Long Time Running (21 page)

He knew how he felt about Nathalie and after lying in bed with her last night he was sure of her feelings as well. And yet to say it out loud - to tell their son - seemed impossible. Taking a deep breath, he tried
again. "Your Mom is very important to me" he said finally. "She is an amazing, kind woman and she matters to me very much."

As Jack scrunched up his face at the answer, Eric chuckled to himself; it was the exact same look Nathalie had given him hundreds of times
when she thought his answer was strange.

"So you're still complicated about her?"

Smiling, he ruffled his hair. "Yes, I'm still complicated about her." His heart felt lighter and fuller in the last five
minutes than it had in years. "Do you have any other questions Jack?"

"Does this mean I live with you now?"

Andrew winced slightly at the way Sarah gripped his hand.
Placing his hand on her arm, he rubbed it softly as he silently tried to telegraph his support.

"I think," Eric began looking over at Sarah, "that you should stay with Aunt Sarah until you meet your Mom and we all
figure out how this is going to work. But," he carried on seeing the protest on Jack's face, "we will do it together, you included. Does that sound okay?"

"Yeah." Kneeling up, he hugged Eric again. "I
love you....Daddy."

"Drew?" Jack called from his father's lap.

"Yeah bud?"

"Are you my uncle?"

Tilting his head to the side, he gave him a curious look.
"No Jack, I'm not. Why do you ask?"

He shrugged. "I just thought it would be cool if we were all one family."

Andrew smiled at him. "We are family bud - just
different." Looking at Sarah, he glanced back at Jack. "But we love each other all the same."

Not sure of what to do, Sarah got to her feet and brushed down her skirt. "It looks like you guys missed opening pitch."

"That's okay," Jack said. "Hanging with my Dad is better than any Yankees game."

Sarah swallowed thickly and walked to the bookcase, pretending to straighten the already perfectly straight books.

"Why don't we order a pizza and the four of us can have dinner and watch a movie?" Andrew suggested.

"Sure" she replied brightly. "I'll go to the
kitchen and call."

She scurried from the living room and headed around the corner. Once in the kitchen, with her hands braced on the counter, she sucked in a sharp breath and tried to swallow down her tears. She knew this was how it
should be but she couldn't help but feel as though she was being left - again. She clenched her eyes shut as she felt Andrew's arms slide around her waist from behind; she stiffened.

"We can't do this Andrew."

"Yes, we could," he disagreed gently, without removing his arms, "if you'd let me. But, in the meantime, you are someone who needs a friend and I don't see a long line up of people looking to fill the
role."

It was a minute before she let herself relax. Once she did, she turned in his arms and molded her body to his lean form. As much as she fought it, it always felt right. "I don't mean to be such a bitch."

"I know," he whispered.

"I'm scared."

"I know."

Out in the living room, Jack sat tucked up next to Eric measuring his hand against his father's.

"Are we going to meet my Mom tomorrow?"

"Yes. Are you excited about that?"

"Yeah. Do you think she'll like me?"

Eric swallowed down a lump in his throat as he nodded.
"I know she will, Jack. She loves you."

Leaning his head against Eric's shoulder, he sighed happily. "This is going to be the best birthday ever."

Nathalie applied her lip gloss for the fourth time before
angrily wiping it off with a tissue. As she stared into the little mirror on her table she wondered what Jack would think when he saw her. Would he think she looked old? Tired? Mean? Sad? She realized no amount of lip gloss would cover the fact that she gave him up and for almost eight years he has known
that his mother chose to be somewhere other than with him. Closing the cap on the lip gloss she tossed it across the room in frustration.

"You are going to exhaust yourself before he gets
here," Andrew remarked from the doorway.

Smiling sheepishly, she shrugged. "I can't decide if I should allow him to see me looking terrible or if I should try and look like I didn't just have a tumor yanked from my head."

"First of all," he said, coming into the room, "I did not yank the tumor from your head. I delicately removed it. Second of all," he told her more seriously, "he is so excited to meet you
that you could be purple with pink polka dots and he wouldn't care."

Playing with the hem of her t-shirt, she let out a shaky breath. Eric had phoned her last night to tell her that Jack now knew he was his father and that he was looking forward to meeting his mother. The news had
both thrilled her and heightened her anxiety. There were consequences to every choice made in life and she was about to find out what hers were.

"He was really okay last night?" she prodded.

Andrew nodded, smiling. "He was. He stayed curled up to Eric all night long and fought to stay awake for as long as he could."

Seeing the worry etched on her face he pulled a chair to her
bedside and sat down. "Nat, he is a bright, perceptive kid. Even if he doesn't understand all the complexities of why he wasn't living with you or why he wasn't told Eric was his father, he knows he's loved and that matters a lot."

"Did it matter to you?" she asked gently.

"I'm not Jack" he replied quietly. "My circumstances were different."

"How was Sarah? She...she didn't seem to want to talk
very much last night."

"She's having a hard time Nat. She loves Jack."

"And she feels like she's being left - a recurring theme in my sister's life and one I've contributed to," she admitted.

"She likes to pretend she can roll with anything but I know....I can see how hard it is for her."

Cocking her head to the side, Nathalie carefully studied her friend. Though it had been years since she had seen him, there had been a time
when she had known him inside and out. She had been one of the first to see his perpetual bachelor ways as a defense mechanism as opposed to a real love of the single life. There was something in the tone of his voice, in the way he spoke
about her that turned a light bulb on.

"Drew, are you in love with my sister?"

He said nothing as he dropped his gaze.

Exhaling, Nathalie rubbed her hand over her face. "You
sure you don't want to pick someone less complicated than Sarah?" she asked. Getting no response, she leaned forward and looked him straight in the eye. "My sister has this really prickly exterior-"

Andrew snorted. "Tell me about it."

She smiled knowingly. "And most people give up trying to get past it because it can be a lot of work but if you keep trying you'll eventually get inside and what is inside my sister is more beautiful than you
can imagine."

"I know," he whispered.

The shrill ring of his cell phone brought all further conversation to a halt. Fishing it from his pocket, he flipped it open.

Nathalie knew immediately that he was talking to Eric. Her heart started to race and she could feel her palms go clammy. As he closed the phone she looked at him expectantly.

"They're on their way up."

Though she was dying to see her son, she could not quell her nervousness. "Do I...do I look okay?" she asked almost breathlessly. "Maybe I should sit in the chair, rather than the bed? What do you
think?"

Andrew took her hand and squeezed it. "I think you take a deep breath. And then another. You are fine in the bed." Leaning in, he kissed her forehead. "It's going to be fine Nat, I promise."

Hearing a knock at the door, she exhaled slowly. "C-come in" she called.

As the door swung open revealing Jack standing in between Sarah and Eric, holding their hands, Nathalie caught her breath. Her eyes
pricked with tears as she was reminded of just how much time had slipped by and of how her heart recognized him instantly.

"Jack" she whispered.

The young boy looked from his father and then to his aunt.
Sarah smiled at him and gave him an encouraging nod.

"Hi," he answered shyly.

Breathing raggedly, she stared wondrously at him. "I have...I have m-missed you," she told him. "Very much."

Dropping the hands he was holding he ran across the room and climbed carefully on to the bed before throwing his arms around her neck. Nathalie closed her arms around him and held him tightly to her.

"My baby boy" she whispered, "you've gotten so big"

Pulling back slightly without letting go of her, he looked at her with great seriousness. "I am almost eight."

Chuckling softly, she nodded. "I know you are."
She sighed. "I love you Jack. I have loved you from the moment I knew I was carrying you."

"Are you better now? Aunt Sarah and Eri-Daddy said you
were sick."

Her heart skipped a beat at hearing him refer to Eric as 'Daddy'. "I am getting better," she told him.

"Did Drew fix you? He can fix anything!"

Catching Andrew's eye, she winked. "Yes he did and yes,
he can fix anything."

"It's my birthday on Friday," he announced to her as he slid from her lap and sat beside her, cross legged on the bed.

"I know" she told him softly. "I celebrated
your birthday every year even when I wasn't with you."

Jack's green eyes widened in surprise. "You did?"

Cupping the side of his face, she nodded. "I did,"
she replied softly.

"Did you have a cake?"

Sarah finally found her voice and spoke. "Jack is a big fan of cake - chocolate with strawberries. Just like you," she added.

Nathalie dragged her thumb underneath her eye. "I didn't have a cake but I used to go to a place called Table Mountain where I would climb along one of the paths until I would find a quiet spot. I would always pack a small picnic and when I found the perfect spot, I would sit down
on my blanket and write you a letter I would put all my love out into the universe to find you and make wishes for you."

"Did they come true?"

She inhaled sharply as she thought of the times she sat there, nearly overcome with loneliness, where she would pray for forgiveness for all that she had done and where she would ask the universe to take care of his son and ensure he was well loved. Looking over near the door where her
sister, Eric and Andrew were all pressed against the wall, she smiled.

"Yes, they did. I wished for you to be loved and it's clear to me that you are."

"Did you really miss me?" He played with the
corner of the blanket, not quite meeting her eyes.

"Oh my Jack," she rasped. "Every single day." Fingering her locket she reached around and unhooked it. Popping it
open, she held it in the palm of her hand. "I carried you with me every single day."

Kneeling up the young boy peered at the tiny baby photo and smiled. "That's me!"

"Yes it is," she confirmed.

Tracing his finger over the four leaf clover, he scrunched up his face. "What's this?"

Raising her eyes, she looked briefly at Eric and smiled before turning her attention back to him.

"It's a gift your Dad gave me a long time ago."

Lifting up her arm, he crawled underneath it and curled himself into her. "Should I...should I call you Mom?" he asked as he
pulled on his bottom lip.

She kissed the top of his head. "Only if you want to Jack. You can call me Nathalie if you aren't ready to call me Mom."

The room fell very quiet as everyone waited for his answer.
Rubbing his fingers together, he looked up at her and smiled shyly. "I think...I think I would like to call you Mom."

Several tears fell as she hugged him tightly again. "I would...I would like that very much."

Seeing that Nathalie was beginning to tire, Eric stepped forward. "Hey bud, I think we need to let your Mom get some rest now. She's still recovering from her operation."

She looked up pleadingly. "I'm okay, really." Now
that she had him back in his arms she was almost unwilling to let him go at all.

Andrew chimed in. "Eric's right Nat. I don't want you to impact your recovery by overdoing it."

"I can come visit tomorrow, right Aunt Sarah?" he asked.

"Of course you can" she replied quietly.

Jack hugged his mother again. "Last birthday when I blew out my candles I wished for you" he told her. "And here you are.
This year is gonna be the best birthday ever!"

"I love you Jack"

"I love you too Mom." He kissed her cheek before
scrambling off the bed and heading to Sarah.

"Sarah?" she called to her sister. "Can you stay for a couple of minutes?"

Eric held his hand out to Jack and then smiled at Nathalie. "I'll come back later to visit, okay?"

Smiling tearfully, she nodded. "I'd like that." She waved at Jack as they left the room. As the door closed she beckoned her sister to the bed.

Sarah was barely within arms' reach before Nathalie had
pulled her into a warm embrace. "You are the best sister in the world," she whispered against her shoulder. "I can never repay what you have done for me and for my son."

It took Sarah a moment to give in to the embrace but she did
and returned it with equal warmth. "You are my sister, there isn't anything I wouldn't do for you."

Nathalie wiped again at her eyes and smiled as she let go of
her. "I know...I know I said some awful things to you when I found out about Jack being here-"

"You were in shock" she offered.

"It was no excuse Sar. I unleashed my self-loathing on
you and that was not fair. I know every choice you made was out of love for me...and Jack....and it turns out you knew better than all of us what we all needed. Thank you is inadequate but it's all I have right now."