Long Way Home (9 page)

“Paul’s my hero.”

“He’s a great guy,” he agreed. “I took the liberty of ordering your signature drink. I hope that’s okay.”

“Much needed, thank you.”

“So things were that bad with your sister?” he prompted.

She waved him off. “It was a spat that needed to happen. Now, hopefully, we can make some progress.”

“Good to know. Now we can enjoy the sunset before it’s gone. Bet you don’t get views like that in London,” Tyler said, taking a moment to admire the disappearing view.

She turned her attention to the tangerine horizon streaked with red. Between the dreamlike sky and the sound of the waves lapping gently against the shore, Alexis felt her tension melt away.

“It’s stunning,” she said with a sigh.

“So are you,” he said in a low voice.

Heat rose from her neck to her cheeks. “Ty…”

“I know, it’s not a date.” He leaned back in his chair, flashing that irresistible dimple in his cheek, and she couldn’t deny the flutter in her stomach.

The waiter brought two whiskeys and set one in front of Alexis and the other in front of Tyler.

“You got one for yourself?” she queried.

“Why not? I could use a little more hair on my chest.”

At the mention of his chest, Alexis’s eyes inadvertently moved to admire his physique. When she caught herself staring, she immediately straightened in her chair and cleared her throat awkwardly.

“So have you had any other jobs aside from The Blue Heron and your music?” she asked. She hoped to distract herself from the hint of muscles lurking underneath his shirt.

“A couple, not too many.”

“What’s been the worst one?” she asked.

“Easy. Counting furniture in an insane asylum.”

She threw her head back and laughed. “What? Is that even a job?”

“Paid eight dollars and fifty cents an hour, off the island naturally.”

“Are you sure you weren’t
in
the asylum?” she teased.

“I composed lyrics to one of my best songs in that place, so it was worth it. What about you?”

“I’ve never composed lyrics anywhere.” She downed her whiskey and relished the burn as it spread through her body.

“Ha, ha. Your worst job, smart ass.”

“Easy. Being a corporate lawyer.”

“But that’s what you do now.”

“I’ve never had another job.”

“Why would you do it for so long if you hate it?”

Alexis shrugged. “Lots of reasons.”

“Is this the type of evidence you give at work?” he asked with a grin. “If so, I can see why the job might not suit you.”

Alexis laughed despite herself. She didn’t have the heart to tell him that corporate work did not involve giving evidence. “It offered me disposable income, respect, intellectual challenges. Lots of things I didn’t have growing up.”

“You know, most kids rebel by smoking dope or shoplifting. Not by becoming a lawyer.”

“I wouldn’t describe it as rebellion. The rebellion was cutting them off.”

“What then?”

Alexis tried to decide how to explain her family to him. She couldn’t even explain them to herself. They had always seemed so alien to her.

“I don’t know. I just never felt like they were proud of me, like the things I did well weren’t of interest to them.”

“So what about Betsy? Why is she in the catbird seat?”

“She didn’t reach above her station, for starters. Law is for superior people, or people who think they’re superior.”

“Doesn’t your mother work for a lawyer?” he asked.

“The key phrase is works for. Truth be told, I think my mom is fine with it. My dad’s the one who equated lawyers with politicians and criminals.”

Tyler nodded. “I know the type.”

She sighed. “I bet your parents tell everyone who will listen what a talented musician you are. They probably have your songs on heavy rotation.”

Tyler couldn’t lie. His parents were great and he knew it. He tried to cover a guilty smile.

“So you’ve been practicing law for what, ten or eleven years? Why didn’t you just get a new job when you realized you were miserable? Try a different kind of law?”

His line of questioning may have sounded critical coming from someone with less empathy, but from Tyler, it brought honesty and self-reflection bubbling to the surface.

“The truth is, I’d developed an identity, a persona that seemed to exist separate from the real me.”

Tyler gave her a pitying look. “Well, I have to admit, I like you both. Real Alexis and Alternate Alexis. Like Coke Classic and New Coke.”

“Oh, c’mon. Nobody liked New Coke.”

“I have a confession,” he said. “I liked Zima too.”

She smiled. Now she knew he was lying, but she let him off the hook anyway. He reached under the table to squeeze her thigh and her body rippled with pleasure.

“Ty,” she began and he immediately removed his hand. He recognized that tone of voice.

“Sorry, it just felt so natural,” he said. His heart beat so loudly in his chest, he wanted to yell at it to be quiet.

She lowered her gaze, searching for the right words. “I am very attracted to you…” That was an understatement. “But I…I,” she faltered.

He waved her off. “No buts. I like the first part of your statement. Let’s stick with that.” He gave her a devastating smile and her insides trembled.

“I really do like you, Ty, and trust me when I say I didn’t think it was possible.”

“Gee, thanks.”

She realized what she’d said and her cheeks flamed. “Not that it was impossible to like you, specifically.” She stumbled over her words. “That it was possible for me to like someone.”

He grinned again and she realized that he was teasing her. “I could get used to this,” he proclaimed. “A tongue-tied Alexis MacAdams.”

“You have only yourself to blame.”

“Good, I don’t want you to blame anybody else but me. I want to be the one who ties your tongue.”

She couldn’t resist a smile. Staring at her across the table, admiring her lush hair as it blew gently in the breeze, Tyler Barnes felt like the luckiest guy in the world.

After feasting on lobster and scallops at The Galleon, Alexis and Tyler went to Lottie’s Greenhouse to watch the skaters on the temporary ice rink. A Christmas tree loomed in the background, illuminating the festive atmosphere. Even though the weather rarely dipped below sixty degrees in winter, islanders loved invoking the look and feel of Christmas to the best of their abilities.

“It’s pretty here, isn’t it?” Tyler asked, entranced by their surroundings. “I mean, I’m sure London has its charms, but you can’t ice skate with palm trees there.”

“Anywhere but here. That was my motto.”

“Why? I mean, I know opportunity knocked in London, but I’ll bet it banged the hell out of your door and left a dent anywhere you went.”

He meant to make her smile and was disappointed when she didn’t. They’d had such a good time at dinner; he wanted to stoke those flames.

“London felt just far enough. I only needed one ocean.”

He didn’t press her for more. Patience was one of his virtues.

“I’ve always hated the nickname Ty,” he said, seemingly out of the blue.

“What?” Alexis queried. She thought she’d misheard him.

“Kids from school used to call me Ty. I never shortened my name; people did it without asking. Even now, I cringe when anyone greets me as Ty. I know I’ll never escape the name because it’s part of my history, my past. And that’s the thing about your past, it always catches up with you, no matter how much you want to bury it.”

“But you introduced yourself to me as Ty.”

“I assumed that’s the name you would remember.” He laughed. “That obviously didn’t help.”

“So you’d like me to call you Tyler?”

Tyler understood that she deliberately missed the point of his story. He caught her eye and held it, intense but not unnerving. “You can call me whatever you like. Anything sounds good rolling off your tongue.”

Reddening slightly, Alexis turned her attention back to the skaters and laughed as a man fell over. “I’ll stick with Tyler,” she said finally.

“Do you want to take a spin?” he offered.

“No, thanks. I’ve only been skating once and it didn’t go well.”

“That’s okay. I don’t skate either, but I’m willing to make a fool of myself.”

Alexis bit her lip, fighting a memory. The truth was that her one attempt at skating had been with Mark at one of the most amazing ice rinks in the world. Although the skating didn’t go well, it was the night she’d realized that she was in love with Mark. She’d blocked Somerset House from her memory, but standing in Lottie’s Greenhouse brought it all back to her in spades. She could almost feel Mark’s arm around her waist.

Somerset House was the most grand and impressive ice rink imaginable. A twelve-feet tall Christmas tree and elegant neoclassical building adorned the backdrop. An English wonderland. Alexis remembered admiring the surroundings while watching skilled skaters dance their circles around the ice.

“This place is fantastic,” she’d told Mark.

“One of London’s many secrets. Now that I’ve revealed one, it’s your turn. Ladies’ choice.”

“For starters, I’ve never been ice skating so if that’s why we’re here…”

Mark had smacked his forehead comically. “But you came from the greater New York metropolitan area. Surely, you’ve been to Rockefeller Center.”

“Only to laugh when people fall.”

“Well, darling, it’s time for the laugher to become the laughee.”

“Those are not real words, you know. You’re pretty inarticulate for a lawyer.”

As usual, Mark had taken her barbs in stride. “No stalling, Miss MacAdams. We’re going on that ice together. It’s romantic, it’s scenic, it’s London at its best.”

He glanced at her, realizing he hadn’t won her over yet.

“You shall not fall,” he assured her.

“Do we need to sign a waiver?”

Mark placed both hands on her shoulders and looked her squarely in the eye. “It will be my mission to ensure that one Alexis MacAdams does not fall on her perfectly shaped bum. An Englishman’s honor.”

He held up two fingers like a Scout.

“I think a bit of history will tell you everything you need to know about an Englishman’s honor,” Alexis quipped.

Mark’s hands flew to his chest in mock injury and she laughed at his antics, never imagining what the future held for them.

She managed to make it once around the rink without falling over. They were both too wrapped up in each other’s company. Alexis recalled making a great effort to stay upright with Mark’s hand supporting her waist. Just as she began to believe that all was well, she lost her balance and landed straight on her bottom. Mark immediately reached down and pulled her back up.

“Ten second rule,” he said. “Doesn’t count as a fall.”

Alexis broke into a grin so wide that she could still feel it on her cheeks when she thought about it.

Alexis squeezed her eyes closed, unwilling to remember any more. Overwhelmed by a surge of emotion, she nearly keeled over. Thankfully, Tyler caught her by the elbow before she could topple and embarrass herself.

“One whiskey too many?” he joked.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I’m just tired. I haven’t been sleeping well.”

“Now it’s my turn to be sorry,” he remarked. “I practically kept you out at gunpoint.”

“Don’t be sorry,” she told him. “I haven’t been sleeping well for a long time. I have anxiety dreams.” She felt silly saying it out loud. Before now, she’d only told her therapist who recommended sleeping pills. Alexis made no more appointments after that. She didn’t want pills.

“Nightmares?”

“You could say that.” She noticed that his hand was still gripping her elbow and she instinctively jerked away. Seeing Tyler’s stricken face, she realized her mistake.

Alexis felt the knot in her stomach doubling in size. “I didn’t mean to do that,” she said in a small voice. She offered her elbow. “Here, you can hold it again, if you want.”

Tyler burst out laughing at the sheer absurdity. “Maybe I don’t want to hold your elbow.”

Alexis dropped her arm to her side. “Okay then.”

“Maybe I’d rather hold some other body part.”

She felt herself being drawn in by his intense gaze. “Which one?” she asked, daring him.

“Ladies’ choice.”

He gave her a cocky half-smile and she froze. Ladies’ choice. Her thoughts flew back to Mark and the brief moment of pleasure immediately gave way to immense guilt.

“Tyler, I…” she faltered, uncertain what to say. “I’m scared.”

“Scared?” He cupped her face with his hands. “Of me?”

“Of having feelings for someone other than my husband,” she confessed.

His brow wrinkled in confusion. “Husband?” He edged back slightly. “Are you married?”

“Not anymore, but please Tyler, that’s all I want to say about it for now.” Tears filled her eyes, but Alexis was determined not to cry.

“What’s his name?” asked Tyler. He didn’t know why he asked that; it just slipped out.

“Mark.”

“Did you meet him in London?”

“Tyler,” she began, then relented. “Yes, I did. Now please don’t ask anything else. I’ve fashioned myself a nice, delusional bubble and I like it in here. It’s cozy.”

“Fine for you, but how do you expect anyone else to get in?” he asked.

She grew flustered. “I don’t.”

Without another word, she fled Lottie’s Greenhouse. Away from Tyler and away from the good feelings he evoked. How could she flirt with him so shamelessly? How could she consider him as anything more than a friend? She continued to run through the quiet island streets as images of Somerset House raced through her mind. Every nervous giggle. Every smile.

The memory was too painful. She needed to keep moving because standing still made it too easy to think. She ran through Coconut Cove to the nearest beach, kicking off her shoes as soon as she hit the sand. She waded into the water, seeking absolution. The bottom of her dress quickly became drenched. The waves crashed against the cluster of boulders and Alexis welcomed the salt water spray on her face. She didn’t deserve Tyler’s attention. She didn’t deserve to be happy. She’d had her chance at love and she blew it. She deserved to be exactly as she was – alone.