Lost in Silence (The Lost Series Book 1) (11 page)

“Is this the information Sneak found on him?” His gaze is on the folder in my hand. I toss it onto the desk and watch it slide over to him. He quickly picks it up and scans the contents.

“It’s everything he’s managed to find. Fucker didn’t exist prior to eight years ago,“ I lean back in my chair, letting the information speak for itself.

“He’s a fucking ghost,” King sets the file down, his eyes are steel. “Anything on the girl?”

“Nothing concrete. There’s information about a girl who fits her description and a name on the lease of his last known address. I’m sure it’s her though.”

“No hits with the DMV and missing persons,” I shake my head, answering his question. “We need to find away to get her talking. What about contacting her parents, maybe have a photo faxed over to us to confirm identity?”

“Possibility but I have to question why she hasn’t gone home. Her family in is Chicago. I found a bus ticket stub in her bag from Tulsa,” this got Kingston’s attention. “Might not be the best course of action for us to contact her family, yet.”

He stares down at Erik’s photo, the beady eyed mother fucker.

“Where is he?”

“Last I heard he was being released. They had nothing to hold him on.”

Short of a miracle, Edwards couldn’t hold him any longer. Since I wasn’t willing to let him know I had the girl they were looking with me, we were caught between a rock and a hard place.

“He’s out,” King’s voice is firm as he focuses in on me. “Our boy here spent some time on the street asking around about you after his release. Have you heard from Devlin?”

“Not since he instructed me to head underground,” my brain shifts into overdrive, finally understanding why King waited so long to get behind me with this. I never thought about my cover in LA and whether this douche bag would be smart enough to stir up some trouble for me.

“You hear anything, I’m the first to know. Can’t risk losing this close to the end,” he nods and I know he’s right. Too much time has been invested, too much money, and if this wasn’t handled right my life could be on the line.

“What about Alice?”

“If they make contact, the boys and I will be around. She’ll be covered.”

“I’ll let you know if I hear anything,” I sag into my chair, knowing full well I could trust the guys to keep her safe. I close my eyes and take a deep breath, exhaling slowly. The relief fills my body, pushing out the remaining tension. Opening my eyes I notice King staring at me, his head cocked to the side, confusion embedded into the lines of his forehead.

“No fucking way, you’re in love with her,” he says quiet-like, his confusion morphs into shock. His words hit me like a freight train.

What. The. Fuck.

“I have no idea where you got that idea from but you need to put it back.”

“It would explain everything,” he crosses his arms, a smirk on his face. “I’ve been racking my brain, trying to remember a time you ever care this much about a woman and I can’t think of a single one.”

I roll my eyes, believing his words are said only to rile me. There’s no way I’m in love with Alice. I don’t do love. I learned my lesson in love years ago. Women were just too much trouble.

“Fuck, I’m right aren’t I?” His eyes are alight. The urge to punch him in his smug face hits me hard. “Hudson, this isn’t a bad thing.”

“Shut it Kingston, I hardly know her,” I growl, at my limit for his bullshit. I stand up, snatch the file from his desk and storm out of the office. His laughter bellows through reception as I exit the building.

Terror seizes my body. He’s wrong. I’m not in love with her. No way in hell.

Hudson

The ride home was a nightmare. Being trapped in a vehicle with sappy songs and my thoughts was not helping my peace of mind. The radio and I have spent many years in harmony but now has betrayed me to the fullest. Every station, every song only reminds me of King’s observant words.

You’re in love with her.

I finally had to turn the damn thing off before I ripped it out of the truck and tossed it out the window. Left with only silence in the large king cab, my fucking thoughts were churning into overdrive. I curse loudly and pound on the steering wheel in front of me. My own fucking brain is betraying me now.

All I could think about was the last few days and the beautiful lost soul sleeping in my bed. King’s words bouncing with every memory of her face. Her hands. Her small frame sleeping in the truck next to me. Her long hair braided loosely, hanging down her back. Her large brown eyes wide and worried.

Fuck!
There is no way in hell I can let this happen. I’m too jaded, too broken for the likes of her.

Reaching for my phone, as I pull into the driveway stopping three car lengths from the house, I slam the truck into park. An uneasy feeling sinks into my stomach but I ignore it scrolling through the list of contacts I’ve collected over the years. I find the one I’m looking for and press the green button.

She answers after the first ring.

Holly
.

“Gorgeous, please tell me you’re in town,” Holly’s husky twang vibrates through the line. Usually my dick stirs at the sound but tonight it has no affect on me. More bad news, I’m going to have to work for it. The thought doesn’t sit well with me.

Holly is a no-nonsense bitch who likes to fuck. She doesn’t need hearts and flowers, just Jack Daniels and a hard cock. We worked out an arrangement last year, agreeing to hook up as often as possible, no-strings attached.

“Hello darlin’,” I clear my throat, pushing aside any second thoughts I might be having. I need this, to fuck the thought of Alice away. Holly is the right girl for the job, I’m sure of it. I just need to get around her. She’s like a dick magnet no man can resist. Anyone within ten feet of her pops a hard-on. “Wouldn’t call if I wasn’t.”

She sighs huskily, “You want to meet up? I’m headed over to Smokey’s tonight.”

Smokey’s is a dive bar across town but the music is always good and the beer flows the same at any other place. It’s where I met Holly actually and our usual hook up spot. We never go home with each other, usually kept our trysts limited to the alleyway behind whatever shithole we decide to meet up at or her car.

“I’ll be there,” I reply and hang up the phone. Yes, we were going to fuck and it would be fast and dirty, outside the bar. Afterwards we’ll go about our night like usual. Holly knew what calling her meant and as long as I give it to her hard and rough, she’s always up for some action.

The only problem I have now is the woman inside the house. I need to go in and grab a quick shower. I’ve spent the day driving, thinking and debating over how to handle the situation with Alice. Seeing her right now will only fuck with my vibe. Not seeing her, the thought made me sicker than I already felt all day. I need this but the guilt of leaving her home alone ate at me.

You’re in love with her.

I cringe, throwing open the door to my truck. My heavy boots crunch against the gravel as I make my way to the door, anger brewing as I press each word deep into my brain.

No.

I.

Am.

Not.

I open the door and I’m assaulted with the smell of food.
Fuck, she cooked
. Music filters in from the kitchen and a small fire burns softly in the fireplace, bathing the room in golden light, reminding him of happier times. Expecting to hear my mother’s voice singsong to me from the other room I pause, taking the moment in. I haven’t thought about my mother in years. It’s too hard, too painful. It’s Alice though, not my mother. She’s been here a little over a day and I can already tell the affect she’s having on me, having on my house. My anger and irritations dissipates.

You’re in love with her.

The words are like nails being hammered into my heart. They cut deep, finding the hollowness of the blood pump and burrow deep within it. Surely fate can’t be that cruel or can it?

*****

Alice

“Alice, are you here?” Hudson’s voice calls loudly from the front room. I heard him pull in not too long ago and took a peek out the window worried because he was taking his time coming in. He was on the phone and it looked sort of intense. I hoped everything went well today.

I’m putting the final touches on dinner, chicken alfredo. I haven’t cooked in years and I’m excited to be back in a functional kitchen again. Picking up a spoon and tapping the pot in front of me, I answer back.
I’m in here
.  

His heavy footfalls move towards the kitchen. His tall form fills the doorway and I look up to meet his eyes, they are guarded. The excitement I felt at his arrival begins to fade. Something isn’t right.

“You cooked?” his deep voice sends tingles throughout my body. He moves into the room, stopping a few feet from me. I smile nervously but he doesn’t return it. My stomach churns, something
really
isn’t right.

“I wish I knew you’d planned this,” he runs his hand through his hair, looking away from me. “I sort of made plans to meet up with a friend. I’m just going to grab something on the way there.”

A sad feeling settles in my stomach and I struggle to keep my face neutral. He obviously changed his mind about dinner with me sometime between this morning and this moment. I should’ve known better I guess but I wanted to do something nice for him.

“I mean you can cook. Make something for yourself, use anything you need,” he shifts on his feet. His discomfort is obvious. “I just don’t want you to think you have to. I like a home cooked meal, like any other guy...next time, give me a heads up.”

I force a smile, praying I don’t look as devastated as I feel inside. Robotically I step back to the stove and remove the lid on the pot and dump the food into the white cream and begin tossing the noodles around. Shaking my head, I try to push aside my growing doubts. What was I thinking, surely he’d have friends he’d want to reconnect with, he’s been gone a long time.

Stupid, stupid, stupid Alice.

“Is that alfredo?” his voice closer now, startles me from my thoughts. He’s staring down at the pasta creation I’m finishing up. He licks his lips and I can’t help the surge of warmth that seeps into me. I asked Missy what his favorite meal was this morning and she stopped at the market so I could get the ingredients to make it. Even though the food had been purchased with his money, I wanted to do something to say thank you.

The key to a man’s heart is through his stomach
, Missy chuckled as we left the market, bags in hand. Whatever that means.

Hudson’s eyes meet mine and he stares, looking at me like I’ve done something out of this world. The intensity of the moment builds between us like never before, making me look away, embarrassed by the way it makes me feel. Warm and electric.

Breaking the tension, I turn away and reach for a plate. Piling the creamy pasta onto it, I refuse to look at him again. Mostly for fear of what I might see in his blue eyes but also because I didn’t want to make him do something he didn’t want to.

To eat or not to eat, I tried not to care.

*****

Hudson

She made me dinner. She made me
fucking
dinner. No one’s ever made me dinner, well, besides my sister but she doesn’t count. I was with Crystal for five years and I can’t recall a single meal she prepared that didn’t involve the telephone. But this woman, this beautifully haunted woman is standing in my kitchen, piling the pasta onto her plate. The pasta I know she made specifically for me because it is my favorite.

She crosses the room, plate in hand and sets it down onto the small handmade table tucked into the breakfast nook. She pops the cap off a diet soda and sits. Placing her napkin in her lap, she forks the noodles, twisting them around until they’re manageable. Placing the fork at her lips, a small drip of cream touches them, causing my brain to malfunction as her tongues darts out and licks it up. I repress a groan and at the same time she sighs contently, slowly chewing the noodles.

My cock stirs in my pants causing a wave of panic to course through my body.

You choose NOW as the time to come awake!
My mind screams and I shift uncomfortably, adjusting myself, hoping she didn’t see. Her eyes are on me when I look back at her. She smirks.

Yep, she saw your boner.  

She lifts her fork again and digs into the food, her dark eyes no longer interested in me.

Fuck it!

I pick up a plate, scoop a generous portion of the pasta and stalk to the table. Sitting across from her, I refuse to look up and meet her gaze. I’m going to eat and then get the hell out of here. Looking at her is the last thing I need.

The first bite is pure heaven, closing my eyes I savor the creaminess on my tongue.
Holy fuck, this girl can cook.
Opening my eyes, I can’t help meeting hers. She’s sitting wide-eyed, a blush on her cheeks.

“Fuck yeah, sweetheart, you can cook,” I moan and her shoulders shake from a silent laugh. “You better teach Missy how to make this shit. The last time she made the attempt...ugh, I don’t even want to remember it.”

More silent giggles from her.

The rest of the meal is silent, which I don’t mind. The less I have to talk the easier it will be for me to walk out the door tonight and meet up with Holly. I need to figure out a way to put some space and distance between Alice and I, without looking like a jackass. I just can’t think of something that wouldn’t hurt her.

Rules!
Yes, that’s what I need. I could do rules, without them the world would be in chaos, right?

Rule No. 1:
No more dinners. That’s a good one. An important one. If every meal she cooked turned into something like this, there’s no way I could leave. At least not without a crane to lift me out.

Rule No. 2
: No more cuddling, consoling or understanding.  Her being here, in this house, means she is safe. I don’t have to coddle her or console her anymore. I should be able to keep my promise and my distance, right?

Wait, she’s getting up. Where’s she going?

She walks to the sink and scrapes her food into the disposal. What the fuck is she doing? There’s no way she can be full already.

“What are you doing?” I ask, swallowing my food. She shoots me a guarded look and walks over to the stove. She lifts the pan with tomorrow’s lunch and dumps it into the sink as well. She flicks the disposal on, running the water before turning and stomping out of the room. Thoroughly confused, I stand up forgetting about my food and follow her. “What the fuck is going on?”

She whirls on me, her eyes are wide a frown burrows along her brow. Shaking her head, she crosses her arms against her chest. Oh no, I wasn’t going to play this game with her. I agree with King, we need to get to her talking and now seems like a good enough time to start the process. I cross my arms. If she can wait then I can wait.

“You want to talk princess, then talk.”

Her nostrils flare but she says nothing. She stares me down. I don’t waver. She isn’t going to win this one. I don’t care what it costs me. She grunts and pushes past me, into the kitchen. Picking up my plate from the table, she crosses the room and scrapes the pasta into the sink like she did to hers.

What the fuck! I wasn’t done with that!

I reach for the plate but I’m too late. It’s all gone down the drain.

“Damn it Alice, I wasn’t done with that,” I exclaim, my voice deep and gravelly. Her face morphs and she stills. Her eyes fill with tears and she slumps, defeated. I reach for her but she flinches out of my grasp. The words are silent on her lips but I make out their point.

Rule number two, no consoling.

She spins on her heels and walks out of the room, leaving me standing like a jackass. My thoughts are reeling. I must’ve said my thoughts out loud while eating. I hang my head and I can’t help feeling like I’ve let her down somehow. Or maybe I’ve let myself down. I can’t decide which but it doesn’t matter because I need to get out of here and now I could.

Fuck this.

I stomp towards the door and slam it behind me.