Lost for You (5 page)

“Was that your doing?” Devon asks.

I look over to him and smirk. “Yeah. Clocked him in the head and he crumbled like a little bitch. Pity he didn’t stay down.”

He puts his hand on my shoulder, gripping it firmly. “Next time, Shay, he won’t get up.”

I can’t take my eyes off her. Her hand feels warm, and I can see her chest rising and falling in time with the ventilator, but it still doesn’t seem real. I think I need to see her open those deep green eyes and smile at me with her grin that can light up a room. I want to be able to kiss those soft pink lips of hers and hold her close to me.

It’s been seven days since I’ve been able to touch her; to make love to her. My body has ached for her every day that I’ve been gone. My heart shattered into pieces the moment I walked out that door.

I remember the conversation we had just moments before she was shot. She said she didn’t care about any of it. Told me that nobody could hurt her except me, and that’s exactly what happened. She wouldn’t have been shot if I’d been there, protecting her. There was only so much Shay could do, and I know I can’t blame him for this happening.

But despite being heartbroken, she still loves me. She told me she couldn’t be without me. “I’m broken,” she said before I asked her to meet me in New Orleans. If only I’d called her sooner, or told Shay to bring her to me. I’ll never forgive myself. God, I hope she still wants me after this. I don’t know what I’ll do if she has changed her mind about us.

For all she knows, she got shot because of me. I need her to wake up. I’ll even pray if I have to. She has to be okay.

I look over and see a bag with Elle’s name on it on top of the cabinet beside the bed. I stand up and walk around, opening the bag to have a look. I see Elle’s blood splattered pajamas and her diamond infinity necklace lying on top. I reach inside the bag and pull it out, laying it over my hand as my finger traces the curves of the design. I’m still wearing my ring she gave me. It has not come off my finger even once since she gave it to me. In a way, it made me feel better when I was away, knowing I had a piece of her with me. Undoing the clasp and reaching over the bed, I place the necklace gently around her small frail neck, kissing her forehead before standing up again.

I sit down in the chair beside her again, remembering the last words she had said to me before that echoing blast rocked both our worlds. “I love you always,” she said.

“I love you too, sweetheart,” I murmur as I fall asleep next to her; my head on the bed, and my hand cradling hers.

I’ve been at Elle’s bedside for two days now. Forty-eight hours of holding her hand, talking to her, remembering the happy times over our past ten months together. I’ve been thinking of all the little things we would do. The sneaky gropes, the soft kisses Elle would give me all over my face when she woke me up.

I love how she has always shown me her cheeky side, even from the beginning. Of course, her cheeky side ended up being a hell of a lot more sultry towards the end, but I was so far gone, anything she gave me was a blessing.

I can’t wipe the smile off my face when I remember Shay’s birthday party and how much we teased each other until we couldn’t take it anymore. I had to touch her, to hear her cry out my name as I brought her to climax, to have her body grip mine as I moved inside her. That was one of these most memorable nights of my life.

I need her to survive this, so we can have more nights like that.

Three days.

Three of the longest days in my fucking life.

Three days of the whirring ventilator, the stream of nurses and doctors coming in and out, the constant poking and prodding, the tests, the sound of the blood pressure machine tightening and loosening, even the ticking of the clock on the wall. It’s all starting to get to me.

She needs to wake up.

She must wake up.

Four days have been and gone, and Elle is still in a medically induced coma. The doctors are happy with her progress and want to try taking her off the ventilator and removing the tube from her throat when she wakes up.

One of the nurses, Beverly, seems to have taken a shining to us. Being in the ICU, visiting hours are usually limited to enable patients to get as much rest as possible so that they can recover. Somehow, Beverly has managed to let me stay in Elle’s room overnight. That woman deserves a gold medal!

It’s Wednesday morning almost a week since Elle was shot and a week since my middle of the night dash across half the country to get back to her. I’ve barely left her side since I’ve been back, apart from the rare food and bathroom break, or quick showers in the nurse’s lounge before rushing back to her bedside.

We’re waiting for the doctors to do their rounds before they try to get her breathing on her own again. I’m a nervous wreck, more so today than the rest of the week. I suppose it’s because so much could go wrong. I sent Shay a text earlier, asking him to be close to the hospital this morning. I know I’ll need him if shit goes bad.
I’m a mess as I wait for the moment she’s awake again.
I need to see her open those beautiful green eyes to know she’ll be okay.

An hour later, Shay pops his head in to let me know he’s arrived just as the doctors and Beverly enter the room for their rounds.

“Let me know how it goes,” he says before leaving.

“Brax, this is Dr. Robinson. He’s the cardiothoracic surgeon who performed Elle’s surgery. And this is Dr. Jarvis. He’s the pulmonologist who will listen to Elle’s lungs once we’ve done everything. He just needs to have a final check to make sure Elise is ready to breathe on her own,” Beverly explains to me.

“Okay,” I reply, running my hands through my hair as my nerves reach breaking point. I’ll never forgive myself if she’s not okay.

The surgeon checks Elle’s chart and looks through the notes before pulling out his stethoscope to listen to her chest. After a few minutes he nods to the other doctor and turns to talk to me.

“She’s going to find it quite painful to breathe for a few days, and her throat is likely going to be irritated from the tube, but it is all looking very good. If she can cope over the next twenty-four hours, we’ll be able to move her out of ICU down to the surgical ward. Then after a few days, if the breathing therapy is going alright, we’ll look at discharging her. Sound good?”

I stand up and move to shake his hand. “Yeah, sounds great. Thank you so much, Dr. Robinson.”

“Do you have any questions for me?” he asks, jotting down some notes on Elle’s chart.

I pause to think about what I really need to know from him. “Will she remember the shooting?” I ask.

“Yes, she should. Your friend acted fast, and the paramedics were able to get to her relatively quickly. Because of that, there was no lack of oxygen, so there is little to no chance of any lasting effects on her brain or memory,” he replies, placing his hand on my forearm. “In a few weeks she’ll be back on her feet, and in a month or so she’ll be back to normal.”

I nod in acceptance. “Thanks, doctor.”

“Okay. Let’s get this tube out, and the ventilator turned off,” he says to Beverly.

“I might just step out into the hall while you do that,” I say quietly, stepping out into the hallway outside Elle’s hospital room. I may have lived here for the past week, but I have too many bad memories from Leah to watch them do things to my Elle.

About ten minutes later, the doctors step out of the room, smiling at me before walking towards the nurse’s station. Beverly gestures for me to come back in the room and I look over to see my gorgeous girl still sleeping. Her eyes are shut, but gone is the whirring ventilator. The only noise now is the heart rate monitor steadily beeping away beside her. I take a moment to steady my breathing, letting out a huge sigh of relief. I’m back home, back where I’m always meant to be. Now, I have to work to stay here, and hope like hell that I can keep her safe in the process.

My eyes are closed and feel really heavy. I try to open them, but they won’t budge. Wait. What is that beeping sound I hear? It speeds up as I start to panic. Where the hell am I?

“
Shh, dear. You’re okay. I need you to calm down for me, sweetheart,
” I hear an older woman’s warm voice talking softly beside me. Her voice sounds very maternal, and it is calming me down. “Elle, you are okay now. You’re in the hospital, and you’ve just had surgery to fix up your chest. Do you remember where you are now?”

I nod my head ever so slightly, fighting a losing battle to keep my eyes open. They feel like they’re stuck together. I try again and get the smallest glimpse of light coming from in front of me.

“That’s right, Elle, nice and slow now. We’ve turned the lights off so that it won’t be so painful for you. You just need to relax and try breathing normally. Slow and steady breaths,” I hear her say from my left hand side. I turn my head towards her voice.

“W….Water,” I rasp, my voice barely audible.

I hear something knock against the bed beside me, startling me. “We need to take it slow, Elle. Ice chips to start off with, okay? Open your mouth slightly.”

I oblige and feel a cold spoon on my parched lips and the cool smoothness of the ice chips as they melt on my tongue. I moan. It feels so good to have some water, even in ice form. I gesture for more, nodding carefully when she brings the cup back towards me.