Love is Darkness (A Valerie Dearborn Novel) (34 page)

She bit his neck and his fingers hesitated for the barest second before he made a noise deep in his throat.

Her mouth went back to his, letting his tongue fuck her as she knew his cock wanted to. His fingers were still on her, stroking her, rubbing—he was going to make her come again. She began to tremble, feeling the moment of pleasure gathering within her, impossibly soon. He stroked her a little harder, a little faster and she came, the shock of it reverberating throughout her body. She hadn’t known she was one of
those
women.
A multiple orgasm woman.

She collapsed against him and he eased his hand away from her body.

He kissed her lips, his whole body taut with arousal. Val kissed his neck again and his hand went to the back of her head, urging her mouth harder against the scratches she had made until she was sucking him harshly, harder than a
hicky
but not enough to draw blood.

He was trying to distract himself from what he really
wanted,
she could feel his desire clearly, as though he was saying the words aloud:
I need to be in you. Fuck you. Claim you. Make you
mine
.

 
She reached down and grabbed his hand that was still wet from her body, pulling it between them. His eyes opened and their gazes locked.

“No.” His voice was rough and strong.
Purposeful.
She shook her head at him like he was a naughty child trying to deceive her. She brought his fingers closer to his mouth and he didn't stop her.

He'd stopped breathing. He was holding himself in check, no longer willing to push himself with her. Too close to losing control. He wouldn’t breathe her in, taste her or feel her anymore. He was going to leave.
Sanity.
That was what he fucking needed. Her fingers were hot on his hand as she brought his wet fingers to his lips.

“Is this my desire, to have you lick me off your own hand? Or yours?” Please, let it be his, she thought.

“Mine.” He said, burning frustration making his words ragged.

She should have been embarrassed by what she was doing and was sure a large part of her would be utterly mortified when this was over but that was a distant buzz in her mind, crowded out by this haze of desire, his urges overwhelming her.

“Do it. Lick me off of you.”

“No.” But he licked his lips even as he tried to pull back from her a little. She did it instead, licked his index finger that was still wet with her come then leaned forward and kissed him, her tongue sliding into his mouth, transferring the taste of herself to him.

She pulled away from him and his eyes were closed, brow furrowed as though in pain or deep concentration. “It's a hold on me. This binds me to you. It’s not a game. Your essence, body and blood, all of it will link us together.” The words were slow and pulled from him, weak sounding.

Despite the words, his emotions and desire urged her on, negated them, overwhelming her with his need to have her and absorb her. He was worried about being bound to her, but lured to it as well.

She couldn't think beyond his desire. She felt like a devil and enjoyed it. “You want to be bound to me,” she whispered. “That’s your secret, isn’t it, Lucas? This is what you want more than anything in the entire world.
My taste, in you, tying
you
to
me
.”

She still held his hand between them but he pulled it away easily and rubbed his hand along his pants furiously, wiping her off of him.

His voice was harsh and tightly leashed. “Do not play with me.”

She felt his desire disappear like swiping an eraser across a chalkboard.
Gone.

 
“I must go, this is reckless.” He stalked towards the door, the hard bulge of his erection in his slacks drawing her attention.

It probably wouldn’t have fit anyway.

 
“Valerie. This is the peril of an
empath
, getting swept away by another's emotions. You must guard yourself against everyone.” He shook his head, staring at the floor and pacing.

Lucas paced?

“My...want of you is too
strong,
it could overwhelm you and rebound back to me if we are not careful Valerie. Do you understand what that means? You could act not because
you
desire something but because another does. You might commit any number of sins only to recoil in horror when the emotion has passed.”

Was he saying her feelings for him were not real? “So you took advantage of me?” She felt the rise of some sharp emotion in him, it stabbed at her and then was gone, shut down again.

“If I were a different man you'd be lying under me and screaming my name. Do
not
underestimate your own desire. It is a testament to my strength that we are conversing at all.”

“This is why I react to you so strongly, because I'm an
empath
and you are
—
 
what
—
 
powerful?”

He took a moment to answer. “The lust is your own but your
reaction
 
to
my own desires has grown since I fed you.”

“For how long?”

Again he paused as though considering his answer carefully. She wanted to kill him for taking so long. “I am not fully healed from yesterday. In a day or two I will be whole and that should be enough for me to prevent,” he threw her an irritated glance, “
this
, from happening again.

Bad Valerie, no more orgasms for you.
That’s good, right?
Val frowned. “So you think you can block it from me?”

“I do.”

She thought of something important, “Does being an
empath
affect my humanity in anyway? Am I even human?” She felt sick just asking the question. He took a breath and she wondered if he could feel the pain the question caused.

“You are human. Being an
empath
has never made a noticeable impact upon humans. They have no susceptibilities to
empaths
nor
empaths
to them as far as I am aware. You get no extra strength or powers, no longevity or protection.

“What do I get? Sounds like a bum gig so far. How do you know for sure that I even am one?”

“If this were five hundred years ago it would give you safe passage among the Fey, vampires and wolves. You would be sought after and involved in our...politics. But the wolves and Fey are probably gone so your only appeal is to vampires. Young vampires still have emotions thus your impact is limited. The older and more powerful a vampire is the more...interesting you become. Your kind was a moral compass. I've seen an
empath
kill a vampire from emotions, drive them to suicide. Or inspire them, give them joy and passion. It can be a wondrous thing.”

“Can I do that? Is that why you don't want my blood?”

He made a dismissive gesture as though it were irrelevant. “Do not get ahead of yourself. I need to tell you what is occurring before I leave. A Challenge has been called. Any vampire who seeks to take my place must answer and be victorious.”

 
“There is going to be a fight for control of the vampires?”

He agreed with a slight movement of his head.

“When?”

“Tonight.”

Her mouth dropped open.
“Why so soon?
Why not wait until you have your power back?”

“That is not possible. Marion attacked me in the open. My supporters fled. It is too tenuous to wait.”

“What happens if you lose?”

He actually smiled at her. Like a parent to a child, a reassuring
smile
. It was sincere and she could see little lines appear at the corners of his eyes, laugh lines bracketing his mouth, as though he’d smiled a lot as a human. “A fair contest is impossible for me to lose. That is why Marion attacked me as she did.”

“Why would she go along with a Challenge if she cannot win?”

“I suspect she believes she can.” He looked mildly disgusted with himself. “Vampires are very hierarchical, they do not respond well to chaos and change. Things are unsettled. The Challenge is designed to settle leadership disputes quickly.”

 
“What am I supposed to do?” she asked worriedly.

“Nothing.
This has nothing to do with you. I only wanted you to know that when we next meet your safety will be assured. This situation will be resolved. I will be unavailable for a few days.”

He turned and walked to the door, unlocking it. “Why are you leaving that way? Shouldn’t you just poof on out of here.”

He paused, one large hand on the door handle. “I shall try to conserve as much strength as possible for the Challenge.”

“You
said
it was nothing to worry about. I didn’t realize dematerializing took that much strength.”

“I do not know how many Challengers there will be and who is still loyal to me, if any of the vampires are. It could be a long contest. Why tempt fate?” He said, closing the door behind him.

She wanted to tell him to wait, to stay and explain more but part of that was the lust talking and the other part of it was because she was afraid for him. And
that
was stupid.

She'd watched him talk and could barely listen she was so desperate to let him take her. All the kissing and fondling had only made the craving for him worse.
 
It was like giving a hungry person a bowl of soup, really good soup, but then not having a main course.

She
really
wanted the main course.

But maybe she didn't. Maybe it was just him who wanted her and his feelings made her feel lustily
psycho
.

She shivered at the memory of how much he'd desired her. How she'd been able to feel him holding himself back. The strength of his control had been an aphrodisiac. She'd wanted to know what was under that, see what he would do if he decided to simply give in and do what he wanted.

Val took a shower, instantly feeling half of her energy
go
down the drain. She was exhausted mentally and physically. Her father was gone. She was an
empath
. Lucas might die. She had almost slept with him. Jack knew something was going on.

How many of those things could she actually control? She laughed weakly, struggling to turn off the water she was so wiped out.
None of it.
She had no control over her those things. Everything happened to her. That was her life. She needed to make her own decisions. Be
her own
person.
Maybe there is a book for that.