Love Is the Drug (28 page)

She wanted this. Really wanted it. But she’d sacrificed that longing so she could be with him.

Because she loved him that much.

What a selfish sonofabitch he was.

And then she kissed the infant’s brow and breathed in Bella’s baby-soft scent and a warm, melt-y feeling filled his chest, right in the vicinity of his heart. In that instant, he knew something else: It’s what he wanted, too. Real bad. He wanted, more than anything, for it to be his baby she held.

Because he needed that ultimate connection to her—that melding of genetic information that would form a little human—part her, part him. It was past time to let go of his stubborn fixation on how he came to be in this world. And he understood—really saw—that it didn’t matter to his dad and it sure as hell didn’t matter to Julie.

In that moment, Jason felt like Sisyphus released from his curse; the weight of his fear, and the hatred and resentment, too, that he had carried so long—all gone.

He knew exactly—
exactly
—what he wanted now. He wanted children. With her. There was no more fear, no more disgust. Only joy and a serious amount of excitement—like the thrill you got when you won the million dollar jackpot with the only coin you had.

He dropped the pharmacy bag on the bar.

“Julie, I’ve got to talk to you about something. It’s urgent,” he said close to her ear. But his dad heard—eyed the bag. He gave Jason an assessing look, then nodded. “Kelly,” Gabe said, “mind if I hold Bella?”

“No, go right ahead. She loves the attention.”

Jason lifted the infant out of Julie’s arms. “Here sweet girl,” he said and settled her in his dad’s arms.

Then he took Julie’s hand and pulled her toward the elevators, saying, “It was nice to meet you Kelly—maybe we can all get together for dinner later.”

Kelly gave him a knowing grin. “Sure. Your dad and I can settle the arrangements. And—nice to meet you too!” The last was said at a higher volume, since Jason and Julie were well across the lobby by this time.

* * *

“Well, that was about as mortifying as it gets,” Julie said on the way up to their suite. “What on earth is so important that you had to embarrass me in front of my friend?” She turned to face him head-on then with her arms crossed tight over her chest. “And I swear to God, if the eff word is formed on those lips during any portion of your response, there’ll be a blizzard in you-know-where before you actually perform that act again with me—got it?”

Jason leaned against the brass railing and grinned. “Yes, ma’am.” He lifted his hand and tucked her hair behind her ear and then soothed her flushed cheek with his thumb. “You know I love you, right? I mean, that I’m
in
love with you?”

Her eyes grew as wide as half-dollars and her throat worked, but she nodded her head.

“Good.” He leaned forward and pressed a kiss to her soft, warm lips, then he said, “And you love me, right?”

“Yes.”

“Say it then.”

“I love you, Jason.”

His heart tripped and then thudded to life against his breastbone. “Man, those are some powerful words, aren’t they? He grabbed hold of her shoulders and gave her a quick, hard kiss. “Let’s make a baby, Julie.”

“Wh-what?”

“You heard me. I want a baby. With you. I want to see that glow on your face again. To give you what you want. Make you happy.”

“I want to give you what you want, too. Make you happy.” She unlocked her arms and stepped into him, placing her hands on his cheeks. “I’m so pleased—impressed—that you’re trying to take such a big step. But, Jason, you aren’t ready. Not yet. And I’m fine with that. It’s enough for now that you’ve opened your mind to the possibility.” She raised up on her tiptoes and kissed him. Afterward, she threw her arms around his neck and hugged him tight. “Oh, Jason, I’m so proud of you.”

The elevator door opened and Jason lifted her into his arms. “Okay, Mrs. Jörgensen, time to christen our marriage bed.”

Julie giggled. “Jason, that was downright quaint! I didn’t think you had it in you.”

“Well, you did say I couldn’t use the word fuck.”

Julie slapped him on the shoulder. “Jason Jörgensen you have got to stop that potty mouth. I won’t have a child of mine talking like a sailor on leave.” Her eyes twinkled and she grinned at him. A calculating look came into her eye. “In fact, I’m going to put a cuss jar in every room of our house. And at twenty bucks a pop, we should have enough for the kid’s college education in a year.” She kissed his cheek. “Just about the time you’ll really be ready to make a baby, I think.

But Julie was dead wrong. He wanted to make one now. Right now. And when, a while later, he entered her without any barrier between them—flesh to flesh and heart to heart—she finally knew it too.

* * *

It hadn’t been as easy as Jason had thought to get pregnant. It had taken another two months before they finally got a positive reading on one of those pregnancy test strips.

And now, ten months later, nearly a year after his first encounter with Mrs. Dillon, here he and Julie stood, once again waiting for the older woman to answer her bell.

Julie had kept in touch with the lady all these months and over that time, with much prodding from both Julie and his dad, Jason had come to terms with his relationship to the woman.

But the truth was, it wasn’t until his little Gabriella was born, not until he’d held her in his arms and seen how absolutely perfect she was, that he could finally feel completely at peace with the reason for his own existence on this planet.

He guessed it had been in that moment that his eyes had truly been opened fully. That he’d seen clearly—with his heart—as everyone had kept telling him to do.

Of course some of that had happened the day he’d seen Julie with her friend’s baby. The day he’d realized making her happy and building a family with her trumped every anxiety and fear he had. And boy, what a payoff he’d gotten for that realization!

His daughter started fussing again so Jason began to bounce with her to try and soothe her. “It’s okay baby girl,” he said softly and pressed his lips to her angry brow.

The door swung open. “You’re finally here. I’m so glad!” Mrs. Dillon said.

Julie gave her an apologetic smile. “Yes, we had to make a few stops, I’m afraid. Gabby’s been a little irritable.”

“It’s good to see you again, ma’am,” Jason said then.

The older woman’s cheeks pinkened and she gave him a hopeful smile. “Come in, come in,” she said and stepped back for them to enter.

Jason lifted the corner of the receiving blanket away from Gabby’s chubby-pink cheeks and turned her toward Mrs. Dillon. “Here’s your great-granddaughter,” he said.

“Oh, my! She’s just lovely.” The older woman’s eyes misted as she gently stroked the baby’s cheek with the pad of her index finger.

“Sorry, but my dad’s waiting in the car. The flight to Jacksonville leaves in just a couple of hours, so we better get back on the road pretty quick,” Jason said.

Mrs. Dillon nodded and hurried over to grab her purse. “Will you take me directly to the Memorial when we arrive? I don’t think I can wait until morning.”

“Of course we will,” Julie said.

Jason handed Gabby to his wife and then hauled his grandmother’s suitcase up under his arm. “Ready?”

She nodded and walked toward the door, with Julie and Gabby in her wake.

Jason did a quick scan of the room. His eyes settled on the pictures of the boy who’d fathered him. As he looked at the youthful face—trying so hard to look like a man—he reached into his pocket and touched the Purple Heart the kid had more than earned, and as Jason did so, he felt the final cog in his soul’s grinding gearshift fall into place.

[The End]

The antagonist in this book was not easy for me to write. I knew when I started writing this story that I wanted it to be about a man dealing with the trauma of learning that the father who raised him is not the father who made him. I also wanted the hero to learn that he’d been conceived during the rape of his mother. However, I also knew that I wanted to redeem the rapist, the biological father. In brainstorming this concept, I finally came up with the idea that the biological father would have ended his life a hero. As I greatly admire the men and women who serve in the military, and as I knew a boy who died in the bombing in Beirut in 1983, I decided to make the biological father a military hero and casualty of that bombing. For any friends or family members who lost loved ones that terrible day, please know they are not forgotten.

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New Release!

Highland Vengeance

Book One in the Highlands Trilogy

By

K.E. Saxon

A Family Saga / Adventure Romance

Set in the turn of the thirteenth century Scottish Highlands, this is the story of Daniel MacLaurin, a handsome, rugged warrior-laird haunted by his past, and Maryn Donald, the beautiful, high-spirited lass destined to help him find his heart's ease.

K.E. Saxon is a third-generation Texan and has been a lover of romance fiction since her first (sneaked) read of her older sister's copy of "The Flame and the Flower" by Kathleen E. Woodiwiss. She is a member of the West Houston Chapter of Romance Writer's of America and is a devoted subscriber to the Romance Divas online forum, as well as Indy Writers Ink. She has two cats, a 24-year-old cockatiel, a funny, supportive husband, and a garden that's been fried by the recent drought. When she isn't in her writer's cave writing, you can find her puttering in her organic vegetable garden or in her kitchen trying out a new recipe. An animal (and bug) lover since before she could speak, she made pets of all kinds of critters when she was a kid growing up. Her mother even swears that she made a pet of a cockroach one time (but K.E. doesn't believe her). She likes to write funny, sexy romances.

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