Lost Innocence (28 page)

Though her face was pinched, and her eyes were darting about wildly as she tried to think what to say, she knew very well he’d get the better of her if this developed into a full-scale row. So, attempting to turn the tables, she said, ‘Is this what you want, Robert? Always to be in the middle, her one side, me the other? Because I hope you realise that’s how it’s going to be if she stays here.’

Fearing she was right, he said, ‘It doesn’t have to be.’

‘There isn’t any other way.’

Sighing, he picked up his mail and started to leaf through. They’d have to find some way of dealing with the situation, but for the moment he was at a total loss as to how they might. ‘Where’s Annabelle?’ he asked. ‘I brought her the perfume she asked for.’

Not yet ready to change the subject, she said, ‘Tell me, do you defend me when you’re talking to
her
? Or do you just stand there letting her play the victim, slagging me off and…’

‘Sabrina, please don’t do this. I’m tired, I’ve got a lot on my mind and I’m not going to let myself be drawn into this ridiculous campaign you seem to have started.
You
are the one who was in the wrong, when you slept with her husband, and now you’re compounding matters by trying to stop her making a living. So why don’t you simply get on with your life and let her get on with hers?’

‘Before you walk away,’ she shouted, as he started to leave, ‘maybe you’d like to consider the favour I did her,
by bringing the permits to her attention. If I hadn’t she’d have been operating illegally and they’d probably have closed her down.’

‘Nice try,’ he said, turning back, ‘but as we both know there was no altruism in your motive.’

‘OK, but please try to understand how difficult life is going to be, having her here. Look at us now. You’ve just come back after ten days away, and we’ve already fallen out, which wouldn’t have happened if you hadn’t called in to see her.’

‘Actually, it was Nat I dropped in to see. I wanted to invite him to Lord’s with me next week, but he wasn’t there, so I had a chat with Alicia instead.’

‘You’re taking
Nathan
to Lord’s?’ she gasped, looking so shaken he might have hit her.

‘He’s my nephew,’ he reminded her. ‘His father has recently died, which means I have a role to play in his life, and I’d like to do so.’

‘I see.’ Her mind was spinning with dread as the ramifications of what he was saying began crowding in on her. She was going to lose him, she could feel it deep inside her, and she couldn’t bear it. ‘So what about Annabelle?’ she said huskily. ‘Or doesn’t she count any more?’

His eyes turned hard. ‘Don’t ever accuse me of not caring about Annabelle,’ he growled. ‘I’d take her anywhere she wanted to go, if she was willing to go with me, but she’s at the age now where she’d rather be with her friends, as you well know. Now, where is she? I was hoping to see her before I set off for the labs.’

‘Actually, she’s taking my appointment at Babington. I drove her there about an hour ago, then came home, thinking we could spend some time together before I had to go back for her.’

She looked so lost and unsure of herself that he put his mail down and went to gather her up in his arms. ‘I’m sorry,’ he murmured into her hair. ‘It wasn’t the best home-coming, was it?’

She clung to him hard, as though afraid he would let her go, then looking up at him she began searching his eyes,
but for what he couldn’t be sure. ‘I love you, Robert,’ she said. ‘You know that, don’t you?’

‘Yes,’ he answered, certain it was true, but knowing with an old familiar ache that it wasn’t the same as she’d felt for Craig.

‘I know I’ve messed things up,’ she said brokenly, ‘but I’m… It’s been so hard since …’ She gasped on a sob, and pressed her fingers to her mouth. ‘I’ll get it together,’ she told him, trying to sound firm. ‘It’ll be all right.’

‘Of course it will,’ he said, wishing he could believe it.

Her luminous, but tragic, eyes returned to his. ‘Will you help me?’ she whispered plaintively.

He swallowed hard as he nodded, wishing he could ignore the doubts that were gathering in his mind. ‘I know this isn’t easy for you,’ he said softly, ‘but trying to hurt Alicia is only going to make it worse.’

‘I know,’ she agreed, ‘but I might not find it so difficult if I felt you were fully on my side.’

‘I would be, if you were in the right. Which doesn’t mean I stand there allowing her to say what she likes about you without speaking up on your behalf, but I have to tell you, Sabrina, the way you’re behaving … Looking at you now … Well, it’s starting to worry me in more ways than one.’

Feeling a burst of panic in her chest, she clutched at his shirt and tried to feign confusion as she looked up at him, but they both knew what he meant.

‘I understand that his death came as a shock,’ he told her, ‘but to feel so bitter towards Alicia this long after the affair is suggesting to me that you never really got over him. And if that is the case, I have to ask myself if I want to go on living with someone who’s probably only with me because the man she really loves either didn’t love her enough to leave his wife – or is no longer around to fulfil the promises he might have made for the future.’ As she started to protest he put a finger over her lips. ‘Think on it,’ he said, torn inside by the truth of his words, and kissing her briefly on the mouth, he picked up his mail again and went off to his study.

* * *

‘Sabrina, it’s me. I’m sorry about last night. Alicia insisted on using my phone to call. Are you OK?’

‘I am now,’ she answered, sounding clogged and shaky from all the crying she’d done. ‘She hates me so much.’

‘Don’t think about it. Just tell me, please, that you’re not going to do anything stupid.’

‘I don’t want to go on without you …’

‘You’ll get over it, Sabrina, I promise. And think of your family.’

‘I can’t. All I can think about is you and how wonderful it was when we were together. All the things you said … You still love me, I know you do, so don’t deny it.’

‘I’m not going to, I just want you to accept that we can’t see one another again.’

‘Darling, I understand about the children, but they’ll survive, children always do.’

‘Sabrina, listen to me. I’m not leaving Alicia.’

‘So why did you say you would?’

‘At the time … I … I shouldn’t have said it. I’m sorry that I let you believe we could be together.’

‘We still can. I know it’s what you want, in your heart. Tell me you don’t think about me.’

‘Of course I think about you.’

She sat quietly in her car, feeling his words wrapping themselves around her as tenderly and passionately as his embrace.

‘Sabrina, please don’t tell Alicia I’m with you when I’m not,’ he implored. ‘It won’t make me change my mind about us.’

‘Would you like to make love to me again?’ she croaked desperately.

There was only silence at the other end.

‘It can happen,’ she told him, ‘it’s only you who’s stopping it.’

‘You know why.’

‘But you want to.’

Again he didn’t answer. ‘You see, I’m still in your heart, and however much you try to deny me, I’ll always be there.’

‘Let me go,’ he said softly.

‘Tell me you love me.’

‘No.’

‘Say it, and I’ll never call you again.’

‘Is that a promise?’

‘Yes.’

‘OK. I love you.’

‘Alicia. It’s Cameron Mitchell. I hope this is a convenient time to call.’

Quickly glancing out to the front of the shop where Nat was mixing paint, Alicia stepped out on to the back patio saying, ‘Of course. How are you?’

‘Surviving the heat,’ he replied. ‘I hear it’s supposed to go into the thirties over the weekend.’

‘Really? Then I must blow up my paddling pool.’

Laughing, he said, ‘There’s a pool here that you’re welcome to use if you’d like to come over. I’m afraid Jasper might keep you company, though – he’s rather partial to a swim. And he gives anyone in the vicinity a good soaking when he gets out and shakes himself down.’

Entertained by the image of it, she said, ‘What kind of dog is he?’

‘A golden retriever – with attitude. But he’s not the reason I’m calling. I was just going through my emails and would you believe, the wine club I belong to is holding a champagne tasting at Wells town hall next Thursday evening. If it’s not too presumptuous, I was wondering if you might like to come with me?’

Immediately flustered by what sounded alarmingly like a date, she moved further across the patio as she heard Nat carrying the ladder into the studio. She was flattered, of course, who wouldn’t be, but it was far, far too soon even to think about…

‘If you’re free, and willing,’ Cameron went on, ‘I was thinking we might have a bite to eat after and I can show you some of the property blurbs I’ve received. I’m told the Montague Inn at Shepton Montague is very good.’

‘Yes, it is,’ she agreed, having been there often in the past, usually with Craig, and seizing on the easiest part of the issue to deal with first. Her mind was spinning, throwing up all sorts of objections: she truly wasn’t ready to start seeing anyone else; Nat wouldn’t like it; nor would Darcie; she didn’t want to lie to her family; but at the same time
another voice was telling her to stop overreacting, he was only being friendly, and considering who he was and how helpful he could prove to her little business, never mind her budding career, should he happen to like her work… In the end, almost to her own amazement, she heard herself saying, ‘Yes, that would be lovely.’

‘Excellent,’ he declared. ‘The tasting starts at six thirty, so I’ll pick you up at six and book a table for eight thirty. Does that work for you?’

‘Yes,’ she said, wondering who’d taken charge of her replies. ‘I’ll look forward to it.’

It wasn’t until she’d rung off that she realised he probably didn’t know where she lived, but that was fine. She had his number on her mobile now, so she could always ring back and suggest they meet at the shop, which would be wiser than having him come to the house anyway. Or she could cancel, which was probably more likely.

Going back into the studio, she put her phone on the draining board and was about to continue where she’d left off with some grouting, when she stopped and thought. She didn’t want to start keeping secrets from Nat. The invitation was harmless, but it wasn’t going to appear that way if he found out about it later and realised she’d deliberately concealed it from him. So, assuming a part-excited, part-surprised sort of tone, she said, ‘You’ll never guess who that was.’

Nat glanced down from his ladder. ‘I take it it wasn’t Darcie.’

She smiled. ‘No. It was the art critic, Cameron Mitchell, who came into the shop the other day.’

His expression immediately darkened. ‘What did he want?’ he asked.

‘Actually, he was calling to invite me to a champagne tasting in Wells next Thursday.’

His face turned stony.

‘Darling, don’t look like that,’ she implored. ‘You’re reading too much into it.’

Looking up at the ceiling, he carried on with his painting.

‘He’s staying in the area for the summer,’ she went on, ‘and he doesn’t know many people, so Antonia gave him my number. That’s all there is to it.’

‘It’s your life,’ he retorted, ‘if you want to go out with someone it’s up to you.’

Taking a breath, she said, ‘Look, I promise, it really isn’t what you’re thinking. He’s incredibly influential in the art world. A few words of praise from him and my prices would probably double, even triple, in value. Imagine what a difference that could make to us.’

He returned the roller to the tray, coated it in more paint, and continued with his task.

Alicia watched him, torn between frustration and understanding. ‘He has a pool, and a golden retriever,’ she ventured a few minutes later, trying to tease him out of his hostility.

‘I’m not six any more,’ he reminded her. ‘And I’m not your father either, so you can do what you want.’

‘Actually, maybe you could come too,’ she suggested, not sure whether that was a good idea or not.

He gave a mirthless laugh. ‘No way am I playing gooseberry, thank you very much. I’ve got better things to do, like going to Lord’s with Uncle Robert, in case you’d forgotten.’

‘Oh yes, of course,’ she said, wanting to hug her brother for having made Nat’s day, week, whole summer, probably, by inviting him to the one-day international.

Deciding to give up trying to get his approval for now, she returned to the grouting, feeling slightly dispirited and anxious, and started to wonder if Craig would mind about her going. He probably wouldn’t be thrilled, because he’d always been very possessive of her; or maybe he’d be fine about it, since the invitation was definitely only platonic – and considering what Craig had done in the past, she couldn’t imagine why she was putting herself through this.

For several minutes she and Nat worked on in silence, until, in the end, Nat said, ‘You could have gone and I’d never have known.’

Surprised that he hadn’t let the subject drop, she stayed focused on what she was doing as she said, ‘Wouldn’t you prefer I was honest with you, rather than sneaking about trying to hide things?’

It took a moment, but eventually he said, in a slightly
grudging tone, ‘I suppose so.’ Then, a beat or two later, ‘Actually, I don’t have a problem with you going, but I don’t want you taking advantage of me not being here and coming home late, OK? Or staying out all night and getting yourself a bad reputation. Home and in bed by eleven thirty, or there’ll be trouble.’

Laughing with relief, she went to the fridge to pour them both a drink. She didn’t imagine he was over his resistance to the idea of her having a male friend yet, but he was clearly no happier about having an atmosphere between them than she was. The best thing to do, she decided, as she passed him an ice-cold blackcurrant juice, was introduce him to Cameron as soon as possible – and Jasper, since both her children adored dogs. That way everything would be out in the open, and Nat would see for himself that there was absolutely no need to worry that someone was trying to force their way into his father’s shoes.