Lost Angel (25 page)

Ellen recovered well and was up and about when, less than a week later, on Sunday, there was a knock on the door. Percy went to answer, but, hearing a voice, Ellen tensed. No, no, she didn’t want to see him. She wanted to flee the room, but it was too late and Billy was already walking in. Sheila was behind him, a baby in her arms, followed by Mabel and Jack. Ellen knew this would happen one day, a time when they would all meet up together, but not like this, not without advance warning.

‘Billy insisted on joining us,’ Mabel said, her eyes wide with anxiety.

‘What’s going on?’ asked Billy, frowning. ‘Why shouldn’t I come to see my brother and new niece? It’s about time Percy met his nephew too.’

Percy was the one who answered, yet Ellen could hear the strain in his voice.

‘There’s nothing wrong, Billy. It’s just that it’s
been so long since we’ve seen you that it came as a surprise.’

Ellen could see the tightness in her mother’s face as she said, ‘Yes, it is a surprise, but sit down all of you.’

The tension in the room was palpable, but thankfully Mabel broke through it as she said, ‘Come on then, Ellen, let me see my new granddaughter.’

‘Here she is,’ Ellen said, placing Sarah in Mabel’s arms.

‘Oh, look, Jack, isn’t she gorgeous?’

‘Yeah, a doll,’ Jack agreed.

Ellen was trembling as Billy now looked at Sarah, her stomach churning when he said, ‘I see she’s got dark hair, just like my nipper.’

‘You’re forgetting that Ellen has dark hair too, and Sarah’s is more like hers, thick with a wave in it.’

‘Yeah, and it’s lucky she didn’t inherit her dad’s thin, mousy hair.’

‘There’s nothing wrong with Percy’s hair,’ Mabel said indignantly.

Ellen felt the same indignation, but also a huge surge of relief. It was obvious by his comment that Billy hadn’t worked it out, hadn’t considered the dates, and so far didn’t suspect anything.

‘Ain’t it about time you looked at my boy, Percy? You’ll see that Freddie takes after me, a real chip off the old block.’

Ellen knew she had to keep up the pretence and now joined Percy as he went to take a look at Billy’s son. Sheila looked up them, saying quietly, ‘Hello, Ellen.’

‘He…hello, Sheila, it’s nice to see you again,’ she managed, looking down at the baby.

‘Yeah, you’re right, Billy,’ said Percy. ‘He does look like you.’

Billy strolled over, wrinkling his nose. ‘Sheila, Freddie stinks. Get off your fat arse and change his nappy.’

‘Billy, watch your language,’ Jack snapped.

Ellen turned to see that he looked livid, Mabel distressed, and her parents’ faces were strained too.

‘I…I’ll make us all a drink,’ she said.

‘No, I’ll do it,’ her dad insisted.

With reluctance, Ellen sat down again, but then said, ‘Mabel, are you all right with Sarah? Do you want me to take her?’

‘No, darling, this is the first time I’ve had a chance to hold her and I want to make the most of it.’

‘Mum’s got two grandchildren now, but I beat you to it, Percy. Just like I beat you to everything,’ Billy said, a sly look on his face as he glanced at Ellen.

‘That’s enough, Billy. What does it matter which baby came first? I love Freddie and this one too. They’re both gorgeous.’

Ellen knew that Mabel hadn’t seen Billy’s sly look – that she hadn’t cottoned on to his innuendo – but Percy had, and his fists clenched in anger. Had Billy worked it out? Oh, please, no, and unable to stand it any more, Ellen rose to her feet, just wanting to get out of the room.

‘I…I’ll give Dad a hand with the tea,’ she spluttered.

‘Don’t let him get to you,’ her mother whispered, joining Ellen as she walked to the kitchen. ‘Mabel has always favoured Percy and Billy knows that. I don’t think he suspects anything, it’s just that he’s jealous.’

‘Hilda, after what he did to Ellen, I still feel like wringing his bloody neck.’

‘I feel the same, Doug, but somehow we’ve got to get through this.’

Ellen found that the next hour wasn’t easy, but at least it served to show Billy’s true colours. The way he spoke to Sheila was awful, and she jumped to do his bidding, but mostly he just talked about himself.

‘I’m doing well in the stables, but I want a promotion and know how to go about it. Mr Dunning is getting a bit past it now so I reckon I can point out a few of his lapses on the sly, spread a few whispers, and with any luck it’ll ensure he gets put out to pasture.’

‘Billy, he’s been very good to you,’ Mabel said. ‘How can you do that to him?’

With a shrug, Billy said, ‘Needs must. With Mr Dunning out of the way I’ll go up a rung, and who knows, one day it might be me who’s head groom.’

‘Billy’s always at the stables,’ Sheila said.

‘What’s to come home for? Look at the state of you, and that brat’s always squalling.’

‘That’s enough, Billy!’ said Jack, his face dark with anger. ‘You’ll never change. You’re selfish through and through, and I’m not sitting here listening to you talk to your wife like that.’

‘Yes, Jack, come on, I’ve heard enough of this too,’ Doug said. ‘Let’s you and I go for a stroll outside.’

‘Billy, now look what you’ve done,’ wailed Mabel. ‘Hilda, I…I’m sorry. When they come back from their walk, we’ll go.’

‘What did I say?’ asked Billy. ‘What’s all the fuss about?’

Nobody answered him, but Percy sat on the arm of Mabel’s chair and placed an arm around her shoulders. ‘It’s all right, Mum, don’t get upset. You don’t have to apologise for Billy and you can come down again next weekend.’

Ellen looked at Billy but, unlike Percy, he showed no concern for his mother. She just wanted him to go, to see the back of him, but only moments
later there was a frantic knock on the door and Bob almost fell into the room.

‘Val’s gone into labour,’ he gasped. ‘Ellen, I’m off to get Mrs Ainsworth but she insisted I come here first.’

Ellen jumped to her feet. ‘Sorry, but I’ve got to go. Val needs me.’

‘I didn’t know you had company. It’s all right, Ellen, I’ll tell Val you can’t make it.’

‘Mum…Percy?’ Ellen appealed.

‘Just go, love,’ Percy said.

‘What about Sarah?’

‘If she needs a feed, Percy can bring her along to you.’

‘Thanks, Mum,’ Ellen said, calling a quick general goodbye before hurrying out after Bob. ‘Go on, don’t wait for me, just go and get Mrs Ainsworth.’

He was off, running down the lane, while Ellen hurried to Mayflower Cottage where she found Val sitting in a chair, her eyes wide with fear. Ellen’s heart went out to her. When she had gone into labour her mother had been there to help, to calm her, but Val had nobody until Mrs Ainsworth arrived.

‘Come on, let’s get you up to bed,’ she said softly.

‘Ellen, thank God you’re here.’

‘How often are the pains coming?’

‘I woke up about three this morning and they weren’t too bad. I didn’t want to disturb Mrs Ainsworth that early, or you, so I hung on, but
now my waters have broken and they’re coming thick and fast…Oh…ohh,’ she cried, doubling over as Ellen led her towards the stairs.

Ellen held her while waiting for it to pass, but Val had barely got onto the bed when another pain hit her. So far Val hadn’t wanted to push, and Ellen just hoped Mrs Ainsworth would arrive before she did. If she had gone into labour at three in the morning, that was only six hours ago. Her own labour had lasted much longer and surely Val couldn’t be that close to giving birth?

As she sat with Val, Ellen found that her thoughts turned to Billy. There had been a moment of fear when he had looked at Sarah, but it had passed. He’d seen her – had thought her his niece – and though later there had been that sly innuendo, she now felt her mother was right and there was nothing to worry about.

Billy had no idea that Sarah was Freddie’s half sister. It was a terrible secret to keep, but Ellen felt as though her eyes had been well and truly opened now and it was better than the alternative. Billy might be handsome, but he was vain, nasty, an awful father and husband, the total opposite to Percy in character.

It was over now, the secret safe, and they could all get on with their lives. Sarah would grow up accepting Percy as her father and, unlike Billy, he’d
be a good one, a loving one. She doubted they’d ever see much of Billy, and that was just fine with her, sure that Percy and her parents felt the same.

‘Oh…Ohh, Ellen. I didn’t realise it would be as bad as this. Why didn’t you tell me?’

‘I didn’t want to frighten you, but honestly, once the baby is born you’ll soon forget it.’

‘Forget it! You must be joking and if Bob wants to come near me again I’ll cut off his bloody John Thomas!’

Ellen smiled, but then another pain gripped Val and she cried out in anguish. ‘No…no…I can’t stand this any more, I just can’t. When is it going to stop?’

‘Hold on, it’ll pass soon,’ Ellen said, hiding her worry and wishing that Mrs Ainsworth would hurry up and get here.

At last there was the sound of footsteps on the stairs, the woman bustling into the room just as Val cried, ‘Ellen, the baby must be coming. I want to push.’

‘Well, my dear, you cut it a bit fine, didn’t you?’ Mrs Ainsworth said, but her manner was calm. ‘Let’s get you sorted out then.’

Ellen slumped with relief, but Val was still clutching her hand, refusing to let go, so she remained where she was. Only a week ago she had given birth to Sarah, and though the memory of the pain had dimmed, her heart went out to Val.
She was screaming now, red-faced in her effort to force the baby from her body.

‘That’s it,’ Mrs Ainsworth said when there was a small pause, but then she urged again: ‘Push again, Valerie. Come on, push. Good girl, I can see the head.’

‘Head!’ Val yelled. ‘It feels more like a bloody great melon.’

‘Right, that’s it. Don’t push for a moment, Valerie.’

‘Don’t push! You must be joking!’

Only moments later there was a small cry, and now the expression on Val’s face turned to one of wonder.

‘Is he all right, Mrs Ainsworth? Is my baby all right?’

‘The baby is fine, but it’s not a
he,
Valerie. You have a lovely little girl.’

‘So much for the pendulum,’ Ellen said, grinning widely.

The baby was placed in Val’s arms and her smile one of wonder. ‘Oh…look, Ellen. She’s beautiful.’

The door flew open, Bob white-faced and his hair standing up where he’d been raking his fingers through it.

‘Valerie! Val, are you all right?’

‘Now then, you can’t come in yet,’ Mrs Ainsworth told him as she hurried to usher him out. ‘Your wife is fine and you have a daughter, but please go downstairs until I call you.’

‘Sod that. I want to see me wife,’ he argued, pushing past the woman.

‘Well, really!’ Mrs Ainsworth huffed.

Ellen moved out of Bob’s way and he took her place.

‘Look, Bob,’ Val said. ‘This is your daughter and isn’t she lovely?’

There was a choking sound, Bob’s voice cracking as he said, ‘She’s so tiny. Is she all right?’

‘She’s fine.’

‘A daughter – and there I was expecting a son.’

‘Are you disappointed?’

He sniffed, wiping tears from his cheeks. ‘No, and anyway, we’ve got plenty of time to have a boy.’

‘After what I’ve just been through, you’ll be lucky.’

‘Can I hold her?’

‘Of course you can.’

‘Valerie,’ Mrs Ainsworth said brusquely. ‘I don’t usually let the father in until the afterbirth has been sorted out, but this time I had no choice. However, I must insist that your husband leaves now.’

‘Yes, all right, I’m going,’ Bob said, but not before leaning over to kiss Valerie on the cheek.

‘I’ll go too,’ Ellen said. ‘You’re worn out and need to rest now.’

‘I won’t argue with that, but, thanks, Ellen, thanks for being here.’

As they went downstairs, Bob said, ‘I’ll add my thanks to Val’s. It was good that you were there. I know how scared she was and I hated leaving her while I went to fetch Mrs Ainsworth.’

‘There’s no need to thank me, and if it’s all right, I’ll pop along again later.’

‘Yes, of course it is,’ he said, his eyes still shining with tears as Ellen left.

She walked back to the cottage, hoping that Billy and the others would have left by now. Yes, they’d gone, and smiling, she announced, ‘Val had a girl too.’

‘That was quick,’ said Hilda. ‘I expected you to be gone for hours. I was glad to see the back of Billy, and your dad was too. He’s a nasty piece of work. Anyway, love, you’re just in time because Sarah needs a feed.’

Ellen took her daughter from her mother’s arms. ‘Where’s Dad and Percy?’

‘They’re in the garden and Percy’s doing a bit of weeding. With working with plants all week you’d think he’d be sick of it. Of course, it might be that he just needed to take his mind off Billy. He wanted to throttle him, your dad too.’

Ellen smiled down on Sarah. ‘Bob was over the moon, and when he first saw the baby he broke down in tears.’

‘Your dad was the same when I had you.’

‘Was he? I didn’t know that.’

‘I think it takes a lot of men that way.’

Ellen doubted Billy would have been like that when his son was born. The only person Billy cared about was himself. She put Sarah to her breast, thankful now that she’d married Percy, and hoping she could be a true wife to him at last.

Val had called her baby Pauline and, when everyone else was at work during the week, Val and Ellen spent hours together every day. They were both new mums, both learning, yet it soon became obvious that Pauline was the more robust of the two babies, putting on more weight than Sarah. Ellen’s mother told her not to worry, saying that Pauline had simply been born a heavier baby and that Sarah would soon catch up.

It was now close to the end of November, but, as much as Ellen had wanted to be a true wife to Percy, she just couldn’t. The first time he’d tried to make love to her she had frozen, then fought, pushing him off. Percy had been so hurt, but she’d found an excuse, blaming it on their lack of privacy – that with her parents just next door, she hadn’t been able to relax.

She’d been the same the next time he tried, fighting him off, using the same excuse, but in truth
Ellen was beginning to fear that she was frigid. Had Billy taken more than just her virginity? Had he destroyed something else within her too? She wanted to confide in someone, yet couldn’t go to Val. Val thought Sarah was Percy’s child and to confess that her marriage was still unconsummated would mean revealing the secret. That only left her mother, but sex was a subject that had never been discussed and she doubted it would be any different now.

Ellen was gazing into the fire when her mother came in, rubbing her hands together and heading straight for the fire.

‘I’ve hung the nappies up but it’s so cold out there and I think there’s a threat of rain. We might have to dry them indoors.’ Hilda then sat down, holding her hands out to the flames. ‘What’s the matter? Why the long face?’

‘It’s nothing, Mum.’

‘You haven’t been yourself lately, so something’s upsetting you.’

‘There’s nothing. I’m fine.’

‘It’s your birthday tomorrow, and that should cheer you up. Percy’s got a surprise for you.’

‘Has he? What sort of surprise?’

‘Now then, it won’t be one if I tell you. I’m sure you’ll like it – but I don’t.’

‘Why? What’s wrong with it?’

‘Oh, nothing, I suppose. It’s just going to change things.’

‘I don’t like the sound of that. What sort of things?’

When her mother shook her head, Ellen urged, ‘Come on, Mum, you can’t leave me up in the air like this.’

‘All right, I’ll tell you, but you’ll have to pretend you didn’t know. Percy has found a cottage on the other side of the Hogs Back, a place of your own.’

‘What! Oh, no!’

‘I thought you’d be pleased.’

‘But…but we’ll be alone and…and that means…’

‘Means what, Ellen?’

‘Noth…nothing. It’s nothing.’

‘Don’t give me that. I’ve just told you that you’re getting a home of your own, but instead of being happy you look, oh, I dunno, sort of frightened.’ Hilda’s eyes then narrowed. ‘Percy! Is that it! My God, I can’t believe it of him, but if he’s hurting you I’ll have his guts for garters.’

‘No, Mum. He hasn’t hurt me. It isn’t that.’

‘What is it then?’

Ellen hesitated, but then haltingly she said, ‘When we’re in our own place, I won’t have any more excuses. I’ll have to make love to him.’

‘I don’t understand. What’s wrong with that?’

‘We…we haven’t yet and…and I don’t think I can.’

‘I can’t believe this. You’ve telling me you’ve never let Percy make love to you?’

‘He…he agreed to wait until after I’d had the baby.’

‘He must think a lot of you to go along with that, but hold on, you had Sarah in August so what’s stopping him now?’

‘I…I just can’t do it.’

‘Now listen, Ellen, you need to put yourself in Percy’s shoes. He married you, took on another man’s baby, and from what you’ve said, he’s kept to his side of the bargain. A man has his needs, and it’s been wonderful of him to wait this long, but now the least you can do is be a proper wife to him.’

‘I’ve told you, I can’t. Maybe…maybe it’s because I don’t love him.’

‘For goodness’ sake, you aren’t the only woman who’s married a man she doesn’t love. Some women marry for money, others perhaps to escape an unhappy home life. In fact, there are a host of reasons, but it doesn’t stop them from sleeping with their husbands. All right, I won’t deny that sex is wonderful with the man you love, but without love it can still be enjoyable.’

‘How do you know, Mum? Don’t you love Dad?’

‘Of course I do, but I know someone who didn’t love her husband when she married him. Now don’t ask who, because it was told to me in confidence.
Suffice to say, she grew to love him, just as you might grow to love Percy.’

‘Mabel! I think you’re talking about Mabel.’

‘I’m not saying. I just hope it’s made you see sense.’

‘Mum. I’m fond of Percy, but that…that time with Billy, I didn’t like it. I felt dirty, soiled and disgusted with myself. I…I think it might have made me frigid.’

‘Nonsense. Look, I know you denied it, but I still think Billy forced you, so of course you didn’t like it. I should have told you the facts of life, warned you, and I still blame myself that you got into trouble.’

‘No, Mum, it wasn’t your fault. I wasn’t that naïve, but I
was
a fool. I thought myself in love with Billy and let him go too far.’

‘Love, huh! I doubt that. It was more like a crush mixed with lust.’

Ellen flushed. ‘Mum, I can’t believe you’re talking to me like this. You never have before.’

‘You’re seventeen tomorrow, a married woman with a baby and you’ve had to grow up fast. As for Percy, liking someone first then growing to love them is different and lasting. You said you’re fond of Percy and that’s a good foundation for a happy marriage, but if you don’t sort yourself out you could lose him. With keeping him waiting this long it’s a wonder he hasn’t looked elsewhere.’

‘What! You mean another woman?’

‘Well, you don’t want him, so what do you expect?’

‘I don’t like the thought of him going off with someone else.’

‘If that’s the case, you must think more of Percy than you realise. Take my advice, Ellen. If you don’t want Percy to stray or to leave you, the bedroom is the most important room in the house.’

Ellen flushed. ‘Mum!’

‘I’m only telling you for your own good. I don’t like the thought of you moving out, and I’ll miss both you and Sarah, but if you want this marriage to work, you’ve got to make a fresh start.’

‘I…I know.’

‘Goodness, Ellen, look at the time. Your father and Percy will be back from the pub soon and looking for their Sunday dinner. Get the cauliflower sorted while I turn the roast potatoes.’

‘Mum, thanks, I’m glad I plucked up the courage to talk to you,’ Ellen said as she laid Sarah in her pram.

‘Don’t say that, Ellen. I should be the one you naturally come to with your problems.’

‘I was too embarrassed, Mum, but I won’t be in future.’

‘I’m glad, but it’s down to me that you felt like that. I tried to keep you a child, didn’t want you to grow up, that’s the problem. Huh, some mother I’ve been.’

‘You’re a wonderful mother and I wouldn’t swap you for the world.’

‘Thanks, and in my own defence I can only say I did my best. You don’t get lessons in being a parent and I just followed on from my own mother’s example. When I think about it, I couldn’t have spoken to her either, at least not about things like that. Still, it’s a lesson learned and you’ll know better with Sarah.’

The door opened, Percy calling, ‘We’re back,’ then sniffing the air. ‘Cor, that smells good enough to eat.’

Ellen looked at her husband, at the smile on his face, and it hit her then. The thought of him leaving her, of being with another woman really did make her feel sick inside. She’d been so wrapped up in her pregnancy, then in Sarah, that she had taken Percy for granted. He was always there, always the same, even-tempered and kind, and somehow it must have crept up on her. Her mother was right. Maybe she
did
love him.

‘How’s my girl?’ he asked, looking in the pram.

Ellen impulsively stood behind Percy. She had never yet instigated a show of affection, but now wrapped her arms around his waist. ‘She’s fine.’

Percy turned around, a look of bemusement on his face. ‘What’s all this then?’

‘I can give my husband a cuddle if I want, can’t I? In fact, I wouldn’t mind a kiss.’

His eyes widened, and Ellen felt a surge of guilt. She had never done this before either, never offered to kiss him, and saw his eyes shine with delight before he lowered his lips to hers.

‘If you two don’t mind, I’m trying to sort this dinner out, and Ellen, what about that cauliflower?’

‘Sorry, Mum. I just felt like giving Percy a kiss,’ she said, grinning widely when her mother gave her a knowing wink. It was going to be all right, her marriage was going to be all right, and now she looked forward to the future with happiness instead of fear.