Looking for Love (16 page)

Carol pooh-ed her and walked out the door.
Ella followed her out to lock up the front door behind her and then
headed to the kitchen to warm up soup with a slice of buttered
toast and cheese sprinkled on top. Armed with some decent autumn
nutrition, she went back to her office-slash-conservatory and set
to work finding the right man for her ‘popular’ woman who seemed to
fit with any guy. What was Jane Thompson’s secret? When she called
Jane in once she found her a match, she’d ask her a few pointed
questions. Maybe the woman knew just how to treat a man. She
probably could learn a couple of tricks. Not that she had anyone to
try them on.

What about
Dirk?

An ache settled in her gut every
time she thought of how she’d told him she was
too tired the night before to go
over to his place. She had a feeling going to his place would be a
gaping step forward in their relationship, and since she’d started
fantasizing about kissing Ross a second time instead of Dirk, she
wasn’t ready to progress any further down the rung of romance with
Dirk. Nope, just not right. Sure, she’d been sympathetic to her
first client, Bernice, but would do her utmost not to hold two men
in her arms at the same time. Pity, because Dirk represented a
great possibility of a dream come true.

If she could
somehow process her feelings toward Ross and file them away in a
neat little box, then she could jump in head first and partake of
Dirk fully.

Once she’d slotted in Jane and
Eddy’s photos, she allowed
The Album
to do its thing, then watched their lives unfold.
Somehow, Jane’s relationship with Eddy seemed more comfortable.
They didn’t go on fancy holidays like she did with Juan but they
had more photos with family and doing everyday things. Was that a
good thing or bad thing? She tried to read into their facial
expressions how happy they were, but the more she analysed them,
the more confused she got. Did people enjoy exotic holidays and
adventures? But being happy doing the mundane together was also
vital for long-term satisfaction.

She let out a
long groan. Her cell phone alerted her to a message coming in.
Pauline asking if she could come over.

“
Sure, my
friend
,” she
typed, but then the headache that had started developing on her
temples just tightened its fists around her head even harder. What
did Pauline want? Was it about Ross? She just couldn’t face up to
talking about him now.

Fifteen frustrating minutes
later after wasting her time with
The Album
, Ella was actually pleased to have a
visitor so she didn’t have to choose a mate for Jane. She greeted
Pauline at the door and decided to sit in the living room instead
of being glued to her office for the rest of the night. Jane could
wait.

Pauline sat
down and placed her feet up under her like she often did. She
always gave the impression she was comfortable wherever she went
despite her quietness.

“
How
are things?” her friend asked, a
fresh smile on her face.

“
Argh, I’m exhausted and very frustrated.”

“
Why?”

“
The stupid album.”

Pauline raised
an eyebrow and waited for some explanation. Ella described her
inability to match up Jane Thompson.

“
I don’t know what to suggest.”

“
It’s impossible to choose. Should I pick their names out a
hat?”

“
That’s actually quite a good idea.”

“
But what if deep inside, she’d
be happier with one man than another?
The Album
shows success but it doesn’t show internal
feelings. Who invented the stupid thing and where did the magic
come from?”

“
I’m surprised you didn’t wonder about those things in the
beginning.”

Tingles ran up and down her
spine
. “I
know. For once, my enthusiasm led me to make an impulse decision.
Usually, I’m so cautious with big decisions, not small
ones.”

“
I like your enthusiasm. I
like
The
Album
. Maybe
you just need more direction on how to use it. Have you read those
books yet?”

Ella closed
her eyes and shook her head. She rested her head into her hands. “I
think it’s time I do. Have you?”

“
Only two of them so far. They’re a bit old-fashioned, but
they’re good.”

“
I’m just so tired.”

Pauline showed
compassion in her eyes. “Wish I could help you.”

“
Me
, too. Only one person can assume
ownership. Anyway, you’ve helped me a ton already. I really
appreciate it.”

“
About that. I came to talk to you about Ross.”

Her stomach
clenched and the ache in her head intensified. She didn’t want to
look Pauline in the eyes but her gaze was immediately drawn to her
to try to gauge what she was feeling about the whole complicated
situation.

“
Okay. You seem to be getting on well.”

She put on a cheerful tone but
her insides swirled with confusion. Would Pauline say they’d
started dating? How would she feel about it? Would it help her
finally
to
let him go or would it only intensify the tentative longings
blooming within her? His face remained in her mind’s eye, making
her heart squeeze with affection. She never wanted to lose the
friendship with him. Wanted him in her life forever. Even if it did
mean….

No! Not
that!

“
Yes, we get on well. He’s started to open up and chat with
me—like the ice has been broken.”

“
It’s a good thing, right?” She had to assure herself. Didn’t
mean he wanted Pauline.

“
But he’s finished the task you gave him so he won’t be back
here to work with me.”

Oh, right. She hadn’t considered that too
deeply since he’d said goodbye. She’d been too busy.

“
I could give him more,” she said with a sick churning in her
stomach.

“
Just let me finish.” Pauline
looked flustered. Unusual for her gentle friend who always belayed
a sense of calm. She dropped her gaze down to the floor and let out
a painful sigh. “I’ve realised something and it’s not
nice.”

“
Oh.” Ella’s voice came out choked. “What’s that?”

“
I don’t actually love him.”
Pauline rubbed her chin.

She didn’t?
Oh, how
wonderful
.
Lightness entered her being and the headache eased somewhat. Not
totally, though.
But no, what do I do now? How do I get over him
totally?
Pauline was better for him than she. They could have a
fresh romance not bogged down with so much history. And pairing
them off would force her to cut him off. “What do you
mean?”

“
I loved something else.”

What did she mean?
“
Someone
else?”

Pauline smiled, easing some of the
tension, but certainly not enough. “Not someone else. I loved what
I saw between you and Ross. I fell in love with a relationship
instead of a person. There’s no way Ross and I could imitate what
you and he share.”

“
You could have something even better.”

“
I loved the interplay between
you two, the way he treated you. I fell in love with him because of
what he was with you, not because of him as a person.”

Ella rubbed
her aching head and closed her eyes again. She rested her head
against the back of the seat and wished Pauline would just come out
with it and speak plainly. “I don’t understand.”

“
What’s not to understand? He acts differently with you than he
acts with anyone else.”

“
He’s still got to get to know you. We’ve been friends for
years. Give him time to warm up.”

Pauline went quiet, her jaw hard and her
eyes set on one point on the floor. “You’re not making this any
easier for me, Ella. Do you know how hard it was to come here and
open up to you? I could have kept quiet and gone on allowing you to
match-make us together. Sure, I’d have enjoyed being close to
him—he is attractive—but that would be unfair to him, to both of
us. Even to you, if you will just open your eyes and
see.”

Ella didn’t
say her thoughts. Didn’t ask all the questions burning in her mind,
like how did he act differently? Was Pauline not just being sweet
and nice? She allowed her friend to speak even if at a much slower
rate than she would have liked.

“
His whole body responds when you
enter a room. I can see his face light up, his limbs go on alert,
his jaw tightens with a sense of male confidence. He comes alive,
El, even despite the way your relationship has been going lately.
You should see the way he watches your every movement.”

“
But it’s only been like that recently and you’ve had a crush
on him since…I don’t know when.”

“
He’s always treated you with the utmost care. Whenever you’ve
had a bad day or needed someone to chat to, hasn’t he always been
there for you?”

“
Most of the time. I mean, we’ve
gone our separate ways sometimes, especially when we’ve been dating
other people.”

“
But, you could come back to him. And he to you?”

She nodded. “I
suppose. That’s what friends are for. Maybe you were just in love
with a friendship.”

Could she be having the same
problem?
Just
in love with a friendship?
In love? No way.

Pauline
shrugged. “It hurt. I wanted him to like me. I wanted the
same.”

“
It can still happen.” She didn’t
sound as eager as she should. Where had all her matchmaking juices
fled to? Every faculty in her body and mind seemed to be shutting
down. Could anyone be so exhausted? Tears came to her eyes. They
lodged there and then slowly slipped down her cheeks. She sniffed
to stop the stream from coming out her nose, making Pauline look at
her.

“
What’s wrong?”

“
I should be comforting you but look at me! I’m sorry, I’m so
tired. I can’t even think straight anymore.”

“
Oh, honey.” She came up and sat
next to her, placing her small, gentle hand on Ella’s leg. “Take a
break from the business for a while. It doesn’t matter if it folds.
Not like you need it for your upkeep.”

“
I can’t. I have customers to tend to.”

“
They can wait.”

“
I’m also so confused.”

“
About?”

“
About Ross. About
The
Album
. About
life. Everything. I thought
The Album
was supposed to bring goodness and miracles my
way. It’s just brought pain and confusion. I don’t understand it.
Maybe I’m doing something wrong. Not working it
properly.”

Pauline didn’t speak; she took her hand
and held her. She didn’t have the answers either, but it felt good
to have someone care. She leaned her head against Pauline’s
shoulder and allowed the tears to flow without stopping them and
without thinking too hard.

“
We’re all together again, I
can’t believe it
!”

Ella turn
ed around to peer at Andrea and
Pauline at the back of Carol’s car. The journey to Bethal in
Mpumalanga would prove to be a blast with the Famous Four. Spurts
of gratefulness eased the tension in her body at their willingness
to join her on her journey to visit Gran. At least her gran loved
people around and had promised them two rooms to share in her home
for the duration of their stay.

“
Did you bring
The Album
with?” Carol said
tensely.

“
Of course. It’s in my handbag right here.”

“
What if it gets stolen?” Andrea
asked. “You should have put it in the picnic basket or
something.”

“
What, and spill melted chocolate
on it? I have to preserve the antique for as long as
possible.”

Why she was so defensive over
one of the sources of her confusion, she
had no idea. Maybe because she felt
responsible for it, having been entrusted with the
artefact.

“
I wonder how old it actually
is,” Carol
wondered aloud while turning onto the N2 freeway leading
north out of their home town.

Ella stared at the road which didn’t
appear as endless as it would be. They had a minimum of six hours
of traveling to get through. At least, they would pass through the
Mtubatuba and Hluhluwe-Imfolozi Game Reserve areas and see some
pretty scenery on the way. She intended to read one or more of the
green romance books because she hadn’t had a moment since preparing
for her trip a week ago.

“
Did you tell Dirk you were going away?” Andrea asked with a
yawn, settling back into her seat to watch the view out the
window.

Ella looked at
her reflection on the flap-down make-up mirror in front of her.

“
I did, sort of. Well, I’ve actually told him I’m very busy at
the moment and once I get my life back into line again, we can get
together.”

“
It’s not working out, is it?”
Carol asked.