Lost Her (Lost #1) (11 page)

Ryan sees me and asks, “What was that?”

I turn looking at him straight faced, “Chris sent down his CD with Daddy to bring to me. He thinks I will enjoy it. It went multi-platinum.”

Ryan looks surprised, “Chris, Chris, your band friend neighbor with the hair?” I nod to confirm. “That is odd. I never knew your dad was really talking to him
after he moved,” he said sounding shocked.

“Daddy is representing him for legal counsel for his band,” I say softly.

Ryan stretches yawning at the same time. “I assume your father is doing that as a favor for you since Chris is like your best friend and all. Who would want to represent him and that crazy music you all like?” I just shrug heading toward bed. I am undressing and I watch Ryan jump into bed looking exhausted.

I decide to take this moment to my advantage. “Ryan, please remind me tomorrow when I am in calling range to call Chris. Daddy told me
that he wants me to check in. Chris has been worried about me.”

Ryan nods into his pillow, “Remember that you can Skype call now too. Livi, I wanted to ask you this forever. Is Chris gay?” I look at Ryan’s dark face since he tans pretty dark and he has not shaved in days. I gently touch his cheek feeling the needle-like hairs.

I speak softly to him as I watch him drift off, “No Chris is far from gay, but he is extremely shy with women. He is quite nerdy too as you know.”

Ryan chuckles, “Chris is completely the opposite of his asshole older brother, Tyler. I ran into him at your father’s house about 4 weeks ago when we were brain storming how to get you home. He was there with your brother
, Robert. He was talking shit as always. Saying that he was going to leave his wife, find you first and rock your freaky world like he did so many times in the past. I jumped him and pounded him. Your brothers and father counted to twenty out loud before they pulled me off him. I guess they felt it was a long time coming. Livi, why him? He is such an arrogant asshole. He thinks he is all that and so proud of himself to have taken away your innocence.”

I laugh, “I guess I just liked the athletic type of aggressive overly confident men. I hate to say this to you, Ryan, but you and Tyler are a lot alike in many ways.”

Ryan grunts. “Do not ever compare me to that asshole ever again. At least I do not run my mouth about my sex life with you especially in front of your father. I just do not get why your brother is best friends with him. Why did you two break up anyway? I do not think I ever heard the reason or maybe I just forgot.”

I look down at Ryan kind of shocked that we are having this conversation after being together all these years. “He was abusive and very demeaning to women. When Chris and I were playing at this small bar in town, I wore a new costume that Chris and I made with the sewing machine. Tyler and my brother came to see the show. They were drinking pretty heavily. When the band was done and we were packing up the truck to leave. Tyler came into the parking lot yelling at me about what I was wearing. He was pushing me around. Then he back handed slapped me to the ground and was tearing away my clothing. I was fighting him off. But then Chris and my brother kind of figured it was not play fighting when I bit Tyler and he back handed me again. They ran over
pulling him off of me. My brother kicked the crap out of him. Chris took off his coat to cover my naked body and carried me to the truck. He cleaned me up and brought me home. I know my brother tells my father about everything, there are no details, Ryan, of our life together that my dad probably has not heard about. I stopped running to my brother crying on his shoulder a long time ago. He never kept my secrets. He is just as bad as Tyler with that mouth.”

Ryan is perched up on his elbows with a very sorry look in his eyes, “Livi, I never knew. How come you did not tell me? What did your father do to him?” he asks extremely surprised at what I just told him.

I look at him. “I know my father had spoken to Tyler’s dad who was a wife beater too. They said I was a dirty little slut and liked it rough. I know that my Dad has already known things from my brother’s conversations. So he just let it go. School was hard for me after that, everyone was gossiping, but most of it was all true. I just focused on school, music and stayed the hell away from boys, until you of course. When we were dating, you said that you did not ever want to hear about my past relationships, it made you too jealous. We only disclosed our count of past partners. It was like 1 man to 300 (I can count that high) women. We just left it at that.” I finish my sentence tickling him.

He laughs
taking me into his arms, “And they called you a slut, I was the slut. Livi, why do I feel like I am learning about you for the first time in my life?”

I snuggle into his chest, “From day one when we met it has been drama or we have been so busy with life, work and family. Plus, I was
too embarrassed of my life to talk about it. I knew I was not a normal girly girl.”

He places a soft kiss to my temple of my heads, “Normal, nah, but that is what I always love about you, how different that you are than other women. I always thought you were tough and independent until that day I saw you lying in my bed when you were unconscious, all helpless. That was the day I vowed to myself to protect you forever. I knew then that you were going to be all
mine forever and you were not some girl I was passing time away with in college.”

I pull my head back look
ing at Ryan, “Wait a minute here. You told me I was forever when we had sex on the train coming back from your hockey camp a few months before that incident.”

He laughs, “That was the sex talking and not my heart.”

I pinch him really hard. “Well, I believed you then, that day on the train. I guess your head just did not want to listen to what your heart was telling you all along, jackass.”

He smiles, full of himself, “This is nice, being alone with you having no distractions for once in our lives. Nowhere to be, no one pounding at our door. No worries.” I smile hold
ing him tighter. I listen to his breathing and I drift off to sleep.

Ryan
- I awake from Livi’s kiss to my forehead. She smells amazing as I breathe her in. She must have just gotten out of the shower since her heavy blonde wet hair hit me in the face. She whispers,” Coffee is going. I am running down the hill with the dogs. Señor Marquis is going to watch them today. There is no room with more people going today to the park.” I stretch nodding in agreement before rolling back over to fall back to sleep. I hear her calling the dogs from the other room and the front door pulls closed. I stir not wanting to get up and I look at the clock just wanting to sleep in some more.

I get up
waddling to the shower. I take a quick shower and dry off to re-hang the towel up. Still naked, I walk to the kitchen pouring me some coffee. Picking up my laptop from the coffee table, I move over to the kitchen table and start downloading e-mails. I glance at the list and notice that there is one from Katie. I quickly open it thinking there is a problem and read it.

Daddy,

How is it going? Did Grandpa get there and did he kick your ass for being mean to Mommy. Are you being nice to everyone? How is Mommy’s boyfriend, completely hot and sweet Parker? Is she leaving you for the younger guy? Sorry Daddy, just being funny.

Love you Grumpy
,

Katie

I stir in my seat thinking for a moment. Am I really not nice to people and am I really grumpy? People really do tip toe around me, don’t they? I remember back when planning Katie’s sweet sixteen party when Katie told me that she did not want my side of the family there. When I asked why, she said they are always brooding and putting people down for having fun. They need to loosen up a bit and smile. It dawned on me right now, she was right. I am always brooding just like my family. Katie was so smart to see that back then and I have been stuck my entire life programmed by my mother that I was the gift to all. She had created me in to this egomaniac, overachieving competitive monster that I am. I hit reply to the e-mail.

Sweet Katie,

I love you, you little demon. I am setting you straight right now. Mommy and I love each other very much. I am not getting kicked to the curb. I am hot, powerful and intelligent, just what your mother loves. I am your mother’s boyfriend and that is final. Stop toying with me or I will sell your car and get you a bus pass.

Love
your sweet nice loving father.

I hit send and continue to read e-mails from work. I purposely have not taken any new cases to work out my life, but other associates always want my opinion on their cases. Maybe I should start charging a consulting fee. I see an e-mail from the realtor that is selling my house of the closing date being pushed further out. I still have not told Livi that I sold the house yet. Henry and I discussed it many times to sell it. He said it held too many bad memories and if I was going to work out my marriage with Livi, we needed a fresh start.

I was so angry that she left me, but all the fighting was getting us nowhere. Henry was frantic for a while constantly questioning Livi’s friend that set her up with the new life. All I did know was that Livi was staying with Chris in Los Angeles for a month before her passport renewal came. Then she just disappeared. I was kicking myself for not reaching out to her then, but I was angry with her for just running away from me and everyone.

Henry helped me clean out the house mostly donating all of Briar’s belongings. He then put the house up on the market while I continued to live there stew
ing in my anger. I stopped talking to my family, they did nothing but try to brainwash me that Livi was no good for me and to see that she caused me the greatest pain.

Henry had hired a psychiatrist that was making house calls to me. Henry knew I would never see one on my own. He prescribed some medication to help me with my depression and angry thoughts. He said I needed to have balanced thinking to figure out all my issues. The medication was only temporary. I started playing hockey again on my men’s league 5 nights a week and just felt exhausted every night to be angry with her anymore.

I close my laptop and see a magazine sitting in Livi’s bag. I pull it out seeing that is one of those Rock magazines she liked to read. Her father must have brought it for her. I start thumbing through it when I hear the front door open. Livi walks in looking at me with a shocked expression on her face. Henry is right behind her. He speaks, “Son! That is no way to greet me.” I look down at myself laughing out loud realizing that I am still sitting there naked. I stand up and Henry turns to not see me.

As I walk to the bedroom closing the door, I am smirking, “My bad.”

Livi
- I am standing there in shock, not because of Ryan being naked when my father and I walked in to the house. He was looking at my magazine. I run over to the table and put the magazine in a safe place. I am sure if he read or looked at the marked page, I would have heard it from him. Maybe he did see it or is just too stupid to put it all together. I turn to see my father who has his arms crossed peering at me, “You better tell him soon.”

I look at him, “Tomorrow, Daddy. Today is Parker’s birthday and I want everyone to be happy.”

He walks toward me, “Procrastinator. Do you need me to mediate this one?”

Ryan walk
s back in to the room, “Mediate what?”

I look all nervous and lie, “He wants me to contact Katie to have her stop running her mouth to everyone that I have a boyfriend.” 

Daddy laughs, “Yes, that too. That girl thrives on drama.” Ryan nods in agreement, “She was born into drama. Look at my side of the family. She e-mailed me and I responded telling her to cut it out, but maybe a phone call from you, Livi, would end it for good.”

Daddy laughs, “Sounds like a plan,” looking from me to Ryan, “I see the doctor helped you see, Ryan, that your family is not the happiest loving people in the world.”

I am in shock and my mouth just drops open. “Doctor, Ryan?”

He looks at me embarrassed. “Yes, a psychiatrist. Your father sent him to the house since he knew I was too proud to go seek help. I was angry all the time and depresse
d. I was not thinking straight.”

Henry chimes up, “You did not tell her! The both of you just confuse the hell out of me. What have you both been doing since Monday? Five days have passed and you would think you would communicate. Never mind, I know what you have been doing. Please take some time and talk out your problems and issues.”

Ryan laughs smirking with that cocky attitude, “Yes, in between love making we will talk. She is off of school for the next two weeks so once you leave, I will have one week left here alone with her. We will be all talked out by then to figure out our plans.”

Daddy looks out at my view of the sea, “I hope it will be sooner than that. I do not want you hurting her and getting all heated again. She needs to be thinking straight from here out. No more running from her problems.”

Ryan looks at him a little confused, “We have been talking about things and learning history that we never knew before. We never had alone time like this before. It was sports, school, children and careers, it all just consumed us. She told me for the first time about what Tyler did to her. I wish someone would have told me sooner.”

Dad
dy looks at Ryan, “It was not my story to tell. It was Olivia’s. I warned her that the boy was bad news. But she likes mischievous men.”

I jump into the conversation to try to end it before Daddy talks to much, “Ryan, I told you my brother never spared Daddy on details, not even our private details. I could never figure out why he did that.”

Daddy turns around, “Because he was always jealous of you. He knew you had my heart stronger than he did and he took every chance to make you look bad. Margret said it was sibling rivalry.”

I look at my father shock, “Wow, he was jealous of me? He always told me that I was breaking your heart and that you wished that I could be just
be a good girl.”

Daddy takes me in his arms hug
ging me into his chest, “You are a good girl and always have been. You never did anything wrong. You grew up in a home with a bunch of perverted men. I am sorry there were no real female role models for you for you to talk to.”

I laugh into his hug. “Daddy, it is genetics that made me the way I am. Someone had to be kinky? That desire is just not learned, you have to be born to like it.”

Daddy chuckles, “You are right, it was me. I wish that Margret filled my desires, but she completely was not into it, but that Rosalie. I felt things that I have been missing since your mother died.”

I jump three feet back with a nauseated look on my face, “What? Daddy, you didn’t! I am going to be sick!”

Ryan chiming in not too surprised. “I knew it. I saw something in the way you looked at her. It was a primal look of yearning, but that was way too quick. You just met her yesterday.”

Daddy looked at Ryan sternly, “We are adults, not adolescents. We have needs and it was quite satisfying.” 

Ryan and I look at each other in disgust, “Eww!” I speak out.

Daddy turns his gaze on me. “You two think that you are the only two who share passionate desire to tie each other up and take control,” he laughs as he sees the grossed out look in my eyes.

I speak up, “Not something I want to visualize Daddy. I am out of here. I have to get the coolers together.”

Ryan runs alongside me, “I have to help her. Make yourself at home, maybe some food for your last night’s workout,” he chuckles out.

“Ryan, please,” I scream out at him to stop bantering.

We walk down underneath the house to get the coolers. Ryan grabs my arm pulling me around to talk to me, “It will be fine. Your dad and Rosalie are about the same age, give or take a few years. Rosalie is great looking and who can resist you father’s charm. He leaves in a week, it will be fine. It is just sex, they know that.”

I look up into Ryan’s eyes, “You are right. I am just afraid that Rosalie does not know what she is getting herself into sexually. I am afraid she will hate me if Daddy crosses that line.”

Ryan nuzzles my nose, “So it is true what he said about being into S&M? Oh my gosh, how do you know?”

“I used to hear Margret scream at him that she was not doing certain things and she would call him a pig. She would go back to her home and I would not see her for a few days. I also know that when Daddy thought I was going to be out late with Chris, he brought home a woman. I am not sure if she was paid or not. I came home to get something and apparently they did not hear me come into the house. I saw the woman all dressed in black leather. Daddy was chained to the kitchen cabinet hardware lying across the center island. She was pouring hot wax all over him. She would whip him if he did not thank her. Then there were the porno video tapes that he blamed on my brothers.”

Ryan’s jaw was on the floor. “How old were you when you witnessed that?”

I
am looking for the cooler when I turned to speak, “Fourteen years old. I didn’t even run or say anything. Chris and I started sneaking the pornos to his house. We were both in awe. I was really turned on by it and I remember Chris saying that he wished his father would do the things like we saw in the porno instead of using his fists on his mother. Chris was so gentle like his mom. Tyler, who I always liked, caught us watching when I was fifteen years old and started to join us in our voyeurism curiosity sessions. He would touch me sometimes even with Chris in the room. I think it was a turn on for us. Before I knew it, I was his girlfriend and I was acting out what we watched. I sure as hell liked it.”

Ryan was at a loss for words. “Wow, so it does run in your family. Lucky for me that I met you, because having a normal sex life without you would have been quite boring.”

I hit him in the arm. “Why do you think I had the contractors put sound cancelling insulation in the walls of our home? So our children wouldn’t hear our screams at night.”

He look at me dumbfounded, “I thought that was because you wanted to sing thrash metal?”

I laugh, “No, Rye, I did not want them to be scarred from us.”

Ryan shook his head, “I have to tell you something. It is going to bother you greatly.” He pauses
sitting down on a cooler pulling me down to sit next to him, “I caught Briar in the garage receiving oral sex from the girl down the street. I just walked away thinking about when I was his age and kind of proud of him. Then I caught him two weeks later pounding a different girl in the garage over your car. Again, I did not stop him. I did discuss later that night while playing video game about condoms. He said he was good and that he bought a box of one hundred counts. All I could do was hi-five my fourteen year old son.”

I look at him angrily from keeping that from me, “Like father, like son. You two were really exactly the same!” I
am looking down to my feet then back up with tears in my eyes, “Well, there is a part of me that is very happy he got those experiences before he died. I am also happy that you two had that bond. I just wish he wasn’t so nasty all the time. Screaming at me when he did not get his way and he was exactly like you in every detail.”

Ryan is shaking his head in disagreement, “No, he was a monster just like your brothers.”