Lost Wishes (14 page)

“Okay,” her voice cracks as she curls her body into my chest.

“I’m sorry, Katie.” I kiss her hair. “I wish I could be that guy you need, but,” I swallow hard; thinking my voice mighta just cracked a little too, dammit, “I just can’t.”

“You weren’t coming back, were you,” she quietly says into my jacket. “Not until Jessina asked, right?”

“No. I wasn’t.” I stroke her hair. “Listen, don’t depend on me, babe. I will only disappoint you.” I place my hands on the sides of her head and tilt it back. Her shimmering eyes gaze up at me. God, I want to love her. I do. But I gave my love away once, and that love controls my destiny. “Tonight, I will be leaving, and I won’t be coming back.”

“I know,” she says, acceptance lurking within her eyes. It’s selfish, but seeing her give up on us pains me.

“I wish things were different.” I move my hand down to her cheek and brush my knuckles over her soft skin. “In the past three years, no one has made me feel more alive than you. When I’m around you, all the darkness disappears, the sky opens up and I feel the sun upon my face. You warm me, Katie Rustle.” I bend down and kiss her, holding my lips to hers for a brief moment. Reluctantly, I withdraw. “And I want to thank you for that.”

“Please, Fallon, tell me why this can’t work. I don’t understand.”

“I told you before; there’s a score that needs to be settled, and I can’t move on until that happens.  I need to avenge Hope’s death. I owe her that much.”

“I don’t think that’s what she’d want you to do. She loved you. She’d want you to move on with your life.”

“You’re probably right,” I trail my knuckles across her lips, “but I need to do this, and I can’t move on until I do.”

“Fine, you do what you need to do, and when you’re done, when you’re ready, I’ll be here waiting.”

“No.” I shake my head. “Don’t say that shit because I might not be able to make it back to you. Don’t do as I do. Move on with your life, stowaway. You deserve to be cherished and loved. You deserve happiness.”

“So do you.”

“I deserve everything that I got, and that’s absolutely nothing. But I’m good with it. I accept my fate. I failed the person I loved, and I will fix it.”

Chapter Eighteen

Katie

Fallon left me on the doorstep of my apartment. He kissed me, and without a word, he turned and walked away, as always, disappearing into the darkness. The pain in my chest, that hollow feeling left inside, I know that he took my heart with him. I feel it missing from my body. I’ve never felt this way about a person.

I didn’t want to go out today. All I wanted to do was stay in bed and cry, but I managed to drag my ass into work, and I’m trying to occupy myself. It’s not working. I gather the files Mr. Lennox is going to need for tomorrow morning’s meeting, and I head down to his office. It’s getting late. I’ll drop these off, and then I’m heading home.

I enter to find Jessina sitting at his desk. Hair in a loose updo, she glances up at me and smiles. It’s a pity smile; I know one when I see it. “Hi.” She lowers the papers in her hand.

“Hi.” I walk in and place the files on the desk. “Mr. Lennox is going to need these in the morning.”

“Thanks,” she says, and I turn around. “Ya know, Katie, I think my husband would like it better if you called him Chase.” I stop. She’s mentioned this before, but I thought it a tad unprofessional.  “It’s just that we both think of you like family and not an employee.”

I feel my eyes tear up. Shit! I blink. Between everything with Fallon, and now this…God knows I could use a real good cry, but I won’t do it. Twisting back around, I try to smile but the empathetic expression on Jessina’s face tells me that I’m not doing such a great job. “That really means a lot to me,” I say because I really don’t have any family.

“Sit down,” she says, nudging to a chair. I do as she says since she is the boss’ wife, and lower myself onto the cushion. I fold my hands together and have another go at a smile. “Fallon’s gone,” she asks.

“Yeah,” I clear the lump that’s been in my throat all day, “he left after the party.”

She takes a deep breath. “Bear with him this week. It’s going to be difficult.”

“Why?”

“Joey was released from jail yesterday.”

“Joey?” Why do I remember that name? “Wait, do you mean his best friend, Joey?”

“Yes.”

“I didn’t know he was in jail. Fallon mentioned him but didn’t say anything about that.”

Her brows cave in and forehead wrinkles. “You don’t know?”

“Know what?”

She lets out a sigh. “Katie, he was the one driving the car.”

“The car?” A cold chill ripples from my spine, my skin prickles, and that icy chill spreads to my stomach. Tense silence envelopes the room as I start to understand what Jessina is saying. I swallow with difficulty, trying to find my voice. “Joey, he was the man who killed Hope?”

“I’m sorry, I just assumed...” She drops back into the chair. “Fallon didn’t tell you.”

“No.” Now that I think about it, he really didn’t tell me much. “Joey was her step-brother, right? Can you tell me what happened?”

“It was the night Fallon’s firm was celebrating the win of that Keller case. Joey and Hope went with Fallon to the party. I guess Hope wasn’t feeling well, so she left early. Fallon and Joey left a bit later after her. Hope had decided to take their dog for a walk, and when Joey turned down their street, he lost control of the car. He swerved off the road onto the sidewalk and struck her. The car pinned her to a nearby tree. Oh, Katie, it was awful. Their dog went crazy. The officer had to put it down. And Fallon must have gone into shock or something. They had to revive him on the scene with one of those defibrillator things.”

“They had to revive him?” This is the first I’m hearing of this, and I can’t conceive what he must have been going through. His wife pinned to a tree, dog shot, his best friend driving the car. Oh, my God! “And Joey,” I swallow the sob rising again in my throat, “he’d been drinking?”

She sits up, nodding her head. “Joey was a partier—drank, popped pills, and smoked a bit of pot. It didn’t interfere with his life or anything. He just liked to party. You gotta remember, they were only twenty-six when the accident happened. Joey took complete blame for the accident. He didn’t try to fight it, went to court, and accepted his punishment. But Fallon never forgave him. He refused to talk to him, called him a killer. They were such good friends and the accident ruined that. It really destroyed Fallon. He had a beautiful wife who he loved. His career was just taking off. He had his shit together. He was caring, thoughtful, smart, funny…God! He could make you laugh. He had everything a man could want, and that day, everything was taken from him.”

A tear slides down my cheek. He was going to be a father too, but Jessina doesn’t know that. “I didn’t know,” I whisper as another tear pulled up from my breaking heart drops from my eye. Fallon had lost everything that day. Actually, he had a couple weeks with Hope after the accident, but each day, knowing she was going to die, must’ve been agony. Twigs said he took care of her until the end. How hard that had to have been, caring for someone you love, while in your heart, knowing that you’re going to lose them. Fuck, I can’t hold back the tears any longer. I sit in that chair and cry, hard. Jessina comes over and wraps her arms around me, but that just makes me cry harder.

She brushes the hair back from my face. “Oh Katie, you care about him, don’t you?”

I nod my head. She grabs a Kleenex from Mr. Lennox’s desk and hands it to me.

“Thanks.” I take the Kleenex and wipe my face and nose. “He told me not to care, though. He keeps pushing me away. He says he can’t give me what I need, that he…” Oh, my God! I look up at Jessina. “You said Joey was released.” That’s what Fallon’s been talking about. His revenge, he plans to go after Joey.

“Yeah, that’s what Sadie, Hope’s sister, told me. She stays in contact with Joey. She called a couple weeks ago looking for Fallon. I told her that I didn’t know where he was.”

“I need to talk to this Sadie.” I sniffle back another tear. Now is not the time to break down. I need to protect Fallon. “Do you have her number or an address?” I have to find Joey before Fallon does; I need to warn him. Maybe Sadie knows where Joey is staying. I have to stop Fallon from doing something that he can’t get back from. He might want to hurt Joey, but he’ll never be able to live with himself if he does.

“Yeah.” She moves back over to Mr. Lennox’s desk. “I have her address.” She sits down and starts typing on the laptop. “She’s works for the police department, a detective or something. Ah, here it is. It’s not too far from here.” She jots the number down on a piece of paper and holds it out to me. “But can I ask why you want it?”

“I’m not sure, but I think Fallon might try to contact Joey.”

“You think he means to hurt him?”

“I don’t know.” I take the paper with the address on it. “I just want to talk to Sadie.”

“Well, you let me know if you need anything, and if you think Fallon’s in any trouble, call me,” Jessina says.

“I will. Can you let Mr. Len…Chase know that I’ve gone for the day?”

“Yeah,” she smiles. “Are you sure you don’t want me to go with you? I could, you know.”

“No. It could be nothing. I’d just feel better if I talked to Sadie.”

“All right, then.”

Chapter Nineteen

FALLON

Mr. Jack Daniels and I sit in my truck. I tilt the bottle back and take a few healthy swigs as my eyes burn into the ranch-style house across the street. I shove the bottle between my thighs, swiping my mouth. Two hours I’ve sat here. I watched the sun disappear behind the house. It’s dark. I like the darkness. I feel comfortable in it. I see him walk by the window, and I lift the bottle for another gulp. I’m almost there, almost numb, almost ready to confront Hope’s killer.

I hadn’t intended to drink today, but fuck, I couldn’t get Katie out of my head. The alcohol is helping with that; it’s setting things back into perspective.

Besides, when I got here, I hadn’t intended to see Joey heading into Sadie’s place. I originally stopped by to find out if she knew where I could find him. Now, I see that would’ve been a mistake. She’s harboring the fucker, the man who killed her sister. I don’t fucking get it. Sure, that’s something Hope would do because she was the forgiving kind. But Sadie—she’s a detective, for fuck’s sake, and deals with scumbags like Joey on a daily basis.

It makes no sense.

I lift the bottle, huh. It’s half gone. I take one more sip, put the cap on, and twist. I toss it onto the passenger seat and reach for the door handle. Here we go, time to face that fucker.

I stumble getting out of the truck, give my head a shake, and start for the front door. The light flicks on as I move in, must have a motion detector. I bang my fist against the door. The blood courses through my heated veins. I’m not sure what’s going to happen when that door opens. I want to kill the fucker, and I know what I want is going to cause some trouble tonight. But hell, I’m not turning back now. I’ve waited too long.

The lock clicks and the door swings open. Joey’s dark blue eyes meet mine. He has that same look on his face when we got caught smoking pot in the back of school, that ‘I’m fucked’ look. I reach for him, grabbing his shirt. One quick yank and he’s out the door. I drag him to the front yard, draw back my arm, and slam my fist into his face. He falls to the ground with a loud groan. Hands covering his face, he rolls onto his back.

“Get up,” I yell.

“Fuck, Fallon!” He glares at me, pressing his fingers against the bridge of his nose.

Damn. Everything is blurry. I’m drunker than I thought. I manage to haul my foot back and kick him in the side. “Get. The. Fuck. Up.” I say, kicking him with each word. My hands curling into two tight fists, I want to hurt him, beat the shit out of him. I want to make him feel the pain that I’ve felt these past three years. I want him to feel the agony I experienced when I had to walk away from Hope and leave her at the cemetery, knowing that she was going into the ground, knowing that I’d never see her beautiful smile, hear her sweet voice, or feel her warm skin ever again.

Rolling to his side, Joey pushes himself up onto his knees, tilts his head back, and looks up at me. His head’s shaved, there’s a new tatt on his neck, and he’s a lot bigger than I remember, but I’ll still kick his ass.

 “Fallon,” he takes a deep breath. “Fuck, I’m sorry, dude—”

“You’re fucking sorry.” Rage lunges my fist forward, catching him hard across the cheek. His body jolts to the side, but his palm hits the ground, and he hauls himself back up. “Sorry isn’t gonna bring her back!” I smash my fist into his face. His head snaps back, blood spurting from his mouth. But the fucker manages to hold himself up. Dammit. I want to beat him into the ground. He deserves to be there, six feet deep in the fucking ground, not Hope. She didn’t deserve what happened to her.

He gives his head a shake, and then glowers up at me from the corner of a swollen eye. “Neither is this,” he says between bloodied, clenched teeth.

I clutch his shirt and glare down at him. Adrenaline pumping through my veins, I haul my arm back. “Fuck you!” I plunge my fist, twisting my wrist, and cut him along the chin. His eyes squeeze shut. His face creases with another loud groan. But the fucker refuses to fight back. He’s taking each hit I deliver to his face but he’s not retaliating. Why doesn’t he fight me? Fuck! I need him to fight back!

“Fallon!”

Fist drawn, I glance over my shoulder to find Sadie standing there. I turn and glance at my bloody, bruised knuckles but feel no pain. My eyes shift over to Joey, clenching my hand. Dammit. I gotta finish this fucker off before she tries to intervene.

“Fallon! Stop!” Sadie screams again.

“What, Sadie?” I push Joey’s limp body away from me, turn to face her, and spread out my arms. “What the fuck! Why in the hell is this fucker here? He killed your sister. He killed Hope! He deserves to die.”

“No, Fallon. Hope wouldn’t want this.” She takes a few cautious steps closer to me.