Love & Loss (11 page)

‘Probably,’ I shrugged. ‘But we
are
together Gabe, so it doesn’t matter does it?’ Again a lengthy silence and I felt myself tensing up waiting for him to get angry.

‘I guess not, but don’t ever cheat on me Mia,’ he said in a relatively calm voice.

‘Don’t ever cheat on me Gabe,’ I retorted.

‘Never.’ His answer was instantaneous and as I drifted off I wondered if I had Dr Jarvis to thank, for Gabe’s handling of a topic that would have had him in a rage only a few weeks ago.

I kissed Gabe and left him with Lexi and Doug as I walked through town to the hotel my real Dad was staying in, to head out for our Monday lunch. I felt a bit sick, we’d had minimal contact this last year, despite him having purchased my apartment and I knew he wasn’t happy about this meeting I’d insisted on. I announced myself at the reception desk and was surprised to be asked to go up to his suite on the top floor. The receptionist directed me to the lifts.

I thought we were going out for lunch, why was I going up to his room? I got in, my stomach churning as I pressed the button for the top floor and smiled at an older couple who got in with me. They got out on the fourth floor and I headed up to the sixth and took a deep breath as I knocked on his door and looked down at my outfit. I’d picked a black knee length fitted pencil skirt, with a bright blue blouse that mum said made my eyes sparkle and I had a pair of heels on. I’d tried to make myself look reasonably smart, thinking we were going out as I knew he didn’t go anywhere cheap, but in the rush to leave I’d left my coat behind and was already feeling shivery without the dread of anticipation at this meeting. I was nearly nineteen years of age and about to ask my biological father to be more present in my life, a man I didn’t really know, or even like very much. Was I crazy? I jumped as he opened the door, shocked to be reminded how tall and imposing he was, and good looking. I could see why Mum had fallen for him so hard. While Gerry was sweet and approachable, Richard was … manly and powerful.

‘Mia, please come in.’ It sounded like an order, why did he have to be so damn formal? He was so intimidating, I reckoned he could give Robert a run for his money. I stepped inside, wondering if I was supposed to shake hands with him, kiss him or hug him. What was normal with a guy you saw maybe once a year? I’d worked out on the walk here that I’d only actually met him on seventeen occasions and two of those I’d been too young to remember, Mum had told me that he’d had me overnight. He answered my unspoken question of how to greet him by striding back to his lounge, a glass of brandy clutched in his hand, me trotting behind him like a bloody lap dog. ‘Would you like a drink?’

‘No thank you. Are we not eating out?’ I asked.

‘Take a seat Mia.’ Another order and I annoyed myself by doing as I was told immediately. ‘I was surprised to get your call asking me to meet you,’ he frowned. ‘I got the impression that you weren’t particularly fond of me from our few encounters.’

‘I don’t really know you. That was the point of asking for us to have lunch today.’ I answered, bravely looking him in the eye.

‘I see. Just what exactly are you expecting from me?’ he asked bluntly. Wow, he didn’t beat about the bush. Obviously there was not going to be any small talk, he hadn’t even asked how I was and it was over a year since I’d last seen him.

‘I thought maybe we could arrange to spend some more time together, to get to know each other.’

‘O dear,’ he sighed and ran a hand over his mouth. ‘I’d hoped it was just for money and that it wouldn’t come to this Mia, forgive me but I’m going to be direct and to point.’ I looked at him confused, had he ever been anything but? I listened however as he continued. ‘Having you and your sister in my life has caused … complications for my family …’

‘We
are
your family,’ I snapped interrupting him, and he looked shocked at my audacity, I guessed he wasn’t used to women making a stand against him.

‘My family from another life Mia, a life I walked away from. At one time I had thought that maybe I could merge the two, but it doesn’t seem as if that will be possible,’ he stated flatly fixed me with a cool gaze.

‘What exactly are you trying to say?’ I asked bristling. So he wanted to play happy families with his new one and Georgie and I were what? Just an inconvenience?

‘I’m in a position where I’ve been forced to make a choice between my past and present and I’m afraid given our lack of relationship as opposed to the one I have with my sons, it’s quite simple, I’ve chosen my current family.’

‘
She’s
given you an ultimatum?’ I gasped. I hated my step mother, she’d made me feel even less welcome than Dad had the few times I’d met her.

‘It’s not that simple. I have a very close natural bond with my sons.’

‘And you don’t with Georgie and I?’ I whispered as the realisation hit me that we never stood a chance, we were
girls
, he just didn’t know how to handle us. Yet his twin sons who were ten obviously meant more to him than we did. ‘So if we’d been boys you wouldn’t have left Mum? Is that why you left? You didn’t want daughters?’

‘I won’t apologise for the past Mia, it is what it is.’

‘I’m not asking you to apologise, I’m asking you to explain why you left us? Why you let me before I was even born?’

‘Fine. You asked for straight well here it is. I never wanted a daughter, I wanted a son. My relationship with your mother was … fractious at the best of times. I’d already made it clear that I was considering a divorce and then she deliberately got pregnant with you to try and trap me into the marriage.’

‘So I guess me being a girl pissed you off even more then. Sorry I was such an inconvenience.’

‘Don’t sulk, you’re an adult now, you asked for the truth and I’ve just given it to you.’

‘So what about the current Mrs Kensington? Did you insist on abortions every time you found out she was pregnant with a baby girl?’ I seethed as I glowered at him. So I’d been right all along, I
was
a mistake, he really never wanted me.

‘I won’t be spoken to in that tone Mia, you’ll show some respect.’ He boomed in his commanding voice.

‘I’ll show respect when you’ve earned it,’ I bit back.

‘We’re getting nowhere fast, your attitude isn’t helping.’

‘Why the hell did you agree to meet me today? You obviously didn’t want to.’

‘I met to discuss money. I’m happy to continue paying your monthly allowance until you’ve finished your education,’ he grimaced at the word, as if it tasted bad in his mouth and washed it down with the rest of his brandy. ‘After all I did it for your sister, so it’s only fair. I have set aside an investment portfolio in each of your names that will ensure that you are both comfortable financially, but that is as far as I can take our relationship. This portfolio will sever all ties. I’m not prepared to jeopardise my marriage or my relationship with my boys for you. Have I made myself clear?’ he asked, frowning at my hesitation to respond as I sat in stunned silence. My father, my own damn father was paying me off? Was he really cutting me out of his life, when I hadn’t even been sure I wanted him in it in the first place?

‘An investment portfolio?’ I asked, trying to keep my voice from shaking.

‘I’ve already arranged it, a million pounds set aside for each of you, my solicitor will be in touch with the documentation and will draw up a contract to state that neither of you will have any further claim on my estate and all contact will cease immediately. I would advise you instruct your own solicitor to look over the details, however I’m sure he will find the terms of the settlement more than fair.’

‘No he or
she
won’t.’ I stated as I stood up and glared at him, chauvinistic arsehole. ‘I won’t be needing a solicitor of either gender as I have no intention of accepting any portfolio from you. In fact you can cancel my monthly allowance with immediate effect and I’ll get a current valuation on the apartment when I return to Westhampton. As soon as I’m working, and in a position to get a mortgage, I’ll repay you in full.’

‘Mia don’t be so bloody stubborn,’ he snapped as he remained seated looking up at me. ‘I’m trying to be fair.’

‘Fair?’ I laughed. ‘Fair would have been you showing an ounce of interest in my life, supporting my hopes and dreams and being there when I needed my father, instead of acting like a cold hearted arse and giving me a lifetime of relationship issues with the opposite sex.’

‘I did the best I could.’

‘Well I hope you do better with your boys because you’ve been pretty crap with Georgie and I.’

‘Mind your tone,’ he glared.

‘Why does she hate us being in your life so much? I mean it’s not as if we even see you once a year. What’s her problem? What hold does she have over you that the “mighty Richard Kensington” bends to a mere woman’s demands?’

‘Mia enough,’ he barked as he slammed his drink down, rose and towered above me.

‘Don’t even think of lecturing me
Richard
, you lost that right when you walked out on me. Fine go and play happy bloody families with your second set, I only hope that you don’t lay all of your shit on them too,’ I hissed as I spun on my heels and headed towards the door, desperately choking back the tears of anger that I wanted to shed. I clenched my fists as he overtook me and slammed his hand on the door to stop me from opening it. ‘Get out of my way,’ I said firmly, not looking at him.

‘Mia don’t be so bloody childish. I’m trying to help you.’

‘No you’re not,’ I spat as I fixed him with an icy glare. ‘You’re trying to help
yourself
, trying to alleviate your guilt for being a crappy father and human being. You think cutting me a cheque will absolve you of your responsibilities and any guilt you may feel. Well you can keep it, I only ever wanted your love and respect,
never
your money. I hope you never change your mind about me because you’re
never
coming back from this. Get out of my way please, I never want to see or hear from you again. I’ll liaise with Christine with regards to paying you back for the apartment.’

‘I didn’t want it to be like this Mia, you didn’t have to make this so
damn
difficult.’

‘Fuck you,
you
didn’t need to make this so difficult. You were the adult, you should have made it easier for the last eighteen bloody years,’ I hissed, fury seeping out of every pore.

‘You
will
mind your language. I won’t have you speak to me like that,’ he snapped as he glared down at me, but suddenly I was no longer intimidated by him. I saw him for exactly what he was, a cold hearted detached bastard incapable of loving anyone of the female persuasion. I didn’t need to be scared of him as I no longer cared what he thought of me. I was done trying to please him, done with always questioning how I could have been a better daughter. So what if we were blood related? I was worth more than that. I
was
loved, by Mum, Gerry, Georgie, Lexi and Gabe, even Doug and Robert showed me more affection than Richard Kensington did. I didn’t need love from this stranger anymore, or his approval because he didn’t deserve my efforts.

‘Or what, you’ll ground me? It’s a bit late to try and play the father figure don’t you think?’

‘You’ll regret this one day Mia, I could have set you up for life.’

‘Will I? I don’t think so. If I ever need anything I’ll turn to Gerry, my real father, the one who’s been there all my life and will support me emotionally. I never asked for your money,
not once.
Give it to your sons, they’ll need it to pay for all the bloody therapy they’re going to need after being lumbered with a shitty excuse for a parent like you. If you haven’t had this wonderful heart to heart with Georgie yet I suggest you revise your tactics if you don’t want it to end the same way, because for some reasons she looks up to you. Now get the hell out of my way before I make you regret it.’

‘Just like your
bloody
mother,’ he muttered.

‘Thank God, because I’d be mortified if I was anything like you. She’s worth a million of you.’

He removed his hand from the door and without looking back at him I threw it open, stalked out and ran down the stairs, not wanting to wait for the lift. I ran through the lobby and kept running until I was in the park, ripped off my heels and ran down the steep grassy bank to the river. I headed for a bench that Lexi and I always used to sit on when we needed to escape for a while, thankfully it was empty. I sat down and tucked my bare feet up against my bottom and hugged my knees. I felt numb, numb and empty. Had that just happened? Had my own Dad just tried to pay me off? To cut me out of his life? I pinched myself and winced, it was real, that
had
just happened. All I could think of was Gabe, I wanted to see him, now. With shaking hands I pulled out my mobile and rang him.

‘Hi baby, how’s it going?’

‘Will you come and get me? I need you,’ I whispered.

‘Mia what’s wrong, where …’

I couldn’t hear him anymore and looked down at my hand to see I wasn’t holding my phone, I must have dropped it. I looked up at the sky as a loud rumble of thunder rolled above me and it started to rain. I closed my eyes and just let it hammer down on me wondering why I wasn’t crying. I jumped as I heard shouting and felt hands clasping my face and opened my eyes, squinting against the torrential downpour to see Gabe’s face in front of me.

‘Jesus, you’re soaked and freezing. Fuck Mia, what’s going on?’ he demanded. I opened my mouth, but nothing came out, yet on seeing him an unseen dam burst and I started sobbing, but it was tears of relief. Years of worrying what was wrong with me, thinking that I was unlovable because my own Dad didn’t want me. Now I saw it clearly for what it was, it was
him.
Richard Kensington didn’t have the capacity to love me, it wasn’t me, it had never been about me. I
was
lovable and the proof of it was standing right in front of me. It was like a crushing weight had been lifted off my shoulders.