Looking for Julie (3 page)

At the bottom Edie said, “Well done, Sam,” and Sam felt inordinately pleased.

They headed for Point just before nine. Sam fell asleep as soon as they hit the road. She drifted off with a smile, looking forward to tomorrow, wishing Edie would go with them.

Jamie shook her awake when they pulled in the driveway. It took her a moment to ground herself. Oh, yeah, she thought, Edie and Lynn. She stumbled after Edie and Jamie into the warm house. One light had been left on.

“Come on, Sam. I’ll show you your room. You look like you’ve had it.”

As she lay between fresh sheets, she found herself wide-awake. Edie’s and Lynn’s voices seeped through an adjoining wall. She strained to hear but was unable to make out the words. However, the tenor was the same as her mom and dad talking in their bedroom at night. Perhaps someday she’d have someone to talk to like that, but so far her love life hadn’t begun.

Jamie woke her in the morning. “It’s snowing like crazy, girl. Get up.”

She lifted her head, looking at him through bleary eyes, and fell back again. “What time is it?”

“Nine. The ski hill’s open. Let’s grab some food and go.”

She crossed the hall to the bathroom and peered in the mirror. Her cowlick poked up like a bunch of feathers. One side of her hair was flattened. She shrugged at her reflection. She’d be wearing a hat, so hair didn’t matter much. Besides, she’d put it in a ponytail. She dressed and went looking for Jamie.

There were boxes of cereal on the table with bowls and bread and butter and a note that read—
Toast, cereal, milk in fridge. Have fun. I’m in my office if you need me.

Sam’s phone buzzed in her pocket. She looked at it and saw her mom’s work number. She hadn’t called as promised. “Hey, Mom. I’m sorry. I forgot.”

“You didn’t answer when I called last night.”

“I was skiing, Mom. It’s snowing here. We’re going to eat and go out.”

“Okay. Thanks for doing the wash and cleaning up the kitchen.”

“No problem.”

“Love you. Take care.”

She mumbled, “You too.”

Careful not to disturb Edie, they quietly wolfed down a few bowls of cereal and pieces of toast, cleaned up the dishes and left. The snow was falling so thickly that the windshield wipers failed to keep up. The roads were slippery. Whenever Jamie stepped on the gas or brakes, the rear end of the van tried to pass the front, and Sam’s adrenaline kicked in.

Jamie laughed nervously as they slid sideways into a snowbank. “God, I hate it when the car is in charge.”

“Slow down,” she said, leaning forward, trying to see through the heavy flakes.

“We’re hardly moving, for chrissake.”

They got to the ski resort without any accidents. Sam could barely see the nearest lift, much less the top of any hill. They carried their skis to the racks outside the warming house and went inside to put on their boots. She was excited now that they were here. There was nothing better than fresh snow.

It slowed them down, the heavy snow, and wore them out. Visibility was about two to four feet on the runs. Suddenly there’d be a person in front of her and she’d swerve. They skied the black diamonds where there were fewer skiers. At five the ski hill shut down for an hour, and everyone had to pay again to ski in the evenings.

“Let’s go back to Edie’s,” Jamie said, stomping clumps of snow off his boots before entering the steaming warming shelter. She did the same.

Edie stood at the stove. “Chili and warm bread. You must be starving.”

“It’s scary out there.” Jamie kissed his aunt’s cheek.

“That hair gives you a ghoulish look, nephew. Does it glow in the dark?”

“Yeah, it does. Can I help?” Sam said, glancing around the warm kitchen, but everything appeared to be done. The table was set, the bread cut, bowls ready to fill.

“Lynn won’t be here tonight,” Edie said. “She has a meeting.”

“You didn’t stay home because of us, did you?” Jamie asked.

When Sam sat down, her stomach growled.

“You were a good excuse. I didn’t want to go. I get tired of meetings. I get tired of trying to prevail.”

What did that mean? Sam wondered.

Jamie asked.

“It doesn’t matter.” She turned and her mood turned with her. She smiled and her handsome face lit up.

That was the only way to describe her, Sam thought. She was tall and handsome and lithe with an athlete’s grace. She filled three bowls and sat at the table with them. “So, how was the skiing today?”

“Spectacular,” Jamie said. “Do you want to go tonight?”

“I don’t think so. I worried about you. The roads are ice rinks.”

Sam rejoiced inwardly. Her limbs were heavy and her eyelids drooped. She could fall asleep right there.

“It’s a good thing Nita didn’t come. Nita is Sam’s girlfriend.”

“She’s your friend, too,” Sam shot back.

“Not that way she isn’t.”

“Hey, knock it off, Jamie.” Edie lightly punched his shoulder. “You always were an annoying kid.”

Jamie laughed and dug into his chili. “I didn’t mean anything. If I liked girls, I’d go after Nita Perez too. I’d bury my face in her long neck, kiss her dark eyes, run my fingers through her thick hair.”

“I never went after her,” Sam whispered, her face red with embarrassment just like it had been when he’d started talking about Julie.

Edie said, “You know, if you were a kid, I’d send you to your room, Jamie. I don’t allow rude people in my house. It makes everyone uncomfortable. Ignore him, Sam. He’s turning into a loudmouthed, ignorant man. His mother would be ashamed.”

“I’m not a man,” he said.

Edie looked at Sam and they laughed. It felt wonderful, their laughter. She fell in love with Edie then—not in a physical way, though. She didn’t want to go to bed with her. She’d never had all-the-way sex with anyone. She’d be terrified that she’d do the wrong thing with someone like Edie. She used to imagine going to bed with Julie and would squirm with embarrassment. But Edie had Lynn. She’d never want Sam. Besides, Edie was probably as old as her mother, maybe older.

Edie asked Sam questions and Sam answered. They ignored Jamie, but he managed to worm his way into the conversation after a few moments and Sam forgave him. It was his indiscretions that made her laugh.

When Sam’s parents took her back to Madison, Jamie left his car at home and rode with them. He told Sam he was less of a target without the vehicle. Besides, it sat most of the time anyway. Whenever he drove it, he lost his parking space and would have to drive around endlessly looking for another. He’d rather walk, he said.

They dropped him off at his dorm. He’d wanted to room with Sam and Nita, but Nita wouldn’t agree to it. In the end, Nita had found the two-bedroom apartment, and there wouldn’t have been room for him anyway.

Sam and her dad helped Jamie carry his stuff into the dorm. His roommate wasn’t there, and they dumped his duffel bag, the food his mother had given him, and left. Jamie walked back out with them and thanked Sam’s parents for the ride. He told her he would call.

Her dad broke into laughter as they drove away. “God, I’ll dye your hair back to normal myself if you ever do that.”

She was offended and stared out the window at the older homes they were passing. They were rentals, much like the place she and Nita lived in. As she neared their apartment, her heartbeat picked up. She’d missed Nita.

Sam unlocked the door and she and her parents carried in her stuff. They set the baskets of clean clothes down in her bedroom and the cooler of food in the tiny kitchen, where her mother transferred the perishables to the small refrigerator and the other stuff to the cupboards. Sam dropped her backpack on her bed. Nita wasn’t home.

The sink was overflowing with dirty dishes. Books were strewn across the floor along with a few clothes and shoes. It looked normal to Sam.  She chanced a look at her mother, who was staring at the mess. She could see her itching to clean up and forcing herself to turn away, apparently determined not to interfere, not to say anything.

She said instead, “Do you want to go somewhere to eat before we leave, Sam?”

“I’ve got all those leftovers you gave me. I can eat those.”

Her parents hugged and kissed her and said their goodbyes. She watched them go through the smudged window that faced the street, feeling a relieved sadness.

Restless, she wandered around the tiny rooms, picking up the stuff on the floors and chairs, and putting it in Nita’s room. In the kitchen she washed the dishes and wiped off the counters and table. Only then did she sit down and open Hemingway’s
For Whom the Bell Tolls
, required reading in her Lit class.

She awoke with a start when she heard Nita’s key in the lock. Nita switched on a light and let out a little shriek.

“What are you doing sitting there in the dark? You scared the piss out of me.” Nita stood backed against the door, clutching her chest as if for protection.

“I fell asleep over Hemingway.”

Nita started for her room. “What happened here? Where are all my clothes?”

“In your room.” Sam walked after her.

Nita glared at her. “Why?”

She didn’t want a fight and that’s where they were heading. “I picked things up and washed the dishes after my mom and dad left. I needed something to do.”

“Am I supposed to say thank you?”

“Why don’t you say hello, Nita?”

Nita was pulling her shirt off. “Excuse me.” She shut the door in Sam’s face.

Sam threw herself in the chair. Years of dust puffed out from the cushion. She called Jamie. “Hey, want to go out?”

“I thought you’d be hanging with Nita tonight.”

“Nope.” She shut the phone and picked up the book. Her chest hurt as it always did when Nita was mad at her.

Nita came out of her room. “I got my period today. I’m a bitch. Thanks for cleaning up. Bruce asked about you.” Bruce was the manager at the restaurant where they both worked.

Her anger vanished, just like that. “I’ll go see him tomorrow. Want to go out with me and Jamie tonight?”

Nita looked at her, her dark eyes serious. “Want some advice, Sam? You’ll never meet someone if you’re always with him.”

“What if I don’t want to meet someone?” She had met Nita. She was the one Sam wanted.

Nita shrugged. “I’m going to bed early. You missed a good party last night.”

Disappointed, Sam said, “There’ll be others.” She followed Nita into the kitchen.

“Look at all this food. It’s like manna from heaven.” Nita stood in front of the open fridge. “Can I have some? Please, please, please.”

“It’s manna from my mama. You can have some if you promise not to eat any of it without me.”

There were two chairs at the small, battered table. Sam put a few pieces of fried chicken into a tiny microwave. When she turned it on, the room lights dimmed. She leaned against the counter and admired Nita, who was waiting expectantly for the food.

When Jamie knocked on the door, Nita said, “Damn. He’ll want some.”

“How do you know who it is?” Sam asked, going to the door.

“Who else do you hang around with, except me, and I don’t have anyone coming over.”

It was true, she thought dispiritedly. She needed more friends. She unlocked the door.

“Food, my favorite thing,” Jamie said, following Sam into the kitchen.

“Didn’t your mother send any back with you?” Nita asked.

“Yeah.” He sat in the other rickety chair. “I love chicken legs, though.”

Sam put another piece in to nuke. “What’s happening tonight?”

“Not a fucking thing. Campus is dead. State Street is dying. Sure you want to go out?”

“No.” Now that Nita was civil she wanted to stay in.

“Can I sleep on your couch? There’s a girl in our room. She and Nate were doing it under my nose.”

Nita said, “Ever think about making a threesome? Nate is gorgeous.”

“And get killed? He’s straighter than an erection.”

Sam laughed. The microwave bleeped. She put the chicken parts on the table and told Jamie to make room for her on the rickety chair.

Late in the night when Sam woke up and stumbled to the bathroom, the light was on over the sofa where Jamie lay stretched out, his lower legs and bare feet hanging over the arm.  When she went over to switch off the light, he grabbed her. She screamed, and he doubled up with laughter.

“Hey, that’s definitely not funny and don’t wake up Nita. She’ll kick you out.”

“Where did you find this lumpy couch? On the curb?”

“It was left here. I won’t stop you if you want to go back to your own place.”

“And watch Nate and Betsy screw? No thanks. Have you made it with Nita yet?”

“Shut up,” she said.

“Make a move, girl. Get in her panties. Faint heart gets you nowhere.”

Sam shivered at the thought of Nita’s rejection, but he was right. She’d never know if she didn’t try. “Can I move in with you if she throws me out?”