Lost in You (37 page)

“Isn’t he your ex?”

“Yep,” I nod and take a drink of my own beer. “Seems they’re in love and they’re good for each other.”

“How does that make you feel?”

“Honestly, I’m fine with it. Cole and I haven’t been together in a long time. He’s lucky to have her. She’s good for him, she’s what he needed to make his life complete.” I set my beer back down and wonder if we're going to continue being awkward around each other. He looks at his watch and frowns. “Do you need to be somewhere?”

“No, I’m just looking to see how long it’s been since I’ve kissed y
ou.” He turns and looks at me. “The thing is, I’m sitting here and I have all these things to say to you and nothing is coming out. The only thing I want to do is kiss you.”

Ryan gets up and starts pacing around the room. He pulls off his sweatshirt and I
see dark lines on his arms that I didn’t see before in the pub. I pull my legs up underneath me and watch as he mentally talks himself down from wherever he is.

“What’s on your arm?”

He stops pacing, but doesn’t answer me. He lifts his t-shirt over his head and I gasp at how much he’s grown into a man. He was just a boy when I knew him last and now he’s matured. He’s carrying a clearly-defined six pack that is accented by a dark patch of hair leading into his boxers. Both arms are muscular and have thick black lines. He turns around and shows me what they belong to. On his back is a very large phoenix and its wings extend onto his biceps.

I swallow hard and fight the urge to strip down to nothing and lay here for the taking,
because staring at the boy I fell in love with and seeing the man he became is enough to do me in. I stand slowly and walk over to him. I trace the lines of the bird with my fingertips.

“What’s it for?”

“Because I rose from the ashes and made myself better.”

“It’s very sexy.” I can’t lie. It is. It’s the hottest thing I’ve ever seen. I don’t know if it’s the tattoo or the man sporting the ink, but I have no doubt in my mind I’ve never seen something so sexy.

I lean closer and place my lips where my fingertips were, kissing my way up his back. My arms snake around him, my fingers tickling the hair on his stomach.

“Hadley,” he croaks out my name. “I’m not going to be able to stop myself from taking you. I’m so in love with you. I’ve been in love with you for
years. If you don’t want this, step away please, I’m begging you.”

“I want this. I want you.”

He turns in my arms and picks me up. His lips are on me, his tongue thrusting into my mouth before I can react. His hands go under my skirt, pushing it up over my hips. I hate that I’m wearing tights right now. He cups my ass, pushing me into his erection. His fingers dig into my thighs, pulling my legs farther apart.

“Room?” he says, only breaking long enough to ask.

I hate pulling away, but have no choice. “Last door,” is all I can get out before he’s working me into a deep and frenzied kiss.

We stumble into the wall as he walks us down the hall. He twists my doorknob and pushes my door open, kicking it shut. I’m expecting him to throw me onto the bed, but he do
esn’t. He lays me down gently. His lips move down the column of my throat until he reaches my sweater, tugging lightly before giving up.

I start to laugh.

“You think this is funny? You’re dressed like an Eskimo.”

“It’s cold out.”

“I’ll keep you warm,” he says as he pulls me into a sitting position and lifts my sweater over my head. He slowly undoes each button on my dress shirt, including the ones on my wrists. He kisses each wrist and my shoulders as he slides it off.

“Another shirt?” he asks when he see
s my camisole. I shrug. “I know, you’re cold,” he says as he lifts it over my head.

I unbuckle his belt, remembering the last time we were like this and how he stopped us. There’s nothing stopping us now. My bra comes off and before I can catch my breath,
he has me back on my back and he’s hovering over me. His lips are dangerously close to my nipple that is all but screaming at him for attention.

“Last chance,” he says against the valley of my breast before taking it in his mouth.

He has me squirming against him, looking for any type of friction I can get. I was desperate the last time and even more so now. He switches breasts as his hands work my skirt. I undo his fly and try to push his pants down. He slides down my body, painstakingly slow, the pressure increasing.

I lift my hips for him when he grips my skirt and pulls, taking my tights in one fell swoop. I sit up,
bare except for my panties and watch him as he looks at me. He kicks off his shoes and drops his pants the rest of the way. I move up higher on my bed as he crawls over me. He’s on the prowl and I’m his victim.

He kisses me at my core, over my panties. He moves them aside, feeling me. When his tongue touches me I clamp down on his hair, which he doesn’t seem to mind. As many times as I thou
ght of him, never did I imagine this.

He does everything perfectly and plays my body like a fiddle. I come undone from his fingers and tongue. My panties go flying across the room as he kisses his way up my body. I want him desperately. I need him.

He settles between my legs, pressing himself into my center, causing more of an ache. I can feel him, bare and against where I need him most. I wrap my legs around him, holding him there so he can’t change his mind.

He enters, pushing slowly. I gasp and bite g
ently down on his shoulder. He hisses as he starts to move inside me. Our bodies sliding against each other, his forehead rested on mine.

“Oh God, fuck, fuck, fuck,” he mutters, and before I know it he’s off of me, leaning over the bed.

“What’s wrong?”

“C
ondom. I don’t have one. I don’t even carry one in my wallet so I’m not sure why I’m looking for one.” He covers his face with his forearm, taking deep breaths.

I want to cry from the emptiness I feel when his body leaves mine but instead I say, “Ryan, I’
m on the pill.”

He pulls his arm down slightly and looks at me. The nightlight in the corner is letting off just enough light that I can see that he is contemplating if he should or not. Thankfully, he doesn’t think long, and hovers over me once again.
He pushes himself inside me. I close my eyes, my legs wrapping around his waist as he goes deeper. Moving his mouth over mine, he kisses me hard, his hand gripping my hips as he stills inside me. Kissing down my chin and then up my jaw, my body clenches his before he slowly bites down on my shoulder.

Crying out, he chuckles against my throat as he moves his strong hands up to cup my breast. His mouth clamps over my nipple, biting softly before swirling his tongue devilishly against it. I can’t stand it and
I scream out, my nails cutting into his bare shoulder. Letting out a breath, his eyes wild with passion, he moves his mouth up the valley of my breasts, his hand moving down my body before gripping my thigh. Pushing my leg up, so that I’m open for him, he moves into me again, pushing to the hilt and taking my breath away. He pulls out and as he is about to slowly move into me again, I glance up at him, my eyes clouded with lust as I whisper, “Ryan.”

He nods knowing that this is it. This is the moment when
everything will change for us. I don’t ever want him to leave. I want him to be mine for the rest of my life. I love him. Dropping my hands, I slowly grip his toned ass. His eyes close before I pull him into me. My body welcomes him and wants him, and when he squeezes my hips from the sheer pleasure of our bodies being connected, I want to scream, but I don’t. He opens his eyes, looking down at me, and then so softly he whispers, “I’ve missed you.”

I nod, my hands holding onto his wrist as I say, “I’ve miss
ed you.”

Dropping a kiss to my lips, he starts to move into me with earnest strides. Each thrust taking my breath away. Soon my body is quivering and I come undone, squeezing him so hard that he groans against my cheek. Pushing my legs forward with shaky h
ands, he starts to thrust wildly into me until he finds his own release, his fingers biting into my sides. I know he’s leaving marks but I don’t care. When he falls onto me, I can’t breathe, but I’m smiling. His breath is labored against my neck as my hand moves up and tangles into his hair, holding him close to me. He kisses up my neck, then to my jaw before sitting up on his arms to kiss my lips. Looking down at me, he cups my face, his eyes searching mine as a small smile goes over his face. I smile back as he asks, “Can I take you to dinner tonight?”

“Really?”
I ask, breathless.

He nods, “Yeah.”

“Are you ready to be seen in public with me? Are you ready for the cameras, the life I lead, all of it? Because if you aren’t I understand, but I want you in my life. I don’t want to lose you ever again.”

“I can handle it.”

I hope he’s right, because not having Ryan in my life isn’t an option. It wasn’t four years ago and it definitely isn’t now.

Ryan

“You’re stupid.”

“No, I’m not.”

“YES. YOU. ARE!”

Dylan yells at the top of her lungs as she throws a glass at my head. I didn’t expect this. Okay, maybe I did, but I thought things would be a bit milder.

Things have been going amazingly well with Hadley. I’ve seen her every night since that night at O’Malley’s and was her date for Alex and Cole’s wedding. That was the second time we were photographed together, except this time, there was no mistaking that she was with someone.

After the first night, I tried to take things slow. I didn’t want to rush
into having sex with her, unlike the first night, but I’m telling myself that it really didn’t count. It’s a guy thing. Just go with it. My resolve only lasted three days before I couldn’t handle it anymore. We had plans, but when she answered the door in a tight black dress, I lost all ability to think clearly. Ironically, this was the night of my birthday.

I know things are moving fast. Faster than they should be, but I don’t want to be away from her.

“What are you going to do about your job?”

“What abo
ut my job?”

Dylan stands with her hands on her hips. “You work non-stop from February until October. You travel across the country. Are you going to give it up for her?”

I look at Dylan with confusion. “No, why would I?”

“Because
she’ll want you to go on tour with her, that’s why. Because she’ll want you to be her arm candy at all her awards shows and whatever.” Dylan sits down on the couch and sighs. I know she means well, but this is a bit over the top. Hadley and I discussed our schedules and she’s not going out on tour anytime soon. Besides, her schedule is more flexible.

“Look, I know you’re protecting me, but this is right. It feels right, Dylan. If I don’t do this, I’ll regret it.”

“You’re making a mistake. She’s going to hurt you again. You may believe her sad-ass excuses, but I don’t.”

“You don’t have to.”

“No, I just have to pick up the pieces again when she rips your heart to shreds.”

“I don’t feel that, in here.” I put my hand over my heart and plead with Dylan to trust m
e.

She shakes her head, wiping her traitor tears away. She stands and grabs her purse. “I can’t watch you do this. Not with her.
Anyone but her, Ryan.”

“It doesn’t work that way and you know it.”

“I
don’t
know it, Ry. What I know is that when you were seventeen you were so lost in her that you couldn’t see clearly. You haven’t had a healthy relationship since her.”

“Our relationship was good.”

Dylan scoffs. “No it wasn’t. I took advantage of you and you know it. You just don’t want to admit it. We were always better off as friends.”

I walk over to her and pull her into my arms. “I love you, D. I always have, but she’s the one. I feel alive when I’m with her. Every fiber of my being is on fire when she’s near. I know you don’t want me to get hurt, but I don’
t feel like that is going to happen.”

“And when it does?”

“Then label me a fool because that’s what I’ll be.”

Dylan wraps her arms around my waist and holds herself to me. I don’t want this to be goodbye, but I’m hoping after today things will change for H
adley and me.

“I love you, Ry. I hope you’re enough for her. I’ll be here if you’re not.”

Dylan lets go and walks out of the door. I look around our apartment, an upgrade from the one we lived in while I was in college. As soon as I was hired by the Yankees we moved here. It’s a bit classier and definitely in a much nicer part of town. Dylan’s in her final year of school and I know she doesn’t need the stress, but this is something I have to do for me.

I pick up my keys and head out to Hadley’s. We’re suppo
sed to meet up with her manager tonight, but I have other plans. I stop at the corner florist and pick up a couple dozen lilies and roses and carry them the ten blocks to her apartment.