Love Beyond Compare (Book 5 of Morna’s Legacy Series) (27 page)

“Why is she mad?” Isobel had always been so grateful for every good day. It made little sense to me that it would upset her.
 

“I don’t know. But I think she’s mad at you. When I asked if I could go wake you up—even before Adwen said no—she screamed and told me not to, and said that she didn’t want to see you. It’s really weird, Aunt Jane.”

My conversation with Isobel had ended somberly but, as far as I knew, neither of us had been angry when I left her.
 

“What do you mean? There’s no reason for Isobel to be upset with me.”

Cooper shrugged and slid off the bed before walking to the door. “I don’t know. Come see for yourself. I’ve never seen Isobel so angry.”

*
 
*
 
*

I first looked for Isobel in her bedchamber but, after my knock went unanswered, I continued down the castle hallways. I stopped when I heard the unfamiliar sound of Gregor’s laughter behind the closed door of the sitting room. His voice as he spoke was more cheerful than I’d ever heard it.

“Cheer up, lass, and doona tell me to no get my hopes up one more time. ’Tis yer own fault that they are. If ye werena so mad, I wouldna believe ye are getting well, but yer fire is back. I havena seen it in far too long.”

“I doona wish to be well, Gregor. No this way. Foul things will come from it. Wipe away yer smile, or I’ll remove it myself.”

Gregor laughed. Hesitantly, I pushed open the door.

 
“Knock. Knock.” I whispered the words as I stuck my head inside the room. The moment Isobel’s eyes turned on me, my knees went weak with nerves. I’d never been looked at with such disdain in my entire life.
 

“Doona ye step in this room, ye wee bitch. I told ye no. I told ye I wouldna take it. Why did ye give me the choice if ye would give it to me against my will?”

“Isobel…I don’t know what you’re talking about. I left the vial in your room. You are the last one that had it.” I pushed the door open and stepped all the way inside the room.
 

“No. Doona ye place this on me, Jane. I shall live with the guilt of yer actions for the rest of my life. Ye are a liar, and I doona wish to see ye.”

She stepped toward me in a manner that sent me backing up until I met with the wall behind me. For a moment, I thought she meant to hit me until Adwen’s voice spoke from the doorway.
 

“Doona be angry with Jane, lass. ’Twas me that fed ye the potion.”

CHAPTER 38

It would take time, but all of us were quite certain that Isobel would make peace with the fact that she would live. If anything, I knew she wouldn’t be able to stay angry when Gregor was so unabashedly thrilled. With Isobel’s health, he was a new man. I realized that I’d only known him since Isobel was ill. As a result, I had missed out on some of the greatest aspects of his personality. He was funny and smart and, when no longer under the constant fear and anxiety that the love of his life would pass away any day, was way less uptight than I’d believed him to be.
 

I stood watching the two of them from the tower window. Isobel enjoyed being able to walk the castle grounds free of the terrible coughing that had plagued her for so long, though I could see by her pinched lips that she tried not to seem too happy. Gregor held her hand, determined to keep her out of doors as much as possible to rebuild her strength. He sang to her as they walked, and his face held a smile so bright that it alone could have melted the few remaining clumps of snow. His voice echoed in the air, and I could hear it in the tower. I never would have guessed, but he had a lovely voice.
 

“We were wrong I think, Jane. Or perhaps, my advice was wrong.”

I turned my head and smiled as Orick approached me. I’d wondered about that often since Isobel’s recovery—if Orick had questioned our conversation as I had.
 

“Do you think so?”

“Aye, mayhap so. I dinna wish for ye to worry that something bad would come from healing her, but I dinna think of all the joy ’twould bring. I’ve seen Isobel enough that I should have known she’d never choose to drink from it herself. I’m pleased Adwen dinna let her die.”

“I am too.” A lump formed in my throat thinking back on the night I’d left her. I would be grateful to Adwen forever for what he’d done. “What made him do it, do you think?”

“Love played a part, but ’twas fear that made his final choice.”

“Fear—how do you mean?”

Orick moved to sit down on one of the tower benches and gestured for me to join him. “If ye’d not allowed Isobel to decide, who would ye have been thinking of when ye gave her the potion?”

“Gregor.” It was his love for her that made it so difficult for me to understand her refusal. We all would have grieved for her, but her death would have broken him.
 

“Aye, as would most. Adwen couldna see past his own fear at losing someone he loves. That is why he gave Isobel the potion. No for Gregor’s sake. I doona mean it as a judgment of his character, but I know him better than I know myself and ’tis true. Adwen believes himself far weaker than he is.”

Orick’s suggestion surprised me. I’d never thought of Adwen as weak. “He doesn’t behave that way.”

“No.” Orick shook his head in clarification. “I’m no saying that he is weak. Only that he thinks he is. He’s far more patient with others than himself. We all carry wounds from our childhood, doona we? Some of us come through the pain stronger for it, while others come out more fearful.

“When Adwen found me, he showed me unwavering patience, and I came through the darkness no longer fearful of anything. I lost everyone I cared for, and my life went on. When Adwen lost his mother, he dinna think it should have broken him as it did, even though he was closer to her than any of his brothers, or even his Da. His struggle made him believe himself weak. When he came out of his grief, he thought his strength had come from me rather than himself. I did nothing but show him the same patience and allow him the same time and space that he’d allowed me.

“Coming out of that believing that he dinna heal on his own strength changed him in a way. It made him fearful rather than fearless, always moving through life determined to no lose another again. He doesna think he could bear the pain. ’Tis why he became so loose with lassies; he dinna ever have to love anyone. Now, he’s more frightened than he’s ever been—for loving ye has brought a whole circle of people around him that have managed to grab hold of his heart.”

I leaned back against the cold stones. I recognized the truth in Orick’s words. “Why are you telling me this? He’s not going to lose me—not unless he wants to.”

“I know, lass. I can see the way ye feel for him in yer eyes. I only tell ye for I believe ’twill be ye by his side from now on. While Isobel may be well, and I am glad of it, loss will find him. ’Tis inevitable in life, and he willna think he can bear it when it comes. Doona believe the weakness ye will see in him. Mayhap, doona allow him to lean on ye either. He should learn his own strength. ’Tis the only way he will lose the fear that plagues him. Only then will his heart be free to hold ye and everything else that life will bring the two of ye.”

I smiled and reached over to pat Orick’s leg. “From the way you talk, I would think you were a very old man. You have too much wisdom for someone so young.”

He laughed and stood, and we made our way down from the tower.
 

“I told ye, lass, I was born verra old, I feel. Just like wee Cooper. ’Tis why we get along so well. I can hear him calling for me down below. I best be on my way.”

CHAPTER 39

I moved back into Adwen’s bedchamber the day Isobel attacked him in the sitting room. Seeing her so feisty had been enough to convince me she was well on her way to recovery so I was no longer so weepy and in need of solitude.

The days following my return to his room were fine. We talked and cuddled and fell asleep in each other’s arms, but Adwen had been guarded, anxious over Isobel’s hostility toward him.
 

But this night, a full week later, was different. I knew it from the moment Adwen walked through his bedchamber door. His posture was relaxed, his eyes were playful, and his smile was infectious.
 

“You look happy.”

“Aye, I am. I shall make love to the woman I love tonight without worrying that Isobel may come into the room to murder me in my sleep.”

My mouth hung open as I struggled with which part of his sentence to respond to. Evidently, something had happened to make him believe that Isobel was no longer angry with him and that was great; but he’d also said that he loved me, and that had never happened before.

“You…you love me, huh?”

He smiled and walked over to me, sitting on the edge of the bed as he leaned in to kiss me until I was breathless and weak with need of him.
 

“Aye, I do, Jane. I love ye in a way I dinna know possible. And I want ye to stay here with me.”

“Stay?” I hadn’t thought much about where things with Adwen and I would go, but the thought of being anywhere with him, whether in this castle or beneath a blanket under the stars, thrilled me to no end. I’d pushed away any thoughts of our return home because I didn’t want to think about leaving his side.
 

“Aye, please do. I want ye here. I doona think I can bring myself to be laird without ye. I need to find ye in my bed each night to keep me from suffocating inside these walls.”

“Why do you have to be laird? You have two other brothers.” I hated that he was stuck in a situation he despised so much. It reminded me of my father, and I didn’t want Adwen to become like him.
 

“Mayhap I willna have to be forever, but my brothers are no ready, and I am the eldest. Ye dinna say if ye would stay, nor have ye spoken of love for me.”

I smiled, reaching for his shoulders as I pulled him toward me. “You know that I love you. I have ever since our horse ride toward McMillan Castle that first cold and infuriating night.”

“’Twas even before that for me, lass. I saw ye as Orick and I passed through the village. Ye stood with yer broom in one hand and ye looked mad. Yer hair flung about as ye danced and sang. It stopped me still.”

My eyes widened as memories of my one-woman show for the chairs at the inn flashed through my mind.
 

“You saw that?”

“Aye, ye are a lovely dancer. After I’ve had ye, mayhap ye will dance with me?”

I smiled as I leaned toward his ear to whisper, “I hope to not have the energy.”

“Ach, lass.” He pulled me from underneath the blankets so he could undo my laces. “Ye are hungry for me, aye?”

“Yes.”
 

His fingers moved quickly, untying the dress until it hung loosely on my shoulders. I could tell he was about to push it onto the floor when he paused.
 

“Give me an answer first, Jane.”

I didn’t mean to ignore him; I thought my answer was assumed.
 

“Yes, but,” I hesitated, unsure of how to say what I meant without making it seem like I wanted a proposal. If he offered it, I’d say yes, but marriage had never been all that important to me. I truly just wondered about the expectations of his role. “Would it be acceptable for me to live here, as your lover, if we aren’t married?”

“No.” He kissed my neck as he stood behind me. I melted into him, twisting to elongate my neck to give him more space to trail his kisses. “I want ye to be my wife, lass, but I doona wish to ask ye such a question while I bed ye. If ’tis acceptable, I’d like to put more thought into the occasion than that.”

I exhaled a shaky breath, my breasts rising and falling quickly as my need for him escalated. I nodded against his chest, and he reached around to thumb and pull at my nipples. I moaned and turned to face him, reaching to undress him before the other half of his first statement reentered my mind. I placed a hand on his chest to stop him.
 

“Wait. What happened with Isobel? You said she was no longer angry with you.”

“Jane.” He leaned forward so that his forehead rested on my shoulder. “Could ye no wait until after to ask me that?”

I laughed and removed his shirt. “No. I’m curious. She’s not spoken to you in days.”

“I doona wish to be vulgar, lass, but if the rosiness in her cheeks and the lightness of her step this morning gave any clue, I’d say that Gregor tupped her well and happy last evening, and it made her realize that there is many a reason to be grateful for good health.”

I chuckled. Isobel had hinted more than once that she missed that part of their marriage while being sick. “Yes, I suppose that would do it. She didn’t tell you that though surely?”

“No. She just came to me and said that she’d found enough peace in her heart to forgive me.” Adwen laughed and pushed me backward onto the bed. “I canna talk any more, Jane.”

I moved myself so that I lay open in front of him, spread out and ready for him to take me. He climbed over slowly, pressing his body flat against my own as he kissed me with so much passion that I feared I might weep from the emotions it pulled at within me.