Lost in You (27 page)

“Last week we had a discussion about your behavior. I admit I employed some shady ploys to keep you in your hotel, but when I tell you that I did those things to keep you safe, I mean it.”

“I know,” I say, catching Ian off guard. He looks up quickly, his bangs falling in his face. That’s the one thing about Ian that I’ve always liked: he doesn’t look like a manager. He’s not walking around in a suit and tie, carrying a briefcase. He’s dressed for the music scene.

“You know?”

“Yes. I can see that now.”

“It took you getting arrested to see that I’m only trying to help?”

I put my face in my hands and sigh. I feel Cole’s hand resting on my leg, his way of showing comfort. I wipe away an errant tear and look at Ian. “That was a wake-up call. I’m not going to apologize for Ryan. I’m in love with him, but I’m not healthy for him.”

“He’s a distraction.” I don’t agree or disagree with Ian. He’s right. At least that's what I’m going to tell myself. It’s not going to matt
er how bad it hurts or how much my heart is breaking. Ian’s right. “Can you promise me he won’t be a distraction during the tour?”

As much as I hate it, I nod. “I promise.”

“Last night a reporter called and is giving me until the end of today to give him something juicy on you. Your rental car was reported in the parking lot. He heard it on his scanner and he started digging. He knows you were arrested, but doesn’t know why. I can make this go away or we can let him run with the article, your choice.”

I lea
n back, preparing myself for the inevitable. “What do I have to do to make it go away?”

“You’re going to go public with Cole. This reporter will get an exclusive and he’ll be happy.” Cole’s hand tenses on my leg. He didn’t know about this. Something like t
his will surely ruin his bachelor status. He’ll have to play nice as well. He can’t afford another cheating scandal.

“Cole and I aren’t together.”

“You’ll act it each time you leave the tour bus or hotel. I’m not saying you need to kiss him in public, but you’ll hold hands, feed each other ice cream – hell, you’ll even allow him to put sunscreen on your back. I don’t care what it is, you’re together.”

“How does that help Hadley’s image?” I’m so thankful my dad speaks up, because I don’t know if I can get
the words out.

Ian leans back in the chair, looking at my dad. “She needs someone the media likes and that’s Cole. They’ve been together before and with them being on tour, it’s expected. The tour is short, so they only have to act for a while.”

“I don’t like it,” Mom adds. “I don’t see how it helps.”

“See,
Liberty, that is why this is my job. This reporter is going to write an article about your daughter being arrested. Along with that article, he’ll dig and find out why. Would you rather her pretend to be with Cole, a man she knows, or would you rather her be disgraced for screwing around with a seventeen year old? Because if it’s the latter, I can guarantee you this will be her last tour for a long time. No one will want her around.”

My mom gets up
from the table and walks into the kitchen and starts slamming cupboards. I can’t imagine what it was like to grow up with Ian as your brother. He’s entirely too bossy for my liking.

“What about you, Austin? Are you willing to go along with this sham so I
can get your daughter on the straight and narrow?”

“I’m with Libby, but I also don’t want Hadley’s name dragged through the mud. I’ll support whatever Hadley decides to do.”

Cole leans into me, his scruff tickling my cheek. “I’ll do whatever you want,” he whispers in my ear. I nod and move away slightly. I can’t have him this close.

“Fine,” I say, looking away from Ian.

“You know things could be worse, Hadley.”

“I know.” I can’t take any more of this intervention. I get up, grab my hoodie and head outside
. I need fresh air. I sit in the rocking chair on the back deck and watch a bird look for food. Doesn’t he know he should be south by now? The door opens and closes. I can tell by the overwhelming scent of his cologne that it's Cole. He sits down and starts swinging us back and forth. I hate that he can do that and I can’t. It sucks being short.

“You screwed up, Hadley Girl.”

“Shut up, Coleman, I don’t need to hear it from you, too.”

“What’s this guy got?”

I look away so he doesn’t see my tears. I’m not sure I can explain it to Cole without hurting his feelings. Cole and I were in love once and I thought that was enough, but with Ryan, it’s so different, I can’t explain it.

“You can tell me,
ya know.”

I shake my head. “I can’t.”

“Do you love him?”

I nod.

“More than you loved me?”

“That’s not fair.”

He reaches over and pulls my chin toward him. He wipes my tears away. “Hadley, it’s okay to love someone else. What we had was great and I screwed that up. I was young and stupid, but if I could change it, I would. I never wanted to hurt you. If you’re in love with this guy, then he’s the luckiest guy I know.” His voice is so quiet and soft. I know why I loved him so much. He pulls me into his arms and holds me. The sad thing is, this isn’t acting. He’s being genuine.

“I can’t be with him. I’m not good for him and it was stupid for me to even think I could have something with someone who isn’t part of my crazy life.”

“You’re life isn’t crazy; it’s normal.”

“It’s anything but normal, Cole.”

Cole leans away so he can see my face. “Don’t worry, I’ll make everything better.”

Yeah, that’s what I’m afraid of. If Ryan was an error in judgment, Cole is a colossal mistake.

Ryan

I missed a week of school thanks to Dylan. It was at her insistence that I not go
to school until the bruising around my neck was less visible. I told her it wouldn’t work, but she forged a note from my mom saying I was ill.

Mr. and Mrs. Ross didn’t like that, so things changed quickly. I don’t know what happened the night Mr. Ross lef
t me sitting at the table and I didn’t ask. My parents haven’t called and asked me to come home though and I’m not sure how I should feel about that. I hope that my mom can at least call and check on me. I’ll have to visit her at work if that doesn’t happen soon.

Returning to school is not high on my priority list, but I can’t say that it is for any teenager. I’m trying not to count the days since I last spoke to Hadley. I’m trying not to remember what we were about to do before everything changed. If I had
kept my mouth shut, maybe things would be different now. I carry around my phone – the phone she bought for me – hoping that it will spring to life at any moment. It’s the only piece of her that I have and I can’t let go. Each time I think about her, the anger starts. At night, when I’m alone, I lie in bed and cry, waiting for that stupid phone to ring, or vibrate, or beep or something that signifies my connection to her is not a figment of my imagination. Maybe this is why my parents sheltered me so much, so I wouldn’t feel the pain of heartache.

I can only hide a few of the bruises and they aren’t as dark, but I’m keeping my head down, tucking myself into the new hoodie that Mrs. Ross bought for me, one of my new pieces of clothing. Dylan told a few kids
that I was thinking about taking up wrestling and the marks were from working out. That earned me a few pats on the back and a requested meeting with the wrestling coach. The nice thing is I’m not being stared at. No one knows about what happened and they definitely don’t know about my dad. I want to keep it that way.

The only problem living with Dylan is that I have no freedom. Everywhere I turn she’s there making sure I’m okay.  But being at Dylan’s gives me things I’ve never had before like a radio, TV
and computer. I’m allowed to watch TV, even though I haven’t a clue as to what we watch at night, but I do know it’s all done as a family and I like that. And I have laughter. They're always laughing. I wish I could join in, but I can’t. Each time they laugh, I think of Hadley and wonder if she’d think the same thing was funny. When that happens, I excuse myself and retreat to the guest bedroom.

I know I can stay here as long as I want. It’s nice to be wanted by someone, even if it’s not Hadley or my parent
s.

I left this morning before Dylan woke up. I needed to walk in the crisp air and work out some aggression. I’ve thought about asking the wrestling coach if I could use the punching bag in the weight room. I figured if I can picture Hadley’s face, the wa
y she looked leaving the police station, I could take my anger out on the bag. I also wanted to come in and use the computer in the library where Dylan isn’t looming in the hallway or looking over my shoulder. If I had told her this, she’d make sure it didn’t happen. Dylan is doing everything she can to help me forget these past few months, even if I don’t want to forget them. Now I sit in front of the library computer, which is the same computer that showed me pictures of her and her ex, which resulted in her showing up here, and us being arrested. I type in her name and pause, my finger hovering over the enter key. There’s a side of me that wants to know what she’s been doing these past few days, but I’m also afraid.

I keep asking myself “what if I meant
nothing to her? What if I was just something to pass her time?” I want to say that I know the answers, but if someone asked me today, I wouldn’t know what to say because nothing seems real. How do you just disappear from someone’s life like that? How do you almost give yourself to them one minute and in the next want nothing to do with them?

I need to stop thinking about her, but I can’t help it. Everywhere I turn, she’s there. I want to believe that when I turn eighteen, she’ll be standing outside waiting
for me. We’ll run off together and this will all be a stupid nightmare.

I hit the enter key and shut my eyes, waiting for the images to load. I’ve learned from Dylan that the newest items always show first. I’m going to believe that she’s coming back to me
. When I open my eyes, I bite my lip to keep from screaming out, but it’s not enough to contain the rage building inside of me.

A week ago she was my girlfriend. A week ago she was kissing me, touching me. Now, merely seven days later, she’s kissing him, a
nd it’s right there for everyone to see. She holds him like she held me. He’s touching her, touching her like I’ve done… like he’s done so many times. It’s clear, right? This is what they call the writing on the wall. She doesn’t want me, never did. I was just her charity case.

I shove my chair back, hard. My hands push against the table for leverage. The computer wobbles, but Dylan appears beside me, steadying it with her hands. She straightens the computer, not making eye contact with me. She must think
I’m some pathetic loser. That’s what I think of me. I can’t believe I’ve been so naïve this whole time. I turn away, afraid to look at Dylan or even have her look at me. I want to scream out and throw the computer across the room. How can she do this to me? Did I mean anything to her?

I stand up, kicking the chair. It does nothing to quell the anger inside of me. I pick up the next chair and throw it across the room. I don’t know if it hits anything. I don’t care. I hate feeling like this. I look for someth
ing else to throw, eying the computers sitting on the table. If I damage them, maybe they’ll throw me out of school and then I can be the pathetic loser that everyone thinks I am.

Dylan steps in front of me. I look down at her. Her face is calm, reserved.
She stands in front of me with her hands down at her sides.

“It’s going to be okay, Ryan.”

I shake my head. She steps closer, pulling my hands into hers. Her chest presses against mine. I shouldn’t be standing like this with her, it’s not right. I’m with Had… no, I’m not. I’m not with anyone anymore, so who cares how I’m standing. I shouldn’t care.

I look down at Dylan. Her gray eyes stare back at me. They don’t hold pity, just kindness. “I need—“

“Time,” she says, interrupting me. She’s right. She’s been right this entire time; I just didn’t want to listen. “Come on, we need to get to class.”

She leads me out of the library, bypassing the chairs that haphazardly lie on the floor. I have no doubt I’ll be called down to the office today and punished, but
that’s fine. Right now, I’ll take whatever someone wants to give me.

Dylan doesn’t let go of my hand as we walk the halls. The attention feels nice. I won’t lie. Girls are smiling at her and guys are once again patting me on the back. It feels like I’d don
e something remarkable like save a life and suddenly everyone knows who I am. I’m not sure if I should feel good about this or not.

We stop at our lockers. When she lets go of my hand I feel a loss, but not like when I was with Hadley, just… different.

I feel like I’m in the twilight zone. Guys that I’ve never spoken to are fist bumping, saying hi and nodding in my direction. When I sit down for lunch, three classmates sit down, too. I look around for Dylan, who is watching me. A smile breaks out on her face as she walks to the table.