Lost in You (31 page)

“Of
course I’m okay with that. I would have been happy to celebrate just with you.”

“Okay, good,” she says before rushing off.

I start to pick up the garbage that people leave in their wake. She shuttles people out, most of them don’t even say goodbye. I find that a bit rude since she graciously opened her house to them.

Once everyone is out, we finish cleaning up the mess. I carry black bags of bottles out to the garage. We’ll have to take them to the store tomorrow before her parents get home. The last thing
I want is for her to get into trouble or for them to think I did this and ask me to leave. Although if that happened, I’d just take a bus to New York and start living my life – there’s no way I’d go back to my parents. When everything is cleaned, furniture replaced and the house smelling nice, Dylan excuses herself to go take a shower.

I sit on my bed, listening to her sing in the shower. She’s loud. Her voice carries through the walls. It’s funny, all the time I spent with Hadley, she never once sang out
loud. Maybe it was because that’s what she did for a living, but listening to Dylan makes me realize how real she is when she’s around me. When the shower shuts off, I jump. I don’t know why I’m so nervous. It’s not like I’m expecting anything to happen.

I
step into my doorway just as Dylan comes out of the bathroom. Her hair is wet, leaving drops of water all over her shoulders. The hot pink towel she’s using to cover herself leaves very little to the imagination. She walks over to me, my mind forgetting that I’m standing in just my boxers, as her finger trails down my chest, resting when it reaches the top of them. I swallow hard, afraid to make any sudden movements or errant outbursts.

“I…” I clear my throat and try again. “Shower,” I spit out, earning a
wicked grin from her. My hand runs through my hair, pulling at the ends. I don’t know what I’m doing here, no freaking clue how to proceed, but I think I want to… No, I know I want to.

Dylan kisses my chest, lingering there for a moment before walking do
wn the hall to her room. I lean out of the doorway and watch as her hips sway back and forth. Taking a deep breath I hightail it to the shower and rush through getting clean.

I take a chance and go to her room when I’ve finished. I didn’t put on a t-shirt
when I got out, hoping she’d want to kiss me again. I stand in her doorway. She’s lying on her stomach, her legs bent at the knees and crossed at her ankles. They move up and down as her head bops like she’s listening to music. Her hand moves back and forth, turning pages of a magazine or book.

I’ve been in her room before, but never like this. Never with the intent to touch her, kiss her. I’ve never had impure thoughts about her either, and now they're running rampant through my mind. I walk into her room
, my steps quieted by the plush carpet. My heart beats faster the closer I get to her bed. If she knows I’m here, she’s not calling me out. My knees brush the side of her bed, but she doesn’t stop moving her legs up and down. I want to reach out and make them stop, but I can’t.

I reach out and run my fingers down her back. Her legs still and she pushes aside her magazine. I don’t know what I’m doing, but this feels right. When I get to the hem of her shirt, I pull it up, showing more of her back. Her dark-
as-night blue panties grab my attention. She scoots over on the bed, giving me space to sit next to her. Taking her cue, I kneel down and move her shirt up more. She moves away, sitting up on her knees. Her arms cross, her hands picking up her shirt and pulling it over her head.

Her breasts are bare. I don’t know where to look. My eyes travel from her eyes to her breasts and back. I want to touch her and think she wants me to as well, but what if she doesn’t? I had to lead up to this before and now everyth
ing is happening so fast and in the back of my mind I remind myself that I don’t know what the hell I’m doing. I want to touch her. Her eyes close when my fingers graze her nipple. It hardens against my fingertips. I touch the other one. She leans back, breaking our connection. I crawl over the top of her, touching her again. She opens her eyes when I settle in between her legs. Her smile is breathtaking, she wants this… me. Her fingertips travel up and down my back, pulling me closer. Our mouths are inches apart. Our foreheads rest against each other, lips touching lightly. She pushes on my ass, creating friction. I can’t hold back. I kiss her hard, not waiting for her to meet me halfway. My arm shakes from holding myself up. I’m afraid I weigh too much. My fingers roll over her nipple as she pushes me into her again. Her back arches as I kiss down her neck. I’ve been so afraid I wouldn’t know what to do, but my body knows. It knows how to make her feel good.

Taking her nipple in my mouth, I bite down light
ly. Her hand flies to my hair and pulls, which feels good. I add more pressure and move my hips more, alleviating the pressure that’s building. She moans and I like it. I like knowing that I’m causing these reactions. She rolls us over, shocking me. I didn’t realize she was this strong. She straddles me, her mouth moving over my chest. She bites down on my nipple and now I know what it felt like and why she liked it so much. She moves down, kissing her way toward my hard-on. I reach out and grab her arm. I don’t think I’d be comfortable with her doing
that
. She sits up and grinds, adding pressure to my groin. I sit up, hell-bent on moving her, but she pushes harder and rocks, creating much needed friction.

“I want to do this with you,” she whispers against
my lips as she moves a bit faster. The soft sounds coming from her make me believe she’s getting pleasure, too.

I can’t speak, only nod. I want this. I want to experience this with her. She jumps off of me and walks over to her dresser. She comes back with
a condom in her hand. I swallow hard over what I’m about to do. She hands it to me and slides off her panties. I try not to look, but I can’t help it. I follow her lead and push off my boxers, my erection springing free. I try to push it down, but to no avail. If she thinks it’s funny, she doesn’t laugh. She climbs back on top of me, kissing me all over as she works her body over mine. Her hand slides into mine, taking the condom from me.

She’s done this before, but I’m trying not to think about that as s
he opens the package and slides the latex rubber on me. The sensation alone is going to make me cum and I know that would be embarrassing. My body tenses when she centers herself over me. I don’t think it’s supposed to be like this. She’s supposed to be underneath me.

“Relax, let me show you.” She picks up each of my hands and places them on her hips. I push her down lightly, feeling myself enter her. Her eyes close, but I watch. The sensation of being in her rocks my core. I feel the need to scream or som
ething. I don’t know. My hands grip her hips and move her up and down. I can’t believe I’m doing this. I can’t.

Dylan moans and moves up and down faster, causing an intense buildup in my stomach. I grunt hard as my body releases. She falls forward, kissin
g my chest and rocking against me slowly.

“Happy Birthday, Ryan,” she says against my skin.

I wrap my arms around her and worry that I didn’t satisfy her and I don’t like that fear. “Can we do that again? I think I’m supposed to last longer and maybe touch you.”

“Says who?” she asks, laughing.

I shrug. “I read it in a magazine.”

“Yeah, we can do it again.” She looks at me when she says this, the glint in her eyes says so much more than words. I have a feeling I’m about to learn a lot from her.

Hadley

I think I have a problem.

Sure, I paint a happy smile on my face each time I step out of my hotel room and loop my arm into Cole’s. I pose whenever there is a camera around. I feed him ice cream when fans are lurking. I do everything I’m asked.

But it’s getting to be too much and Cole agrees.

After the
incident
– that’s what we’re calling it – we’re certain that Ian set me up. The problem is we can’t prove it. We’ve tried. Alex has a lot of contacts and she even tried to find out who tipped off the photographers about Ryan, but none of them are budging. I can’t believe they like Ian that much to sell me out.

I told my parents. At first they didn’t believe me, but when my mom bought the magazine and read the article she finally relented that mayb
e her brother is a bit off his rocker. She suggested Cole and I quit the tour, but she doesn’t understand what that would do to both of us. Neither of us is willing to forgo the tour and upset the fans just to stick it to Ian. My dad on the other hand, is looking for a new manager and was quite shocked to find out that Cole didn’t have one.

Getting rid of Ian will be hard, but will be better for me… I think. I know he does his job, but it’s the way he manipulates me to get what he wants. First with the sta
ff he hires and now with the media. He’s supposed to protect me, not feed me as live bait to the sharks.

The tour is almost over. This makes me happy and sad. Each night, I’m looking. Looking for any sign that Ryan is in the audience or out front trying to
buy tickets. I don a disguise and walk around the concourse pretending I’m a concertgoer so I can mingle with the crowd in the hope that he’s out there. Each night I come up empty. I stay awake long after everyone has gone to bed and text him, but I never receive a response. His phone rings and rings, never being answered by the one voice I so desperately want to hear. I know I screwed up, but I thought he knew I’d call him on his birthday.

No, he didn’t know. I gave him no indication that I would. I shut
off our lifeline like a selfish bitch in order to protect myself and started a very public relationship with my ex. He’d know about that, I’m sure. Dylan would show him. She would make sure of it. She didn’t like me with Ryan because she wanted him for herself and I handed him to her on a silver platter. I have no doubt he knows about Cole and me and there isn’t anything I can do about it because he doesn’t answer his phone or return my texts. If he’d just return one, I’d go to where he was and get him and bring him here with me. We can live in my apartment and not have to worry about what people say.

I’m going to look for him when the tour is over. I’ll go back to Brookfield and start there, maybe hire a private investigator. I can’t believe he ran away.
I know he talked about leaving, but I thought he’d wait until he graduates. A diploma can mean so much more when looking for a job.

The sun is up when I finally retire. He’s not going to answer or return my text. I crawl into bed and close my eyes. Life s
hould be so much easier, but it’s not. My door opens slightly. I turn and find Cole standing in my doorway. He walks in and sits on my bed.

“What’s wrong?”

“Can’t sleep,” he says as he slides down the bed, resting his head on the extra pillow. I roll onto my side and face him.

I’m tired of pretending and he must be, too. He’s been so good, though. He’s the devoted boyfriend, always holding my hand, tucking my hair behind my ear at the right moment. He never complains that behind closed doors our relation
ship is platonic. He’s been without a partner for months now, just to help me. He’s really the best, most perfect fake boyfriend any girl could ask for.

I don’t know why I can’t love him again. He’s proven that he’s changed. That he’s trustworthy and patie
nt. He’s a catch and any girl would be so lucky to have his blue eyes look at her the way he looks at me. His blond hair is always kept short and away from his eyes, unlike Ryan's. Both men are so different and yet could own me completely. I know Cole would welcome the opportunity, but I just can’t get Ryan out of my head.

“You should write a song with all that thinking you’re doing.” Cole’s voice is rough.

“I haven’t written songs since you and I did. I don’t have a passion for it.”

“You should try, it mi
ght help.”

I shake my head. “What are you doing in here?”

He shrugs. “I was thinking about you and us and this whole pretend thing. I’m not sure how much longer I can go on. My feelings have never gone away and the lines are so muddy right now.”

“I’m sorry
,” my voice breaks as his hand cups my cheek.

“You don’t have to be sorry. I just want some of you back. I miss the happy and carefree girl that I love so much.”

A warm tear hits my pillow. Cole moves closer. He rests his forehead against mine while his hand still cups my cheek.

“What’s up, Hadley Girl? You seem so distant since that night and I don’t know how to fix things for you.”

I run my fingers through his hair. His eyes close and he hums softly. He’s always liked this and I used to do it when he was sick. “You can’t fix this, Coleman. I just need to get over him.”

“I know what would help.”

I push his shoulder lightly. “I don’t think sex is the answer.” I roll over, giving him the proverbial cold shoulder.

He pulls me close, wrapping me in his arms. W
e are spooning and in this position I can feel everything. “Cole?” I question as he adjusts himself.

“Can’t help it.”