Love Finds You at Home for Christmas (8 page)

He nodded. “That sounds about right.”

“What's happened to you—what you've gone through—is a terrible burden to bear alone. How are your parents?”

He let go of her hand and heaved a great sigh. “They blame me for his death.”

“No. You can't think that.”

“I don't have to think it. I know it. When I got back, I had to stay at their house while I recovered. I could see how much my being there pained them. I know that when they look at me, all they are thinking is that I let them down. That if I would've done a better job of protecting him, Charlie would still be with us.” He sighed. “Today would've been his twenty-second birthday.”

She reached over and took his hand again. “I don't believe for a minute that your parents place the blame on you. Cliff, this is an awful war. Nearly everyone I know has lost a family member or a friend.” She sensed this wasn't the time to tell him about Joseph. Even though that experience had been hard on her, it wasn't as traumatic as what Cliff had gone through.

He nodded. “I guess. But I spent my whole life looking out for Charlie. He was the baby of the family. I remember once when we were kids and we went fishing. He went to dig for more worms but got lost in the woods. I think we were probably six and eight at the time. Once it dawned on me that he'd been gone too long, I was terrified. I yelled and yelled. He'd sat down under a tree. When I finally got to him, he just grinned. He told me when he couldn't find his way out, he just stopped because he knew I'd find him.”

Ruby smiled at the sweet memory. “You were a good brother.”

“He trusted me to keep him safe. Always. When we were kids. And then later in that foxhole, I should've been the one to cover him. I should've been the one to anticipate what was coming.” Cliff looked at her with tortured eyes. “Not the other way around.”

“Sometimes things happen. Things we don't understand or can't explain.” Ruby squeezed his hand. “It's easy to place blame on ourselves or on the people around us.” She shook her head. “But if there's one thing I've learned over the past few years, it's that we can't do that. We have to just trust that God will take care of us. That He is bigger than all of the bad stuff. Bigger than the wars or the hunger or the sadness.”

Cliff shook his head. “I don't know. I used to believe that. But I'm not sure if I do anymore.”

“Sometimes it just takes some time. Your grief is still fresh. In fact, I'll bet you moved here before your wounds even healed completely.” She remembered Hazel asking about his arm the day he'd carried her suitcase into the dorm. Now it all made sense. “Am I right?”

He nodded. “I couldn't stand to stay at my parents' house any longer. And my arm doesn't bother me that much anymore. Just every now and then it still aches.”

“You've been through a lot.”

Cliff shrugged. “No more than most. Like you said, there are lots of people who've dealt with loss.”

Ruby frowned. “Don't do that. Don't try to act like what you went through with Charlie wasn't terrible. But you are going to have to let go of the guilt. It was
not
your fault. From what you've said, there was nothing you could do.”

“Sure there was. I could've done for him what he did for me. I could've tried to save his life.”

Ruby sighed. Nothing she could say would make it better or make his hurt go away. And letting go of the guilt was something he'd have to do on his own. But she could stand by him and help him however she could.

The thought came as a surprise. Because wanting to help him get through the toughest trial he'd ever faced meant one thing.

She cared about him.

And the realization terrified her.

* * * * *

Cliff felt as if a weight had been lifted. He'd hated feeling like he was keeping something from Ruby but hadn't wanted to admit his weakness. He wanted her, of all people, to see him as a strong, able man who could handle anything. Over the past weeks, he'd tried to steer her away from the topic of his family. But now, having told her what had happened and having heard that she was on his side—and seen the empathy in her eyes—he was glad he'd finally opened up.

“Thanks for being such a great listener.”

She smiled. “I'll listen to you any time you want to talk.”

“Any time?” He grinned. “Do you mean that? And do I always get to pick the topic?”

Ruby laughed. “Yes. And no.”

“Fair enough.” He looked down and realized he was still holding her hand. It felt nice.

“I have a confession.” She grinned. “Earlier when I fired the gun, I didn't actually fire it at anything.”

He burst out laughing. “Then what was that all about?”

“I guess sometimes I'm too stubborn for my own good. I really just wanted you to know that I knew how to use the gun. Sometimes my stupid pride gets the best of me.”

Her honesty surprised him. “You realize I never would've known that you didn't fire at a rabbit.”

Ruby nodded. “Yes, but I don't like the idea of being dishonest. Especially not with you.” She grinned. “I think we should promise to always be honest with each other, even if it isn't pretty.”

He stood up and offered his hand. “Sounds like a plan. Never hold back.”

“Sounds good.” She clasped his hand and allowed him to pull her up from the log. “You know how I told you that I had to go to the admin building after work today?”

He kept his grip on her hand as they started walking through the woods and was pleased that she didn't let go. “I'm still not convinced you weren't caught wearing sandals on the line again.”

She stuck her tongue out at him. “I told you I learned my lesson about that. Actually I had to go over there to let them know that I'll be staying on through mid-December.”

He stopped walking and turned to face her. “You will?” He knew she picked up on the excitement in his voice, but he didn't care. “What about college?”

“I think it's more important for me to stay here, where I'm actually making a contribution to the war effort besides just rationing or buying war bonds. You know? Every day when I go to work, I think about how what we're doing here in this little plant in Arkansas could be helping my brothers wherever they are stationed. And right now it's more important for me to do that than it is for me to go back to classes and do my student teaching.”

Cliff didn't try to hide his grin as they started walking again. “Well, I can't say that I'm sad about your decision. I didn't even know you were considering it. I'm a little surprised you didn't say something sooner.” If she'd gone to the trouble to schedule a meeting with the higher ups, it meant she'd been thinking about it for a while.

She shrugged. “You know how I am. I like to figure stuff out on my own. I guessed you'd think my staying was a good idea. Same with Lola. I didn't tell her either. I wanted to make sure the decision was mine and mine alone.”

Cliff could respect her quest for independence, but it worried him some too. Would Ruby ever be able to let go of some of that and have a real relationship? The more he got to know her, the more he wondered. “Well, that's great. I'll be happy to have you around—for a few more months anyway. December, did you say?”

She nodded. “That's right. I'll work right up until Christmas, then I'm planning to go home to see my family. I can start back to classes in January.” She shrugged. “If I were only taking myself into consideration, I'd probably just stay here until the war was over. But my parents are not going to take the news well. Papa has paid a lot of money for me to get a college education. I don't want to let my family down by dropping out, especially when I'm this close to finishing.”

“You're a thoughtful daughter.”

“I love my parents. I don't like the idea of doing anything they don't approve or aren't proud of. It wasn't easy for them to let me come here in the first place, so I know the idea of my sitting out of college, even just for a semester, is going to be a difficult one for them. But I think this will be a pretty good compromise and will make us all happy.”

Hearing Ruby talk about her parents made Cliff wish he could mend his relationship with his. But maybe things would never be the same. Maybe the pain of losing Charlie would have a lasting impact. “That's wonderful.”

They stopped at the tree where the guns were propped. “This was fun.” Cliff grinned. “Despite your competitiveness.”

Ruby blushed. “I don't know what makes me that way. I suppose it irritates me when I don't feel like I'm being taken seriously.” She shrugged. “Just like the day we met. My brother came to get me, to try and convince me that working at the AOP was a bad idea and I should just come home.”

“Maybe he was just trying to look out for you and keep you safe.”

She nodded. “I know. And I'm grateful for that. But I don't want to be kept safe and sheltered. I want to have adventures and experiences that I can't get on the farm raising pigs.”

Cliff smiled at the passion in her voice. She was unique. “Maybe the key is finding balance. You don't necessarily have to conquer the world by yourself, but I'm willing to bet that a lifetime of experiences awaits you.”

“Let's hope so.”

He winked. “I know so.”

And he hoped many of those experiences would include him.

Chapter Nine

.................................

August 31, 1943

* * * * *

“Batter up!” Cliff called from his spot on the pitcher's mound. Even though he'd gone to college on a football scholarship, he'd always loved to play baseball. So when Harold suggested an end-of-summer pickup game, he'd been the first to sign up.

Ruby clutched the bat and did a couple of practice swings. “Show me what you've got, Hamilton.” She stepped up to the plate with a sassy grin on her face.

The upside to not being on her team, Cliff realized, was getting to face her from the mound. “If you want me to, I can pitch it slower for you since you're a girl and all,” he called.

She laughed. “Just try to get it over the plate. I'll take care of the rest.”

Cliff released the ball.

Ruby swung and missed.

“Strike one,” Harold called from behind the plate.

She made a face. “I'll get the next one.”

“Come on, Ruby!” Lola yelled form the sidelines, where she and some of the other girls waited their turns. “You can do it.”

Ruby tapped the bat against the plate and hoisted it over her shoulder. “I'm ready.” She grinned. “Try to put it over the plate this time.”