Looking for Love (18 page)

Ella helped her gran clean out
the barn and some of Uncle Stan’s belongings which they took to a
charity.
Sunday afternoon, she lazed back on a deck chair in the
back with Pauline and Andrea on their own ones while Carol had
taken a hike down the road—she had to have her daily walks. The sun
was surprisingly warm and she closed her eyes and drank it in like
a lizard. Tomorrow, they would head on home to the rat race.
Without having her weekends to relax, Ella dreaded getting back to
the routine. Maybe she should have listened to Ross when he’d
voiced his concern about her doing too much.

Ross.
How could she face him again? But she
didn’t have it in her to cut him off totally.

He hadn’t messaged her once in the last
few days—probably hadn’t even noticed she’d gone away. She wasn’t
going to chase after him. Couldn’t. The ache bloomed in her. How
crazy that she missed him so much and it had only been two weeks
since she’d seen him. When had she started to pine for his company?
Had his love confession done something to her? Maybe she should
contact Dirk. That would get her mind off Ross, wouldn’t
it?

A faint scream pierced the air. Did she
imagine it? She opened her eyes and stared at the deep blue sky,
then promptly closed them again when the sun’s glare caused them to
water.

“
Ella.” Andrea stood above her. “I heard a scream. Where’s your
gran?”

Ella sat up, her heart hammering. “Um, she
went to check the tractors. The farm manager is away for a few days
and she wanted to make sure…” She bolted up. “I think I should look
for her.”

She reassured herself it was
probably someone shouting in the distance and nothing to worry
about
, but
she’d better check. Andrea followed her and they walked around to
the barn where several of the tractors and ploughs were stored. Her
gran owned a sorghum farm and was in the process of selling it off.
She didn’t often do much of the work anymore at her age, but
enjoyed sticking her nose in the business from time to time. Why
she’d chosen a Sunday afternoon to check on the tractors, Ella
couldn’t understand. They searched the barn and then Andrea pointed
at a pair of shoes sticking out from behind a tractor wheel. Ella
recognised her gran’s leather boots.

“
Gran.” She ran toward her, expecting her unconscious or even
worse. Her gran peered up at her and gave a strained smile. “I
think I broke something. I can’t move.”

“
Where. What’s sore?”

“
My leg. My back. My arm. I don’t know.” She
groaned.

Andrea called
an ambulance and they knelt down by her gran to comfort her.

Within an hour, she’d been attended to in
the hospital emergency room. She had a bruised coccyx and was on
forced bed rest for four weeks.

“
Nothing broken,” the doctor said. “But it’s a very painful
injury and she needs to take care. Especially at her
age.”

Carol came to
take them home.

“
What did you fall on, Granny?” Ella asked as they carried her
onto her bed.

“
There was a tractor part on the ground and I slipped and fell
on top of it.”

“
Well, I’m so glad you’re okay.”
Ella covered her with a blanket.

“
I don’t feel okay at all. And
I’m spitting mad. The farm manager’s only coming back on Wednesday.
Who’s going to check up on things?” Gran’s eyes still held a spark
but her face betrayed deep weariness.

Ella bit her lip. “I’m staying. Carol will
drive the others back but I’ll take off a couple of weeks from
work. I have enough leave.”

“
No, you can’t do
that.”

“
Why ever not?” Ella towered
above her, hands on hips.

“
What about
The Album
and your business?”

“
It can wait. You’re more important.”

Her gran responded with a hand squeeze and
eyes closed. She drifted off to sleep shortly after, the pain
medicines having kicked in. Ella watched her eyelids flutter and
the steady rise and fall of her chest, and smiled. Somehow, the
thought of looking after her gran seemed much more exciting than
going back to everything waiting for her at home. Maybe being away
from Ross would take those confusing feelings away once and for
all.

***

“
May I borrow your
sander?
”

Ross sent her
a message on her cell phone the next day while she stood out on the
field watching the labourers bring in some harvested grain. Ella
had spent the day tending to her gran and checking up on the farm.
She didn’t really know what to check but did follow her gran’s
mumbled instructions. When would the pain meds wear off? Why was
she so sleepy all the time?

“
If you can break into my garage
somehow.
”
Ella smiled as she waited for his response.

“
Where are
you?
”

“
In Bethal,
Mpumalanga.
”

“
With your
gran?
”

“
We went up to visit her and she
got hurt. She’s okay but I’m looking after her.
”

“
You
okay?
”

The question could mean so many
different things. “
I’m okay. And you?
”

“
Should I come to
you?
”

“
No, definitely not. It’s a
Monday. Aren’t you at work?
”

“
And you?
”

“
I phoned my boss this morning.
I’ve taken a couple of weeks off.
”

“
Sure you okay? Shout if you need
help.
”

Like she would
ask Ross to come here. At this time. No matter what happened… No,
she’d call him in an emergency, but a few farm hassles weren’t an
emergency.

“
Thanks.
”

He sent her a
smiley face and a kiss. She touched the kiss and then her phone
took her out to the main menu. If only that were a real kiss.

From Dirk, of course.

Her
gran’s voice filtered through the
house and all the farm noises. Her heart lurching, she ran inside
and into the bedroom to find her sitting up, a smile on her
face.

“
Gran, should you be sitting? Are you okay?”

“
Feeling much better today. Still
sore, but this donut cushion helps. And all the extra cushions
behind my back. Thank you so much for staying, and I’m sorry I’ve
been so sleepy the last day.”

Ella sat down on the end of the bed. “I
think the medicine made you sleepy. I just gave you another dose
this morning, though. Don’t think you even registered swallowing
the pills.”

She laughed.
“I feel awake for now.”

“
Can I get you some lunch? Seeing you missed
breakfast.”

“
I think I could get something down. Think I could wolf down a
whole two platefuls.”

“
I’ll be right back,
then.”

She rushed down to make her gran
so
mething.
Scrounging around in a mostly unfamiliar kitchen, she eventually
found some tuna and lettuce. She made a tuna sandwich with
mayonnaise and shredded lettuce inside. Then made a second and
third one as the smell of food gave her appetite a jolt. Being out
in the fresh air certainly built up her need for nourishment. She
cut up a couple of oranges and made a pot of tea.

Once
everything was upstairs and her gran tucked in with a little less
speed than she usually did and Ella followed suit, she felt
satisfied.

“
So, what’s the real reason you
don’t enjoy working with
The Album
?” her gran asked after she’d munched one and a
half sandwiches and taken several sips of tea.

“
Real reason? I opened up. I told you everything. All my
doubts.”

“
What else is getting you down?”

Ella picked up a segment of orange and
sank her teeth into it, giving herself time to come up with the
right answer. The sweet, fruity juice ran down her throat and gave
her the courage to speak. And her gran’s gentle enquiring gaze.
“Ross—you know my friend? He’s fallen in love with me.”

Gran cocked
her head and merely blinked at her.

“
It’s confusing. I don’t want to
lose our friendship but I don’t love him back.” She didn’t dare say
she’d started to see him in a different way. Not yet. That didn’t
mean love and she wasn’t ready to share her feelings with anyone
until she’d processed them.

“
That’s pretty one-sided. Not a good idea.”

“
I know. I may have to say goodbye to our friendship.
Forever.”

“
Well, if you plan on marrying
one day, it wouldn’t be too good to have this close friendship with
another man. You want to have that with your husband.”

“
I know.” She nodded, although
she hadn’t really considered her Gran’s reasoning before. She’d
always thought Ross and she would stay friends forever. If she
wanted to find a man, she had to let go of Ross once and for all.
Maybe that’s what had held her back all these years from finding
the perfect man. Dirk could be it. If she let go of Ross, things
with Dirk could snowball.

“
Pity you can’t use
The Album
on
yourself.”

“
Yes, it’s a pity. I’ve struggled with that a
little.”

“
Would you want to pass it on? So you could at least use it?
Seeing you’re so disillusioned with it.”

Ella popped another piece of orange in her
mouth and closed her eyes, savouring the tangy taste. She chewed
and swallowed. “I don’t know. I’m so tired but the thought of
giving it up for now… I just can’t do it yet. You gave it to me.
You entrusted me with it.”

Gran shook her
head. “I meant it to bring you peace and direction.”

“
What do you mean, Gran?”

“
I had a lot of troubles with love when I was your age. Could
never seem to settle my heart.”

She questioned
her gran with her gaze, waiting for the full story.

Gran shuffled a bit in her seat
and then smiled.
“I thought I loved several men but then each relationship
ended in disaster. In those days, people thought I was a loose
woman, a whore, as they call it nowadays, because I dated around.
In the space of five years, I’d dated eight men. We lived in Durban
until I married your grandfather. It wasn’t the thriving metropolis
it is now and people in my area knew what I got up to. Mom and Dad
were understanding because they were familiar with each situation
but people who didn’t know me well thought I liked to sleep around
and use men. It hurt. But I think what hurt more was that I
couldn’t find anyone. I would have loved
The Album
. I don’t know why my grandmother
didn’t offer to use it on me. She only let the local people use it.
Maybe for the same reason you don’t use it on your
friends.”

Ella nodded. It was a very good reason.
“So, you found Grandpa eventually?”

Gran frowned and lifted up her
hand. “No, he found me. I didn’t want him. And I fought him off.
Eventually, he kissed me
, and well, the rest is history.”

Ella knew that Gran had been forced to get
married because she got pregnant. She often wondered how it had
affected her marriage to Grandpa but they’d seemed happy
together.

“
I don’t regret marrying your
grandpa. I loved him. I regret taking so long to settle with
someone and put my heart at rest. I could have saved myself a lot
of trouble if I’d gone on a date with him years before when he’d
first asked me.”

“
Oh, I didn’t know that.”

“
Yes, your grandpa always loved
me. In school, I was his crush and I didn’t even know it. Then he
asked me to the school dance and I said no. I already had a date
with handsome Edward Finny. That guy was as tall as the doorframe
and had muscles like the farmers out on the fields. Every girl
envied me.”

Ella smiled. She loved hearing the elderly
woman’s ancient stories. They were nostalgic, real, touching. Gran
picked up her orange and sucked on the juicy fruit.

Should she ask
her gran a question that would bring up that she’d married her
husband out of necessity? She didn’t want to disrespect her but so
longed to know something.

Looking at the
woman before her, she realised this may be her last chance before
she went sleepy again or she had to go out and attend to something
in the farm. “So, did you love Grandpa when you first married
him?”

Gran shook her head but showed no hurt. “I
didn’t. Not at first. Well, put it this way, I did a bit but it
grew on me. Once we lived together, I saw what a fantastic man I’d
married. I couldn’t believe my luck. We went through some really
tough times with his business falling to pieces when I had small
babies. I hated him sometimes. He was grumpy and cold and busy at
times. But then, I decided to love him anyway. And it got better.
Not to say it was purely my doing. He grew more patient with age.
We both did.”