Lost in Silence (The Lost Series Book 1) (7 page)

“I was in Los Angeles on a job, a big one, one I can’t risk going south,” his voice grows gruff and he swallows. “There are things I need to know and since you can’t tell me I called Sneak to see what he could find out. What he found, well, it’s pretty fucked up.”

I grunt and roll my eyes.
That’s putting it lightly!

“I’m not going to push you Alice,” he keeps talking, the sound of the tires on the road and the roar of the engine in the background. “But I got to know, one way or another.”

He was digging on Erik. That was bad,
very
bad.

What are you worried about Alice? It’s not like he’s going to find anything on Erik, there’s nothing to worry about.

“Trust me?”

I glance up at him, meeting his eyes and nod. I had to trust Hudson knew what he was doing, even if every nerve in my body screamed in concern over the situation. There really wasn’t anything to worry about, as long as they didn’t dig too deep. Hopefully they found the information they needed and were done looking. Erik would never know.

Alice

Oregon was beautiful. I’d never seen a place as green as the land around me. It was breathtaking. Green trees at every turn and the smell of wet earth filled my nose. I could definitely learn to love it here.

Hudson woke me just as the sun was peeking over the horizon and we were crossing into the northern state. My initial instinct was danger but catching sight of his face relaxed me and calmed me almost instantly. As the minutes worn on, my comfort levels grew. I didn’t doubt my choice to follow him anymore. In fact I’m glad to have found the courage to do so. Something about this man gave me a strength I never knew I had.

“Thought you’d want to see some of the countryside before we get home,” he smiles at the word home and I frown. “We’ve got about a half day’s drive left before we get to my place.”

I nod, understanding what he meant. I’m glad he woke me. The scenery was much nicer than the desert areas I’d recently been to. I give him a small smile.

We stopped and had an early breakfast and a few hours later we were merging onto the last leg of the drive. I was amazed by Hudson’s ability to drive straight through without stopping for sleep. He looked tired but his determination to place as many miles between Erik and us drove him, that and a few gallons of truck stop coffee.

“Why don’t you talk?” his reaches toward the radio and turns it off. He looks over at me. I knew this question was bound to be asked sooner or later. I shrug and look out my window, hoping he’ll change the subject.

“Do you know how to talk?”

I shrug again, this time with a little more attitude. He obviously didn’t read me well enough or he was purposely ignoring my reaction because he kept going.

“Did he do this to you?”

My blood runs freezes in my veins, zapping all the strength from my body. I watch the green outside my window turn into a blurry mess of speed and unshed tears. I felt trapped inside myself and all I wanted to do was scream yes at the top of my lungs but my mind and my body wouldn’t let me. Yes, Erik did this to me and he did one hell of job in the process. Instead I meet Hudson’s question with more silence.

“Alice, I’m sorry. I know I said I wouldn’t push but it’s difficult,” he pleads. I see his hand darts out toward me but stops inches away. The look on my face reminds him to keep his distance. He slowly pulls back. He wants to comfort me and the urge to let him do it is strong. I don’t know how to give into it though. My tears fall harder now, blinding me to the world around. “Please don’t cry.”

He must have pulled over because the lush green comes to a sudden standstill. I can’t bring myself to look at him, partly because I don’t want him to see me like this but also because I’m afraid of what I might do.

I want to be near him. I want to feel him wrap his arms around me, his body against mine. I want to hear him say soft words of comfort and I can’t help wondering what words he would choose to use. I want to smell his skin soaked with my tears and know he isn’t repulsed by me. I want to be wanted by him.

I swallow hard, the breath in my chest more erratic and painful.

Where are these feelings coming from?

My body shakes with an emotion I’ve never felt before. I swallow hard, my body suddenly cold as ice. My hand slips from the pocket of my sweater, reaching for his, grasping onto it like a vice. The warmth of his touch sends waves of electricity throughout my body, warming me all the way to my toes. I memorize the feeling of his rough palm against my soft one. His large hand as it covers my small one. He doesn’t move or caress with his fingers. It’s as if he knows how much this scares me and how much I need it.

“Alice,” my name on his lips sounds like heaven. I grip his hand tighter, finding strength in our connection. “Please don’t cry. You don’t have to talk to me. You don’t have to tell me. Please precious, don’t cry.”

There is was again, he called me precious. Another wave of silent sobs rack my body. I’m not precious. Not even close. He’s mistaken.

“Alice, precious,” I know he wants to pull me closer, I can feel his arm tense as he fights the urge. For a moment I think I might move towards him but I fight it. This is close enough. It has to be. “I’ll do anything, please, I don’t want to be the reason you cry.”

If only you knew,
I thought to myself. He wasn’t the reason.

“What did you say?” he asks cautiously and I freeze.
Did I say that out loud?
I rack my brain trying to figure if I did and how I did it. It’s been so long since I’ve used my voice, I was frightened I might have forgotten how to do it.

I rip my hand out of his and quickly wipe away any remaining tears and push aside my reeling emotions, willing myself to close down. I take a deep breath and my composure begins to focus.

I look at him and shake my head.

Nothing
.
You heard nothing.

He stares at me for a moment, studying my face, before turning back to the road and shifting the truck into gear.

*****

Hudson

She
fucking
spoke.

I know what I heard. I know it wasn’t my imagination. She can try to deny it all she wants but I know the words came from her mouth. It was fucking magical and she held my hand while doing it. Feeling her skin pressed so hard against my own sent an amazing array of feelings through my body. I never wanted them to stop, even though my mind screamed at me to pull away, reminding me of the dangerous ground I was treading.

I felt guilty too. My thoughts got away from me but I couldn’t help it. Her touch did something to me and my cock liked it. Cursing at myself, I try to push those thought aside. I’m supposed to be providing her with a safe place to stay, not lusting after her like a teenage boy. Fuck, it’s not like she’s in any shape for that kind of attention anyway. The harder I push them aside, the stronger the vision of her smile fills my mind, making it impossible to do.

Fuck, Hudson, you just need to get laid. That’s all this is.

It was an easy problem I could solve after seeing her settled in. I’d make a call and get the issue sorted. Then I wouldn’t find myself lusting after the poor girl. It’s been too long anyways.

The rest of the drive is made in silence and before I know it, I’m pulling into the drive way of my little cabin. She gasps, seeing it for the first time. Her eyes are wide, her face flushed and her mouth opened in surprise. I wished I knew what was running through her head.

“Do you like it?” I ask, unable to stop myself. I need to know. She looks at me. Her guard is up but I can see her thoughts swirling around, her emotions dancing across her face. She likes it.

I live in the middle of a two acre lot, surrounded by trees. My modest cabin is tucked comfortably into the green backdrop. It was one of the reasons I bought the place. I had plenty of space, plenty of privacy and I wasn’t too far away from civilization.

I put the truck in park, the wheels crunching against the gravel drive. Opening my door, I quickly slide out, motioning her to follow. She warily slides across the seat, ignores my hand to help her down and gets out on her own. I step back allowing her space.

The side door to the cabin suddenly opens and a woman bounds down the stairs, flying at me.

“Hudson,” she squeals, jumping into my arms and wrapping me into a bear hug that leaves me breathless.

“Hey Missy,” I hug her back.

She pulls back and touches my face tenderly, her eyes taking everything in.

“You’re okay,” she whispers, tears glistening in her green pools.

“I am,” I respond softly.

She smacks me hard on my arm and frowns.

“When were you going to tell me you were coming home? I had to hear about it from Sneak,” she steps back, clearly upset. I can’t blame her, it is a dick move on my part. Especially after all we’ve been through together.

I turn my head, looking for Alice. She’s moved a few feet away, pretending to study her shoes and the rocks at her feet. Her arms were crossed and she looks uncomfortable.

Shit!

She probably thinks Missy is something she isn’t. I step past Missy and move towards her.

“Alice, this is my
older
sister, Missy,” I introduce my sister and Alice looks up at me, surprise mixed with something else written on her face. She takes a hesitant step towards me, and then another. My sister moves alongside of me. “Missy, this is Alice.”

I don’t know who she thought Missy was to me but I’m positive she believed I lied to her about not having someone at home waiting on me.

“It’s nice to meet you,” Missy stretches out her hand and Alice freezes. I grab my sisters hand, intercepting her.

“Let’s go inside,” I pull Missy away and give Alice a nod. She looks briefly relieved. Missy misses nothing and sees the silent communication between us. “Sneak snitched me out, huh?”

“He didn’t have much of a choice, after Kingston called I drilled Sneak for more information. He said I could ask you when you arrived this morning. So I drove out here to meet you,” she gave Alice a sideways glance and I tightened my hold on her hand as if to say, not right now sis. She took the hint.

“How long are you home for?” Missy asked as we walked into the cabin’s large kitchen.

“A couple of weeks at least,” I watch Alice as she steps into the cabin. Her eyes grow wide again from the sight before her. The cabin, old in age, is completely modern and updated, not what she expected I’m sure. I smile, positive I’ll never grow tired of seeing her surprised.

“You’ve been gone six months,” she puts her hands on her hips. “Do I need to have a talk with King?”

“Not him calling the shots on this one,” I walk across the room and take out a large mug and fill it with fresh coffee, courtesy of my sister, who really is the best. I catch Alice watching me and I gesture, offering her some. She nods and I reach up for another cup. After I fill her cup and walk over to the breakfast bar, she slides onto a stool across from me. She reaches for the cup but I push it away, out of reach and turn towards the refrigerator. Missy takes creamer in her coffee and I was positive she brought some with her. She visits often enough when I’m in town, there’s usually a bottle of it there for her. I offer some to Alice and she gives me a slight nod. I walk over to her cup and pour some in. She smiles at me and I pour a little more. I hand the cup and a spoon from the drawer next to me and she stirs it.

I turn back to my sister catching her watchful eyes staring at us. She smiles brightly at me and I frown from behind my cup. I didn’t like that look, not one bit.

“Are you still working for Devlin?” she asks and I cringe. How did she know about Dev? “Your boys talk little brother. At least they do to me.”

“This isn’t the kind of shit you need to know about sis,” I place my cup down and my hands flat on the counter to glare up at her. “Don’t meddle, Missy. It’s too dangerous and these guys don’t fuck around.”

I don’t want to say anymore because I didn’t want to frighten Alice. She had an idea of what I do for a living but it’s wasn’t a complete picture yet. That kind of discussion will take place when she is more comfortable with me.

“Have you heard from Ten?” I ask.

Tennessee, Ten for short, is our brother, the youngest. He followed in my footsteps a few years back, enlisting into the Navy and has been working towards the SEAL program. Missy’s face falls.

“Not for some time Hud,” she leans onto the counter. “King was able to call in a favor or two to find out where he is. Fallujah.”

“Rafe with him?” Rafe and I went through boot camp together, while we had different aspirations and goals, we’d always managed to keep in touch. After I had been discharged, he was one of the few contacts I reached out to for my brother.

“Yes,” she nods, sadness settles in to her voice. I glance over at Alice. She’s looking at my sister with a guarded expression. She doesn’t know my sister or the situation but I can see she’s moved and feels deeply about it.

“Ten is our brother, the baby,” I tell her, she looks up at me and nods. “He’s Navy, training for the SEALs. We aren’t on the best terms.”

“He takes after his big brother here, all hormones and muscles,” Missy smiles sadly. “At least Hudson kept in touch when he was overseas, even after his bitch of an ex-wife...”

“Hey big mouth, how about we let Alice get settled before you start spewing my shit,” I interrupt agitatedly. Alice fidgets with her cup, her eyes are guarded.

“Alright little brother, I can take a hint,” she throws her arms up in mock defeat. “I’ll let you get settled here but you both come to dinner tonight at my place.”

“Missy, I don’t think--”

“No, don’t you dare. You’ve been gone too long this time. Besides I’m sure Alice will appreciate a home cooked meal,” Missy offers her a warm smile, Alice’s eyes softens. “Six o’clock sharp.”

Missy scoops up her large excuse for a purse and walks to the door, she turns suddenly, her eyes only for Alice.

“Sweetheart, I don’t pussyfoot, so I am going to give it to you straight. My brother’s a good man. I should know since I raised him. He doesn’t bring anyone home. Maybe that’s because of what happened to him overseas, or what that bitch did to him,” she holds a hand up stopping me from interrupting her. I comply. “The reason doesn’t matter because you’re here now and he’s standing over you like a man with a purpose. I haven’t seen that look on him in years and it’s a nice look. I get the sense that you’ve seen a lot of ugly in life but you can’t let that shit control you. You fight those demons back and you let the light in. Whatever you’re running from, this is your home now and you let us take care of you.”