Lost in Silence (The Lost Series Book 1) (8 page)

A single tear falls down Alice’s face. She nods at Missy.

Yes, she understood.

Missy turns again and walks out of the cabin.

Alice

Hudson’s sister is without a doubt one of my favorite people in the entire world. I have an instant respect for her. She’s protective of her brother but it means she cares. She is intuitive to others around her, which means she’s observant. She’s vocal which means she doesn’t care what others think of her. I’d never met anyone quite like her. She’s the kind of woman I want to be like, maybe that is why I like her so much.

Hudson’s head falls forward and I can tell he isn’t too happy but there is nothing for him to be upset about. His sister was just being herself and it was refreshing.

“I’m sorry Alice,” he sounds like he looks, frustrated. “I tried to warn you.”

I nod smiling warmly at him to show I am alright, he’s alright and Missy is
definitely
alright.

She’s absolutely wonderful
, I think to myself.
He’s lucky to have her.

“Ready for the grand tour?” he asks. I stand, my coffee in hand and move towards him. He throws his arms out. “This lovely room is obviously the kitchen. Many meals have been created here. None of them by my own hand because I’ll be honest, I can’t cook to save my life.”

I smile and cover my mouth to hide a silent giggle. He tilts his head and looks at me. His eyes are suddenly far away, deep in his own thoughts. I put my coffee cup down on the counter, the sound brings him back. He shakes his head and turns towards the doorway.

“The living room is through here,” he takes large steps and I nearly have to run to keep up with him. I follow him into the next room, which is cozy, filled with large pieces of furniture and throw blankets. A large fireplace sits center along the main wall, a flat screen television right above it and floor to ceiling windows on either side. The room is dark and warm, very masculine. A well worn leather chair sits in one corner, stacks of books surround it. I walk towards the area hesitantly, wondering if he’s read all of them.

“I like to read, helps take my mind off of things,” he explains. He seems a bit embarrassed by it. I browse the titles and notice a trend. “Yes, I like biographies and historically accurate books.”

I’m surprised. This man isn’t what I expected. The more I see, hear and learn about him, the harder it is for me to keep my guard up. They’re just books but I never once saw Erik pick one up, except maybe to throw it at me.

I walk over to the fireplace and notice a few photos in frames sitting on the mantle. The first is a photo of three smiling faces bunched together. Two I recognize instantly as his own and Missy’s. The other face looks similar to Hudson’s but younger. I assume he is their younger brother, Ten. The other photo that catches my eye is one I think he holds dear. The photo itself looks worn, like it had been kept folded in a pocket for a long time. It’s a group photo, taken somewhere in the desert. At least a dozen faces smile at me, some are shirtless, others are full dress fatigues. Most wear sunglasses. One, I peg instantly. Hudson. A much younger version though. The man standing next to him has his arm thrown over Hudson’s shoulders and his head thrown back with laughter. I know these men are important or else Hudson wouldn’t have them on his mantle.

“My team,” his voice is tight, his body tense. Something about these men are a piece of the sadness I see locked inside his eyes. I want to ask about them but I don’t. I don’t think he’ll talk about it anyways.

Instead I walk towards him. He tenses tighter, puts his hands in his pockets and pulls back from me. I stop. He doesn’t want pity, I can read that but I have none for him. I move past him and walk towards the hallway. I hear him shift on his feet and follow at a distance.

The first door I come to, I open.

“The guest bathroom. There’s an en suite connected to the master,” he says. His voice sends chills down my spine. “Towels are in the cupboard behind you. There should be a toothbrush in the medicine cabinet if you need it.”

The bathroom is beautiful. There is a huge garden tub tucked into one corner and a standalone shower in the opposite corner. A double sink vanity sat bare and sterile. The woodwork is amazing and definitely handmade.

“The bedroom is this way,” he moves cat like down the hallway and opens the door. “I’ll make you some space in the closet for you, but there are extra blankets on the top shelf. It gets cold at night here.”

The room is in word, huge. Large furniture fills up the space nicely. Again the colors scream Hudson.

“I’ll be on the couch in the living room,” he pulls out a blanket and few pillows from the closet.

I shake my head.
No, I can’t take your bed!

“Yes, you can,” he looks at me and smiles. “The couch folds out into a bed.”

I shake my head again.
I can sleep on the couch!

“I’m not going to argue with you precious,” he turns to the door and carries his stuff down the hall. I’m hot on his heels. I couldn’t possibly put him out.

I stop and bang on the table next to me for his attention, flailing my arms.
I will not take your bed!

“I’ll tell you what,” he crosses his arms, sets back on his heels and smirks. Shit, I am not going to like this. “You open your fucking gorgeous mouth and say the words with that angelic voice of yours and I will let you sleep on the couch.”

I gasp and cover my mouth with my hands.

What. The. Fuck.

His smirk turns into a full blown grin and all I want to do it slap it off his smug face.

Fine. I’ll fucking show him.

I open my mouth to say the words but nothing comes out. I shut my mouth, take a deep breath and try again. Still nothing.

I stomp my foot and try again. Nothing.

“Alice, please take the bed,” Hudson’s voice is softer and it shocks me back. I had somehow forgotten he was there. His once smug face is watching me carefully, observing my mood and reactions.

Fine!
If he wanted to sleep on the couch, who was I to argue? I shrug and turn back towards the room. I throw him a look over my shoulder as I walk down the hall.

*****

Hudson

This woman is going to be the death of me. I can feel it deep down. The look she threw me after walking away from our first argument was the last thing I expected. It was nowhere on my radar but there it was all over her face and I liked it.

I hadn’t expected her to take my challenge but she had. It told me my instincts were right about her. Her lack of speech is based off of conditioning. Erik took it away, her ability to speak. It was serious shit too because she really did try to get the words out.

She’s beginning to trust me and she’s becoming more comfortable with me as we spend time in each other’s presence. I like it, a lot. It gives me hope. Hope she is going to break his spell. With each piece of trust she’s gives freely, she’s one step closer to taking her life back.

I carried her bag to the room soon after our argument and found her passed out on the bed, her shoes kicked off beside the bed. Happy to see her resting, I settle into my life at home. I don’t know how long I’ll be here but I always try to keep to some kind of routine when here. Only this time my routine wasn’t going to work, not with another person in the mix. That thought reminds me to speak with Missy about Alice. I need to have a plan in place for her in case I get a call to head back out to work.

A loud thump tears me from my thoughts and my ears strain to listen closer. The door to the bedroom opens, slamming into the wall behind it and Alice barrels down the hall like a freight train. She stops dead in her tracks when she sees me and her eyes go from wild to calm. I stand up from my chair, dropping the book in my hand and move towards her. I catch her as her legs give out and she crumbles to the ground.

Pulling her in close, I wrap both arms around her. She’s trembling violently and tears fall from her eyes. I hate seeing her cry, my gut clenches in agony.

“Hush, precious, you’re safe,” I can’t feel anything except the pain in my chest for her. My mind is only consumed with comforting her. She burrows deep into me, allowing me to tighten my hold around her. Her silent cries against my chest. “I’ve got you.”

She takes a deep breath, her trembles begin to subside and her tears dry but she doesn’t move. I feel a calmness settle over her, allowing my own breath to return to my chest.

“You’re safe with me precious, you’re always safe with me,” I whisper stroking her hair. I wanted to say more but I don’t.

Whatever has her spooked is still there but here in my arms she feels safe and that’s all that matters to me. She can stay here all day if she wants. I’ll gladly hold her. She feels good in my arms but I’m careful to remember just how boney and fragile she is. The thought makes me aware of just how tight I’m holding her and I loosen my hold on her. She grunts and objects, burrowing herself deeper into my chest.

“I’m afraid of hurting you,” I press my lips into her hair. She shakes her head, telling me I’m not. I still feel uncomfortable holding her this tight but I remain stoic. “Okay, I won’t let go.”

*****

Alice

I shouldn’t be here like this with him. This is dangerous. Not just for me but for him too. But I can’t push him away anymore than I can pull myself away. It feels right to be with him like this. I can sit here forever if he lets me. After everything my life has been about for the last six years, letting him hold me like this, it wasn’t as hard as I thought it would be.

I thought Erik had broken every piece of me but I was wrong. At least where Hudson is concerned I’m wrong. When I think about the others, the ones Erik sold me to for the right price, I always feel disgust and pain. Nothing like what I feel with Hudson. I never wanted another man to touch me until Hudson. His touch does something to me, I don’t understand it but surprisingly I’m alright with it. Even though it thrills me, it frightens me just the same.

He makes me feel safe and protected. He makes me feel like I’m worth something. He’s slowly waking something deep inside me. Something I thought died years ago. Saving me from Erik, not once but twice, begging to keep me safe, bringing me here to his home, shielding me from his sister, giving up his bedroom to me, everything about him is just good. He’s more than I deserve.

I like feeling him this close to me. As much as I have fought it and pushed him away, I can’t do it anymore. I know I am no good for him and he deserves someone better, someone pure. Not someone like me, who’s used and disgusting.

The nightmare that woke me, the one that sent me into a wild frenzy is a reminder of why exactly I’m no good for him.

If he knew the things I’ve done and been through, he’d be disgusted with me. My life has been controlled by another for so long and I let it happen. Surely he would think me weak and honestly, I wouldn’t blame him. I am weak.

The last few days have been a whirlwind and I feel like I’m sitting on the sideline watching everything but unable to react to any of it. Hudson’s been pushing me to find my voice, pushing me to break down the walls I’ve built to protect myself, all the while he’s been there every time to catch me when I stumble.

But what happens when he isn’t there to protect me? To catch me?

Hudson’s right. Erik will never stop hunting until there is nothing left of me to hunt. That’s why this is dangerous for both of us.

That’s why I need to plan. I need to find a way to disappear forever. I can’t stay here as much as I want to. Hudson has bought me time and he’s given me a safe place to figure it all out. For that I’ll always be in his debt. A debt I don’t know how to repay.

“We have to get going soon. Missy’s going to be pissed if we’re late,” his voice sounds gruff and strained. It makes me wonder if I’m not alone in my thoughts and feelings.

I move to sit up but he hesitates to let go. His eyes are warm and filled with trust. They remind me of Missy’s revelations. He has a past too.

He helps me to my feet and I notice touching him is much easier. It’s almost just as easy to let him touch me and I discover an ache in my chest when he lets me go. I think I will miss his touch when I do finally leave.

“Missy brought some clothes by while you were napping. She guessed sizes. I know they aren’t much but I figure tomorrow we can get you a few more things.”

I frown. I am already indebted to him. I don’t need to add his sister or a new wardrobe to the list. He walks across the room and picks up a few shopping bags tucked away behind the couch. He hands them to me. I don’t know what to say or do, so I take the bags.

“Remember my buddy, Sneak, the phone call you heard? He’s going to be digging into Erik’s background a little more,” my stomach drops.

Shit.
This is bad. This is
very
bad.

I shake my head.
No, you can’t have him do that.

“I don’t understand Alice, the guy’s a ghost. We can’t find anything on him.”

You won’t find anything.

“The background check came back with shit. All it did was link you to him. I don’t think this guy is who he says he is,” he explains and the blood drains from my face. He pulls me into an embrace, his concern for me all wrong. “I won’t let him hurt you. The detective and his team in LA are digging too. We’ll figure this out.”