s go home. May’s got some lunch for you, and then I think you could use a rest.”

Paul looked for a moment in confusion at the older man before rising and going with him down the hill. Back at the house he talked with no one and ate some lunch before retiring to his bed. He wondered, as he drifted off to sleep, if Abby had ever seen Ian’s grave.

Abby had known it would come, but that didn’t make it any easier. There was no way Paul could come back to this town and not be affected by his memories. She wondered how she would feel if she went back to Canada—probably just as distracted and seemingly remote when she faced the past as Paul was right now. But she missed the other Paul—the one who laughed easily and didn’t seem elsewhere even while in a crowded room.

She had accompanied Paul up here as planned, and knew that he would look after Ross, who was in reality old enough to look after himself. The time had come for her to go home.

She would write to the Becketts and ask them to send the rest of her things to Michigan, and then she would head home after she stopped in Bruce Mines. She would know then how Paul was feeling right now. All the memories of her life with Ian would meet her, good and bad.

She would wait until after Sunday. The quilting bee was Saturday morning, and she wanted to attend. Leaving Paul would be hard enough as it was, and somehow she thought staying to hear him preach one more time would ease the pain. He had such a special way with words, so clearly showing his love of God—and that voice!

Abby concentrated for a moment on what his laugh sounded like—very deep and quiet. Instantly she could feel
his arms around her, strong and warm as when he had hugged her outside the church. She knew the hug from his perspective had been one of gratitude, but she was feeling more than gratitude, and she couldn’t seem to help herself.

“Oh, Ian, I’m so confused. What we had was so special.” But her room didn’t answer.

Her next thought was of Aaron Johnson. He had come by that morning and stayed for quite some time. Paul had been out, but Aaron had visited with Ross and May. Abby had found his two children, Gwen and James, adorable. Abby had been leery after finding out he was a widower, but his manner was so shy and unpretentious. When his children displayed the same shy manner she lost some of her reserve.

But she couldn’t marry a man because she felt sorry for him and his children. It would be wonderful if he could find a wife, but Abby knew she was not that woman.

“Yes, Lord, I think you want me to go home. I guess I halfway hoped that Paul and I would someday be together, but he needs to be concentrating on his life here and the church. He doesn’t need me hanging around.”

Abby knew she was feeling sorry for herself. Part of the problem was that she should have been asleep half an hour ago. She resettled herself on the pillow and decided to pray herself into slumber.

Down the hall, Ross and Paul were readying for bed. Paul sat on the edge of his bed to pull off his shoes. He glanced up to find Ross lying in his own bed staring intently at him.

“When Abby first came to Hayward,” Ross began without warning, “I fell for her—hard. I still think she’s wonderful, but I know she’s not the woman God has for me.”

Ross paused, and Paul sat in silence waiting for the point he was sure was coming.

“It was hard for me at first—I mean when I knew she hadn’t fallen for me. But then she told me of Christ, and I know that’s
why she came. And well, I still think she’s really special, and I guess I would like to see her loved and cared for. Every time I pray for her, you come to mind.”

Paul looked at him without comment or change of expresssion, and Ross went on.

“Now I know it can’t be easy for you being up here where you met your wife, and I don’t expect you to confide in me because none of this is really any of my business. I know that Abby was really in love with her husband, but somehow I just think you two would be really good for each other. I’m sorry if you think I’m putting my nose in where it doesn’t belong.” Ross seemed to run out of words, and he looked a little Uncomfortable as he finished.

“I don’t think you are being nosey, and I appreciate that you care for Abby, but I would like to know what brought all of this on.”

Ross hesitated for a long moment. “There was a man here today—Aaron Johnson. He visited with Abby for over two hours.”

“How does Abby know Aaron Johnson?” Paul asked in genuine confusion.

“Remember, he came by that first day, and then he talked to her again at church on Sunday. And well, today when he was here, they sort of hit it off. That is, he didn’t take his eyes off her the whole time he was here, and she was delighted with his children.”

Ross watched Paul’s face carefully. He was so good at hiding his feelings, but then Ross saw it—just the tiniest flicker of concern in his eyes. Ross lay back in satisfaction then. He wasn’t good with words like Paul, and that flicker told Ross that Paul had understood what he meant.

The men didn’t talk further, but Paul’s mind was certainly full as he turned down the lamp. It was long after Ross’ breathing had evened into sleep that Paul finished praying and was able to find his own rest.

“Paul, can I talk to you a moment?”

“Certainly,” Paul answered as he followed Lloyd into the study. It was after breakfast the next morning, and Paul was headed to spend some time with Abby. He had done much thinking in the night and come to some peaceful conclusions, but he really needed to talk with her and see how she was feeling.

He didn’t want to be rude to Lloyd, but had hoped to see Abby before she left for the quilting bee at Loni Griffin’s.

“How are you doing, Paul?” Lloyd spoke after they both were seated.

“Very well, thank you,” wondering, as he answered, why he had really been called into the study.

“It’s sure a pleasure to have Ross and Abby here.”

“Yes, they’re both very special to me.”

“Is Abby by any chance extra-special?” The older man rushed on before Paul could even take a breath. “Oh now, I know you’re still hurting over Corrine and I don’t want to be insensitive, Paul, but Abby told May this morning that it’s time she went home. To tell the truth, I guess we both got the feeling she was going to be a little more permanent.”

If there had been a single doubt in Paul’s mind over what to do with his feelings for Abby, they were banished in that instant. He couldn’t let her leave. Maybe they needed a little
more time together to get to know one another, but there was no way he could allow her to leave.

“Thanks, Lloyd, for telling me. I’ve got to run now. I want to catch Abby before she goes to the Griffins.” Paul rushed out the door leaving it standing wide, and in a few minutes May came in.

“Did you have a chance to ask him?”

“Yes, and I don’t even want to tell you how quickly he rushed out of here and have you say ‘I told you so.’ ”

“Oh no, dear, I would never say that. I’ll settle for you telling me I’m always right.” Her look was one of such feigned innocence that Lloyd laughed. May joined him even as they both wanted to know what was going on with their young pastor right then.

Paul rushed along the street that he had just seen Abby and Priscilla Dayton head down. They were talking companionably as they went and were surprised when Paul seemed to appear out of nowhere.

“Good morning, ladies. May I walk you to the Griffins?”

“Oh certainly, Pastor Cameron,” Priscilla said with genuine delight. “We would feel honored. Wouldn’t we, Abby?”

“Oh yes,” Abby answered absently, wondering what Paul was up to. She could see he was trying very hard to act casual, but Abby wasn’t fooled. His smile was a bit strained, and she knew he would have walked much faster had he been alone. In fact, she thought, why wasn’t he alone? Surely he must have better things to do with his time than walk two women to a quilting bee. A repressed air nearly reverberated about him as though he had exciting news he was bursting to tell.

Abby’s confusion grew as they walked and Priscilla made conversation. Abby noticed that Paul’s answers were brief, and he kept shooting glances her way.

It didn’t take very long to reach their destination. Priscilla went right to the door, but Abby hung back with a quick explanation. “I’ll be right there, Priscilla. Don’t wait for me.”

The other woman gave her a quick wave and headed up the steps and through the door. Paul and Abby walked to the corner of the house for a little privacy from the front windows, and Abby spoke.

“Is something wrong, Paul?”

Definitely, Paul thought, glad that she had not gone right inside, but wondered how he was going to tell her what was on his mind. A few moments of silence elapsed, leaving Abby more confused than ever. Paul was about to ask Abby how she liked Bayfield when he caught sight of Aaron Johnson coming out of the barrel-making shop. He turned suddenly and in a quiet voice, laced with panic, blurted out: “Abby, will you marry me?”

“What?”
Abby fairly shrieked at him.

“I said, will you marry me?”

“Paul,” Abby said, her voice dropping low, her hurt very evident, “I don’t find that the least bit funny.”

“It’s no joke, Abby. I want you for my wife. And what’s more, I think God wants it too.”

Abby could only gawk at him. Where had such a proposal come from? Had he taken leave of his senses? She tried to think reasonably as to why he would do this, but her thoughts were a whirl of confusion.

All she could think to ask was “Why?”

“Because I think we would do very well together.” His voice was very logical, and Abby was cut to the quick that he said nothing whatsoever about love.

“But Paul,” she said with quiet pain, bringing up the subject that had never quite left her mind, “you don’t even find me
attractive. You don’t like my size or the smell of my bath oil for that matter.”

Paul, he reprimanded himself, you did such damage with those cruel, thoughtless words.

“Oh, Red,” Paul’s voice dropped to a murmur and his eyes filled with tenderness as he looked at her, “I find you lovely beyond description. Those words were spoken by a bitter, self-absorbed man who was fighting the attraction he was feeling for his nurse. And even at that, I never meant for you to hear. All I can do is tell you that’s not the way I feel and ask your forgiveness.”

He watched her eyes soften at his words even as she bit her lip, trying to determine if he was being honest with her. Paul watched the way the sun bounced off her gorgeous red hair, and her huge gray eyes drew him like a magnet. He placed a hand beneath her chin and bent his head.

“Paul!” Abby said breathlessly as she stepped away from a touch she enjoyed. “We’re on a public street.”

Paul looked around in frustration, glad that she had more presence of mind than he did at the moment. He couldn’t believe he had almost kissed her right here before the home of one of his parishioners.

“I need to get inside.” Abby’s voice cut quietly into the awkward moment and Paul’s racing thoughts.

She didn’t look at him as she spoke, and he could see her cheeks were aflame with embarrassment.

“I’ll let you go, but please remember that nothing I said was meant as a joke and we still need to talk.” When Abby didn’t answer, Paul pursued the subject. “We will talk, won’t we? I mean, I’m always a little afraid you’re going to disappear out of my life as suddenly as you appeared.”

“We can talk if you want.” Abby’s voice was subdued, and Paul knew how badly he had handled the whole thing.

“You won’t leave when I’m not looking?”

“No,” was Abby’s answer, avoiding his eyes.

Paul hoped that she would look at him, and he stood watching as she mounted the stairs and knocked at the door. When the door was opened, she vanished inside without a backward glance. What a mess he had made of things. He moved slowly away from the house, one hand rubbing the back of his neck in frustration.

“Please, Lord,” he prayed as he turned away from the house, “help me to make things right with the woman I love.”