Lost at School (22 page)

Plan C is another option in emergent circumstances. Sometimes it makes sense to drop an expectation temporarily (Plan C), ensure the other kids stay focused on the task at hand, and then return to the problem—perhaps two minutes later, perhaps two hours later—under more ideal circumstances.

      R
ODNEY
(loudly): This test sucks!

      A
DULT
(Empathy, Emergency B): Uh-oh. Sounds like someone’s having trouble with the test. You know what, Rodney, I had a feeling this might be a little hard for you. I should have discussed it with you before I passed it out. Why don’t you hang tight for a few minutes while I get everyone started, and then we can try to figure out what’s troubling you about the test. Sound OK?

      R
ODNEY
(if we’re lucky): Fine. So what am I supposed to do, just sit here?

      A
DULT
:
Only for a minute or two. I’ll be with you in just a sec.

In some emergent circumstances, especially those involving safety, Plan A is an option. Plan A makes sense in situations in which safety is jeopardized and there’s no viable option except to impose adult will (for example, if two kids are in the midst of a fistfight). But on many emergent safety issues, you do have the options of Plans B and C. Plan C would make sense when you think defusing the kid (by dropping the expectation that heated him up in the first place) is possible. And—believe it or not—even Emergency B could make sense. In the words of Harry Taylor, a corrections officer who works in a juvenile detention facility in the state of Maine, “If the kid’s still talking, you’re still in business.”

Of course, if we’re doing a good job of identifying the lagging skills and unsolved problems of kids at risk for unsafe behavior, if we’re working together to communicate and prioritize, if we’re systematically
teaching those skills and solving those problems and keeping track of how things are going, if we’re developing the types of helping relationships with at-risk kids that they so desperately need, then the likelihood of unsafe behavior will already have been dramatically reduced.

Q & A

Question:
I’m having some trouble with the Empathy step. I’m still not sure what to say to get the ball rolling. For example, I have a kid who had a major blow-out the other day because he refused to leave the classroom for a fire drill. I did Plan A at the time—it wasn’t pretty—but I want to do Plan B now to keep it from happening again. What should I say to get Plan B going on that one?

Answer:
Your goal is to gather information so as to better understand why the kid became so upset over the fire drill so you can help solve the problem. So, generically, you could say something like, “I noticed that you became very upset during the fire drill the other day, but I still don’t understand why. What’s up?”

Question:
You mentioned some of the most common unsolved problems in
Chapter 2
. Would they sound pretty much the same?

Answer:
Yes. Here are some examples:

• “I’ve noticed that there’s been some trouble on the school bus lately. What’s up?”

• “I’ve noticed that you’ve been getting thrown out of the cafeteria a lot. What’s up?”

• “I’ve noticed that you and Santiago haven’t been getting along so well lately. What’s up?”

• “I’ve noticed that you haven’t been getting much done on your civil rights project. What’s up?”

• “I’ve noticed that there hasn’t been much homework coming in lately. What’s up?”

• “I’ve noticed we haven’t seen you in school much the past few weeks. What’s up?”

• “I’ve noticed that some days you come into my class and you’re really ready to sink your teeth into what we’re doing. Other days you don’t seem to be able to get much done at all. What’s up?”

Question:
Is it OK to have a specific behavior be the focus of Plan B? Like, for example, spitting? What would the Empathy step sound like then?

Answer:
Yes. “I’ve noticed that the other kids have been getting mad at you for spitting. What’s going on?” But then you’ll need to drill a little (or a lot) to fully understand the who, what, where, when, and sometimes why of the spitting. Once you feel that you have enough information to understand the kid’s concern or perspective, you’ll enter your concern into consideration, and this will usually be related to safety, how the kid’s behavior is affecting him or others, lost learning, or wanting the kid to be part of the community. Then you’re brainstorming solutions that will address both concerns. Remember, solutions are weighed on the basis of whether they address both concerns and whether they’re realistic.

Question:
What if the kid doesn’t follow through on his part of the solution?

Answer:
This is usually a sign that the original solution wasn’t as realistic and mutually satisfactory as you may have thought. By the way, kids are not the only ones who sometimes have trouble following through on solutions they’ve agreed to. Either way, you’re back to the Plan B drawing board. If it makes you feel any better, in life most good solutions follow solutions that didn’t pan out so well. The important thing is to figure out why the original solution didn’t pan out and make sure that the next solution incorporates what you’ve learned.

Question:
What if the kid says he doesn’t care about your concern?

Answer:
He gets ten points for honesty. Sounds like a kid who’s had a lot of his own concerns blown off the table and is now responding in kind. Plan A begets Plan A; Plan B begets Plan B. The long-term answer to a kid not caring about your concerns is to care more about his. The short-term answer is to acknowledge that he doesn’t care
about your concern, that there’s really no way for you to make him care about your concerns, to let him know that you’ve begun trying very hard to take his concerns into account (hopefully, he’s noticed), to point out that your goal is to find a solution that addresses his concerns and yours, and to underscore the fact that once the problem is solved it won’t get in the way anymore.

Question:
Don’t adults’ concerns trump kids’ concerns?

Answer:
If the adult’s concerns are trumping the kid’s concerns, then you’re not doing Plan B, you’re doing Plan A. Even if the adult’s concern is really important, there’s no reason to dismiss the kid’s concern or to think that both concerns can’t be addressed using Plan B.

Question:
Don’t adults’ solutions trump kids’ solutions?

Answer:
Not if you want to solve a problem durably, meaning in a realistic and mutually satisfactory manner. If a kid isn’t OK with a solution, or if it doesn’t address his concerns, the problem is not durably solved and will resurface.

Question:
In some of your examples, it looks more like the problem is being avoided rather than solved. Care to comment?

Answer:
Don’t confuse
avoiding
with
prioritizing
and
incremental problem-solving.
In some instances, you’re choosing not to work on something (Plan C) because you have bigger fish to fry first. In other instances, you’re agreeing to a solution that will move the process along incrementally while realizing that the problem is not yet completely resolved.

Question:
What if the only solutions a kid can come up with are consequences?

Answer:
Sounds like he’s been trained by adults whose only solutions are consequences. You’ll have to help broaden his range of options.

Question:
What if the kid just keeps repeating his original solution?

Answer:
He’s probably having trouble thinking of other solutions or hasn’t had much practice taking another person’s concerns into
account. That’s where you come in. But you may want to check out
Chapter 6
for more specific strategies.

Question:
What if the solutions a kid proposes are not realistic or mutually satisfactory?

Answer:
This is covered in
Chapter 6
as well. But briefly, he’ll need some feedback along those lines. For example, “Hey, there’s an idea. The only problem is, I don’t know if it’s truly realistic for us to assume that you’ll be able to stay in your seat all the time. Let’s see if we can come up with a solution that you can really do.” Or, “Well, that’s an option. The only thing is, if I let you walk around the room whenever you feel like it,
your
concern would be addressed—you know, that it’s hard for you to sit in your seat for long periods of time—but
my
concern—that I don’t want you to disturb your classmates—wouldn’t be. Let’s see if we can come up with a solution that works for both of us.”

The Story Continues …

Mrs. Woods greeted each of her students as they filed into her classroom.

“Good morning, Sam.” As always, she had much on her mind besides making sure her students felt welcome. The schedule for the day. Getting two of her students caught up on missing assignments. Separating two students who weren’t working well on a project together. The frequent absences of another student and the need to call the student’s mother. Fire drill at 9:15.

“Hello, Liz. I like your new shirt.” Remembering that Mrs. Wagner is coming in to work with Liz on writing at 10:00. And that Mrs. Grady is coming in to observe Eddy today.

“Hi, William.” Wondering if William’s had breakfast today—he’s a different kid when he hasn’t had breakfast. “William, after you put your things down, I need to ask you a question. Hi, Raymond. Don’t forget you’re going with Ms. Hall at ten forty-five. We’ll need to figure out how to get you the math materials you’ll be missing.” Needing to talk to Raymond about what’s been going on between him and Kellen at recess lately.

“Welcome back, Joey.” Hoping Joey remembers the plan. Hoping Bridgman knows what he’s doing.

The day proceeded along and Mrs. Woods found herself anxiously focused on Joey, casting wary glances to see if he was using their new signal. On one of the assignments Mrs. Woods was concerned about, Joey plowed right into the material with no problem. On another, she saw him working on some old worksheets he’d taken out of his backpack. He was using their plan! When she drew near, he looked at her and began rubbing his nose. She smiled to acknowledge him. Joey looked back down at his work.

Mid-afternoon, Mr. Middleton stuck his head in the door to make sure everything was OK. Mrs. Woods gave him the thumbs-up sign. At the end of the school day, Mrs. Woods was so wrapped up in the hustle and bustle of getting her kids off to their rides and buses that she barely noticed Joey tugging on her sleeve.

“Oh, Joey, hi,” she said. “What’s up?”

Joey tried to look inconspicuous. “Should I take the work I didn’t understand home with me tonight?”

“Oh, wow, Joey, that’s great that you’re following up with me,” said Mrs. Woods. “But I don’t want you to have to worry about homework you don’t understand.”

“Maybe my mom can help me with it.”

“Tell you what. Why don’t you and your mom give it a try and if you still have trouble I’ll explain it to you when you come in early one morning. Sound OK?”

“OK.” As quickly as Joey had appeared he was gone.

Dr. Bridgman breathlessly appeared at her door just as Mrs. Woods was leaving her classroom for the day.

“Tried to get here earlier,” he puffed, “but I’m running way behind as usual. How’d it go today?”

“Uneventful,” said Mrs. Woods. “It dawned on me as the kids were coming in this morning that there would be several assignments that might be confusing to Joey, but he did fine on one of them and on the other he used our plan.”

“He used our plan?” asked Dr. Bridgman, both surprised and heartened by the news. “That was fast. You heading out?”

Mrs. Woods turned the lights off in her classroom. “Not out of the
building, but out to a meeting. You know, he even came up to me at the end of the day and asked if he should do the confusing assignment at home tonight.”

“Wow. They should all be this easy. ’Course, we’re not out of the woods yet.” Dr. Bridgman considered his words. “No pun intended.”

“No pun taken,” said Mrs. Woods with a smile as she began walking down the hall. “Did you have a chance to ask his mother about bringing him in early some mornings?”

“Not yet. I’m going to call her now. Do you want me to let you know if Joey will be in early tomorrow?”

“No, if he’s there that’s fine, if he’s not I’ve got lots to do. You were saying that we’re not out of the woods yet?”

“Well, it’s good that he seems to be working with us, and good that we have a signaling system in place … and good that he used it,” said Dr. Bridgman. “But we still don’t really understand why he’s so easily embarrassed and so hypersensitive about having the other kids know he’s having trouble with something.”

“I have a tough crowd in my class. They’re very hard on one another.”

Dr. Bridgman thought of a few ideas that might help on that count, but decided to hold off on making suggestions for the entire class until things were more settled with Joey. “Well, we’re off to a good start with Joey.”

Mrs. Woods paused outside the conference room door. “Wasn’t as hard as I thought it would be. At some point in the day it suddenly dawned on me that what I’m doing with Joey isn’t really any different from what I do on academics for every other kid in my class.”

“A lot of teachers feel they have so much on their plates already that my adding one more thing …”

“Well, that’s just the thing,” said Mrs. Woods. “If this keeps working—and I know we don’t know if it will yet—then we’ll actually have taken something
off
my plate, not added more to it.”

Ms. Lowell walked into the house after work and found Joey waiting for her at the kitchen table.