Lost and Found (28 page)

I pull my covers back and crawl into my warm comfortable
bed and he crawls in behind me and immediately puts his
arms around me. I let him, because I honestly don't have
the energy to fight anymore. He leans over and kisses me
on the cheek.

"Honey, I'm so sorry I said that. Please forgive me. I didn't
mean to hurt you like that and it'll never happen again. You're right! I am a complete dumb ass!"

I pretend to be asleep and don't reply. I'm having a hard
time staying mad at him, because I'm realizing that what he
said wasn't far from the truth and I think that's why I
reacted the way I did. I'm also mad at myself for not
reading all of the cards Cash had sent me.

I need to read all of the cards he sent with the flowers.
That was the main reason that I wanted to go home. I may have to invite Claudia over for dinner and have her
bring them all to me. Of course, she'd have to sneak them
in. I'll have to give her a call when I wake up and have her
do just that.

I will have to admit. Lying in his arms feels so right. I feel
like this is where I belong. I know that I have been falling
for him, but honestly before tonight, I didn't think he was
falling for me as well. I had prejudged him completely.
All that I saw when I looked at him was a very attractive
wealthy man and couldn't fathom him having any interest
in me but sexual. Oh well, I have to go to sleep. Way too
much for one day to think about.

******************

I wake up before Cash does and I look to see what time it is
and it's eleven in the morning. I watch him sleep and he
seems so peaceful and I've noticed that he's not crazy about
covers, because he always manages to kick them off while
he's sleeping.

He has one leg draped around both of mine and he's on his
side with his hands under his cheek, and all I want to do is
reach over and touch him. I slowly scoot over, so that I don't
wake him up, and I'm directly in front of him. I reach
forward and run my hand across his face to push his bangs
back, so that I can see more of his face.

I slowly caress his full bottom lip with my index finger and it is so soft to the touch. He moves a little at that, so I move
my hand away. After I know that he's gone back to sleep, I
start touching his chest and running circles around one of
his nipples. I am completely getting turned on just by
looking at him and touching him, because he has such a
beautiful body and I know I've said it before, but his body is
definitely Greek God material.

I can't help myself anymore, so I scoot even closer to him
and start giving him soft kisses and start running my hands
up and down his hard muscled chest and stomach. This
wakes him up. He pulls me on top of him, pulls me
down, and kisses me so hard I lose my breath.

"Now that's how I prefer to wake up in the morning. Good
morning, Liv. I gather you slept well?"

I nodded at him and felt a bulge between my legs, which got
me turned on even more. I did something I've never done
before and raised up, pulled my panties off, pulled
his boxers off, and sat back down to put him inside me and
just sat there enjoying the fullness inside me. He immediately pulls my tank top off and puts his mouth on
one of my breast. He looks up at me, daring me with his
eyes to continue with what I had started up.

I start moving up and down, while he grabs my face and
pulls me down and kisses me, while holding onto my hips to
make me move faster. He flips me over on the bed, so that
he's on top and in charge and pulls my legs over his shoulders, which at this vantage point I'm taking all of him
in and in just a few pumps, I'm coming and screaming his name, as he starts doing the same.

He falls on top of me trying to catch his breath, while I do
the same. I pull his face close to mine and kiss him lightly
all over, starting with each eye and each cheek and lastly on
his lips.

I freeze. I realize that we didn't use any
protection at all. It was so spur of the moment. He noticed the panicked look on my face and cocked his head with a
questioning look on his face.

"I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking. I just woke up and looked
over at you and got so turned on, I couldn't stop myself and
wasn't thinking!" How could I be so careless?

"Oh, Liv! It was great, I don't know about you, but I've
always loved morning sex. Why are you tripping?"

"Because, Cash! I didn't even think to use a condom! I
know you've been taking care of that, but I didn't even think about it! I'm so sorry." Now we both have a panicked look
on our faces.

"Uh, Baby? I know we haven't discussed this, but I don't
want any more kids. EVER! After what happened to Vanessa? Absolutely not!"

I'm a little upset about this, because honestly, being
around the kids has reminded me of how I've missed being
a mother. It's not that I don't love the children as if they
were my own, and it’s not that I want to replace the three
that I had lost, but I've been thinking about what Claud said
about how young I am and how I could start another family
one day. The feelings that I've been feeling towards Cash
has had me wondering if it would be with him. I guess
that's a big no.

"I understand how you feel, I really do, but I had easy pregnancies and deliveries with all three of my kids, so
everything would be fine. Honestly, your six year old
condoms probably weren't that safe to use in the first place.
If it happens, it happens, but we need to be more careful
from now on."

"If it happens, it happens? I don't think so. If you got
pregnant over our stupidity, you will be getting rid of it!
I'm

not losing another woman that I love to childbirth! I
don't care how easy your deliveries were! It's not
happening! Okay?" He jumps up out of bed and he's
literally shaking he's so upset but I've got to calm him
down.

"Get rid of it? I don't think so! I would never have an
abortion! But don't worry, Cash. It took me over a year to
get pregnant with Jordan and we were trying for another
one a few months before Derek died, but I had been on birth
control for 5 years, so it was going to take a while. Wait!
Did you just say that you loved me?"

"Do you not remember our conversation last night? Of
course I love you! I'm sorry Liv, but Gideon and Eden are
going to have to be enough for you. You love them, don't
you? Enough to be their mother?"

"Of course I do! I can't believe you just asked me that!
But if I'm pregnant, which I doubt I am. But IF I am, then I don’t give a shit how you feel about it, because I will be
having it!"

"So that's it, huh? I wouldn't be able to talk you out of it?"

He looks at me with absolute horror on his face and I want
to hug him, because I understand where he's coming from,
but I can't back down on this.

"Absolutely not!" I'm standing in front of him, just inches
away and we are staring at each other. He looks away from me first.

"Well, let's just pray you're NOT!" He reaches down to
put his boxers on and heads for the door. "I'm going to go
out and buy some condoms, spermicides, whatever else I
can find. We have to be more careful and none of this
spontaneous shit anymore!" Seriously?

"Oh wow! That sounds just like my old sex life! I'll start
checking your schedule to see when you can fit me in!"
I'm livid. What an asshole! "By the way, do you have a
problem with me inviting Claudia over for dinner tonight?"

"You can call and invite the pope for all I care. Do you
need anything while I'm out?"

"Maybe for you to come back in a better mood, other than
that I'm good!"

I reached over to pick my cell phone up and headed to the
bathroom to take a shower, but I wanted to call Claudia
first. I made a point in slamming the bathroom door.
While I was leaning against the counter, I
heard my bedroom door slam, letting me know that he had left. Man he infuriated me sometimes. Two big arguments in less than twelve hours weren’t good signs.

I completely understand where he's coming from, but just
because something happened to Vanessa doesn't mean it'll
happen to me. He's sick of me comparing him to Derek? Well, it goes both ways. I'm sure we just argued over
nothing in the first place, but I'm sure not going to let him
bully me either.

This makes me realize how much I've changed since the
accident. Whatever Derek told me to do or not do, I did
whatever he wanted. If he would have told me to have an
abortion, I probably would have, because I hated fighting with him. He would always manipulate me to go
with whatever he said.

Wow! I'm starting to really come into my own person and
I never realized it until this very minute that part of the
reason I couldn't move on, was because I was so used to
people telling me what to do. I always did what was asked
of me, because I wanted to avoid any conflict. I wouldn't
even get out of bed until Claudia ripped me a new one and
made me. I wonder if she hadn't had done that if I'd still be
there. Probably! This reminds me. I better give her a
call. She answers on the first ring.

"Welcome to the land of the living!" She's giggling, which
means she's in a good mood.

"Hey. What are you doing?"

"Oh God! Are you still sick? You sound awful!" Oh Lord.
Here we go. I can't ever get anything past her.

"No, actually I felt better by noon yesterday."

"Yesterday? Why didn't you come home yesterday?"
There's a pause and then, "Oh. My. God! You didn't?
Hahaha. You absolutely did! I can tell. What's with the
bad mood? Not a Greek God in the sack? Come on, I
want details, O!"

"How in the hell do you do that?" She never surprises
me. She knows me that well.

"Do what? Read your mind through the phone? Geez!
Who knows you better than I do? So how come you don't
sound happy?" She gets me completely and the tears start
falling.

"Claud? Will you do me a favor, if you're not too busy?"

"Anything, O. Why are you crying? Did he hurt you? I'll
kill him! You know I will!"

"No. Nothing like that. Well, not exactly. Will you come
see me? Have dinner with all of us tonight?"

"Of course I will! What time should I be there?" God I
love her!

"What are you doing now? Hehe." I'm laughing, but still
crying. I knew she was going to say that.

"Seriously??, Well I'm sitting here dying of boredom,
reading all of the cards that Cash sent that you never
opened." She's what?

"Claudia!!
Are you kidding me? Those are personal! Why would you do that? You're a lawyer, for Christ's sake!
You know not to read people's private letters."

"O, I'm sorry! I've been so bored and I walked by your room and saw the basket and couldn't help myself. What's
the big deal? It's not like you wouldn't tell me what they
all said anyway. Did you know that he's falling in love
with you and wants to start a relationship with you? Wants
you to be his kids’ mother, if you're willing? I mean,
okay, it's Cash and he has a lot to offer, but seriously!
Does that freak you out? I think it would me."
What am I going to do with her? Really? She read them
before I did?

"I'm a little pissed off at you right now for reading all of
them before I even got a chance to, Claud! But! I need some more clothes, so if you don't mind, bring me a few
shirts and panties, oh and flip flops, because I can't find
mine and ALL of the cards, and put them in a duffle and
come right now!"