Love & Hate (Book Two: Love) (13 page)

“
Alright Brian your shift is done. I’m taking over.”

I don’t even need to open my eyes to know it’s him. My hope is that I’m just having a nightmare or something, but I know I’m just not that lucky. I hear Brian get up out of his chair and Cutter take his place. I refuse to open my eyes, hoping I can continue to play possum.

“
You can stop pretending to sleep now Paige.”
Seriously I have the worst luck ever!

I crack one eye open. “What are you doing here? You’re not on the schedule for fire watch today.”

“
I know I switched with the other guys.”
He did what?

Alright, that had my attention. I open both eyes and swing my legs around so I’m sitting upright. “Why?”

“
I thought it was necessary.” He says allusively which really ticks me off.

“
Well whatever floats your boat, I guess.” I put my legs back up on the couch and tuck myself in my blanket. I close my eyes and try the possum approach again.

CHAPTER 13

I should have known my possum approach wouldn’t work with him. I hear Cutter get up from the recliner and move closer to me.

“
I told you the other day we need to talk Paige.” I squint my eyes open and find him sitting on the couch next to me.

“
And I told you the other day we have nothing to talk about.” I glare at him.

“
Yes, I know you said that. I also know how head strong you are. That is why I switched my fire watch times. I knew you were coming this morning and I thought maybe I could talk to you while it was quiet.”

“
I have nothing to say to you.” I say flatly.

“
That’s fine, but I have things to say to you.”

“
Nothing you say will change anything Cutter.”

“
That may be true but there are things I need to say regardless.”

“
Fine, talk then.” I cross my hands over my chest and lean back against the arm of the couch, looking squarely at him.

“
I need you to know how horrible I feel about the other night at date dash. I didn’t mean for you to see any of that. It was not my intention to hurt you that way.” He says in slow yet deliberate tone.

“
I know that. I walked into your room, not the other way around.” I try to play it cool.

“
Regardless, I feel bad that you saw any of that. I can’t imagine that was easy for you. I know I would have gone nuts had roles been reversed.”

“
Well thanks for feeling bad I guess, but it really is none of my business now. Is it?”

Cutter lets out a deep sigh. “I’m sorry I keep hurting you Paige. I don’t want to, but it just keeps happening.”

“
I know you don’t intend to hurt me. I think we just need space and time. The wounds of the past haven’t healed so anything that happens now just keeps them fresh, do you know what I mean?”

“
Yeah I think I do.”

“
I think Laney was probably right.”

“
Huh?” He looks at me baffled.

“
She said it was best if we kept our distance from each other. I think she was right.” I shift on the couch, scrunching my sleeves of my sweatshirt up around my wrists. It’s a nervous habit I have and I find myself getting extremely nervous as we share our truths.
Cutter doesn’t respond and I fiddle with my watch, willing it to move faster. I can feel him staring at me so I look up. When I do I realize he isn’t looking at me per se, but my arm. His face is ashen white.
“What’s wrong?” I ask startled at his behavior.

“
Did I do that?” His voice is barely above a whisper.

I look down at my arm and remember now that I have deep purplish bruises on my wrist from where he grabbed me the other night. Cutter had grabbed me hard but in all honesty it wasn’t really his fault the bruises look so bad. Ever since my accident my body bruises easily. The doctors said it has something to do with all the loss of blood and transfusions I received. The bruises I get don’t hurt but they can look horrible. I have just lived with it for the last two years so I don’t think much about it now, but I can see where this may look way worse too him.

“
Did I?” He growls.

“
Well yes, but it’s not really your fault. I bruise easy now since my accident. It looks way worse than it actually is.”
“I just keep doing it, don’t I?” He says stone faced.

He doesn’t wait for me to respond he just gets up and stalks into the house, slamming the front door behind him. A few minutes later I hear his truck start up in the back parking lot and tear off.
I’m totally confused. I get that it might upset him a little bit but he is totally overreacting. Of all the Cutter Daniels offenses I have endured I would say this one is the least upsetting. Plus I was the one with the bruises not him.
What a freaking drama queen!

“
Wait, what do you mean Cutter and Holden are both assigned to fire watch with you tonight?”

Millie looks at me from across the kitchen table like I have three heads.

“
Exactly what I just said, we are all on fire watch tonight.” I say numbly. The truth is I am numb. Ever since Cutter stormed off because of my bruises I have been in a daze. I am more confused than ever at what is happening between us. I don’t understand why he cares so much; the only thing I can come up with is he feels guilty for hurting me.

“
Wow, okay you really do have some craptackular luck my friend.”

“
I know I do.” I continue eating my dinner slowly. Mills and I made enchiladas before we get ready to head to the bar for a while. My plan is to get a good enough buzz on so I can deal with this epically big shit storm coming my way tonight.

“
Well I guess the only thing we can do now is get some liquid courage in you before your shift. What time do you have to be at the frat?”

“
Midnight.” I tell her glumly.

“
Well that gives us approximately four hours to get you rip roaring drunk enough that you don’t care what happens at fire watch. So go get ready.”

“
Alright.” I stand up and put my dishes in the sink and head toward my bedroom to get ready for what I know will be one of the worst nights ever.

True to her word, Mills helped get my buzz on before I had to head over to the dreaded Chi Sigma Rho house. Holden and Brooks even showed up at the bar. Holden helped me relax a bit. The four of us shot pool for a couple of hours and I continued to self-medicate with rum and diets. I had not worked up enough courage to tell Holden that Cutter was on fire watch with us but he probably saw it for himself on the schedule. I decide avoiding it and pretending like it wasn’t happening is a better approach.

“
I guess we should be heading over to the frat for our shift.” Holden says as he watches me suck down the last of my fourth rum and diet.

“
Yeah I guess.” I search around the pool table for Millie. I want to say goodbye to her before I leave. I finally spot her at the bar getting another drink so I wonder over delaying my inevitable departure.

“
You out girl?” Mills asks me holding onto two beers.

“
Yup.” I give her a half fake smile.

“
Maybe he won’t show up? Maybe after the other day he decided to just leave it alone?”

“
Let’s hope.” But I know better, Cutter will be there. He will not miss this opportunity to have me and Holden as a captive audience.

Mills gives me a hug while juggling her two beer bottles.

“
You will be fine. If shit gets out of hand just leave.”

“
Will do.” I hug her back and walk over to where Holden is waiting for me.

It’s a short walk from the bar to Chi Sigma Rho. When Holden and I get to the front lawn Cutter is already sitting next to the fire in the recliner. He is wearing a thick black jacket and his favorite Seahawks baseball hat. He doesn’t look at us as we approach him; he just keeps staring at the fire almost as if he is in a daze. I notice next to the recliner is a half empty bottle of whiskey and I assume that is his.

I don’t really want to break the peaceful trance he is in but I feel like I should say something to him.

“
Hello Cutter.” I say settling in the couch across the fire from him. Holden sits down next to me.

His head snaps back and his eyes lock on me. “Oh hey.”

I can tell he is in a bad space in his mind. It is written all over his dark and brooding face. I have no reason to feel bad for him but I can’t help it, he looks miserable. What was he thinking about when we walked up? Was he thinking about us? Or was he thinking about Laney?

“
Hey man, I’m Holden.” I am broken out of my silent meltdown that is taking the form of twenty questions in my head by Holden who has decided to stand up and go over to introduce himself to Cutter.
What the hell is he doing? Is he insane? Does he not remember this is the guy that full on attacked him on the cruise?

I brace for the worst against the back of the couch like I am watching a scary movie. But surprisingly Cutter doesn’t hit him he shakes Holden’s hand and introduces himself. I am in utter shock. I was prepared for world war III or something. Cutter however, remains calm except for a steely gaze he shoots in my direction as Holden returns to sit beside me. As Holden sits down next to me I instinctively move closer to the arm of the couch not sure at how Cutter will react to seeing me with Holden.

We sit with a safety buffer and an awkward silence between us for some time, but finally Holden breaks it.

“
So how do you guys know each other?” He says to Cutter and places his arm behind me on the back of the couch.
What the hell is he doing? He knows he is my ex.

“
Paige and I use to date.” Cutter states plainly.

“
Oh, have guys known each other a long time then?” Holden scoots closer to me on the couch clearly staking his claim.