Lost in Silence (The Lost Series Book 1) (15 page)

Alice

Losing my voice was a pivotal moment during my captivity. It signified the instant Erik gained absolute control over me and while I fought it with every last breath, he was stronger. Silence has been my life for the last six years. I’ve learned to live in it, survive through it, even love it at times. I’ve grown accustomed to it and I know what to expect of it. Over the years I’ve learned a great deal about myself through it. Most cannot handle the truth they find in its presence.

The silence I share with Hudson is unlike any silence I have ever experienced. It’s peaceful, comfortable and most of all needed. Not for me. For him.

I know he is reflecting right now, everything he’s shared with me is running through his mind. I can see it flicker across his face. He wants to freak out, he wants to pull away from me but with everything out on the table, he’s lost his shield to do it. I know he steered away from the subject of his ex-wife, only telling me the things I need to know. If he never tells me about his marriage, I don’t think I’d mind.

I can’t help seeing him in a different light. Knowing everything he’s been through and everything he’s overcome only makes me appreciate him more. I don’t pity him for any of it. I do feel for him. He’s experienced so much heart break in his life. It’s amazing he still finds the kindness in his heart to help someone like me.

This night didn’t go the way I planned. I was supposed to pull away from him, give him the excuse he needed to turn me away. Instead, he stopped me and gave me what truth he could handle giving me. He broke down the boundaries I put up against him. All this night has done is made me fall harder for him.

His words sat with me the whole drive home. I wanted to open up to him, share my story, my darkness, but I couldn’t. Something kept me from opening my mouth and saying the words.

His phone pings quietly, breaking the silence in the cab but he ignores it. It pings again and again and again. He pulls it out of his pocket and glances down at the screen.

“Shit,” the word bounces around the cab and fear strikes my heart. I touch his arm and he glances over at me. He punches a few buttons on his phone and holds it up to his ear. I can hear it ring. “Missy’s place has been broken into.”

***** 

Hudson

I couldn’t think about anything except getting to Missy’s place as I accelerated around the corner, three blocks away. Someone had broken into her house tonight and according to my brief talk with King, she walked in on the intruder. She was alright but anything could’ve happened.

Alice sat quietly beside me, holding my hand during the short drive. Every once in a while she looked over at me and gave my hand a squeeze, letting me know she was there. I could see the fear swimming behind her beautiful brown eyes. She was worried for me, for Missy and most of all she’s anxious to find out if this break in is tied to Erik.

We pull up to Missy’s and find the front of her house lit up with flashing blue and red. There is a fire truck blocking all passersby’s and an ambulance parked in front of it. The doors to the ambulance are open and a small group of people stands nearby. I can see Missy inside the vehicle, a blanket tucked around her, an oxygen mask on.

 I slam my truck into park and jump out, barreling towards my sister. I barely hear the passenger door close and the clack of Alice’s shoes as she struggles to keep up with me. An officer attempts to step in front of me blocking my path but I swerve around him. He balks and sputters but before forming any kind of words. Kingston’s gruff voice stops him, “Paul, he’s her brother.”

The officer nods, instantly backing off but I’m already to the ambulance and Missy’s within touching distance. She’s batting away one of the paramedics, trying to remove the oxygen mask. “Seriously, I’m fine. Can you please take this off?”

“Sorry ma’am, protocol. Please just hang tight and we’ll be on our way shortly,” the paramedic who couldn’t be much older than twenty, fought to keep the mask in place. His face was flush with adrenaline. 
Must be a slow night
, I think to myself with a smirk on my lips.

“I know what your protocol is. I’m a nurse and I already told you I’m not going to the hospital,” her voice is stern, reminding me of the woman who raised me. The paramedic doesn’t bat a lash and continues his checklist, ignoring her. “I said I’m fine, so please step back before I—”

“She said she’s fine,” I interject, the paramedic’s eyes meet mine and he pales. “Take your hands off of her.”

He does without hesitation. There is fear in his eyes but he chances a look at my sister. He's torn between duty and his fear of what I might do if he doesn’t listen.

“Hudson, stop scaring the poor boy,” Missy scowls at me. She reaches for the paramedic’s hand and pulls his attention back to her. “He’s my brother. Can you give us a moment please?”

“Are you sure you don’t want to go to the hospital? There could be internal—”

“I’m sure,” she replied, taking the oxygen mask off and handing it to him “It’s just a few bumps and bruises. I got knocked over, that’s all.”

“Knocked over?” I ask and the sound of my voice echoes between the vehicles around us. “You were in the house?”

“Of course I was, it’s one in the morning Hudson. I was in bed, asleep,” she shoots me a guarded look before her eyes dart next to me. “Alice, sweetheart, I’m sorry to ruin your evening.”

Alice nods, and begins to scribble on her pad of paper. I forgot she was with me for a moment. She tears the page and passes it to Missy, her fingers start to dance instantly. I reach for her hand, grasping in it mine, trying to give her comfort.

“I’m fine Alice,” Missy's voice is thick and her eyes are filled with adoration. My sister's too versed in what lying does to someone, so I know to trust her when she says she’s fine. “No, I didn’t see what the intruder looked like. It was dark.”

I look over at Alice. Her brow furrows as she studies Missy. I squeeze her hand reassuringly and pull her in close to me. Her eyes meet mine, questioning me. I give her a small smile, lean down and press a kiss to her brow. She’s playing detective and I think it's cute. I swallow hard before looking away, realizing what I just did. My sister catches my attention with a warm smile and observant eyes. I shrug. I couldn’t help myself, honestly, the action felt natural like I had been doing it for years.

“Is your sister giving you anymore details than what she provided the police with?” Kingston’s large frame sidles up beside Alice. His arms are crossed and his large frame is tense. He watches Missy like a hawk.

“Just that she didn’t see the attacker,” I answer, watching the exchange between Missy and King. She looks away, studies her fingers for a moment before throwing them up. He looks like he wants to scoop her up and carry her off.

“I already told you King, I was asleep. I heard a loud noise, thought it was Alice coming in. I went downstairs to investigate, barely made it into the living room before someone came barreling out of the kitchen, knocking me down in the process,” she crosses her arms, exasperated with him. “What else would you like to know?”

“Why would Alice be coming in at one in the morning?” he turns to me, his dark eyes inquisitive. “Isn’t she staying with you?”

“We had a misunderstanding,” I answer, shrugging it off. “Alice stayed with Missy last night.”

 ”Where were you tonight?”

“Kingston,” Missy hisses, he turns his head, taking a step back. “Stop with the third degree.
They
didn’t attack me.”

“I’m not saying they did,” he breathes, his hands on his hips. He looks down at his feet, scuffs his shoe against the concrete, before looking up at me. “Can we talk a moment in private?”

I nod, squeezing Alice one more time before letting her go to follow Kingston. I already know what he’s going to ask. We get three cars lengths away from the girls before he turns to me and runs his hand down his whiskered face.

“Could this be him?”

“Could be,” I cross my arms, glancing back at Alice. She’s tucked in next to my sister. “It doesn’t make sense for him to break into Missy’s place. Alice is staying with me.”

“She stayed here last night though,” he points out, his dark eyes on me. I hang my head, worried I’d put my sister in Erik’s path now. “Maybe he’s watching?”

It was a fact I didn’t want to consider. It meant I let my guard down and failed Alice. I couldn’t let that happen. I promised to keep her safe and I needed to keep my word.

“Is her bag still here?”

“Should be,” I answer, my mind jumping to the same thought as Kingston’s. “I picked her up here tonight for our date.”

“Date?” he lifts an eyebrow, curiosity now mixed with his concern.

“It's nothing,” I brush him off and change the subject. “Is there anything missing from the house?”

“No, but I want Alice to walk the room she stayed in, go through her bag, make sure everything is as she left it. If it was him, maybe he left her a calling sign or something. You okay with that?”

I nod. He turns and heads back to the ambulance. I wait a moment trying to gather my thoughts. While this could be something completely unrelated to Alice, my gut screamed otherwise. No one knows where Erik disappeared to after Detective Edwards which mean he could be anywhere. Pulling my phone out of my pocket, I dial Edwards’ number but it goes to voicemail.  I close my phone without leaving a message, my gut still in knots.

Kingston and Alice disappear into the house but return moments later. He carries Alice’s bag out of the house. His eyes meet mine and he shakes his head.

Nothing is missing.

Maybe it wasn’t Erik after all.

Hudson

The events of the last few days weighed heavily on me, last night the heaviest of them all
.

Driving away from my sister’s house was hard to do but I knew Kingston would keep her safe. He didn’t want her staying alone and insisted she stay with him while we beefed up her security system and fixed the damage the intruder caused. Missy didn’t like the plan, not in the least but Alice had somehow convinced her to go with it.

I spent most of the day in my office ordering the gear for Missy’s place and trying to get in contact with Edwards. He still wasn't picking up his phone and it worried me. His precinct said he was on assignment but it wasn’t clear when he’d return. I didn't like it, especially with Erik running around, location unknown.

I look over Erik’s file for the thousandth time, scouring it for some new detail I might have missed. Like all the times before, there was nothing. Sneak hadn’t found anything new on him either. I knew we were missing something but I couldn’t put my finger on it.
 

A knock on the door interrupts my thoughts. I look up to see Alice standing in the doorway, leaning against the frame, notepad in hand. She offers me a warm smile.

“Hey,” I breathe, giving her a smile back. She’s wearing a pair of black yoga pants and a light pink tank. Her short brown hair is wild and my hands itch to find themselves lost in it. “Is everything alright?”

She steps into the room and shows me her notepad.

I’ve been thinking about what happened last night.

“Me too,” I admit. She turns the page. Her perception doesn’t surprise me. She’s been on the run too long not to figure things out for herself.

Do you think it was Erik?

“It’s crossed my mind but there’s no proof. You said everything was accounted for,” she nods and turns the page again. I smirk. How she knew what I would say before I said it was beyond me.
Was I that transparent?

What do you want him to leave a note? Hudson, I know how he works. This has Erik written all over it.

“There’s no way he could’ve traced you here,” I stand and cross the room, pulling her into my arms. “I made sure of it.”

She sighs but I can see she’s not convinced. No matter how much time passes, I know he’ll always be there in the back of her mind. As long as he breathed, she’ll always be on the lookout and ready to run.

“Precious, how would he know where you are? We drove straight through. I used a different alias at every stop, changing our story so if he did weasel information out of someone, he wouldn’t learn anything to lead him here,” I stroke her back and press a kiss to her hair.

Her shoulders sag and she scribbles on her pad. Finally, something she didn’t expect me to say.

Are you sure?

“You’re safe,” I caress her cheek, cupping it in my large hand. She closes her eyes and leans into my touch. There wasn’t anything in this world I wouldn’t do to keep my promise to her. Even if it meant killing him myself.

She opens her eyes and looks past me to the computer screen, her eyes grow wide. She bats me away and moves towards it. I forgot to close the file on Erik when she knocked. I look past her and see what section I had stopped over. It was the information we had about her.

“It’s not what you think,” I stutter and she turns to face me. Her eyes are hard, anger radiates off her in waves. She points to the screen and then slaps herself in my chest. “It’s a report on Erik, well, everything we were able to dig up on him. Some of the information we have is about you. I’m going over all of it again to figure out what we’re missing.”

She stares at me, making me feel as if I have done something to betray her but I haven’t. I shrug and reach past her, closing out the files I shut down the computer. I turn to leave the room but she pushes her pad of paper at me.

I told you not to dig. I told you it was dangerous. You didn’t listen. Why?

I brush past her, unsure of what to say but I know I don’t want to say it to a notepad. Exiting the room I head towards the front of the house, ignoring her as she stomps her feet behind me. I sit down in my chair and reach for my book but she slaps it out of my hand, shoving her notepad in my face.

Don’t you dare ignore me Hudson Rivers! Why didn’t you listen when I told you not to dig?

“You didn’t tell me not to dig actually. You just shook your head a lot, waved your arms around but you didn’t say a single word. Kind of like what you’re doing now,” I reach around her and pick my book up off the floor, placing it back on the table. “It’s done Alice, no point in fighting over it now.”

She slaps the table beside her, trying to get my attention but I refuse to give it. I place my head in my hands and take a deep breath. At a loss for words, I don’t understand her and I don’t know what to say. This entire situation was bullshit. The ending of it all seemed further with each passing day, with each word she refused to speak out loud.

She walks out of the room into the kitchen. I can hear her banging open drawers, searching for something. I’m almost afraid of what it might be she’s looking for but she comes back in the room, stopping just short of me. I stare down at her bare feet, watching her stomp them again for my attention. I don’t look up and I’m immediately drenched in ice cold water. The action got my attention but I do nothing, refusing to acknowledge her tantrum.

I stand up from my seat and step past her, walking to the bathroom. She squeezes herself in between me and the door, pushing at me in the chest with her fists. I let her but my annoyance quickly grows. She grunts and reaches for my face. I dodge her hands, grabbing her wrists only to keep her from gouging my eyes out. I finally acknowledge her.

“You want to talk Alice,” my voice is cold, emotionless. I already know what I’m going to do and any worry or concerns I might have had about doing it is gone. I can’t take any more of her silence. “Use your fucking voice. Open your pretty little mouth and use it.”

I look down at her, our eyes connect instantly. I see fire burning deep inside them, her fuel is the anger, the fear, the doubt and the shame she has battled on and off the last few months.

Good, she’s going to need it.

“I’m not going to talk to a notepad. I’m not going to play charades with you anymore,” I step in closer, bringing her nose to nose with me. “You have something to say? Say it.”

She pushes at me and lifts her notepad to my face. I rip it from her hands and toss it down the hallway. She gasps in shock but I’m not giving in. No, I’m going to push her even harder.

“What’s stopping you?” Her eyes grow wider still. She knows what I’m about now. I’m not fucking around anymore. “Tell me, why can’t you talk? What did he do to you?”

She doesn’t respond because she’s frozen. I can see the thoughts crossing her face, the fire raging in her eyes. She’s turned it inward now, battling whatever demon controls her. She wants her voice back and I can see the fight for it burning bright within her. Her hand reaches up and slams into my chest as she tries pushing me out of her way but I don’t budge. No, she doesn’t get to say enough this time. I was going to make her use her voice one way or another.

“Use it,” I bring her wrists down to her sides, holding them in place. “You want me to move? You want me to let you go? Use your voice to tell me.”

She grunts and bucks, trying to find a way out of my hold. There isn’t one. I can see the tears well up in her eyes when she looks up at me but I ignore them. I continue to restrain her but I push even further, pinning her body to the door with my own. It’s a threatening move but I have to find a way to break his hold over her.

“I’m not going to let you go until you use it Alice,” she relaxes against me. I think she might be giving in finally, so I give her what she wants and loosen my hold on her. She takes advantage of the moment and twists her body just right, freeing herself of my grasp. She bounds down the hallway, slamming the bedroom door behind her.

Hell no!

I follow hot on her heels. Throwing open the door, I cross the room in three strides but the room is empty. I hold my breath, straining my ears for any sound. I hear it, her breath, coming from the closet. I throw open the door to find her sitting with her knees tucked into her chin.     

Bullshit!

I lean down and scoop her into my arms and carry her into the living room. I refuse to let her victimize herself right now, hiding away in a closet.
No more.
She puts up a fight in my arms but I’m stronger and she knows it, which is why she goes slack, morphing into dead weight.

Nice try.

“You’re not going to hide from this anymore,” I set her down on the couch and she tries to stand immediately. I push her back down realizing this isn’t going to work and I need a new plan. She needs to push through the darkness to find her voice again and I need to find a way to make her do it. I realize as she flinches from my touch, I was going about this the wrong way.

Fuck it!

I let go of her instantly, sitting back on my heels. My head spins with my new plan. I don’t want to see her like this. I don’t want to watch her give in to the darkness again. I refuse to bear witness to this madness anymore.

“You want to run and hide? Fine, go. I’m not going to hang around anymore, watching him control you. I’m done,
”
I turn and walk towards the door, my hand is on the knob when I hear it.

I freeze, waiting for it, unsure of it.

She says it again.

“Don’t go.”